WTF Wednesday 5/23

SmashJam

Let's get this up early for maximum WTFs. 

gingerbride26

wtf allergies/weather/cold/whatever making me miserable
wtf toddler waking up every couple hours...i was hoping we wouldn't have to do another sick visit before her check up next week but this seems more than teething...

wildtot

@gingerbride26 oh no hope she feel better soon. That’s literally me in hoping to make to the next appointment without any emergency visits in between.
wtf DS who is too lazy to cover himself in bed. Instead he rolls around whimpering and coughing until i go cover him. Come on kid don’t be like your father! The few times it pays off to be a light sleeper is when you hear it starting to rain and your windows are open- because DH doesn’t have any consideration to get up and close them (excuse is he can’t hear it). I wake up just from the smell of the rain.

zande2016

WTF my kid goes a couple weeks waking up at 7 or later every day (even though he is usually in bed and asleep by 7/730), yet every day this week he's been up at 6, and today he started whining at 5, and kept whining intermittently until 6 when I finally got him up. Stop playing games with my head and sleep cycle kid. 

cseley321

+1 to toddlers waking early today.... mine woke up at 6:30. I usually let her stay in her room until a more reasonable time, but I guess my husband actually woke up and opened her door up so she could wake me up.... now his lazy ass will sleep until 10 am or later uninterrupted. 

acunamatada

I miss when DS was little, he used to sleep in until 10 every day. Now, every morning at 7am, on the dot.. “MOOOOOOM. OPEN GATE. MOOOOOOOOOOOM OPEN GATE I POOP. MOOOOOOOOOM” 

We had a crazy thunderstorm last night that woke DH and I up- he was too scared/lazy to get up and close the windows so the whole house feels sticky today. He actually asked me to get DS out of bed because the “thought he’d be scared...” The kid slept through the whole thing.  

michelle_bird

@cseley321 - that deserves a throat punch. Ugh!

If any of ya'll don't have a toddler alarm clock yet, I highly recommend.  Even when DD does wake up early she knows that we aren't coming until it turns on so she'll sing to herself or talk to her stuffed animals. I have the OK to Wake one for her, but just bought the Hatch for this next one because it can be adjusted from your phone! I may try to replace DD's too with a Hatch, but she's pretty anti-change so we'll see.

bearmomma1

WTF to one of our dogs having diarrhea all night last night. Up every 2 hours to let him out to go bathroom...after he shat in our house twice. I guess he's training us for when baby is here.  

orchidljr

Wtf heartburn. So much heartburn.
Wtf waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to go back to sleep. So tired.

acunamatada

WTF to my bathroom ceiling leaking again. 6 months after they tore down the ceiling and “fixed” whatever was wrong with our upstairs neighbors tub. Twice. I’m going to lose it if we’re going to have to have another hole in the ceiling for months on end waiting for the landlord and plumber to get their shit together. Lose. It. 
And WTF to my landlord to just casually mentioning that she’s coming with the plumber to see the problem today. Thank all the nesting gods I’ve been cleaning today because it was
BAD. There’s now approximately 4 baskets of clean folded clothes stacked up in piles hiding behind my bed. 
And to top it off they’re scheduled to come during nap time. Wtf. 

knottie9f2468e8835387e9

WTF to DH forgetting about the ultrasound appointment today
Text exchange in spoiler (added kiss faces to mask my rage)

morethanamama

WTF to the Volkswagen dealership. It's been 5 weeks since we ordered our car and the sales guy literally has to be pinged every week to provide an update. Yesterday I heard they haven't started building it yet! They're waiting to hear from the corporate manager today. At this point I might go with a different color, since apparently what I picked is "unique" - wtf, it's on the catalogue so why is it so unique?? 90 days was the max time they promised, which was literally July 10th. 40 days of that have been wasted apparently...

Dh and I of course don't agree on when is the latest we are comfortable with, I want it by mid July because once my stepdad is here we definitely need a SUV. With just my mom and potentially the baby, we can get by with our sedan, but DH would be stuck going to work on the scooter every day. I'm seriously sick of having to share. I hope they get their shit together! 

SmashJam

@MichelleAG05 WTF to me not knowing about a toddler alarm clock!! I must look this up and procure one immediately! Might keep DS from hollering for me all the time when he's ready to get up or when its too early.

WTF to our insurance suddenly requiring us to use a card that has never worked to purchase prescriptions instead of automatically reimbursing us when we pay out of pocket. also WTF to their medical claims reimbursement form requiring me to have the Tax ID and NPI number, neither of which is on the bill, resulting in my having to call the hospital and ask them directly what they are. Once I had those numbers though, submitting a medical claim was super quick and easy, so thank God for small miracles. 

ETA: the hatch one looks amazing.

elizabethrn87

@SmashJam we actually have the hatch for the baby’s room but considering moving it to DD’s room. She use to just yell for me when she got up but stayed in bed. Now she gets up and comes into my room. 

elizabethrn87

Wtf to one my blood pressures being crazy low- last one was 81/46. Second to the techs who keep taking it over and over to get a higher reading because it makes them feel better. It’s low- just record it and move on.

SmashJam

Two more late wtf:

DH clean up dinner dishes. He often complains that I'm never cleaning my plate, but I'm very textural when eating so if a piece of food looks like the texture Won t be pleasing, I don't eat it. Sometimes it's only a few rice bits in the bottom, not even because of texture I just didn't clean out three pieces of rice. Today he cleaned everyone's plates but mine. I gave him such shit and he was like, I meant to get bac k up and clean that....sure.

Also DS fell asleep with his arm above his head through the side crib slats. HOW DID HE EVEN DO THAT!?! DH went in to take it out and said his fingers were already cold bc of circulation. Crazy!

stillziggysmom

@SmashJam I'm WTF-ing myself, too. How did I not realize there was another option other than DS coming into my room at 5:30AM and poking me, asking for his morning cartoon (I know, I know, I shouldn't use screen time as a crutch like that... but IT'S 5-EFFING-30 EVERY. FREAKING. MORNING!!!!). I can't wait until he's big enough to pour successfully pour coffee... Thanks for bringing that up @MichelleAG05

wildtot

@SmashJam there is not one day that i don’t have to remind H to pick up his plate. We not always get to eat at the sometime and that’s usually because I’m trying to do dishes. He can at least clear his unfinished food and bring me his dish! Nope just leaves it right where he ate until either i say something or i pick it up.

wtf H who dared comment that i can help cook dinner more often. You bet i gave gave him the stink eye and cut him off before he went on any further. He’s done it for the most part but all of a sudden stopped a few weeks ago. My routine is get home, empty lunch bags, feed DS, empty dishwasher and reload, pick up kitchen more, clean up after DS and finally sit down to eat something (not always an actual dinner). In the meantime H occasionally runs the dog, poops, showers, eats (whatever is available or asks me to make him a quesadilla), and sits around or plays with DS after he’s done eating. I will usually cook something quick for DSs dinner and next day lunch but it’s usually something H doesn’t like. I don’t cook because I’d be spending the entire time in the kitchen without resting since getting home. My body already hurts too much. After all this I’m still doing stuff with DS. I usually don’t get my me time until DS is in bed and H is already sitting on the couch watching tv while also on the laptop. 
Sorry that turned into a rant 

Sarafuss

My WTF is for some of these husbands giving you all crap and acting like man babies.  My DH was similar in that I did pretty much all of the stuff for the kids and he didn't clean or cook.  He did (and still does) his own laundry but that was about it.  I remember losing my shit on him (like a full-on breakdown) from being so stressed after our second baby was about 6 months old.  I seriously could not keep going the way we were and told him how unhappy I was.  I did not agree to raise these kids by myself and it needed to be closer to 50/50 on taking care of the kids and taking care of the house (we were both working full time and I was in school part-time then).  Anyway, my point in saying all that is you don't have to put up with that crap.  It took some time but he is such a huge help now and life is so much better.  We literally sat down and divided up tasks because men need specific instructions lol.  Like we would take turns getting up at night if a kid woke up, packing the bag for daycare, we would do the bedtime routine together (instead of him sitting on the couch while I did everything), etc.  Now our agreement is that he cooks dinner and I clean up the kitchen after dinner.  It solved so many arguments and probably our marriage.  Just had to throw that out there because I get pissed reading about husbands making pregnant mamas do all the work!

bearmomma1

@Sarafuss +11111111111111111111111111111111

gingerbride26

@sarafuss hear hear
Mine got fairly cave-man after DD was born and I had a similar "discussion" with him that I was feeling more like a servant/nursemaid than a wife/mother.  He still has caveman moments and we're going to need to figure out routine/responsibilities all over again with the new baby but 100% to making it clear when you feel abused. 

The tough part for me is the non-physical tasks that seem to fall on the wife - the mental load I think they call it.  We both work full time, he's done great picking up a bunch of the physical stuff around the house, but somehow I'm still the master of knowing where everything is in the house, making sure dog and kid are up to date on shots, gifts for everyone, paying bills, etc.  And he wonders why I don't know how to relax and was having anxiety attacks after DD was born! lol

Sarafuss

@gingerbride26 yes the mental load was one of the things I brought up to him at that time.  I was the only one who worried if the kids had clean clothes, or if the bag was packed for the next day, etc.  You have to go through all the tasks that you have to do on a daily basis and designate them (at least in my opinion).  He packs the diaper bag on the days the kids go to the sitter and we both keep tabs on the kids' laundry.  He packs DS' lunch every night while I go through backpacks and make sure homework is done.  He pays certain bills and I pay others so we both keep tabs on finances.  You have to sit down and spell it out or else no one knows how the other person is feeling.  And we reevaluate too.  Like, when this baby comes he will take on more responsibility with the big kids because I basically deal with the newborn on my own because of EBFing.  

SmashJam

@gingerbride26 @Sarafuss the mental load is a big part of things for me. I don't work full time anymore so I can actually get things done more efficiently than him in a lot of cases. But when he gets on me about something not being put away, or lights being on, I'm like, can you just do me a solid and do it for me instead of leaving it there, stewing about it, and then passive aggressively bringing it up later? I think a big part of why two kids (or the third I am still hoping for) seem so big to him is that he is worried about what 50/50 or even 60/40 will look like when the second one gets here. The new routine of having to be more involved seems so overwhelming to him at this moment but I think we need to sit down and talk about what more he needs to do in order to make things easier on all of us and a few weeks of settling into that pre-baby might make things seem less overwhelming to him.

OMG I am so tired right now I don't even know if that was a coherent paragraph. Ugh.

hillbillywife

@SmashJam I understood you!

morethanamama

I have it fairly easy with my DH but it's very true they need things spelled out. He is also bad at "project management" and gets overwhelmed pretty easily. He says he wants to improve but on top of it he also gets distracted so, yeah...not easy!
 
We are planning on making a list of some of the mental load things to split once baby is here but I must say he is good with other stuff like laundry, dishes, even making meals , so at the moment I don't mind doing some of the other stuff because I work from home and it's so much easier for me. It is also hard for me to let go on controlling certain things and I just need to trust that he will keep on top of things...

Setting expectations can be difficult but I would rather at least try to be open now. Things may not be peachy once baby is here but at least we can say we made an effort to communicate about stuff before the birth.

Sarafuss

@SmashJam I totally get what you're saying.  I remember being so stressed when I was pregnant with my second thinking how the heck are we going to do this?  You just do.  You figure it out as you go.  I should probably be more nervous about having four kids but I know things just work themselves out and there are going to be some arguments along the way when we are stressed.  It took time for my DH to step up and start taking on some of the mental load and other tasks.  It's been like 4 years since that meltdown and it's been a constant effort for both of us.  The more he is actually doing things for the kids and around the house, the more normal it becomes, and the more he starts thinking about all of those things like did someone feed the cat, did DS do his spelling words, are the bags packed for swim class tomorrow, did you pay the credit card?  And the more he does around the house the more he realizes how much you actually do (or had to do before he was helping).  But I think also, during the new baby phase you have to give each other some leeway.  You're both going to be tired and stressed and he should know better than to complain about trivial things like throwing something away in a timely manner.      

gingerbride26

@Sarafuss very good point about it being a long journey.  We're still less than a year from my "enough is enough" - we're still in the phase where he thinks about the mental load, but in so much that he says it to me and i either already took care of it or it's getting added to my list instead of going straight from think to do on his own.  Still huge progress and very happy we're moving forward, but very long process.  I think about this a lot having a boy and trying to think of ways to instill this instinctively in him to just see it/think it/do it.

zande2016

so much yes to needing things spelled out. maybe not all men, but my husband for sure needs me to be incredibly blatant with him, he is willing to help but needs hand holding in order to execute it. It's frustrating because I'm like, you're a grown ass man, why do I have to spell it out for you? I kind of sort of blame it on his mom for babying him...

Sarafuss

@gingerbride26 and @zande2016 yes I totally think about how I teach my oldest DS (and DD and my youngest DS too but he's only 21 months) to pick up after himself and do chores and get used to doing things around the house.  And him seeing his dad cooking and playing an active role in parenting will make a big difference in how he views parenting/gender roles.  

I remember when I was dating DH in college he called his mom to schedule a doctors appointment for him.  I was like umm, what?  Grow up, man!  My mom started making us schedule appointments and things like that in high school and I'm totally doing that with my kids.     

gingerbride26

This was actually a big topic for me at therapy last night - not just our husbands but it just seems like in general these days grown ass adults just don't know how to get shit done themselves.  This has been a theme in my life the last few weeks in all different circles - from me having to drive mother's day dinner with SIL/DH for not-my-mom, to my employees, to everything for that wedding... some days I look at the supposed adults around me and i'm seriously scared.  My goal is just to raise self-sufficient responsible adults who take care of their own shit.

SmashJam

@Sarafuss I think about what DH is teaching D'S all the time. Like, I am always go go go and he spends a lot of time on the couch trying to get D'S to stay there so he doesn't have to move. He leaves trash and shit everywhere. The downstairs of our house was a gross pile of boxes and beer cans from his work and play down there he just never took them out. That's teaching our son that it's ok to be a slob and leave the work for me or someone else, and that's not ok. It's just not important to him so he doesn't do it. You best bet that DS knows to turn out lights and take shoes off when entering the house though, because that's important to him.

runsomewhere

@gingerbride26

knottie9f2468e8835387e9

I'm lucky that DH was raised by angry lesbian housekeepers. He picks up after himself, does laundry, deep cleans the bathroom (only when I ask but still) he does however get super stressed out by the tiniest mess because his parents were so strict with cleanliness. If there's dishes in the sink waiting to be washed he rubs his temples and says we're "living in squalor" lmao 

He's horrible though when it comes to the typical "man chores" I have to basically beg him all summer to mow the lawn and other than that I take care of all of the lawn care, he basically throws a fit when I ask him to start the weed wacker for me lol

stillziggysmom

@carsonraynee "We're living in squalor ." That is magical and I may steal it to use on my husband to irk him even more when I stress over minor messes, lol. 

knottie9f2468e8835387e9

@d_marie_23 haha steal away

zombiehoohaa

I've been attacked by a spider or spiders...this mother fucker got my back, thigh, shin, and ass cheek!!!! What the fuck you asshole spider?!?!?! 
I know it's not fleas or a mosquito because if the bite...ugh!!!! 

SmashJam

Ugh the worst things about spider bites is not knowing when it bit you. Is it still there? Where Is "there"? Is it the bed? (Please no).

Tonight my howliest dog woke me up at 3am with little mini howls to go outside. She pooped like 5 times. Now I'm wide awake and for serious I hope she makes it awhile bc mommas tired.  DS was up til like 9:30 effing around and DH wants to wake him at 6:30 So he's still tired and naps but I think naps are the problem. Basically....i think I'm going to be tired tomorrow and why don't toddlers come with manuals?

hillbillywife

@zombiehoohaa spider bites are part of my worst nightmare. Sound like it would be at least. I ditto @SmashJam- please let there not be spiders in your bed! 

zombiehoohaa

@SmashJam & @hillbillywife OMG...if there is/are spider(s) in my bed, I will freak the hell out! I ended up vacuuming the crap out of my bedroom lastnight because I cannot deal more bites. Why me though?!?! Why not DH? he deserves them! lol

@SmashJam There is a possum or rat in our wood shed and our dogs are OBSESSED with catching it. So they will whine to go outside at 3-4am, then bark at the damn animal. I have to literally drag them back inside. Little a-holes. Glad your dog was just having a poop session. Hopefully you get some rest and you little guy isn't too much of a punk today. 

michelle_bird

Ugh, I definitely worry about what DH is going to teach DS (especially when it comes to dating).  He and his brother love their mom, but they're very sarcastic with her, to the point where I think it's mean.  DH does it with me too and I keep having to talk to him about it.  Yes, I know that you're joking when you say crap like that, but kids don't and I don't want my kids growing up hearing that. In fact, just this week he made random joking comments to DD about women always changing their minds, so it's okay if she does.  WTF?!?  She doesn't get that you're joking - you're just teaching her a stereotype and encouraging that behavior! 

I seriously get angry just thinking about it - I actually enjoyed his sarcasm before we had kids and now I look at it with entirely different eyes.  

wildtot

@MichelleAG05 I often tell H that i think it’s weird (and occasionally rude) the way he acts around his parents. He will curse and call them names in a joking way. But to me it’s so rude and would never do that with my family regardless of how old i am. I seriously hope that DS doesn’t learn this because i will not tolerate it! He usually doesn’t act like that with me but i have seen him influence his nephew to call his own dad and grandpa names like ding dong or jackass. Who teaches that to a 4 yr old!!