Husbands that Travel

jaylii

Hi Everyone,

Hoping that some of you can give me some perspective and support. I'm pregnant with my first child and due in September. I'll be taking 12 weeks of FMLA but will then be back at work around early January 2019. I'm planning to return to work because I want to continue my career, but also am also the person who provides health insurance coverage for our family. Our plan is to have our baby in daycare full time. I've looked at some other care options, but it seems a nanny would cost 3/4 of my yearly salary (I'm in education). Also, my husband works from home so it would be tough to have baby and nanny home with him during the day.

I've been feeling a lot of anxiety this pregnancy because of my husband's job. His job requires him to travel quite a bit and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to handle working FT and taking care of baby while he's away. Another thing that makes all of this harder is that I work until 9 pm one night a week and occasionally work a Saturday or Sunday. If any of you other working mamas have experience with a spouse that travels or some encouragement/ideas to make things work, I'd appreciate it! It feels overwhelming becoming a first time mom and returning to work, but the travel aspect of my husband's job is really raising my anxiety level. 

meggyme

@jaylii it can be especially hard to find balance in your life when you are flying solo sometimes. Having a good support system, whether that is family, friends, or a trusted babysitter will be crucial because sometimes you need an hour or so to take care of yourself and regain your sanity.

Take as much off of your plate as you can, with things like autopay, meal delivery kits, perhaps an occasional housekeeper to remove some of the things from your weekly to do list and understand that when you're on your own it's okay to go into survival mode. Sometimes it's delivery pizza on paper plates for dinner. Sometimes the toys will spend the night on the living room floor while you have a glass of wine. Whatever you need to let go to be able to get through. You will find a rhythm that works for your family, it just might take some trial and error.

nackie

 It’ll be tough when he’s traveling, but plenty of moms manage similar situations, I’m sure you guys will find something that works for you. Do you have family or friends in the area that would be willing to help?  You may need to look at daycares and baby sitting with your schedule unless you can find s really flexible daycare (and they do exist)
good luck!

jaylii

@meggyme Thank you for the reponse and encouragement. I'm a perfectionist so I think I will have to be very conscious about taking things off my plate and letting go of things. 
@nackie Unfortunately, I don't have family close by. My parents and in laws both live out of state. Trust me, I've thought about moving to be closer to my parents. I think I'm going to have to go the daycare and find a trusted babysitter route. I've done an exhaustive search of daycare centers around me and most close at 6pm, a couple close at 6:30. Haven't found any others with more flexible schedules. 

nackie

In my experience, some of the home daycares may be a little more flexible about evening and weekend times. The centers are sticklers for closing at 6 and charging an arm and a leg if you’re late. They both have advantages and disadvantages though so it might be worth it to talk to a few home based providers. 

meggyme

We use a home based daycare and she is still licensed through the state. She is amazing, provides USDA approved meals during the day and is cheaper than the centers we looked at. She has longer hours, but we haven’t had to use them.

mcgeeva

Hey! This is my life but with two kids and a third on the way with no fam helping. Husband has traveled every other week for years starting a week after birth. Women are amazing and no matter what we can handle it which is why we give birth and not men. Once you get into a routine you will be fine even when there is bad days. Cry and keep on trucking and ask for help from a friend when needed. We used a home daycare to have extra flexabitly with drop off and pickups and even if I need extra time to run errands after work. I prefer outside of home care if you ever get sick you can actually rest at home rather then wake to ever noise of a child. Hang in there you got this!