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jennylorenson

HI!

My name is Jennifer and I am 34 and been TTC for 2 years. DH is 34 as well.  We have never been pregnant and started seeing an RE in September, 2017.  We both went through all of the tests and came out "healthy."  My RE thought I may have endometriosis due to terrible PMS, but recommended we try IUI with clomid before surgery.  We did 5 IUI's with Clomid and no luck.  I then opted for the laproscopic surgery, expecting them to find endometriosis; they did not.  I am healthy, which is definitely good news, but also means there is something else causing our infertility.  That shook me.  I woke up from the anesthesia and just cried and cried.  My DH, in his amazingness, just said "I have a healthy wife whom I get to grow old with, that's all that matters."  He's right, but ARRRGGGHHH it's so frustrating and sad! 

We are now trying a few IUI cycles with clomid and injectables (menopur, and ovidrel trigger shot).  I am 8 days away from my expected period and I am GOING CRAZY.  It's hard because I don't want to be hopeful (24 BFNs will kind of drain the hope from you), but I find myself clinging on to anything that may indicate a good sign.  I just don't want to hurt anymore.  I used to be that person that was full of joy for anything good that happens to my friends and family and this experience seems to have changed me.  I am that person that cries every time someone announces their pregnancy.  I sometimes avoid being around babies at all costs (also not like me at all) and scroll through pictures of my friend's babies as quickly as possible.  I hope that someday, we will have answers...hopefully in the form a little babe, but if not, something that will let me move on and past this pain.  

Thank you for reading this!  I am sorry you are going through this too and look forward to helping each other see through the pain!

xoxoxoxo

tinjp78

Hang in there @jennylorenson I feel you pain and reading through your post made me think that you had put words to what I've also been experiencing since I started this IF journey. I salute your H for being so sweet and supportive and I'm happy that you have no endometriosis. Please join us at the May 2018 IUI, there are a bunch of us there walking each other through this tough road.

jennylorenson

Thank you, @tinjp78!  I am sorry you're going through it too, but am so very grateful to have found a place where I can talk freely and other women understand.  I will head over to the May 2018 IUI group.  I will likely repost my story (new to the site so didn't know where to go),  Sorry if you see my repeat   Blessings to you!

scully127

Welcome! You are my near twin! I am 33, and started fertility treatment last September and am unexplained. I have wondered about endometriosis, but my doctor has pushed back on me doing a laporoscopy. I have only been able to do two IUIs in that time, though, and I am going for six. The good news is that by completing the IUIs, you can get the closure you need to move on to another solution, whether IVF, adoption or something else. I saw you posted on the IUI May board, and I have other comments there in response.

sarah_fox

Hi @jennylorenson and welcome! Sorry you have to be here with us, but it is good to have support. I can certainly relate to what you're experiencing. Our diagnosis is also unexplained infertility, which is kind of maddening. And I hate that my first reaction to a pregnancy announcement is to feel like I got punched in the stomach, but it's just a reaction. 
I hope you get to graduate to another board quickly and your answer comes in the form of a baby very soon. No matter what, remember that it's ok to be hopeful and ok to feel angry, upset, disappointed, etc. if it isn't working out, but it's always worth remembering that it's not the only way to have a happy life and it sounds like you have a wonderful husband to share that life with, no matter what happens. We're both a long way from that right now, I just remind myself so I don't forget to focus on the things that are good in other areas of my life. 
Again, welcome and best of luck to you!

lostdream

Jenny, I can relate to what you are experiencing. I have been TTC for years now. I am not experiencing unexplained infertility. But my age has hindered my ability to conceive. I have developed low ovarian reserve by the time I reached 34, and since then I am struggling with infertility. And it's truly horrible. Have you seen any RE? Because certain scans and blood work determine the cause of infertility. Moreover, have you see any infertility counselor? You may need an assisted conception like IVF, IUI, ICSI. Because, couples who are facing difficulty conceiving, then assisted conception work for them. I have low AMH and also low ovarian reserve which has lowered my chance. I did though but soon used to end in miscarriage. Three cycles of IVF and the egg reeterival didn turn out to be good. And the eggs retrieved were not of good quality. Now, we are hunting clinics for our surrogacy process. Dono eggs will be our next mission to work on. I advise you to consult and research what could bring you eternal joy. 

tinjp78

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tinjp78

carajhon

It felt hurt. That's painful. All these failures hurt damn strong. But that's how life is. There would be many twist and turns. But you must have the courage to stay strong. I am in the same boat as you are. There is no reason for my infertility. But you are lucky to have a trustworthy DH. I am sure his trust and hopes would make you through all the odds. Try seeking doctors help. Either he says to proceed further with IUI or some other alternative. I would wish you all the luck. Stay strong. XX

fnlfng33

I've been down this road for awhile now, and my thoughts are very similar to yours. It's very tiring and hard to be excited for others (especially when you normally would be). I hope that everything is going well for you and that this last round resulted in a lovely BFP!

[Deleted User]

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bebesparrow

Hi Jennifer.  I, too, am new to this board and diagnosed with unexplained infertility.  Not having answers is so frustrating when we know there is a reason why we haven't been able to get or stay pregnant.  I've been ruminating a lot on my own until I found this board and already feel the kind of warming camaraderie in this often times, lonely road.