July 2018 Moms

Re: UO Thursday 5/31

  • I'll just come out swinging today. I strongly agree with the below. At first glance it might look anti feminist to some but it's actually  the opposite imo.
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  • @runsomewhere is your point that if you are in a partnership, then you should be helping each other out and neither of you should have all those ducks in a row while the other struggles?

    So what if you are both depressed and poor and spiritually confused? Then you work on it together? I think that at any given point any relationship is likely to experience one of these things, and hopefully they will help EACH OTHER through, although I am speaking from a marriage POV not a non-married, new relationship POV. I guess I don't know if I agree because I don't know the point.

    If you aren't married and haven't spoken about marriage, or aren't in a confirmed "life partnership" and just not married yet, then I wouldn't expect my significant other to help me monetarily. 
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  • @SmashJam I feel like a grown ass man should take care of his wife and if his actions, of lack there of are causing her to struggle financially, emotionally, etc. in life (not in a moment) then he is either a loser or not invested in the relationship. Not because as women we are somehow incapable of standing on our own two feet, we absolutely are! BUT if we chose to have a man by our side in life it needs to be a man that will raise us up not bring us turmoil and struggle. 

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  • I agree with @SmashJam reading that from a married perspective i don't agree...marriage is freaking hard and not always the easiest on a woman spiritually or emotionally (look at many of us struggling with DH lately)... reading it from a "get your own shit together before you put a man in your bed" or a "put yourself and your needs before a new relationship" I agree.  I had the same talk with my SIL, she was struggling post grad and took a year or two to get her life together and concentrate on her and her needs, got her masters, moved ahead in her career and is now starting a relationship with a really nice guy who respects her but she still has her priorities straight.

    my UO for the day - I hate shorts.  I'm 5'10" and they are always way too short and hoochie looking, I'm curvy and they ride up, and I stick to freaking everything.  I totally get why people think capri's are stupid - does that 6 inches of skin really make you cooler? - but I live in capris in the summer.
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  • @SmashJam and @gingerbride26 that's why it's posted in unpopular opinions  ;)

    On a side note I tried to clarify that I wasn't applying it to a rough month or 2 of marriage but in general. 

    @gingerbride26 I love shorts, just not on me  :'(
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  • @gingerbride26 I don’t love shorts either. I’m more than curvy and reflectively pasty and shorts show off too much of everything I like to hide. I do have a pair of maternity shorts though and wear them pretty regularly because I’m too hot to gaf. I can’t wait until my favorite capris fit again! 
  • @runsomewhere I don't disagree that a man should support his partner, but it goes both ways, and also some men are married to men and some women are married to women. It's just very generalized for me. Andplusalso, I am a woman and I struggle financially. My husband works his ass off. We both do. But we struggle. Facts of life. 
  • zande2016 said:
     it goes both ways, and also some men are married to men and some women are married to women. It's just very generalized for me.
    100% agree. It is generalized and targeting hetero couples. I agree with the sentiment for all committed couples. 

    It's something I've seen floating around mom groups (I didn't write it) and to me it seems really basic but true. 
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  • @runsomewhere my point was more along the lines of, if you are married, I would hope that if one person is struggling financially, you both are. I know some people don't share resources but if your partner is willing to let your credit cards and student loans go to default because you lost your job he's a dick, so I do agree with the statement there.  Also I agree with your follow up, that you should be with someone who lifts you up and supports you in your struggle, but agree with @zande2016 that it goes both ways. Sometimes, your partner can do nothing but be supportive while you try and figure out what it is you need help with, if you are struggling spiritually or with insecurities. You can have the most supportive partner out there but if you are in a hole because of depression and anxiety, he can't make you better. You can make you better. And that goes both ways, too. 

    Also, maybe I'm hormonal, but maybe my UO is I find this insulting, lol. Mostly because, as @gingerbride26 pointed out, a LOT of us are struggling with DH lately, and this seems like you're kind of calling us out. Like if we don't have supportive husbands we should find better men because if we did we wouldn't struggle in any of these ways. 
  • wildtotwildtot member
    I don’t often wear shorts because it requires shaving my legs and I’m super pale. 

    My UO is motorcycle related. All states should make helmets mandatory. Coming from Cali it’s crazy to see riders without one here. Also motorcycles are pretty useless when your commuting in traffic and can’t split lanes. Dh has had bikes and I’ve been on them even splitting lanes but I just don’t fully understand them unless it’s like a cross county trip or bring out in the open road.
  • @wildtot I actually have my motorcycle license.  I'd agree that any state that has seatbelt laws should have helmet laws - tit for tat - but to a point if you want to be that unsafe, if it's not directly putting me in danger you can be stupid all you want - you know?  Harsh, but honest.  I've never bought a bike because just after i got my license we moved from FL to CT and I wont' get a bike up here, doesn't make sense when you can only ride like 3-4 months a year.  In FL i was totally going to get one for cruises along the coast and commuting to work but agree they suck in heavy traffic.
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  • nimmlenimmle member
    my UO for the day - I hate shorts.  I'm 5'10" and they are always way too short and hoochie looking, I'm curvy and they ride up, and I stick to freaking everything.  I totally get why people think capri's are stupid - does that 6 inches of skin really make you cooler? - but I live in capris in the summer.
    Strong Agree with this
  • @wildtot DH has a license for the scooter. It's mandatory in CA as well as the helmet is like you mentioned. Crazy how it changes across states. I hate splitting lanes though!
  • And846And846 member
    @gingerbride26 i haven’t made it to capris, but i do cuff the bottom of my skinny jeans and the air on the ankles feel like the best thing in the world.

    marriage is a partnership, this i am learning as my DH and i just had our anniversary. We are blessed to both be on the same page financially and emotionally. We do however, both possess the same trait of being headstrong and stubborn. Situationally, it came come out and the other one gets upset but we both now recognize that trait and know when to step back, breathe and go into it with a new perspective. Marriage and relationships are about learning, communicating and supporting to name a few.
  • I loved shorts until my thighs decided to touch.. Sure, I’m pale as hell and stick to seats, but at least I’m cool!
    I’m 5’2” so all capris look like high waters on me. 
  • @acunamatada short girls unite haha So feel you on pants! 

    UO: Today I am dreading being a mom of two. I cried two times today thinking about it. I feel like I am going to be in way over my head. Dd's meltdowns and not listening is just killing me. ugh 
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  • I'm team bermuda shorts. I'm short and my butt/thighs are curvy, and the long shorts right above the knees are the perfect compromise. 

    @runsomewhere I get what your post means. In general, if in a committed relationship, you shouldn't have to struggle alone. In partnerships, if one is struggling in an area of life, then both are really. I don't think it means just because you're married one shouldn't have to struggle anymore. If a couple is struggling financially, emotionally, etc and both are working together towards a goal, then you're married to a 'grown man'. If only one of you is working toward that goal and the other doesn't GAF, then that other person isn't a 'grown man', they are a 'man child'  (trying to phrase thing genderless and generally. Man/women/everything can be interchanged" 
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  • @lindsayleigh1989 I’m panicking about having 3 too. I had several breakdowns about it but I think I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind. I do a lot of parenting on my own so having 3 to tote around by myself sounds so overwhelming. I always tell myself “lots of people do it, if they can, I can too!” You can do it!! 
  • @lindsayleigh1989 I feel you. I’m super grateful DH is taking a month off around my due date. I really have no idea how I’ll handle two kids, especially trying to work with DS on his delays and make him feel special all while trying to bond with a newborn. NO IDEA
  • SmashJamSmashJam member
    edited May 2018
    Ugh, I'm sorry for my crazy guys. I think I can recognize the fact that @runsomewhere 's post was likely not directed at those of us struggling with spouse issues. I AM STRUGGLING SO HARD TODAY, a story for a different thread, and am taking things personally. 
  • @SmashJam of course it was not directed at you or anyone. It was an internet meme type of thing that I've seen floating around that I happen to agree with yet felt like it would be an unpopular opinion.

    I am sorry to see that it insulted and upset you. While this is an UO thread and I purposely post things on here that I don't think everyone will agree with it's never my intention to have anyone take something I say personally or to heart.

    At the same time I even specified more than once that in my opinion this applied to life in general not a rough patch with your spouse or frustrations with your spouse in late pregnancy. I have no way of knowing what you or anyone else is dealing with behind closed doors or what topic, unpopular or popular opinion will hit a nerve. 

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  • wildtotwildtot member
    @gingerbride26 yup agree on the personal choice to be unsafe. 
  • I think this “giant” food trend is so wasteful and gluttonous. I’m constantly seeing giant burgers, pizzas, etc on fb and it just turns my stomach to think about how much of that food was probably wasted and just ordered for the instagram. 
    In fact I think most food trends are pretty stupid. 
  • @acunamatada totally agree about the food trends and Tasty videos that show up in my FB feed.  Maybe it's the GD diet (that I've had to do all 5 pregnancies) but I cringe at these over-the-top desserts that people are like "OMG totally making this!".  They don't even sound appealing.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not a super healthy eater but the word gluttonous definitely comes to mind when I see those videos.  Of course, if I scroll by one I HAVE to watch it.  I'm not sure why I have to see how it turns out lol. 
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    I think this “giant” food trend is so wasteful and gluttonous. I’m constantly seeing giant burgers, pizzas, etc on fb and it just turns my stomach to think about how much of that food was probably wasted and just ordered for the instagram. 
    In fact I think most food trends are pretty stupid. 
    I can’t watch man vs food because it’s just too gross. The new guy is just creepy to me. 
  • @zande2016 I hope not either, however I have to throw it out there. I am currently taking care of a 4 month old puppy that my bil bought for his 8yo. He has a 10yo boxer who has been neglected her whole life. BIl always says he doesnt have money for dog food or vaccines or flea control. Yet he got another dog. Well...the boxer attacked the puppy 3 times now. The latest being this past Sunday. DH and I were there to stop it, however the puppy is hurt pretty bad. I found an old puncture wound that is infected and smells awful. I am cleaning it twice daily. The puppy is riddled with fleas and is SUPER scared of people and other dogs. This pisses me off! (longer, more detailed story in randoms thread coming soon).
    When I worked for a vet, people would bring in their pets for various reasons. Seeing homeless people with dogs bothers me and I will give them a bag of dog food rather than give them anything else. I understand people love the idea of having a pet, however, this is a life time responsibility (granted, there are some circumstances that cause some to have to give up the pet). Be responsible enough to say no I am unable to take care of another living being that is ALWAYS going to rely on me. Children grow up, move out, learn how to be self-sufficient. Animals do not. Please think twice before getting a pet.

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  • @zombiehoohaa such a bummer to hear about the puppy. Watching a 4 month old puppy in general is a lot of work and to deal with his wound/anxiety must be stressful on top of all other things. It always gets me so upset when people get puppies and then just leave them outside to fend for themselves. They need love, training, and care. Hopefully they can find another home for the puppy if you don’t plan to keep it. 
  • Omg so much yes about the tasty videos and giant food trend! I have a friend who constantly comments on the tasty videos of like " a pizza burrito" or a "chili cheese fries tater tots casserole with nachos" of whatever ridiculous crap they come up with and she is also the one with a fitness account trying to lose weight, lol, I always hope he says she wants to make those things but never really does...
  • Sorry my love it’s are sporadic! I’m once again having trouble with the JavaScript permission issue!

    @gingerbride26 YAS regarding shorts! Also wondering if you hate khakis as much as me for I am also a translucent queen and I feel every time I try a pair I look at myself in a mirror from afar and feel like I look naked from the waist down and would rather not cause a car accident..the struggle is real y’all!!!

    My UO: I will watch every tasty and addictive cake decorating video Facebook has to offer. Twice! BUT the food challenges, bizarre trends, and oversized everything has got to stop! 
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  • Thought of another one. I hate using hashtags. I like to keep my social media post private so i don’t use them. But it’s even weirder when people use them out of social media.
  • @wildtot major side eye when hashtags are used outside of social media unironocally, and even then.. why 
    I don’t use any hashtags, all of my social media is private as can be so I don’t see the point. 
  • Late to the party here, have been lurking for the last two weeks because of anxiety and work.

    @runsomewhere I completely agree with you on your original post, and I don't think it was targeted at anyone experiencing struggles. We all go through rough patches, or our partners do, or both at the same time, but at the end of it all we should be partners that can hold each other up and have each others back vs being an anchor that is dragging the other down permanently.

    And all you curvy girls not wearing shorts, I'm in your boat. I'm built like Jessica Rabbit, which sucks because it means nothing fits me without a crazy amount of alterations, so I wear a lot of skirts. If you ever have an occasion to completely splurge a ridiculous amount of $ on shorts for the curvy though, these are it, you'll never look at shorts the same way again https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/bad-girl-denim/products/high-waisted-indigo-short-regular-cut-bad-girl-denim

    As for being pale and pasty, I carry a parasol in the summer because otherwise I'd burst into flames. You can see every vein in my body!
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