Weekly Randoms: 5/21

emmaaa

kns1988

Hi guys, I'm new here! Posted a short intro in the intro thread. Has anyone attempted putting a toddler and an infant (after 6 months) in the same room? How'd that go for you if you did? We have a 3 bedroom house, but I really like having a guest room/office. 

leighbrek

I have not personally done so, but I recommend plugging that equation into YouTube and see what comes up.

sparkymcgeee

I did @kns1988 It worked out just fine. Mine are just over two years apart and they didn't keep each other up or anything. They are also best friends and I think having them share a room really helped build that relationship. They get along so well with each other. 

ladystout08

DH and I both got job offers in the DC metro area and we're weighing whether or not to move (currently in central PA). I hate these decisions. 

kns1988

@ladystout08, congrats on the job offers! I'm in central PA, too. The cost of living is so much more in DC, but hopefully the salaries would make up for it. I love to visit there. 

mrsmang

I’m in DC!!  There’s a few of us on this board in the DC area. Let us know if you have any questions!!  DH and I love it here. 

ladystout08

@kns1988 , thanks! They definitely made the salaries worth the move (same company but two different contracts) and this is the third time they've asked because they really want my husband back. Idk, the stress of moving and finding a new house, new daycare, new schools, new OB, etc. Blah. We do love DC though.

linaboop

kns1988 said:

Hi guys, I'm new here! Posted a short intro in the intro thread. Has anyone attempted putting a toddler and an infant (after 6 months) in the same room? How'd that go for you if you did? We have a 3 bedroom house, but I really like having a guest room/office. 

We will be moving this baby in with my youngest once it sleeps through the night. Baby will be in our room until then. I have several friends who have success doing it. My two oldest daughters share a room and it works well. They didn’t start sharing until ages 4 and 2, so it will be our first time moving a crib-aged kid in with a toddler. There may be a few nights of chaos, but then they will settle down and it will become part of their routine.

MrsDho11

@kns1988 I don't have any experience, but that's my plan too (though I'm hoping for before 6 months... we'll see how this baby is at sleeping). We only have a two bedroom apartment, so that's the option before us! I'm hopeful that it will work out okay!

galactickates

My H knows how to ruin everything with chores. He took the day off and I was really really tempted to as well... except he's going to spend the day unloading firewood and planting the stuff from his mom's garden.  I would have to help if I stayed home.  So guess who went to work >>me<<

sweetyjenj

We're trying to decide if we want to keep my daughter's nursery "the nursery" and move her to another room (all 3 upset level bedrooms are next to each other, so wherever we put her she'll be close by) for a big kid room, or make the spare room the new room for baby#2. 

It would be nice to not have to move all the nursery stuff and instead make a big kid room, but I also don't want her feeling like the baby is taking her room. Baby won't move to the nursery either way until 6 months. 
Anyone have experience moving the bigger kid to a new room for baby to have the nursery? 

Duckie678

We live across the street from a snowball stand. I just tucked my ds in bed and sent my husband across to get me ice cream. But I had a temper tantrum because I wanted a Jimmy cone, but I didn't want to walk across and get it myself so I'm dealing with a cup and a cone on top. My poor DH. (I'm well aware I am being irrational. I didn't get mad at him, it was more of a pity party.)

MrsHudson2014

Today was the first day of daycare for DD. Apparently she whined off and on all day. Then when I came to pick her up, instead of being excited to see me, she was pissed. Like.."how dare you leave me" mad. 

kns1988

Thanks for the feedback on room sharing! I'm glad to hear that it's worked out well for people. I just won the battle of the living room rug with my husband. I kept saying that it needed to be replaced because it had a dog odor that wouldn't come out. He finally caved because we had an airbnb guest provide private feedback that there was, indeed, a dog odor. I about died of embarrassment, but that thing is already in the garage and the living room floor is scrubbed.

helleebellee

I'm so annoyed and just need to vent about this somewhere.  A week ago last Friday we signed a lease on a house. The next step was paying. We called the realtor, a week later, to get the online payment info and she told us she'd send it over in an email. I waited all day for that email.  What I got was an email stating that the owners had decided to politely decline us.  We signed the lease!! Why were we even allowed to get that far into the process?!

A small back story: The application we filled out was for more than one place. Some of them allowed pets, others didn't. This place did not, but the fact that we had pets was on the application because it's for all places.  So when we signed the lease, we agreed to no pets and told them that we would not be bringing any. We have homes for all of our pets, temporary and permanent.  

Anyway, the owners saw that we had pets and decided we couldn't be trusted to not bring them. I felt like I was being treated like I had already broken the lease agreement and we hadn't even moved in.  I guess there are people out there who would sneak pets in, but I'm not that kind of person. Also, the current renters have pets in the house. So what gives? Is it really a pet thing? The whole thing is a cluster cuss.  

Also, this m/s can take flying leap.  That is all.  

BitterBetty12

@SweetBriarBee Wow that’s messed up! I’m sorry they did that to you. I hope you’re able to find another place quickly. 

I must have slept weird last night. I have the worst kink in my neck. I was being a giant baby about it and almost decided to call out of work (Tuesday is HS day off so I would have been able to hang out with him and DD so I’d be lying if I didn’t say that was tempting). But here I am at work anyway. 

lmfs90

ladystout08 said:

DH and I both got job offers in the DC metro area and we're weighing whether or not to move (currently in central PA). I hate these decisions. 

I love the DC area. I miss living there and would’ve loved to have raised my kids there. We lived in NoVA and I would choose those school districts so fast compared to the ones in FL(where I am). I haven’t had a child there but I loved my OB there and I have heard so many good stories about L&D. Good luck!! We moved when I was pregnant with my first and it honestly wasn’t too bad. 

lmfs90

@SweetBriarBee ugh that’s is horrible!  I’m so sorry! I hope you’re able to find a new and better place!!

lmfs90

DD just came in the bed with me and I told her she’s going to be a big sister. She is so excited and told me she wants me to have 3 babies in my belly.

greenhillgirl

Hi everyone

kns1988 You could also consider making a combo guest room or office and baby room  We have a 1,000 sq foot apartment in NYC that is 2 bedrooms. One is currently a guest room and we are keeping that stuff plus adding baby things. New Yorkers can make a lot of room out of a little space   

SweetBriarBee that is so obnoxious. I'm sorry about the lease! 

I asked for a raise and a promotion a few months ago and got put off. Today my boss told me what a wonderful/amazing job I'm doing (thanks, I know ) and that she will consider for the year end. But I'm due January 17. Are they going to give me a bonus, a raise, and a promotion after I'm showing and to go in to effect right as or a few weeks before I'm about to leave for months for maternity leave? The timing is annoying and I am skeptical. 

galactickates

@kns1988 I just had a battle of rugs with my H as well.  They are hideous and dirty and my H kept trying to make them work.  They've been banished to the garage and he obviously lost the battle lol. 

ladystout08

lmfs90 said:

ladystout08 said:

DH and I both got job offers in the DC metro area and we're weighing whether or not to move (currently in central PA). I hate these decisions. 

I love the DC area. I miss living there and would’ve loved to have raised my kids there. We lived in NoVA and I would choose those school districts so fast compared to the ones in FL(where I am). I haven’t had a child there but I loved my OB there and I have heard so many good stories about L&D. Good luck!! We moved when I was pregnant with my first and it honestly wasn’t too bad. 

My husband pretty much nixed it. He likes DC but not enough to live there apparently. Womp womp. 

kns1988

@greenhillgirl, good luck with the raise and promotion! I'm in the same boat. It's been promised for October, but I'll be 5 months pregnant at that point. I still think I'll get it, but I hate that there's an unconscious bias that I have to be worried about. 

mrsmang

I’ve actually been holding off on telling my bosses, and even work friends, partly because of this (aside from general concerns of being too early). I’m up for a promotion starting in the next few weeks and I’m hoping I can hold off long enough (might even be past 12 weeks) and see what they end up doing before I announce. I’m so worried it would change their feelings on it. I would hope not since I do respect my bosses a lot, but I’d hate to even be thinking that if it didn’t happen. 

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

A younger friend (23, single, no kids) canceled plans yesterday  because her cousin was currently in labor and she was hoping to see the baby in the evening.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that 1.) your cousin could be in labor a long time and 2.) your cousin may not want visitors immediately after giving birth....oh young people...

skilouise

@greenhillgirl My BFF was in a very similar situation when she was pregnant with her first. As soon as her company found out about her pregnancy, they kept putting off the raise and promotion so they wouldn't have to pay the higher salary while she was on maternity leave.  She came straight out and threatened to have the baby on her boss' desk if he didn't process the raise before she went on leave. He still refused. 

The morning she went into labor, she originally planned to go in to work for a half day, because she assumed her first labor would take forever. Her husband insisted they go to the hospital instead, and 3.5 hours later they were parents.  She jokes that if she'd gone in to work as planned, she really would have ended up having the baby on her boss ' desk.  In the end, she felt zero guilt leaving that company for a new job as soon as her maternity leave was over. 

Fingers crossed your company isn't as shady about the raise/ promotion! 

emmaaa

@SweetBriarBee Hopefully you find a house soon. But can I ask why you are rehoming your pets? That makes me really sad for them

ladystout08

@UnbreakableKimmySchmidt every time I see your user name pop up, the theme song from that show pops into my head, I'm randomly like "Females are strong as hell" lol

melly-melly

The pregnancy and promotion/raise combo is so difficult. I will also be due for a significant increase at the end of this year, but because of the timing of my due date I likely will be have started my mat leave before raises are processed and I can’t imagine pushing the paperwork through early will be anyone’s top priority. 

greenhillgirl

Ughhh. mrsmang is this your first? I would definitely see if you can hold off telling anyone until after you start to show, which could be way after 12 weeks, especially if this is your first. It would be great to wait until after you know if you are getting a promotion first. 

AshVA ugh that's terrible!!

kns1988 Thanks! I hate that too. It's part of why I pushed to get it earlier, knowing they "never" do promotions mid-year at my non-profit. 

I'm trying to hold out until at least 12 weeks. My boss does know about the IVF, as she knew something was up with all my appointments and my moods. She is very supportive. I'll see if she ends up not asking me how things are going or pushing in the next few months. She encouraged me to do some working from home instead of sick time when I didn't feel great from the IVF because she said I would want the sick time for my paid leave. She's great and a feminist, but I still feel like I might end up getting screwed in the end. Like a good bonus but no promotion or raise, as it would be announced and begin probably after I start leave in later January.

It's very hard to legally prove you were discriminated against BECAUSE you were pregnant, so unfortunately this stuff seems common

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

@ladystout08 such a good show! It had just come out my first pregnancy, hence the idea for my user name. 

mrsmang

@greenhillgirl it is my first so I’m hoping I can pull it off. My bigger worry is that my group is very social and big drinkers, so hiding that might get telling. Also, I’ve had MS decently badly so running away to gag in the bathroom could potentially get noticed as well. I’m gonna fight the good fight to hide it and push them quick on an answer soon!!  FX

sparkymcgeee

On the flip side, one of my coworkers ended up with a raise and promotion at 8 months. Started training in the new department and went into labor three days later. So fingers crossed it happens that way for you ladies as well.

AliKay20

@ladystout08 congrats & welcome to DC! We lived in the city for 3 years before buying a house out in Northern VA. 

@lmfs90 I delivered at Inova Fairfax even when we lived in Dupont Circle! It was an amazing experience and their NICU team was top notch. 

@greenhillgirl oh the struggles we go through as women in the workforce. I am hoping for the best and that they don’t delay your promotion & bonus on your pregnancy.

As much as some people think companies have gotten better about this stuff, we have a long way to go. I had a frank discussion about my struggles and fears as a working mom with the VP of our team. People are surprised I’m still doing what I do (it’s pretty high stress 24/7) after my DD. That kind of comment like “HOW do you do your job?! I could never do this with kids,” often discouraged me but my VP (also female) addressed it right away telling me while these fears of mine are real, they don’t see me any less because I became a mom. It was definitely not an easy conversation but I’m glad I was able to talk it out. They gave me a promotion despite my fears leading up to it; here’s to all of us with similar fears day to day proving that our performance, skills, and potential to succeed at work are not defined by when we decide to grow our families!!!!

AliKay20

@mrsmang missed your post - hoping for the best!

sparkymcgeee

@AliKay20 For me the most frustrating thing about comments like that is that no one ever says that about new dads in their positions. High stress job before baby and after baby is no big deal. If you're a woman though all of a sudden you can't handle it even though you did it just fine before your home life changed. 

Ugh, you'll get my feminist heart beating here in a second. 

AliKay20

^ @sparkymcgeee Omggg yes. SO. MUCH. THIS. 

BitterBetty12

I also have big issues with how being pregnant affects my job. Since I’m a teacher it isn’t an issue of raises since those are done at a contracted rate, instead it’s an issue of classes I will be teaching. 

I was out out on maternity leave the first 3 months of this school year and lost my honors class because of it. It was then replaced with 2 of the lowest level courses academically (which are really heavy in classroom management and less so in content). Thankfully my supervisor kept his word about giving my honors sections back to me for next school year. But for that reason I am keeping this pregnancy under tight wraps because I’m afraid he’ll take it away again if he finds out that I’ll be missing part of next year for maternity leave as well (though his reasoning last time was that it was the beginning of the year, which is not what I’ll be missing this time).

Its a hard and unfair situation to be in. One of my coworkers said it’s basically like your position isn’t valued as a whole when you have a baby. I’m expected to come back to a horribly unfair schedule just because I had to take a few months off. Don’t even get me started on the fact that all of the good classes were then given to men instead. 

MrsDho11

sweetyjenj said:

We're trying to decide if we want to keep my daughter's nursery "the nursery" and move her to another room (all 3 upset level bedrooms are next to each other, so wherever we put her she'll be close by) for a big kid room, or make the spare room the new room for baby#2. 

It would be nice to not have to move all the nursery stuff and instead make a big kid room, but I also don't want her feeling like the baby is taking her room. Baby won't move to the nursery either way until 6 months. 
Anyone have experience moving the bigger kid to a new room for baby to have the nursery? 

I didn’t respond before because i don’t have any relevant experience. But I think nobody did, so I’ll offer an idea. I don’t remember how old your DD is if you said in your intro, sorry, but would it be possible to ask which room she wants for her “big girl room” (or however you want to phrase it). If you really don’t care which she chooses, then maybe that’s a way to make it her decision rather than something that was done because of the baby?

Kabazaba

Geez these comments are making me so thankful for my job. I’m a lawyer at a very small firm, and everyone knew about my prior pregnancy and miscarriage (happened at work in a very dramatic way so impossible to hide). It happened two months before my annual review. At my annual review, they brought up maternity leave because obviously knew I was trying (review actually was Day I got BFP but they don’t know that), and it was a great convo. Then, I got a raise (again, with them knowing I’m likely out 12 of the next 52 weeks), and went about my day. Here is hoping some of your employers surprise you whenever it (raises/promotions/leave) comes up.