TTCAL Week of 4/23/2018 — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

TTCAL Week of 4/23/2018

1. Introduce yourself (if new):
2. Status?
3. R/R:
4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most?

Re: TTCAL Week of 4/23/2018

  • @dpjennifer you are on it this Monday morning

    Status?  WTO CD10.  US today to determine IUI. Had a flashing smiley so I’m guessing it will be soon

    3. R/R: my DS woke up at 3am and had bit off his binky.  He is 2.5 and still used it at night time only so needless to say we have both been up since.  Hopefully we can break him now 

    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? I can’t think of one but I typically like crime books so detective like characters 
  • 2. Status? Anticipating this to be CD 1 as temp had lowered a bit last few days, HUGE dip this morning, and spotting off and on yesterday. 

    3. R/R: So, it's NIAW. I made a separate discussion post about that if anyone's interested in more information. Ironically, Take Your Brats to Work Day is being held at my office on Thursday. *sigh* Great timing govt... great timing. So, I'll be taking off on Thursday and very much looking forward to a mental health day!

    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? I'm currently reading the Han Solo back trilogy, and yeah... Harrison Ford is like my first on-screen boyfriend and I LOVE his character and these books. :)

    Mack2342 Tell your body to get with it and make this IUI the ONE!!!!!!
  • Loading the player...
  • Status: CD14 WTO have gotten a flashing smiley the last three days so hoping for peak tomorrow!

    R/R: @Mack2342 we were also up at 3am! I think DD was just hot, she went back to sleep just fine but I was up for a hour.

    GTKY: can’t think of a good one for this just yet. 
  • @dpjennifer not feeling hopeful.  Just finished US and only one large follicle. He saw a few small ones but they won’t mature.  Two more days of meds and US on Wednesday. Says IUI will be Friday or Saturday but I got flashing smiley this morning so I doubt this will line up.  I’ve never had 2 US before IUI. He also asked me if I was still spotting and I said no and he said good.  I should’ve asked but didn’t think much of it til now.  So I’m completely confused about this one.  Now I need to pull myself together so I can go into work.  I think because this could be the last one it’s making me really sad that things don’t seem to be lining up.  We might have enough meds to do it again but not sure 
  • tosh24tosh24 member
    edited April 2018

    Status?  2dp5dt. Transfer went well on Saturday....beta on May 1st.

    3. R/R: Don't know if I've mentioned anything here but a couple of weeks ago my sister sent me an email to say I'm no longer welcome at her house until I can get over my loss and not associate it with her son (she had a baby around the time I was due with my first loss so I haven't been goo goo ga ga over my nephew, although I still bought him Xmas presents and whatnot, of course). I talked to my therapist about it and she was HORRIFIED that someone could be that cruel and self-centered. Made me feel better because I wasn't sure if my emotional  (in)stability was influencing my reaction. Needless to say, I wrote her back and told her I have no desire to have any relationship with her at the moment. I told my parents what she did but no one has said anything to me so I have no idea if they are "siding" with her or not. It makes my blood boil every time I think about it - how nice for all of them to have no idea what a loss feels like.

    It's finally spring!!!!! YESSSS!!!!!!!

    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? I haven't read any fiction since highschool. I'm more of a non-fiction girl. Don't know if I can answer this one. 

    ETA: @Mack2342 I'm sorry your body isn't responding as you hope.  Any chance to sit this cycle out and try again next cycle? 

    @dpjennifer No harm in taking a mental health day. I have a coworker who's wife gets 12 mental health days a year in addition to sick days. Oh how I wish we all could have the same support from our employers! 
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • Mack2342  Ugh. Sorry this cycle is so questionable. That makes it even harder. I hope you can pull yourself together for work today. Any chance you could blow off the day? I really hope they either figure out what's going on, so you can feel better about this cycle. Or put it off until next cycle if that's an option!
  • Status? CD17, waiting to confirm O was yesterday

    R/R: Rave - We finally had a full weekend of beautiful weather.  Rant - Niece came home from her mom's (after being there all last week) last night and not surprisingly our house is in chaos again. I'm so tired of arguing all.the.damn.time.

    GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? Such a strange question. Lol. I have no idea.

    @dpjennifer mental health days are important and it sounds like it's a perfect day to take. Once again, something so seemingly innocent and yet it can be so hurtful to others.

    @Mack2342 FX things manage to work out this cycle. I can't imagine how stressful this is. Hope work goes smoothly so you have 1 less thing on your mind.
  • tosh24 WOW.... Your sister... just wow! It's amazing because I was JUST reading about this type of thing here ( ) And it is unbelievable!!!! I can't believe she is being so cruel to you. It's not like you totally ignored her kid. I mean, you brought presents and everything, so you're obviously making some effort. 
  • @tosh24 I’m so sorry your sister is being that way that’s so hurtful.  I can’t believe people especially family can be that way.  Hugs to you.  Im glad your transfer went well though. FX 

    @dpjennifer I would take the day too.  I’m literally going to hole up in my office.  I don’t want to talk to anyone.  I don’t have a ton of time so I’m just going to suck it up 
  • @tosh24 I cannot beleive someone could be so insensitive, especially your sister! I'm just blown away by how people cannot understand how cruel that could be. Your family should be your support system helping you cope not beating you down because your still grieving.
  • 2. Status? CD12, WTO.  Negative OPKs so far, but the BDing marathon begins today.  I have my HSG this afternoon, not really looking forward to that.
    3. R/R: Rave: spring is here FINALLY!  H took the winter tires off my car yesterday.  Rant: I have to spend a thousand bucks on new summer tires :s Also, my manager didn't show up again today so I have a ton of meetings to attend on her behalf and I'm going to have to miss my kettlebell class...again.
    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? Hmm, not sure.  Probably one of Robert Crais's characters, Joe Pike.  Tough private detective dude.

    @tosh24 I'm sorry about your sister; how unbelievably insensitive.  I hope your parents get back to you and don't side with her. 

    @Mack2342 Sorry you aren't feeling it this month.   Did RE suggest waiting until the next cycle as an option?

    @dpjennifer Bad timing for sure, but having a mental health day to look forward to is a silver lining!

    @prpl11butterly How old is your niece?  Sounds like teenage behaviour....

  • @bakerstreetboys she's 9. Total preeteen. But add in over focused ADD and a major custody battle between us and her mom and she's a real treat most days...
  • @bakerstreetboys I hope HSg goes ok today.  I’m assuming RE will tell me on Wednesday 
  • @tosh24 I’m sorry about your sister. It’s unbelievable how some people can’t put themselves in another persons shoes. I hope one day she realizes how completely insensitive she has been.

    @Mack2342 I hope you get some better news on Wed! 
  • CD10 and ready!
    Gorgeous weather this weekend and coming up, makes me excited for summer.
    It's been exactly one year since my first loss. What a crazy year's been. It's hard to look back on those times and realize that I could end up right back there again. My last loss (I've had 3) was in October and we took a bit of a break since then, just recently started trying again and at times I feel mentally ready and then other times I really don't know if I can do it all over again. 
    GTKY I think I'd have to say Atticus Finch. Strong and smart, gentle and powerful. He's got it going on. 

    @tosh24 so sorry about your sister. People really have no idea what we ladies have gone through. I know when a good friend of mine told me 2 years ago that she miscarried, I was upset for her but a few weeks down the road I had forgotten all about it. Now, after having gone through the same damn thing, I get it. I truly get it. And I understand her pain. It's unfortunate but women who have never been in our shoes truly don't get the magnitude of it all. 

  • 1. Introduce yourself (if new): hi there, did brief intro on april benchwarmers, but been mostly lurking on this board. *TW* Completed first IVF in January with fresh transfer that ended in first PG / MMC at 8w3d + D&C first week of March. */TW* Supposed to be starting first FET cycle tomorrow but still waiting for AF to start after going off BCP. 

    2. Status? waiting for AF; baseline U/S tomorrow for FET #1

    3. R/R: Rant: Where is AF? Usually start by day 4 after going off BCP... no signs this AM... funny how i'm hoping for AF to start now. Rave: only two more weeks left of the semester. just gotta get through these next two weeks so i can re-focus on life and health.

    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most?  easy!  Peeta from Hunger Games.  I'm a huge sap.

    hoping that everyone's hanging in there. i've been feeling more generalized anxiety lately. an important reminder to take stock and let go of the worry. fx for everyone.
    me: 37 dh: 42; TTC since Jan 2016
    dx: PCOS, low progesterone; 2 MMC
    Sept FET 2018 Spreadsheet
    3 failed IUIs (clomid + ovidrel), unresponsive to femara
    Jan 2 2018 - 1st IVF cycle - 9 retrieved, 7 mature/fertilized, 1 5d transfer + 5 untested snowbabies
    Jan 19 2018 - Fresh Transfer #1 one 5dt; BFP 1/25/2018; EDD 10/7/2018; MMC at 8w3d; D&C 3/6/2018
    May 16 2018 - FET #1 one 5dt; BFP with 4 betas (6.5, 24.3, 165.5, 2250) - EDD 2/1/2019; MMC at 6w; D&C 6/20/18
    Sept 17 2018 - FET #2 one 5dt; BFP 38.9 7dpt, 167 9dpt - EDD 6/5/2019  
    (3 untested embryos remain)

  • @char245 Cycle sisters :) FX for us with this window!

    @tosh24 that is sooo childish and insensitive of your sister. So sorry you have to deal with that. I'm sure you know that her asinine behavior is about HER and not you but wanted you to see it in writing too - she's probably uncomfortable with this type of loss and is insensitively handling her feelings. Not a great excuse for being an a-hole about it. Maybe someday you can get a therapy session with her?

    @bakerstreetboys YAY SPRING HERE TOOO!! FINALLY

    @40momma Tough anniversary - thinking of you. Also, Atticus Finch is an excellent choice.

    2. Status? WTO, CD14, should O today based on my positive OPK Friday/Saturday and BBT. On SMEP, we are on day 3 after I got my positive OPK so we get a BD break tomorrow (though it's been a fun weekend). I am ready to move to the TWW.

    3. Rave: Went to my friend's house and got a ton of her wedding DIY projects done (along with her mom, her future MIL and the other bridesmaids). It felt good to get it all done and painting the photo frames was the best part because we got to be outdoors on what feels like our first "spring" day!

    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? My childhood fantasy crush was Batman's sidekick Robin. Not any actor or cartoon character really, just the character in general. I now find this totally hilarious. Not sure I have a current storybook character fantasy these days.
  • @bethica83 yay! Here’s hoping this is our month!!
  • @40momma sorry about the milestone. They are so hard.  Hugs to you
  • @tosh24 boo to your work. Wonder if the found all your sperm research....... lmao :joy:
  • cassafrass15cassafrass15 member
    edited April 2018
    I’ve been a little MIA from this board, but I guess being distracted by things other than TTC can be a good thing.

    @dpjennifer Enjoy your R&R tomorrow!

    @Mack2342 I’m sorry your body isn’t responding the way you want it to this month. I know this is stupidly cliche, but it only takes one good follicle. FX for you.

    @tosh24 I seriously cannot believe your sister’s email. Insensitive is an undertatement. I’m so sorry she isn’t more sympathetic.

    @40momma Atticus Finch! Yes! Best answer.

    1. Introduce yourself (if new): 4 first tri losses
    2. Status? Benched post-D&C
    3. R/R: my best work friend just told me she’s pregnant and I’m trying really hard to be happy for her. But I’m also sobbing at my desk. Bleh.
    4.GTKY: Which storybook character turns you on the most? I’m going cheesy here, but Jamie Fraser from the Outlander series or Jon Snow from GoT (the actors are also hunky, but I loved the characters before the shows).

    ETA: Words.
  • @cassafrass15 I’m sorry! It’s so hard when we find out that those closest to use are pregnant:(
  • Hey all! I'm back after a break. I took some time off because I have been really struggling with all of this. Saw the RE/IF specialist today. Had blood drawn and will go for fasting blood work tomorrow. I may not have PCOS after all, he said what my PCP thought were cysts are actually follicles. He put me on Provera to trigger AF, but all of my innards look good. They will do an SA on SO when we go back in two weeks. The goal is for us to be pregnant by the end of summer. **TW** I had some positive HPTs at the end of March, blood work was negative. The OBGYN was like "you aren't pregnant" and that was that. The RE was not surprised and took me seriously. He didn't treat me like I was crazy, it was like he was all too familiar with the situation. I was super stressed going into it, now I'm just concerned about the financial part of it. So that is where we stand. I have more hope than I've ever had and I am getting excited again about TTC.

    My insurance doesn't cover anything fertility related so I started a side business to make some extra money to put toward treatments. It is going well for having just started. School is frustrating, I HATE my current class. Other than that not much has changed. .  

    Me: 34 - SO: 40
    TTC #1 since 8/2016
    FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries)
    Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks 
    Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks

  • @cassafrass15 sorry for the announcement that is difficult 

    @eranvo27 welcome back.  Glad you are feeling positive after RE appt. 
  • @eranvo27 welcome back! I had a similar experience at my OB, they told me it was a “false positive”. How could I have gotten a false positive on multiple different types of tests? So glad your RE took you seriously! 
  • @char245 and @Mack2342 Thanks - I’m feeling better today, but still having a hard time feigning excitement for my friend. I’m such a jerk!

    @eranvo27 Welcome back, and I’m glad your RE has eased your mind a bit. Mine has been a wonderful source of information and patience, but I’m also not covered. It’s annoying, but so worth the extra money we have to spend. I also just got a prescription for Provera, so I guess we’ll see how it works. Good luck to you!

    AFM, had my follow-up today. Looks like I ovulated yesterday or the day before. But I’m spotting a weird brownish color. So RE took some blood to check HCG & progesterone and prescribed some Provera to things moving.
  • Thanks for the welcome back ladies! I needed to add a rant today... I actually went live on my Facebook with it. I had my blood work done this morning. I knew I was going to be waiting to I took my current read "It Starts With the Egg." The tech asked me about it and I gave her a brief synopsis of the book. She then proceeds to tell me that her sister and her brother in law tried for a while, she didn't have her first kid until she was 28. It wasn't until they stopped trying that they got pregnant because your mind controls more of your body than you think. I have never been so furious! She may have meant well and there may have been a compliment on my age because I am 34, but I wanted to punch her in the face so bad! Of course I was also ha-bitchy, what my co-worker calls the step past hangry, from fasting... 

    @char245 I felt the same way!!! That has happened to me twice now and they told me the same thing! Do you  know how rare a true false positive actually is? After they told me that I lost respect for them. I'm so glad the RE took me seriously. 

    @cassafrass15 Provera buddies! How long do you have to take it for? They gave me a 10 day supply and I go back in two weeks for a follow up. 

    Me: 34 - SO: 40
    TTC #1 since 8/2016
    FINALLY diagnosed with anovulatory PCOS 11/2016 (Insulin resistance and multiple cysts on both ovaries)
    Miscarriage on 7/19/17 at 7 weeks 
    Miscarriage on 10/16/17 at 5 weeks

  • @eranvo27 it’s frustrating when people say things like that.  I heard the same thing basically from someone on Wednesday.  It’s frustrating 
  • @eranvo27 I hate it when people say that 'oh as soon as you stop stressing you'll get pregnant' yeah cause no moms are ever stressed. Ugh. 
    @cassafrass15 sorry about the announcement, it just sucks. I saw something a few days ago that said - 'Congratulations, now I hate you.'  

  • @eranvo27 while I absolutely believe in the mind-body connection there are certainly better ways to discuss it. Simply being told about it and how it worked for some other random person is as unhelpful as it gets!! 
  • eranvo27I also hate the "just relax and you'll get PG" answer. I've frankly told a few people that getting PG isn't so much my problem, but staying PG... and no amount of relaxing is going to magically stop my babies from dying. 
    I've been having a very difficult week. Second worst AF of my life and I'm unbelievably depressed. I actually started reading "Life Without Baby" as I'm trying to prepare myself for being done with TTCAL and living childless.
  • @eranvo27 and @dpjennifer the thing most people don't realize about the "just relax" advice is that it's not easy to do. It actually requires a whole hell of a lot of re-wiring our learned thought patterns and that can take a loooooong time. So yeah, it might work at least to keep you a happier person and maybe that will help your hormones balance out or resolve whatever issue you've got going on (or it at least cant hurt) if you can pull it off but it's also a long and sometimes very frustrating process. It often means working through a lot of emotions and that is some serious work. It sure is easy for people who have never walked in our shoes to give that advice but people are also totally willing to critique Olympic athletes performance from the couch without ever having even tried the sport they are critiquing. They mean well. But it hurts :(
  • bethica83  It's also been proven that 'just relaxing' does't actually do a darn thing for actual IF/MC issues anyway. The amount of stress needed to CAUSE a MC is like "I've been kidnapped, raped, and have a gun currently held to my head" amounts. And people don't get that either. Cause... science.  *sigh*
  • bethica83bethica83 member
    edited April 2018
    @dpjennifer a big sigh to science and well-intended people.

    The confusing thing about science is you can often find a study that will tell you whatever you want to hear. I've seen studies that indicate reducing everyday stress and working through emotional baggage improves fertility outcomes (I have not seen a study like this for MC at this point to be totally fair) and studies (like whatever study you're referencing) that say it generally does not. It all depends on how the study is done it seems.

    People don't always mean stress when it comes to the mind-body connection either. We are complex creatures and some studies now show that our brain basically resides throughout our entire body with unique cells that communicate DIRECTLY with our brain rather than following the nerve path we all learned back in biology. I very unscientifically imagined cells using walkie-talkies when I read that. Some doctors and scientists wonder if that means our bodies might have memories we aren't consciously aware of - what would that mean if it did? Who knows! 

    I don't know if more data will help us understand this stuff anytime soon. It is one of those things where the more we know, the less we understand. 

    We all just have to trust our own instincts on this journey.

    *EDITED to remove a duplicate sentence :)
  • bethica83 I definitely think lowering stress can help your body/mind in a myriad of ways. I mean, and they do know that being stressed/ill can cause your body to put off ovulation, making it harder to get PG because you may not know WHEN to be doing the deed. So, I can get behind the science of that. But, once you're already PG, that's when the more recent studies are saying that in order for the stress to cause the MC it has to be an exceptionally high amount. 
    But yeah, I wish people would just top offering their 'helpful' platitudes. Super frustrating in my shoes. I mean, after my first MC I was all gung ho to exercise and eat healthy and have the best body for a future baby. Looked at my 1 MC as a common occurrence and that the next PG would all work out. I was super optimistic and everything. And well... over 2 years later I'm here with now 4 MC under my belt and no amount of sunshine being blown up my butt has helped me in any way, shape, or form. Le sigh. #BitterHagPartyOf1
  • Delayed reaponse! It was a rough weekend.

    @eranvo27 Provera for 10’s day 4 and I feel absolutely insane. How are you doing?

    @40momma I ❤️ that “Congrats, now I hate you.” I shouldn’t, but I do. Because it is exactly what I felt in that moment!

    @dpjennifer Add me to the bitter hag party. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down. I can empathize as I’ve been at this for years and only have 4 losses to show for it, as well. We have bad days and better days, and I’m hoping you have some better days soon.
  • cassafrass15 Yup, I say I've been TTC/TTCAL for years and all I've gotten is 4 MC, PTSD, severe depression, and fat... 
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