PGAL Check-in for April

treeofcheem

Hi!

This is a monthly check in/support thread for those of us who are experiencing pregnancy after a loss (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, stillbirth, child loss, to name a few). Hopefully we can all lend support to each other through the hormone filled craziness that is pregnancy!

Feel free to post about how you're feeling, appointment updates, general raves and rants, whatever. We'll keep this post up for the entire month, so jump in at any time.

Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.

sclarke7

Hi Ladies,
Now that I am out of the first trimester I feel a sense of weight lifted for sure. Still some anxious " what if " feelings creep into my head on the daily and I suspect this will be the case until I have a live baby in my arms in September. I try to remind myself that today.. I am still pregnant and I am thankful for this day. I pray a lot. I try to be kind to myself and others, it helps.

I see a lot of announcements on fb/insta for September and October. I am happy to see them but I am just not comfortable announcing yet or anytime soon. Our family and those closest to us know and that makes my heart happy. Announcing on social media still is very scary for me at this point, same with work, I plan on hiding it as long as possible. We have been very private with our IF and MC history and I feel like I won't know how to handle all the comments and posts saying congratulations. Thinking on how I will deal with that. I will say thank you but on the inside my heart wants to add " And you have no idea what we have gone though to get to this point /its been a very difficult time" of course I wont.... but it may hard to fight back tears. 

I've been checking in with my IF/PGAL support group weekly and its simply awesome to see how far many of us have come since we have been meeting. One girl I know who was told she would NEVER conceive naturally after a series of complex medical issues is pregnant.. with her 2nd! Such an amazing story. I know that one way or another, all of us will get our babies.

As for appts, next OB appt is on the 23rd and then Anatomy scan on May 1. I am so much looking forward to seeing our little one again. 

jhjocelyn

@sclarke7 We’re appt buddies again! Haha my anatomy scan is May 4. Next reg appt the 19th. 

I felt kind of the same about posting on fb, we did go ahead after our last appt, DH was just super excited and DD knew so there was no keeping it mum anymore. I’d seen some really tastefully worded announcements alluding to the journey, and couldn’t come up w anything myself so just made a sign that stated “Rainbow baby#2” I figured those that knew the significance would understand, especially anyone who has been there/is still there. 

Maybe it would help the announcement be more enjoyable if you could subtly represent the journey you’ve been on too? Pintrest gave me a bunch of ideas. Just a thought! 

starla

@sclarke7 I know what you mean. One thing that has helped me really enjoy getting congrats from people is reminding myself that this is the joy and the experience that I should have had the first time. Now it's finally my time to celebrate and I'm going to take full advantage! I feel like telling them about my MCs would bring the moment down from total elation to that of sadness and grief and that's not what I want to be feeling in that moment. This mindset has helped me feel the excitement and happiness. I've grieved plenty and it's not to say that I'm over it, but it's my time to be happy about this very amazing thing that's finally happening.

yosemite2018

Our best friends just had their second miscarriage. I’ve heard the PGAL boards here are really helpful and I will suggest them (although the wife doesn’t spend much time online). Does anyone have any good suggested reading or support groups for the husband? My H went over there late last night to keep them company but he (the friend) is really struggling.

sclarke7

@jhjocelyn Thank you for the advice. I loved your announcement, thought it was perfect I love the idea of a rainbow baby announcement, very special while keeping the mood celebratory and light so to speak. Amazing! You bet I was on pintrest this weekend, got some great ideas. Thanks again! 

@starla, well said, you are so right! I owe to myself to feel the excitement and the joy that comes with pregnancy without the heavy feelings that come with being pregnant after loss. Its hard to say happy news with such dark news. I've been getting some good inspiration online with rainbow baby announcements that are so beautiful so think i'm going to go that route when we are ready. This weekend I tried to make a point of living in the now and enjoying this special time without feeling grief/guilt/anxiety. I started working on a baby registry just to get a start on what we will need. Private of course for now only me and DH can view but it felt so good and so exciting and fun  

treeofcheem

Things are moving forward here. We had our anatomy scan today and everything looked good. I'm finally starting to feel some movement; this is later than I felt movement with DD but I have an anterior placenta this time. Those little nudges are reassuring, though. And, we found out we're having another girl!

I'm not really feeling anxious lately, but my hormones are making me emotional like wow. It's just that back-of-the-mind concern about losing a child. And certain things make me go there easily right now.

I'm trying to get the spare room cleaned out. It's a big project and I'm trying to just take small bites so it's not overwhelming. I also got cabinets to put together as a sort of sideboard/buffet type thing, and they need to be finished. I'm doing the staining myself and wearing a mask or respirator, which I don't feel concerned about. I realized last night that I'm not supposed to use polyurethane, though, so now I also have to get MH to do some of the work or figure out something else to use. It's an extra complication I don't want to deal with.

treeofcheem

@yosemite2018 I don't know of anything for dads specifically. Glow in the Woods is open to parents of either gender, although I think it's mostly women there. There may be a more general grief/loss type of forum, too. Or even something like Still Standing can be helpful, just things to read through and connect with.