@Firemanswife11 yikes! Kudos to your H for the quick reflexes!
I have a late one today. I hadn't yet told my extended family, partly because I knew this would happen; after the A/S on Friday I called my dad. He ignored three calls and a text, so finally I said f* it and sent him an ultrasound picture with "girl!" ...it's now Tuesday and he still hasn't acknowledged/responded/shown signs of life except for the "seen @ ____" notification four minutes after I sent it. Why did I even bother? At least my Grandma is excited for us though
playing catch-up... @Firemanswife11 glad you're OK and hopefully your vacation gets better after this @mrsbubbles-2 I've heard a lot of people talk about pregnancy induced carpal tunnel do you think it could be related?
DS born 04/22/15, Pregnant again 03/01/17 however loss due to PPROM at 20+6 weeks now TTC rainbow
@mrslittlemac I'm sorry are you close with him typically or is this a normal response? My dad isn't too invested in my life either EXCEPT for the grandkids, which is just as annoying to me.
Thanks all. I'll get over it, it's pretty normal for him. He's extremely hit-or-miss and is very very self-centered. Everything happens at his convenience--he can't be bothered to answer calls or be involved in my life at all, for months or years on end--then suddenly it's like a switch flips for a couple weeks and he acts like he hasn't been cold and distant and that everything should be fine and all should be forgiven because he's here *now* and that's what matters. I frustrate him because I'm skeptical and then he gets pissed off and drops out of my life again for another stretch of months/years/etc.
Thing is, I grew up thinking this was totally normal. Dads are not supposed to pop in and out of your life at a whim; the hurt has built up enough now I think I'm just ready to stop trying to salvage any sort of relationship with him. It sucks, because my girls will never get the awesome grandparent/grandchild dynamic I grew up with, but I also don't want their lives filled with his brand of drama.
@Firemanswife11 I’m sorry that your car has a serious ding. Yay for your DH getting it out the way, mostly! Hopefully the billboard company will get that covered/fixed for you ASAP!
@mrslittlemac I’m sorry that you dad is so hit or miss. Are your ILs as bad, or could you built that grandparents relationship with them?
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@mrslittlemac Man I think we could talk. My parents are married and my dad is just very uninterested (in my opinion insecure) about us. He basically doesn't care to ask about how our lives are, what we're doing. When we have accomplishments he doesn't care - he doesn't like to be a part of family activities. He has a lot of issues which he won't address and I am tired of it. He's blocked on my phone. He sees DS when DS goes there for a visit but that's about it. He's not interested in talking to me about our issues. He only really cares about DS and the fact that now I am caring another grandchild. Honestly I think it's because he knows that eventually they will figure out about him, which DS already is. It's a shame because I LOVE my mom and it makes me sad...I could really go on. Just remember it's him that is missing out!
Whoa @Firemanswife11 that's intense! I'm glad your husband was quick to get the car out of the way of more damage. I hope they repair it quickly for you!
April Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
29 y/o Married 6.26.11 BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14 BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now! BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17 BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
@princesslockness unfortunately both ILs passed away years before I met H. My mom tries to be the grandma, but my step dad thinks that his grandkids/family is way more important because they're closer. He did let her come out to meet DD over this past summer though! (and yes, phrasing matters--he's a super controlling, awful person so "let" is exactly what he did)
...I think as the littles are growing up we may just foster relationships with older neighbors/try to build a surrogate extended family. Lol.
@mrslittlemac ugh, I’m sorry. Without going into a long story, my lack of any type of relationship with my dad has me totally sympathizing with you. It sucks and it hurts, but I’ve moved on to just focusing on my children having a healthy relationship with their dad and it warms my heart so much that they do. I hope it never changes. I think it’s a good idea to maybe just cut ties with him, it’s helped me to move on and you don’t deserve the disappointment.
@mrslittlemac I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t really have contact with my dad either (he sends me conservative conspiracy theory type email forwards frequently and thinks that is staying in touch). The only time we’ve had any type of relationship at all after I was 16 was when he would date a new woman who would try to foster a relationship with my sister and me. Those women either didn’t last (my dad is a liar, user, and gold digger who plays the victim card and always tries to take credit for our accomplishments) or their interest in us didn’t. My son is almost two and has seen him twice ever, but not since 6 months old. The rollercoaster and up and down of guilt and anger is exhausting, so for my own mental and emotional health, I choose not to see him (which is easy because he doesn’t reach out either). If he did, I’d say I was busy. I also don’t plan to tell him about this baby because I don’t want to open the door to anything.
All of this to say that I understand and empathize with you. Whatever choice you make for you is the right one and don’t let guilt pull you back in to an unhealthy cycle.
@mrslittlemac I'm so sorry about your relationship with your dad, and if it were me, I'd probably have ghosted myself ages ago. As I think no relationship is better than a shitty, negative relationship...especially as it can bleed into your kiddos.
And I highly recommend choosing your own "family", because you choose them, I think it makes them better quality people. Since my own family sucks horribly, I've had to make do with my in-laws. Which honestly are the best family any girl could have ever hoped for...so much more caring and supportive than my own family, who are all so wrapped up in themselves to really notice me for me, and not some maid. The best grandma I ever had was the elderly friend of my real grandma, I could go to her about anything and she'd give me nothing but love, understanding, and warm cookies. Everything was solved with fresh-from-the-oven cookies. I miss that woman something fierce.
@mrslittlemac, just agreeing with @neeraja_k DS has an "uncle" that is way more involved in his life than my own sister and her husband and sees him waayyy more. DH's brother is also a waste of space and DS doesn't know him at all to reference him as an uncle either.
Four of DS’s five “uncles” are DH’s group of good friends from high school. My two half brothers and DH’s brother all live near us, but they all only ever reach out when they want something. I got tired of trying to reach out to my own brothers only to be ignored unless they needed a favor. DH’s brother is the same way, plus his wife is a horrible person, so we only see them when MIL insists on family functions.
DH’s friends have all been around in some way or another for DS’s entire life. They love to play with him when they come over, and we see them much more often than we see DS’s actual uncles. For example, on New Years Eve, I invited them over here. One of the guys brought over his girlfriend and her kids, and they had an epic kid vs. grown man Nerf gun battle. The guys were more than happy to spend NYE playing with the kids instead of drinking at the bars. DS gets so excited when they come over, and he doesn’t even ask about his other uncles.
If I get asked one more time how I'm feeling...... The little rage guy from that pixar feelings movie will be quite accurate.
Adding to the sour mood is this coming weekend is Easter. While my husband and I do not celebrate it, his parents do. They send us an Easter basket. Evry. Single. Year. Despite us asking them not to. Well, I should say my husband asking them not to who isn't very direct. I already warned him he has until we have kids to nip this or I will be more than direct about it.
@ropemaker I agree! I feel like I’m always answering that question and I know most people are sincere but I’m always going to tell them I’m good. Unless maybe instant telling them about my pubic issues so they stop asking. Hmmmm....
also my my mom is the same but with Christmas stockings. Granted I still love them, they were always my favorite thing at Xmas but DH thinks it’s silly she still does them for us as adults hahaha. Me and my sister usually get jumbo stockings too hahaha
Since we live in a rural community our grocery stores are limited and the quality of food is substandard (seriously, they sell moldy boxes of strawberries). As such I've been using every opportunity that I have a doctor's appointment in the nearest larger city to grocery shop there every week, and lately Fresh Thyme has amazing produce for cheap. Since I can't eat regular potatoes with my GD, I got sweet potatoes for our Easter dinner, those play well with my blood sugar, go figure.
Yesterday evening, I took them over to my mom's, as we eat there and she'll bake them for the Easter dinner. While I was there she wanted to hear all about the doctor's appointment. We'd gotten home late on Tuesday and went to bed early, so I didn't really get the chance to talk with her then.
I started off telling her it went well, baby looked fine, that they upped my insulin a smidge, they took some blood to test for some things, and explained to her about my partial placenta previa. But I added not to worry as the doctor is fully confident it'll resolve itself before my due date. She having the attention span of a gnat and not medically minded in the least, asked what that was. I explained what it was, potential complications, and how my case was described by the doctor, when I noticed she started looking away and acting distracted if not outright bored. So I asked what was wrong, was there something I could help with....when she just came out and said it, "I don't really care about what happened with you, what about the baby?!"
Talk about hurt. This is what it means to deal with a narcissistic mother. I tried to forget about it and brush it off all day yesterday, but getting up at 2am to pee and being unable to fall back to sleep, your mind lets you dwell on things, and the hurt just cut even deeper. I'll be so fucking glad to move away from here.
@neeraja_k OMG I am so sorry! This is how I feel my dad feels about me but he's never outright said it - that would just sting. How did you respond to that??
@neeraja_k I am so very very sorry that you have to deal with someone like that especially since it is your mother. When you post stories bout her I can see that you are trying to include her and really try to be the bigger person. Hugs to you!
@neeraja_k I'm so sorry she said that. Sounds like she needs a serious reality check; I hope distance helps your relationship with her but from the stories you share, you may just be better off without all that negativity in your life. At least not day to day. All the hugs, we're here for you!
Thanks guys, it's nice that I can vent it out here when I can't keep it bottled up. I've always known she was pretty much an awful mother growing up. But then there are things that just take your breath away with how utterly self-centered she is, especially when you really want the comfort of a mother who has been there, done that with an abnormal pregnancy. Just that realization that you really don't matter and are nothing more than a walking incubator for apparently her greatest accomplishment...it hurts.
@scottishlass1213 I think I just kind of gave her a blank blinking stare, then told her some boring details about the baby, because honestly there wasn't much to report really, that she'd understand anyway, and let her see the pictures. Then I quickly made my exit.
In contrast to talking to my husband's mother and sister about the appointment after I got home. Their first thoughts and questions were about how I was feeling about the appointment (knowing I've struggled with the MFM), did I ask about getting tested for anemia, did I ask about the thyroid possibility, have I felt any more kicks, did we get to see the baby's bits (they really want to know, heh), and then talking about the placenta previa in detail, that my sister-in-law had something similar with her second pregnancy and it resolved itself as well, so they were crossing all their fingers that mine would as well. It was just such a breath of fresh air to talk to people who care about me AND the little life inside me, and it made me cry this morning to think that I'm stuck here till next spring/summer till we can move up there.
All of this is just a sneak peak of what'll happen when my grandma finds out I'm pregnant. She's like my mom x100 in the self-centered department only more dramatic. Add in her failing memory, she can't get out of the rut of depression so everything is always the sky is falling or freaking out about stupid shit, and it's always what you can do for her. So it'll be eye-rolling interesting to see how much her life will go to pot when I can no longer do all of her errands, chores, and book keeping. I told mom when I was out there that if she's out in town this week that grandma needs to be taken to the bank to cash some checks, that I wasn't planning on being out. So what does she do? Goes to town, grocery shopped, and didn't even think about doing grandma's stuff to help out. Now I have to do it tomorrow afternoon, on the one day that it isn't supposed to rain this week, so the old bat will stop calling me 3x a day to cash her checks.
@ecwk You have no idea. Every time I go out there to visit I feel like I can breathe...like really, truly breathe. I can be myself, my husband and I can feel free, I don't have to worry about what my mom will think, or what grandma will call and whine about needing. And when we roll back into town here, I just feel this heavy drudgery that I hate it here, I hate my family, I don't want to be here anymore.
@neeraja_k I’m so sorry for the way your mom is acting. Hopefully when you move things will either get better with the distance and less contact.
I’ve mentioned my IL’s multiple times, and I have to say that things are generally better for us when they decide they’re mad and don’t talk to us. It’s a relief, I don’t have to deal with their bs for awhile. To be very blunt, your mom will probably never understand how her behavior makes you feel, as she’s likely too self-centered to see it.
Have you considered taking a step back from your mom & grandma? I was in a similar situation with IL’s when I was pregnant with DS. My OB at the time thought their behavior majorly contributed to my stress level and thus my high blood pressure near the end of my pg. It’s so important to not let their behavior negatively affect your health. If you ever want to talk or vent about your mom & grandma, feel free to PM me!
Ugh that sounds terrible @neeraja_k! I am so sorry she can't see past herself. I'm glad you have good in-laws at least.
April Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
29 y/o Married 6.26.11 BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14 BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now! BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17 BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
@neeraja_k ugh I’m so sorry that’s how your family reacts to your news.
AFM, my ILs basically invited themselves to ride with us 2.5 hours away for family easter on Saturday. MIL tells us today she has bronchitis and is on a Z pack, but should be ok by Saturday. DH is like “ok you’ll probably be fine” and she says how she called her doctor and we should call ours to see if it’s ok DS and I are around her. Enough drama, DRIVE YOURSELF! I don’t know why it’s so difficult to just say “I’m afraid I might be sick and don’t want to pass it on, so we’ll drive separately”, but instead it’s like “oh just FYI — let us know if it’s not ok” and since DH has no backbone, he doesn’t just say no. All so dumb but these small little dramatic episodes come up ALL the time and it’s so annoying. At his point, every single thing she does annoys me because it just. Never. Ends.
@melprop You're completely right, she doesn't see how her behaviour affects me. I've tried bringing it up a few times over the last few years and the moment she feels like she's being attacked, she gets defensive, and just shuts down. She either can't or won't admit fault. There is no having an adult conversation with her about anything. Ultimately it's her own fault that she's going to have very limited contact with the grandchild she wanted so much, and I feel sad for her, but it is what it is. My family (husband, me, and hopefully now a kiddo) is a family now and we have to do what's best for us, painful as it is.
My husband and I have already talked about me stepping back from the responsibilities with grandma especially, and we were hoping mom would pick up some slack, but that's looking more and more doubtful. To some degree, I already have stepped back quite a bit already, because she stresses me out to the point I was literally coming home to so strung out I couldn't function for days. This was all around the same time my dad was in and out of the hospital ICU every time you turned around, too. My blood sugar got out of whack because I was stress eating, my blood pressure got high enough to need meds, I gained like 20lbs, and I was going through a bottle of wine every day, etc. It was not pleasant.
I don't take her with me grocery shopping anymore. She'd either refuse to get out of the car and thus sit in the parking lot, either freezing or melting depending on the weather, and then complain to everyone she knew about how awful I treated her (yes, this happened). Or she'd try to dawdle around Walmart for 2 hours walking slow as a corpse and picking every item off the shelf to look at it really close only to put it back and repeat this throughout the entire store. I get she doesn't get out much anymore, but Walmart is not my idea of a fun shopping trip, especially with her. Meanwhile I'm more of a super ninja shopper, I go in with an attack plan and a list, and do it as quickly as possible so I can get the hell out and get on with my day.
When my husband is there on Monday and Thursday afternoons to do her medication organization he puts her grocery list on an app that both of our phones share and I can see the list in real time, so usually on Friday mornings I get her groceries by myself. Then later in the afternoon I'll deliver them and put them away and then I take her out to eat, something hopefully lower stress.
Otherwise I try to have very limited contact with her anymore, because I get sick of hearing about she can't see (macular degeneration that she won't accept), she can't walk (poor knee replacement rehab), she's lonely and bored (I tried to fix that, but she wasn't having it), and that life just isn't worth living anymore...and while I empathize greatly with her conditions, I am so beyond giving a shit about people who are too stubborn to change things for the better and expect everyone else to fix their lives for them. Especially when unbeknownst to her I have more important things I'm working on.
And on some level it's kind of poetic justice that my mom and grandmother will be left here, by themselves, and mom will actually have to do stuff for grandma. Either that or grandma will be in a home faster than you can blink when mom realizes it's more than just buying her groceries, but everything else she doesn't do for her now.
@neeraja_k so many hugs. I’m sorry your mom said that and made you feel like crap. You deserve better and I’m happy that you moving soon will ease the family drama burden.
Ughhhh I’m so annoyed. Every single doctors appointment I’ve had with my OB she has been at least 30 minutes behind. Why can’t they call you ahead of time and let you know or something? It’s so unfair to make people sit and wait on you being late. Like I have to leave work early for this and still manage to pick up my kids, I don’t have hours at a time to sit here waiting to give you my pee and listen to the heartbeat.
Re: Monday BitchFest 3/26
I have a late one today. I hadn't yet told my extended family, partly because I knew this would happen; after the A/S on Friday I called my dad. He ignored three calls and a text, so finally I said f* it and sent him an ultrasound picture with "girl!"
...it's now Tuesday and he still hasn't acknowledged/responded/shown signs of life except for the "seen @ ____" notification four minutes after I sent it.
Why did I even bother?
At least my Grandma is excited for us though
@mrslittlemac I’m sorry for that response. Or lack of response.
@Firemanswife11 glad you're OK and hopefully your vacation gets better after this
@mrsbubbles-2 I've heard a lot of people talk about pregnancy induced carpal tunnel do you think it could be related?
@mrsbubbles-2 I had pregnancy induced carpal tunnel with my last and am already showing signs at night it’s coming back
Thing is, I grew up thinking this was totally normal. Dads are not supposed to pop in and out of your life at a whim; the hurt has built up enough now I think I'm just ready to stop trying to salvage any sort of relationship with him. It sucks, because my girls will never get the awesome grandparent/grandchild dynamic I grew up with, but I also don't want their lives filled with his brand of drama.
Sorry for the pity party
@mrslittlemac I’m sorry that you dad is so hit or miss. Are your ILs as bad, or could you built that grandparents relationship with them?
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
...I think as the littles are growing up we may just foster relationships with older neighbors/try to build a surrogate extended family. Lol.
I think it’s a good idea to maybe just cut ties with him, it’s helped me to move on and you don’t deserve the disappointment.
All of this to say that I understand and empathize with you. Whatever choice you make for you is the right one and don’t let guilt pull you back in to an unhealthy cycle.
And I highly recommend choosing your own "family", because you choose them, I think it makes them better quality people. Since my own family sucks horribly, I've had to make do with my in-laws. Which honestly are the best family any girl could have ever hoped for...so much more caring and supportive than my own family, who are all so wrapped up in themselves to really notice me for me, and not some maid. The best grandma I ever had was the elderly friend of my real grandma, I could go to her about anything and she'd give me nothing but love, understanding, and warm cookies. Everything was solved with fresh-from-the-oven cookies. I miss that woman something fierce.
And I'm sorry to everyone that has troublesome relationships with their parents. Hugs all around
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
DH’s friends have all been around in some way or another for DS’s entire life. They love to play with him when they come over, and we see them much more often than we see DS’s actual uncles. For example, on New Years Eve, I invited them over here. One of the guys brought over his girlfriend and her kids, and they had an epic kid vs. grown man Nerf gun battle. The guys were more than happy to spend NYE playing with the kids instead of drinking at the bars. DS gets so excited when they come over, and he doesn’t even ask about his other uncles.
Adding to the sour mood is this coming weekend is Easter. While my husband and I do not celebrate it, his parents do. They send us an Easter basket. Evry. Single. Year. Despite us asking them not to. Well, I should say my husband asking them not to who isn't very direct. I already warned him he has until we have kids to nip this or I will be more than direct about it.
also my my mom is the same but with Christmas stockings. Granted I still love them, they were always my favorite thing at Xmas but DH thinks it’s silly she still does them for us as adults hahaha. Me and my sister usually get jumbo stockings too hahaha
Yesterday evening, I took them over to my mom's, as we eat there and she'll bake them for the Easter dinner. While I was there she wanted to hear all about the doctor's appointment. We'd gotten home late on Tuesday and went to bed early, so I didn't really get the chance to talk with her then.
I started off telling her it went well, baby looked fine, that they upped my insulin a smidge, they took some blood to test for some things, and explained to her about my partial placenta previa. But I added not to worry as the doctor is fully confident it'll resolve itself before my due date. She having the attention span of a gnat and not medically minded in the least, asked what that was. I explained what it was, potential complications, and how my case was described by the doctor, when I noticed she started looking away and acting distracted if not outright bored. So I asked what was wrong, was there something I could help with....when she just came out and said it, "I don't really care about what happened with you, what about the baby?!"
Talk about hurt. This is what it means to deal with a narcissistic mother. I tried to forget about it and brush it off all day yesterday, but getting up at 2am to pee and being unable to fall back to sleep, your mind lets you dwell on things, and the hurt just cut even deeper. I'll be so fucking glad to move away from here.
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
@scottishlass1213 I think I just kind of gave her a blank blinking stare, then told her some boring details about the baby, because honestly there wasn't much to report really, that she'd understand anyway, and let her see the pictures. Then I quickly made my exit.
In contrast to talking to my husband's mother and sister about the appointment after I got home. Their first thoughts and questions were about how I was feeling about the appointment (knowing I've struggled with the MFM), did I ask about getting tested for anemia, did I ask about the thyroid possibility, have I felt any more kicks, did we get to see the baby's bits (they really want to know, heh), and then talking about the placenta previa in detail, that my sister-in-law had something similar with her second pregnancy and it resolved itself as well, so they were crossing all their fingers that mine would as well. It was just such a breath of fresh air to talk to people who care about me AND the little life inside me, and it made me cry this morning to think that I'm stuck here till next spring/summer till we can move up there.
All of this is just a sneak peak of what'll happen when my grandma finds out I'm pregnant. She's like my mom x100 in the self-centered department only more dramatic. Add in her failing memory, she can't get out of the rut of depression so everything is always the sky is falling or freaking out about stupid shit, and it's always what you can do for her. So it'll be eye-rolling interesting to see how much her life will go to pot when I can no longer do all of her errands, chores, and book keeping. I told mom when I was out there that if she's out in town this week that grandma needs to be taken to the bank to cash some checks, that I wasn't planning on being out. So what does she do? Goes to town, grocery shopped, and didn't even think about doing grandma's stuff to help out. Now I have to do it tomorrow afternoon, on the one day that it isn't supposed to rain this week, so the old bat will stop calling me 3x a day to cash her checks.
@ecwk You have no idea. Every time I go out there to visit I feel like I can breathe...like really, truly breathe. I can be myself, my husband and I can feel free, I don't have to worry about what my mom will think, or what grandma will call and whine about needing. And when we roll back into town here, I just feel this heavy drudgery that I hate it here, I hate my family, I don't want to be here anymore.
Calgon, take me away!
I’ve mentioned my IL’s multiple times, and I have to say that things are generally better for us when they decide they’re mad and don’t talk to us. It’s a relief, I don’t have to deal with their bs for awhile. To be very blunt, your mom will probably never understand how her behavior makes you feel, as she’s likely too self-centered to see it.
Have you considered taking a step back from your mom & grandma? I was in a similar situation with IL’s when I was pregnant with DS. My OB at the time thought their behavior majorly contributed to my stress level and thus my high blood pressure near the end of my pg. It’s so important to not let their behavior negatively affect your health. If you ever want to talk or vent about your mom & grandma, feel free to PM me!
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
AFM, my ILs basically invited themselves to ride with us 2.5 hours away for family easter on Saturday. MIL tells us today she has bronchitis and is on a Z pack, but should be ok by Saturday. DH is like “ok you’ll probably be fine” and she says how she called her doctor and we should call ours to see if it’s ok DS and I are around her. Enough drama, DRIVE YOURSELF! I don’t know why it’s so difficult to just say “I’m afraid I might be sick and don’t want to pass it on, so we’ll drive separately”, but instead it’s like “oh just FYI — let us know if it’s not ok” and since DH has no backbone, he doesn’t just say no. All so dumb but these small little dramatic episodes come up ALL the time and it’s so annoying. At his point, every single thing she does annoys me because it just. Never. Ends.
My husband and I have already talked about me stepping back from the responsibilities with grandma especially, and we were hoping mom would pick up some slack, but that's looking more and more doubtful. To some degree, I already have stepped back quite a bit already, because she stresses me out to the point I was literally coming home to so strung out I couldn't function for days. This was all around the same time my dad was in and out of the hospital ICU every time you turned around, too. My blood sugar got out of whack because I was stress eating, my blood pressure got high enough to need meds, I gained like 20lbs, and I was going through a bottle of wine every day, etc. It was not pleasant.
I don't take her with me grocery shopping anymore. She'd either refuse to get out of the car and thus sit in the parking lot, either freezing or melting depending on the weather, and then complain to everyone she knew about how awful I treated her (yes, this happened). Or she'd try to dawdle around Walmart for 2 hours walking slow as a corpse and picking every item off the shelf to look at it really close only to put it back and repeat this throughout the entire store. I get she doesn't get out much anymore, but Walmart is not my idea of a fun shopping trip, especially with her. Meanwhile I'm more of a super ninja shopper, I go in with an attack plan and a list, and do it as quickly as possible so I can get the hell out and get on with my day.
When my husband is there on Monday and Thursday afternoons to do her medication organization he puts her grocery list on an app that both of our phones share and I can see the list in real time, so usually on Friday mornings I get her groceries by myself. Then later in the afternoon I'll deliver them and put them away and then I take her out to eat, something hopefully lower stress.
Otherwise I try to have very limited contact with her anymore, because I get sick of hearing about she can't see (macular degeneration that she won't accept), she can't walk (poor knee replacement rehab), she's lonely and bored (I tried to fix that, but she wasn't having it), and that life just isn't worth living anymore...and while I empathize greatly with her conditions, I am so beyond giving a shit about people who are too stubborn to change things for the better and expect everyone else to fix their lives for them. Especially when unbeknownst to her I have more important things I'm working on.
And on some level it's kind of poetic justice that my mom and grandmother will be left here, by themselves, and mom will actually have to do stuff for grandma. Either that or grandma will be in a home faster than you can blink when mom realizes it's more than just buying her groceries, but everything else she doesn't do for her now.
you ahead of time and let you know or something? It’s so unfair to make people sit and wait on you being late. Like I have to leave work early for this and still manage to pick up my kids, I don’t have hours at a time to sit here waiting to give you my pee and listen to the heartbeat.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers