Benchwarming...

projectalice

So I've been benched since my loss in March, because I waited 8 weeks for my period to come back, my doctor recommended at least one cycle before ttc again, and my husband and I haven't really even talked about the loss or our plans since... We aren't very good at communicating and I sort of left it open for him to talk when he's ready, but he hasn't talked about any of it at all. 
Well I just decided to text him and say that we should talk about it, and see if his plans have changed and if he doesn't want to have another child after all. He said he wanted to discuss it tonight in person and I admit I'm nervous. What if he's changed his mind and doesn't want to try again? What if he wants to wait months longer? I'm starting to get baby fever again and my hormones are going nuts. I know he gets a little miserable when I'm pregnant because I can get hormonal and I can't keep up with the house and everything else as well, so it's more strain on him. Not to mention we need to build up our savings again, and it got costly buying food when I was pregnant because it was difficult to feed me.
I have all these thoughts right now, and it's just making me very anxious... I'm certain the answer will at the least be not right now, because he will want to set back money for awhile, but I don't have that long until i'm considered "ama", and I'd rather not add any extra stress to the next pregnancy... Sigh.

mamakate1616

So how did the discussion go? 

projectalice

It went well! I was shocked. However I didn't realize how hard he took it when I miscarried. We both threw ourselves into our work and hobbies. This is my second miscarriage and he said he is willing to start ttc now, but if I miscarry again he's done. He doesn't want to try again. 
So we are officially ttc now, but I kinda don't want to tell him whenever I get pregnant for awhile in case something happens. Yet that's probably just me being selfish...

bethica83

That is so interesting @projectalice. My husband took our loss hard but it confirmed for him that he wanted to be a father so he was ready to TTC whenever I felt ready. Every person and couple are different I suppose! FX for you!

projectalice

Thank you! I was a little surprised honestly, that he felt that strongly. I expected to be the one that would struggle the most since I carried her. He's a very sweet guy though, so I shouldn't be totally shocked. It helped for me to have the genetic testing, because I was at peace with it. The baby was incompatible with life from the beginning, so I realized it had to happen. 

bethica83

@projectalice I am glad that brought you peace. All miscarriages indicate some type of incompatibility with life I guess even if we can't explain them. Sometimes the more we know the less we understand about life and death. We just have to let some mysteries be mysteries and unfold in their own time. Learning to let go of the unexplainable is (a really hard) part of the journey of life.

projectalice

I struggle a lot with that. I'm the type that always needs answers for everything. Not knowing something drives me crazy, especially regarding death... i'm finally coming terms with things though, and accepting what I cannot change.