New here- gestational carrier

smillsy

 Hi everyone! I have been lurking a little recently and have found some good information on this site so I wanted to introduce myself.  I am a gestational carrier for my brother in law and his husband and it has not been an easy year. Tons of appointments and testing, psychological exams, legal contracts, lots of meds to regulate my cycle and prep my body. They live in Sweden (I’m in the states) so that’s made things even trickier. They used donor eggs and unfortunately only came out with 3 contenders. 

I was so naive at the beginning that I just assumed I would get pregnant so easily- boy was I wrong! The first try didn’t take, the second resulted in a BFP and so much joy and excitement only to be devastated by miscarriage 5 days later, then we did a mock cycle to do the ERA testing, so now here we are with lucky #3. Their last chance at having their dream come true and becoming parents. AND I AM FREAKING OUT!

I did everything I could to make the chances of success as great as possible. 2 rounds of acupuncture, eating pineapple with the core, drinking hot water, getting a massage before the transfer, wearing socks 24/7, cutting carbs, etc...

FET of a day 7 blast was 3/15. From the beginning of this cycle, I have been so worried bc I know this is their last chance and the fact that it was a day 7 doesn’t help. The doctor (my least favorite at that practice) kept mentioning how we only have a 30% chance of making this work and just did not give us the hope we were looking for. Luckily, my favorite doctor did the transfer and everything went well. We got a positive beta on 3/26 of 144 and then 268 on 3/28. I was wary bc it did not quite double and also the last time, my 1st HCG level was 628 and then 2 days later it went to almost 2000. The nurse who gave me my results said they are not worried and my numbers are fine. 

So now, I’m 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant and I want so badly to be excited and relaxed, but I just can’t seem to keep calm. I’m so nervous that I will have another miscarriage and the guys will lose their chance of becoming the amazing parents that I know they can be. 

I’m hoping to get to know some of you and be able to keep my mind occupied. I hope you all don’t mind me posting here, there’s just not exactly a board for unpaid gestational carriers who can’t figure out how to stop worrying  

stella_700

Welcome smillsy! First off congrats on getting a positive! We have all been through this tough journey but your the first gestational carrier that I've seen here on the board. You are super brave and generous to help your brother and brother in law in their journey to parenthood. Please feel free to join the First Trimester thread, all the ladies/families there are going through something very similiar to what you are experiencing. I'm technically through this board as my IVF twins where born in November (boy and girl), however us fertility survivors found a home on this board and like to keep up with the ladies/families that have been successful. I know I found this board encouraging through my pregnancy and to see the outcome (babies!) of the ladies on the board was empowering and uplifting to me. I know that not all people feel that way but that is what it was for me. Thinking of a happy and health pregnancy for you and your family. Did they do PGS testing? Do you know the sex of the embryo?

smillsy

Thank you Stella for the encouraging and warm welcome! My hubby and the guys are great, but I don’t think they can ever understand exactly what I’m feeling so I really look forward to getting to know you all 

I will join the first trimester thread as well. And congrats on your twins!!! 

lablover78

Welcome! This is a great place to be. I have a special place in my ❤️ for GC. What are you feeling is totally normal...definitely lean on the ladies here. 

smillsy

@lablover78 thank you for making me feel like I’m not totally crazy. I am always a worrier by nature, but didn’t think I would be so afraid during all of this. I hope it gets easier! 

@stella_700 I just realized I never answered your questions. They did do extra testing that took about 2 weeks if I remember correctly. I never heard it called PGS testing, but I’m assuming that’s what it was? And the gender is known, just not by any of us yet. The plan is that once I get far enough along for the guys to announce it, then my kids (I have an 11 year old daughter and a 12 year old stepson) will be the only ones to know the gender (they will be given an envelope by the doc) and then they are going to plan a gender reveal. They’re really excited about it  

cseley321

@smillsy a GC will always be very welcome in these parts There are quite a few of us who have been hit with early loss and it SUCKS. The thing I did to calm myself down was set a hard date in my head that I would consider myself "safe", so the 2nd trimester.  Prior to that I had weekly appointments, so that made me feel better during the wait for 2nd trimester.. Around 18 to 20 weeks you should start feeling kicks... this is when I could really relax because of the daily reminder that LO is okay.

Polythene Pam

Welcome! That’s such an incredible gift you are giving! I didn’t have any losses but after secondary infertility, I just had a harder time being optimistic. Walks, keeping busy with my daughter, I’d try doing a hobby at night or long baths- anything to keep my mind busy and off my phone googling things! You are very welcome to the group, truly amazing gift ❤️

[Deleted User]

@smillsy. Welcome!  It's really an incredibly selfless thing you are doing, and it is also totally natural to worry.  In my experience though, you can do everything "right" and things still go wrong, or you can totally slack off, and it ends up working anyway!  So while it's wonderful to want to do "all the things," please don't beat yourself up about any of the loss.  Things just happen sometimes, and it's 100% NOT your fault.  No amount of pineapple core or pom juice can fix embie's chromosomes if they are not right, kwim? or anything else that could have happened in the past...

Keep doing whatever you need to do to feel good and healthy, but I think that would be my one word of wisdom.  Ivf is such a crapshoot and almost entirely out of our hands.  So at the same time, please do cut yourself some slack where you can, because ultimately whether it works out or it doesn't, it's not because of anything we did or didn't do.  (((Hugs)))

Your sex reveal party sounds like it's going to be so much fun, too!!!

*verb tense

Hopeful_mom

Welcome and congrats!! Your betas sound great and I hope your US is just as good!! I echo what the others have already said here.  You are truly inspirational and giving the greatest gift ever.  It's a miracle!!  
All the men in your life can be supportive but can never understand what your going through.  You're 10 years older so who knows how this pregnancy will feel for you.  I hope it will all be smooth sailing!!
Im a basket of nerves and worry all the time!  I
count each milestone and am grateful for sure
but still get nervous and I'm 30 wks now so don't ever think your not normal for how u are feeling.  (TW I had a previous loss of Twins at 10wks reasons unknown...has this made me
more paranoid maybe BUT I was even nervous then). It's not an easy process and you've done and are doing everything you can!! Best of luck to u!!

chicandbubbly

@smillsy Wow! What an amazing gift you are giving your brother- that is incredible!!! It’s completely normal to be anxious early on- we’ve all been there. Take it one day at a time. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey and hoping you have a smooth and easy pregnancy! 

mtpbadger

@smillsy welcome! I have to echo what everyone else has said, what you are doing for your brother is absolutely incredible. I have a soft spot for GCs as we were headed down that road until we did one last FET that ended up working. Being anxious just means you have a huge heart and want this to work so badly for your brother! Hopefully as each day passes, the anxiety will lessen slightly. I don't think it ever quite goes away during this process but it does get to be pretty far in the background eventually. 

Amber1174

@smillsy. I agree with everyone else!  You’re soooo amazing for going through this for them!  I would be a GC in a heartbeat if my family needed me. I’m currently working to bring my own little baby