Weekday Randoms - 4/30 - Page 4 — The Bump
July 2018 Moms

Weekday Randoms - 4/30

124

Re: Weekday Randoms - 4/30

  • Popping in from Hawaii to say hello! 
    I hear everyone on the promotions, I took a less stressful job last year probably with less growth opportunities because of the stress and because this new company could potentially sell in 5 years if things go well so I'm betting on profit sharing and hopefully being able to walk out when we sell or get an opportunity with the buyer. I keep telling myself this is the best choice for our life right now but it's hard sometimes to think I may have had better opportunities at my previous job. However the stress level and the mismanagement of the company(and the idiots working there) is what I focus on when I feel like that!

    My take is we will have time to get back into the swing of things after the baby and hopefully we'll be able to catch the right opportunities at that time without the stress of knowing we are going on leave soon.

    @julybabybear could it be the anti muellerian hormone? Not sure exactly what it regulates but I had researched getting it checked as part of some fertility tests (clearly didn't do that as we got pregnant immediately). Hope it's nothing serious and I'm sorry about the worry!

    I am not a big drinker but boy it would be nice to have one of the Pina coladas I see around here! We got fruit and coconut milk and have been making our own at the condo. DH of course got some Malibu for his. 9 more weeks!

    Been feeling good doing normal things while on vacation but definitely feeling bigger every day and I  starting to inspect my thighs as they look suspiciously chunky now, lol!
    stillcozysm05-2nimmle
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  • Speaking of drinks, does anyone have recommendations on a good sparkling limeade or lemonade? We are going to the neighbors for a Cinco party and I'd like to take something that I can drink! Not looking for like sparkling water, I don't like that.
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  • wildtotwildtot member
    My SIL is suppose to come up to help us around 1 wk pp. It’s going to be her, my bil and their soon to be 5 yr old. I keep seeing her post things on FB about her taking a relaxing road tip this summer. I can’t help but feel like I’ll be “hosting” rather than getting help. We have worded it as we need and appreciate the help and DH has tried setting that expectation with his brother. I might just be making too much out of things again and really hope that doesn’t happen.
    gingerbride26
  • My son finally fell asleep at 10pm (after 3 hours of dicking around) for the third night in a row, after a 45 minute nap, and is now up. 25 minutes earlier than usual. WHAT  THE ACTUAL EFF?! I got up earlier than usual due to DH snoring so I have my HW done that I needed to finish but come on kid. How can you possibly be awake right now?!?! 
  • wildtotwildtot member
    @SmashJam ugh I’m sorry, hope you catch up on sleep over the weekend! 
  • @wildtot I would be nervous about their expectations for this trip too. I have told my friends and family that they are here to work PP. You could suggest to her now to plan activities for her son and DS while she's with you, so u can guilt-free stay home with baby and sleep/shower/veg.


    Isabella & Julian & and now #3!
    wildtot
  • @wildtot I don’t blame you for being nervous, you might have to recruit your husband to really back you up and enforce expectations before and during the time they’re there. Unfortunately most people who visit a new mom are there because they want to see the new baby, not because they want to help, but I do find the women in my life who actually have kids were the only ones who came to help me and make sure I was okay, not just see the baby. 
    wildtot
  • Mmm pina colada in Hawaii sounds delicious. I am glad you made yourself mocktails @kissableviv

    @wildtot My parents came down for a few days and I felt like I was hosting! My in laws would occasionally bring food over if I asked. People think holding your sleeping baby is “helping.” 

    @MichelleAG05 I don’t have a limeaide recipe but I usually go with Shirley temples. Easy, sparkling, and sweet!
    wildtot
  • @kissableviv get a virgin pina colada! I know maybe it's not worth all the sugar/calories without the alcohol, but when I was a kid and we went on vacation I'd always get the virgin...tastes the same as the adult anyway :smile:
    wildtotacunamatadahillbillywifemorethanamama
  • wildtotwildtot member
    @chaser61 @zande2016 @flockofmoosen3 thank you ladies i was hoping i wasnt being irrational and overthinking. I do like the idea of planning activities for them and take the kids out so i can rest. My SIL also had a c section but i hope she hasn’t forgotten the recovery needs after 5 years. With DS she was like “i don’t even remember how to hold a baby!” Yes she can be that dramatic. We’ll probably have to reiterate expectations to all of our helping family.
    stillcozyacunamatadagingerbride26hillbillywife
  • @michelleAG05 I love San Pellegrino drinks (they have a lemon one) and Trader Joe's has sparkling pink lemonade and limeade and a raspberry lemonade that's really good too! I HATE sparkling water, I hate a seltzer taste and I was hoping that I would like La Croix but I don't. The San Pellegrino one is a little tart, Trader Joe's is much sweeter

    gingerbride26michelle_bird
  • I decided to hire a doula. Actually, I'm hiring two - the first one who I really loved is going on vacation on my due date. She had me meet both her and her backup before deciding, as there was basically a 50/50 chance of having either one with me when I deliver. They're both pretty awesome, but since I'm kind of hiring both of  them (they're calling it a "co-doula" arrangement), I am paying more. So instead of one prenatal meeting, labor support, and one postpartum visit, I'll have two prenatal meetings and two postpartum visits, one with each of them. A couple days ago when I was feeling super anxious about birth and kind of freaking out, I emailed them and said I have decided to hire them. Now I am feeling a little more calm about the birth and am second guessing myself. It's A LOT of money at a time when things are tight. It's way more than I ever anticipated spending. I know it varies on location, and I live in a very expensive/high cost of living area, but does $1,600 sound really crazy for what I described? The doula will come to my house when I go into labor, go to the hospital with me, stay no matter how long labor takes, and stay as long as I need postpartum and help with breastfeeding (they're lactation consultants too). Of course there might be no labor at home, since I very well may be induced, as much as I want to avoid it. The pre and postnatal visits are around 2 hours each, or more if needed. So I do feel I'm getting a lot for the money, but I think my fluctuating hormones are affecting how nervous/anxious/scared I am for the birth and contributing to my indecision. At  times I feel almost panicked about it, almost like I have PTSD from my first birth, then other times I'm like I got this. Ugh I just don't know. They're really loose about fees and will take half when I hire them and the other half "sometime before the baby's first smile", so I keep telling myself it's only $800 for now at least. 
    gingerbride26stillcozyzombiehoohaa
  • wildtotwildtot member
    @zande2016 to me that sounds reasonable from the time i have researched when i lived a high cost area. Plus your getting two doulas! This is all based on my own research not experience. But I’m really happy to hear your starting to feel more comfortable and secure with your delivery support! It may seem like a lot of money but i think your comfort and happiness holds a much greater value to justify the expense. 
    zande2016
  • This is a random and a BF and a TW and a FFFC all in one and probably super long and I apologize but I don't know how to make it a spoiler to shrink it.

    DD is driving me INSANE. She's 15 and a freshman, she's a decent kid (no drugs or drinking, no sneaking out) but she just does NOTHING. She doesn't study for tests or quizzes and gets 30s, she doesn't do her homework and online quizzes gets 0s, gives the teachers excuses "It wouldn't let me submit it" "We didn't have internet" She's in danger of failing two classes for the year and says "I'll get my act together". I monitor her grades closely, reach out to guidance and the teachers and tell her when I see she has a test or something due. It doesn't matter. She is responsible for her two cats, as she has been for the past 6 years. Doesn't change the litter box, doesn't feed them or give them water, doesn't clean up the fuball/vomit mess, she has to be told EVERY DAY and still says "I did" and didnt. She brings food and drinks into her room and we have no forks/cups/tupperware because she has them all. She's had ants in her room, mice from the food. Doesn't care.

    I give up. I told her yesterday, don't ask me or DH (her stepdad) for anything, no friends over no rides anywhere no nothing. I just can't do this anymore, I stress over her grades and her mess and she just couldn't care less. We've tried therapy...she doesn't get anything out of it and she thinks it's stupid and a waste of her time. She's on antidepressants so her attitude has been much better the past year but she just does nothing. I ask nicely, I yell, I nag. I just don't know what else  to do, I'm tired and swollen and dealing with the terrible two's and being pregnant and working full time. I just have nothing more to give and I feel like a terrible mother but I don't know what else to do.

  • @acunamatada omg the tantrums! we had to take DD out of the restaurant for the first time EVER last night.  I think the heat has us all super cranky.  So we came home and put her straight to bed and she "dicked" (perfect word @SmashJam) around in her crib with her lovey and the thin sheet I gave her instead of her quilt for over an hour, then was up before our alarm this morning yelling "HELLO!? DOOR! HELLO? OPEN!" and I caught her on the monitor trying to climb and scared the crap out of her yelling at her through the monitor... then had 2 meetings and 2 impromptu employee one-on-ones before 930... bright side I got 2 fans going and it's way less hot in here today!

    Tomorrow is DH's 30th...I kept thinking in my preggo head that I had until his stupid ass party I'm doing memorial day weekend to get his present shit together... now i'm realizing that was stupid... I was going to make him a dad jokes star wars mug and a card but all my cricut/craft stuff is still packed up mid-office-move... he mentioned I should probably run to target for short sleeve shirts for DD for daycare since I totally sent her to school in pants (too many skinned knees with shorts on the playground) and a thin 3/4 length shirt in 75-80 deg weather...guess I'm getting a gift and card too!
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    acunamatadaSmashJam
  • wildtotwildtot member
    @owl_momma first let me say your not a bad mom. Im sorry i have no real advice since i can only relate to some extent from how i grew up. Does your daughter have any special interests that maybe you can promote more? Something that will promote more motivation or positivity. When i was younger my mom pushed hard for straight As and followed me to almost every school i went to until college (like she worked at the school). I had my slight rebellion phase because of this and when we went to therapy she always made it seem like it was all me and she was doing nothing wrong. But in reality i just wanted to be me in a way she couldn’t understand. And because of that we still don’t communicate well and i keep my distance on private matters. Maybe your daughter has some deep feelings she hasn’t shared with you because she might be afraid on how you’ll react? So she does these other things to test your reaction? Idk but again your not a bad mom. Teenagers are just weird too. At the end of it all she will eventually learn the consequences of her actions or lack there of. When it comes to that it’s good to show your support but to certain extent. It’s our instinct to protect our children but they will never learn about the real world if we keep bailing them out. We gotta be the tough mom sometimes and that still doesn’t make you a bad mom. 
    *Hugs*i hope it gets easier! 
    owl_mommazombiehoohaa
  • chaser61chaser61 member
    edited May 2018
    @zande2016 I think they will be worth every penny. Maybe your anxiety went down because you have them on retainer. I paid $800 for one doula, and I am thinking about paying for a post-partum doula too. My doula will check in with me once to touch base about the birth but that is it.
    zande2016
  • @zande2016 @wildtot Thanks..it's just so difficult, teenage girls are NO fun. She's a dancer and this year she made the competitive team and she was told if she fails anything for the year she can't compete next year, but she doesn't care. She wanted to go to the Freshman Frolic and she was told if she fails one exam she can't go, she failed 3 and didn't get to go and still continues the downward spiral. I have reached out to the school since 3rd grade regarding a possible learning disorder, we went to a specialist to have her tested...they say no she's fine (Although they give her more time to test because of test anxiety) because her test and quiz grades fluctuate she'll have a 70, 76, 30, 100, 25, 80 all in the same class. She doesn't do her homework, or does part of it and doesn't finish it because she "didn't get it" (she has plenty of resources outside of H and I if she truly doesn't get it) We have gone through 3 therapists so far this year alone and I've gone as far as meeting with them with her, prior to her session or after....and she just tells them what they want to hear but makes no changes. And the threat  that she might not be able to dance on the competitive team doesn't seem to bother her (although I know if she cant she will be devastated) and I've already told her I refuse to pay for summer school so she will repeat 9th grade if she doesn't get her sh*t together and yet I get another email yesterday from the French teacher that she isn't doing her online quizzes and is in danger of failing for the year. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink....I just feel like if I stand back and let her fail and repeat 9th grade that's terrible, but she literally doesn't care.
  • @owl_momma I have 2 thoughts. I'm sorry if this isn't helpful or if you're more just looking to vent than get advice, and you can totally feel free to ignore me. But the first thing is, have you ever gotten a psycho-educational or neuropsychological evaluation done? I know you said you've had her tested, but having a psychologist do an in depth evaluation that looks at both educational and psychological components could reveal something that regular academic testing may not. The downside is they're expensive, and at her age she may be really resistant to it. My other thought is, if dancing is something she's always loved and now she's losing interest/it's not an incentive anymore, there could be some depression going on. 
    SmashJamzombiehoohaa
  • Random rant- I get irrationally annoyed with previews for that Tully movie or people asking me if I plan on seeing it. I am not, and I hate that sort of crap, bad stereotypes of mothers in the name of Hollywood being "raw" and "honest." This kind of crap gets the biggest eye roll from me, and no I don't relate to it at all it makes me cringe. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    gingerbride26noideawhatshesdoingmorethanamama
  • @runsomewhere I don't know too much about Tully - I will admit that one scene with the judgey coffee lady made me laugh...but I read it's not even close to about what the couple short ads make it seem its about... Something about it being a lot more dark and about true post partum psychosis than typical post partum experiences, PPD or PPA.  I started watching The Let Down...think i might wait until after kid is here... right now it's bringing up worst-case memories from DD better left buried until we're in it - don't need more anxiety.
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    wildtot
  • @zande2016 we had a neuropsychological evaluation done in 8th grade because they had put her on ADD meds and they weren't helping, it showed that she has test anxiety and mild ADD but did not need an IEP, I tried to get a 504 plan in the school for her, they do allow her to have extra time for testing but as far as extensions on assignments they wont give her anything because sometimes she does them, sometimes she doesn't.

    She's still interested in dance, she would still dance in the regular class if she fails (I can't take the one thing she does away from her) but I won't let her compete, which I know will crush her and she even said to me last night something about the comp classes going through summer and I said "Well if you fail you won't be taking them, we've talked about this" and she got mad and walked away. She's on Prozac which has helped immensely, I'm thinking it's part teenage issues and part her just not caring. She seems to think she can skate by and do whatever she wants and nothing will ever happen.

  • wildtot bummer, thats what I get for procrastinating :(
  • @runsomewhere someone posted this article about Tully on Facebook, turns out there are some major trigger warnings and serious subject matter that's not exactly well handled in there. Warning to anyone who wants to see the movie, there's major spoilers in the article. 

    https://www.mother.ly/life/weve-seen-tully-and-weve-got-some-real-concerns
  • @zande2016 Thanks for sharing that link about Tully. Certainly nothing like the ads for it make it appear to be, I think I'll pass!
  • @zande2016 very interesting, I didn't see that coming in the plot. I read the entire article since I am not interested in the movie and *barf* exactly what I was talking about.

    From the article, cut as to not spoil anything:

    " When the trailer for Tully first came out, I was beside myself. Finally, a movie about what motherhood is really like. I couldn't wait to see it."

    "...here is that this movie which presents itself as validating the experience of motherhood..."

    Again with pushing the idea that motherhood is this hideous disaster, or it's not "real." And wtf to a movie "validating" motherhood? Is the writer serious? 

    The article treats American women like the most inept, weak beings, it's insulting. 

    I DO agree with the points about the serious subject matter in the movie and how it's dealt with. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    noideawhatshesdoing
  • wildtotwildtot member
    I have my first chiropractor appointment in 45 mins. Anything specific i should be asking? I’ve never been to one and i specified this would be a prenatal visit due to all my back and hip pain.
  • @owl_momma so many hugs that is so so hard.
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


    owl_momma
  • @lindsayleigh1989 thank you

    @wildtot I LOVE the chiropractor, you shouldn't have to go into too much detail they will typically ask where the pain is and adjust you, but a little more gently because you're pregnant. You might be a little sore tonight or tomorrow though, but the end result is so worth it! I'm going every two weeks now until my due date. Good luck!!

    wildtot
  • SmashJamSmashJam member
    edited May 2018
    @runsomewhere I tend to agree with you about the stereotypes of moms being a mess being annoying. I think its kind of contributing to my husband's idea that things are gonna be horrible and messy and hard when #2 gets here. While I know there is an adjustment period with routines and breastfeeding and SLEEP (oh my god not looking forward to being up every two hours) the expectation that we won't be able to function with two kids is frustrating. I told friends when I went to bring them food post second kid that I was amazed they weren't more of a mess...they were so calm and the house was clean and they were weirded out that I brought food...it just wasn't anything media/other people make having a second kid makes it out to be.

    Again, not saying it will be easy, I certainly don't expect that. But I know we'll be fine because we have to be! 
  • also @zande2016 thanks for sharing that article about Tully...that's kind of shockingly not what i expected!
    zande2016
  • Long drive adventuring today so jumping in.
    Re:Tully I felt very similarly to @runsomewhere, we talked about this before, it's nice to bring awareness but all these movies/shows are starting to become a one trick pony. I read the article because I wasn't going to go to the movie and I must say I had a feeling about the spoiler. 

    @zande2016 my doula is $1100, I get two asvweas but just because they work as a team to relieve each other during a long labor. So I think $1600 sounds reasonable! I'm glad you hired them and I hope you can relieve some anxiety about birth little by little.

    @wildtot chiro appointments are the best!

    @owl_momma I'm sorry about the crappy situation with DD, I don't have much advice to offer other than I'm thinking this new child may also add on to her existing issues? Sorry this is weighing on you.
    wildtotzande2016
  • @kissableviv oh I hope not! Shes been like this with school for years, it's just exhausting and I'm hoping she sees that I can't be the one on top of this all the time. I already did my time in high school!
    Btw not sure if this has been posted or not, are you anywhere near the volcano that's been all over the news?
  • I have super strong negative feelings about Tully. Mainly the mishandling of post partum mental health and the fake that they very incorrectly labeled her disorder. I thought they had a great opportunity to lift up mental health but felt they just used it as a twist and that makes me upset. 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


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