Ask a STM+ (April Edition!) — The Bump
July 2018 Moms

Ask a STM+ (April Edition!)

Feel free to throw down all questions related to birth/baby stuff/ pregnancy symptoms/newborns/managing 2 or more and the transition/etc. here. I have seen in my research of other "Ask a STM+" threads that they have had a theme...so if you have a theme you would love round two of "Ask a STM" to have, go ahead and suggest away! 
flockofmoosen3acunamatada
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Re: Ask a STM+ (April Edition!)

  • I would like to know what the transition from 1 to 2 is like. Especially those they may have a 4 year age gap like I do.
    acunamatadastillcozyrunsomewhereamdftw
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  • @WorkinWeezel Thank you for the advice. I think my son is really used to being the only child and grandchild on both my DH and my side. I think those are very helpful, but he was also begging my DH for a little brother and that's what he's getting, but also I don't think he knows what he's in for change wise and not getting all of the attention. Thank you for the suggestions!
  • @11dematosk my first two are 3 years apart as well. I really like that age gap because he was able to help me get diapers/throw them away and fetch things for me. For the most part though he was pretty disinterested in her, and I’m sure part of that was because of how much time she was taking away from him. I haven’t done a good job at dividing time though and it’s my goal to have special days with each kiddo now that the 3rd is almost here. I would imagine that a 4 year gap might be even easier because they can communicate even better and understand a little bit better that babies take a lot of time. 

    Two kids is is a lot of work but I didn’t think it was the worst adjustment period. It’s kind of a controlled chaos. 

    11dematoskwildtotrunsomewhereacunamatada
  • @zande2016 my kids don’t get a bath every night but when they were little I’d put them in together. Right now our bedtime looks like: (I usually do bedtime by myself so it’s a lot of back and forth)

    pjs and teeth
    stories together on the couch
    I send DS to his room (he’s older) while I get DD in her bed and sing her a song and say prayers
    then I go in to DS and say prayers with him (he doesn’t like songs) sometimes he’ll ask me about when I was little or we talk about different things for a minute. 
    Usually after that I have to go back to DD a handful of times. 

    stillcozy
  • @zande2016 currently DH and I switch bath time and bedtime so hopefully we can continue with that. DH can bottle feed if needed so i can give DS his time with me. Eventually we hope they can do bath time together. 
  • @zande2016 we eventually did bath time together once she was able to sit up in the tub without being in the smaller bath.  We took turns with one of us reading to the other/feeding the baby, and then we would swap to give extra kisses and snuggles.  This third one will be fighting off his/her older siblings, I'm sure.  I just hope they don't wake him/her up!!!  They will be 8 and 5 when this one is born, so it'll be a whole different story.
    Met: 1/21/2005
    Married: 6/27/2008
    DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
    M/C 6/2012
    DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
    BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE! 
    M/C 12/12/2016
    BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
    EDD: 7/2/2018


    Babysizer Manly Pregnancy Tracker
    zande2016
  • The bedtime thing with to also has me curious / worried @zande2016

    Pur current is bath, PJ’s, two books, and then lay with for 5 min or so. I’m trying to decide if one person takes one child and the other takes the other? But I’ll be gone 3 nights working so that won’t always work. So maybe we will do bath together. Then dress. Than DD to her room while I put baby down? Then go In and read to her? Who knows??????? 
    zande2016
  • My hope with the bedtime routine for two is to switch DH to bedtime duty a few nights a week before baby so it doesn't feel like the baby is taking away from him. We have already done this with bath time. This way, whenever baby demands nursing during bedtime, DH can take over and it won't be weird. If baby is already down or just fussy, then DH can do that and I can do bedtime.

    I also wonder...is it too much to think I can nurse and do bedtime stories and what have you with DS, like both at the same time? or switch our story reading time to the couch instead of his room so everyone can be part of that and then DH can take DS to bed?
    WorkinWeezel
  • @SmashJam I don't think that's unreasonable at all. Just establish the routine and you will all get used to it :smile:
    Met: 1/21/2005
    Married: 6/27/2008
    DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
    M/C 6/2012
    DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
    BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE! 
    M/C 12/12/2016
    BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
    EDD: 7/2/2018


    Babysizer Manly Pregnancy Tracker
  • I’ve also been worried about the bedtime thing. Like PP, we have always done bedtime as a family and I hate the thought of messing that up. I know in the beginning the baby will probably go to bed a little later so we can probably still do that but when we get him for the earlier bedtime maybe we will move DD’s a little later? I’m not sure what this is going to look like. 
  • zg49zg49 member
    Our kids share a room so once DS was old enough to be in his crib (around 6 months) we did bath, stories, milk, songs/prayers together and laid them down together, both DH and I. We always do bedtime at the same time. Obviously DS would still wake up occasionally but giving him the same bedtime as our DD worked great!

    This time around we will do the same. Everyone will get ready and do the same routine, we'll put DD and DS in their room and baby#3 in her co-sleeper/crib in our room at the same bedtime and once baby is old enough to be in her own room we'll keep it the same. Our DD(4) always falls asleep after DS(2) so I know that will be the same but keeping the same bedtime works for ALL of us. Kids are in their room by 730-745pm, DS usually asleep by 830 at the latest, DD by 9 at the latest (most nights both are out by 815pm.)





    michelle_birdwildtot
  • Oh I have another question! Diaper bags! My DD is 2, will be 3 in July. I still carry a diaper bag but it seems such a waste. I keep a couple of toys, extra clothes, a couple of pull-ups, and her potty insert in it. But the only thing I really ever use is the potty insert. She’s fully potty trained (day) but has to have a potty insert for toilets. She almost never has accidents so carrying the clothes all the time and the pullups seems kind of a waste. What do you ladies carry for toddlers? I’m thinking I could start keeping extra clothes in each car instead of in the bag. I’m just trying to figure out how to lighten the load a bit before I end up having to increase it again in a couple of months for baby 2
  • zg49zg49 member
    @Savanna111911 We don't currently use a diaper bag, just have it in the car in case we need it. (DD is almost 4 and DS is 2). I'm looking into getting a new diaper bag that is a backpack for when baby#3 arrives so I can carry baby on front, carry bag on back, and still have two hands for DD and DS. 





  • @Savanna111911 We currently use the kids' Skip Hop backpack. When I loosen the straps all the way, I can wear it on my back. If my DS needs it, I just tighten the straps to make it smaller for him. It fits a few snacks, a change of bottoms for DS (almost 3), a couple diapers and wipes for DD (18m), and both their water bottles. Don't really take anything else. Like @zg49 I've been looking at diaper backpacks for when #3 comes.
    michelle_bird
  • @Savanna111911 I keep a spare set of clothes, a diaper and wipes in the car but I don’t carry a bag with me anymore unless we’re going somewhere and I pack up some toys to occupy DS (2.5). I keep a spare pair of undies in a bag and wipes in my purse but that’s it at this point. He’s potty trained but will occasionally dribble if he waits too long. I used to carry a potty seat too but he’s been doing just fine with me holding him over the seat. I bought this bag on Amazon and it’s been great, I plan on using it for DD and it should have a bit of space left for a couple of small toys for DS if need be. 
    HaloVa Diaper Bag Multi-Function Waterproof Travel Backpack Nappy Bags for Baby Care, Large Capacity, Stylish and Durable, Gray https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071RLWKGQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_8Q2EiVsCIqUF6
  • I haven’t used a diaper bag in forever. I have wipes and diapers in a ziplock back in my purse. Haven’t had an accident in a while. I will probably have to start carrying more once we start potty training. 
  • So I was wondering if anyone had any baby carrier suggestions? I want to be able to have baby face in or out and I want to be able to use a carrier right away. I'm not trying to spend a ton but if you guys think the tula or the ergobaby is really worth it then we will probably spend a bit more to get the quality 
  • @acunamatada that's one of the bags I was looking at! How long have you had it? Some reviews said the straps weren't good quality.
  • @carsonraynee I have the regular ergo and really liked it. the ergo 360 gives you a lot of ways to wear it. I'm a big fan of my moby wrap as well 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


    knottie9f2468e8835387e9
  • acunamatadaacunamatada member
    edited April 2018
    @kc1293 I’d say it’s not the BEST quality but it’s not terrible. I don’t mind the straps.. I think they’d be more comfortable if they were set apart a little further, and the inside feels a little cheap, but for the price I don’t mind at all. I looove the zipper in the back, I don’t use it much right now but it will be handy for diapers. And I love the opening at the top! ETA I’ve had it about 3 months
  • @carsonraynee Tula doesn’t make a front facing carrier so if that’s something you want you can take Tulas off the list. I will say though, I looove my Tulas and neither of my kids has ever cared about facing out (and now that they’re big enough to back carry, they can see out that was anyways. I have a free to grow (useable from birth), a standard and a woven wrap by Tula along with a couple ring slings and a classic Ergo lol
    run along Pond...2015/12/10

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    knottie9f2468e8835387e9hillbillywife
  • @carsonraynee I can't speak to a Tula but have the Ergo360 with an infant insert. I haven't used it much with DD, only bc I was pregnant again by the time she was 3 months old so wearing baby wasn't as comfortable as putting her in a stroller. However, I did use a Moby sling carrier when she was very small and it killed my back. Enough so that I can't imagine using it again. The Ergo has been very comfortable every time I've tried it out and I have plenty of time to get a lot of use out of it since it can hold up to 45 lbs. I think I paid about $125 for the carrier and insert by price matching Amazon at BBB.

    Also, if you search online for your area, there are groups dedicated to baby carriers/carrying that you can test out a carrier and get feedback. Some even rent out carriers. 
    knottie9f2468e8835387e9
  • @carsonraynee yeah, the Tulas are not front-facing carriers. Lillebaby is a popular choice, and so is Ergobaby 360. I suggest joining a babywearing group on FB for tips and recommendations. For front-carrying a newborn, I LOVED using a soft wrap carrier like Boba, but it's possible that it could get too hot for our summer babies because it's a lot of material wrapping around you both. There are newborn inserts for structured carriers if you go that route. At Buybuy Baby they have a large variety of carriers you can actually try on. I thought I wanted a Lillebaby but once I tried it on it was too bulky so I went with the Original Ergobaby instead.

    Re: bedtime routines...we did have to change our routine but it worked out nicely. DH took over bedtime routine for DD about 3 months before DS was born. It was nice for them to have that bonding time and made the addition of DS that much easier for all of us. Before #3 comes, I think DH will be taking over bedtime again, but he's already had lots of practice from when I was sick in the first trimester.

    Going from 1 to 2 kids is just a balancing act and requires both parents to step up to handle a variety of activities together AND solo like bedtime, meals, leaving the house, etc. I asked a friend once how to avoid sibling jealousy and she suggested that when you need to focus on the baby, don't make the baby your excuse not to spend time with the older kid. I never quite figured out how to do that, but I thought I'd share her advice in case it helps someone else.


    Isabella & Julian & and now #3!
    knottie9f2468e8835387e9gingerbride26michelle_bird
  • @carsonraynee I have a boba 4g and a Lillebaby carrier and like they both. I probably slightly prefer the boba, although the Lille has some other ways to carry including front facing and hip carry. I’ve never really done either though. For the newborn days I highly recommend a wrap. I used a money. They’re a little more effort and I didn’t use it much for out and about but liked it at home. It instantly put her to sleep every time too. 
    knottie9f2468e8835387e9
  • @Savanna111911 I keep a spare set of clothes, a diaper and wipes in the car but I don’t carry a bag with me anymore unless we’re going somewhere and I pack up some toys to occupy DS (2.5). I keep a spare pair of undies in a bag and wipes in my purse but that’s it at this point. He’s potty trained but will occasionally dribble if he waits too long. I used to carry a potty seat too but he’s been doing just fine with me holding him over the seat. I bought this bag on Amazon and it’s been great, I plan on using it for DD and it should have a bit of space left for a couple of small toys for DS if need be. 
    HaloVa Diaper Bag Multi-Function Waterproof Travel Backpack Nappy Bags for Baby Care, Large Capacity, Stylish and Durable, Gray https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071RLWKGQ/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apip_8Q2EiVsCIqUF6
    I broke down and bought this backpack on Wish. Its bigger than I thought it was. I've started to add some items in there to prep for baby. There is a lot of room. 

    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker

    acunamatada
  • @lindsayleigh1989 @comealongponds @TalesOfASocialIntrovert @flockofmoosen3 @Savanna111911 thanks for all the responses! You guys have given me a lot to research! I appreciate it :smile:
    comealongpondsstillcozyTalesOfASocialIntrovert
  • A friend of mine suggested the Lille and I think I'm gonna give that a try. I also have a Moby I got for $20 at a consignment sale!
  • We have an Ergo 360 and really like it, we've used it a ton and plan on using it for baby #2.

    I'm also interested in this carrier. Anyone familiar with this one? The reviews are really good and it seems to fit what I'm looking for in a second carrier.

    Stylish Baby Carrier Wrap - Keep Your Infant Calm  Stay Hands Free - For Newborns to Toddlers - Ideal for Breastfeeding  Aids Balance - Perfect Baby Shower Gift Under 30 blue

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01AF5EES8/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?smid=A2TENM2M44PDDF&th=1

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I still do a bag because my purse is small (hoping to rectify on a shopping trip to Target when I hit up Indiana this week) and I carry snacks, a couple toys/books, extra clothes for accidents or getting super dirty, and lunches on almost every weekday so we don't have to eat out while at activities. I'll go back to my full on diaper bag for all those things plus diapers and bottles and what have you because it has more storage compartments.
  • We have an ergo 360, my husband liked it but I found it too difficult to put on by myself and also a little uncomfortable. I am going to get a Tula Free to Grow this time, which can be used from birth (7 lbs). I think by the time my son was big enough to face out in the ergo, he was kind of over being in the carrier anyway. I figure this one will be napping in there a lot while we’re out doing toddler things. I also have my eye on this infant carrier for the really early days, but not sure if it’s worth it since the Tula can be used from birth. Has anyone tried it? It’s called Nesting Days. 

    https://www.nestingdays.com 
  • I like having carrier options depending on what baby likes and what you feel comfortable in. I even have an infantino mei tai which I could use to double up! I put heavier DD on my back in the mei tai, and then DS on my chest in the Ergobaby and could easily carry them both around the neighborhood for walks. It was a little ridiculous to do for a regular outing, but great for the casual walks. Tried to find a picture but need more time.


    Isabella & Julian & and now #3!
    hillbillywife
  • @flockofmoosen3 I forgot I also have the infantino mei tai. I liked it when my son was really tiny but it hurt my back. In general I had a really bad back postpartum so that may have just been me though. 
  • We had the infantino but DH used it more. I didn’t really like it. I also have the ktan which was very easy to use for traveling and it’s multi position.
  • No advice or questions just relief that so many have a 3 year age gap and it works! Everyone in my circle has kids much closer together.
    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    acunamatadaSmashJam
  • @BrittG13 I was also worried about the 3 year age gap as well but it seems to be more common than I thought! My original plan was much closer together but TTC and child rearing/birthing/preggo life has taught me to stop planning, lol. 
  • My oldest will be turning 3 the month after this baby arrives... strength in numbers!

    WorkinWeezel
  • @zande2016 @flockofmoosen3 I was looking at the infantino mei tai, I've tried some of the other wraps and carriers and I'm so busty that the poor kid is gonna be suffocated, but the mei tai style somehow seemed to give a little more room. Plus with my bicep tendonitis issue I'm not able to use my shoulders to get the straps right on other styles, but could get the ties on a mei tai to work. Plus the other styles are so hot, and I'm already a sweaty girl. Curious if the ties hurt your back, because they aren't as wide as the styles with a belt? Or did you generally feel like it wasn't supportive enough?
  • @noideawhatshesdoing I don’t remember the straps specifically hurting my back, I just generally found it not supportive enough once my son got heavier. I had a lot of hip and lower back pain postpartum. 
    noideawhatshesdoing
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