I haven't told my boss yet, but he just told us he's going to be working offsite for the next month or so, so I'll probably tell him when he gets back. Oddly enough, every time I've been pregnant (including this time), my boss's wife has been pregnant also (two different bosses). It's even been the same kid # too every time, so it's really bizarre actually. With DD my boss figured it out before I told him because the monthly appointments schedule - he was like, hmmm, this looks familiar. It works to my advantage because their wives are dealing with the same things I am so they are very understanding and sympathetic about it all.
I told my manager at 4 weeks, one because I can't keep a secret and two because we were going into an all day meeting and I knew it might be tough for me. I slowly told the rest of my team over the next few weeks. My coworker next to me is 10 weeks ahead of me and we are a brand new team. My bosses were all excited for me, but you could see their faces drop a little when I told them. It's going to be a tough fall for us, but they have plenty of lead time to hire interns to help.
Has anyone told coworkers yet? I can't figure out a way to do this that doesn't feel awkward. They are going to need to know soon so that we can all plan for fall activities.
BFP #1: due 6/17/2013, DD born 6/25/13 BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016 BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
I told my boss on Monday in my performance review. I wasn't going to yet, but figured it was as good a time as any. (He'd already told me how great I am). I got so sweaty and was blushing super hard, I don't know why it's so "embarrassing". But he has 3 young kids of his own, so he was totally cool. But I don't have my 12-week appointment until tomorrow, so I just told him to keep quiet until at least then. I'll start telling coworkers probably after that appt.
Then a few minutes ago, he came in my office laughing about a gender reveal video where some guy used an alligator. And he got all quiet and was like "you should definitely do that." Cracked me up.
@bel194 I've been telling close co-workers just as I catch up with them - one on ones, lunches, casual chit chat. I also use the casual 'yeah we've just decided we're going to start letting people know' - so that, likely, they'll say something and the rumor mill will let everyone else know (so that I don't have to.)
@bel194 I'll be honest. I individually told all my co workers except one. I basically asked them individually if they wanted to see my food baby (there have been jokes between me and a co-worker who's known a while, about my growing food baby). Tried to be super casual about it.
Thanks for the advice! I don't want to make a big thing out if it, so I'll probably start with a few close ones individually and then it will get out from there. The last pregnant person we've had made an annoucement at an all staff meeting and it was just kind of weird since not everyone worked closely with her or really knew her so I like the casual more!
BFP #1: due 6/17/2013, DD born 6/25/13 BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016 BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
I don’t bother with coworker really. I’ll tell a few close people (like 2-3) and let them spread it. If it gets around, it gets around. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.
I just tell my immediate team (3 ppl) everyone else can find out when I start noticeably showing. Our office is a total rumor mill tho so I'm sure it'll spread like wildfire in no time!
I work in a company with ~300 people, and have a lot of interdepartmental connections. I had about a dozen people that I wanted to make sure heard from me personally, and several additional that I was strongly encouraged to tell myself from an office politics standpoint. I had every one of those conversations one-on-one over the course of the last two days (with the exception of a handful that I had previously told).
I’m super glad that I did it that way, because everyone was genuinely happy and supportive of me. It also allowed me an opportunity to make those people feel important and special.
I considered saying something in my weekly departmental meeting (there are only 5 of us), but I felt like that would be awkward, and also make something that is personal into something that is work-related. Yes, at some point we’ll have to figure out coverage and leave and all that, but right now I just want to be in front of the rumors and have a chance to bask in my special moment. (Which sounds silly, but, whatever.)
I told my two close coworkers at 5 &6 weeks first as we were traveling to tradeshows with heavy boxes, and generally go out drinking before bed when we are on work trips. I told my boss at about 8 weeks and he was so excited, gave me a big hug and is always checking in on my to see if I’m feeling ok. Feeling very lucky to have a supportive team!
I'm super anxious about this! I just started this new job literally a week after finding out I was pregnant ( I accepted the position before I even knew). I am going to wait until 2nd trimester to break the news, but don't want it to come across like I was hiding anything from them or something... even though I am? I'm just hoping that the hard work I am putting in these first couple of weeks shows them how dedicated I am to the role. We'll see!
I told my boss last week over the phone. She called me about some staffing concerns and people who are leaving and basically was like "please tell me you aren't about to quit"! So I decided to tell her and it went well. She knew we were trying so she was happy for us. I have only told one co-worker on another floor who is leaving in a few weeks. I have an appointment Monday so I figured I would start telling people then. Im a nurse in a adult medicine clinic and we have a lot of doctors/residents so I wont be able to tell them all individually. I will probably just tell my staff and hope its spreads from there. If not they will find out eventually. For some reason it seems awkward to tell people at work. Probably because I am not super close with any of my co-workers except my boss and my good friend who left last month.
At my first OB appointment. I saw one of my coworkers and her BF. Turns out she is due two days ahead of me. I have Just been dropping it in conversation with my teammates. I’m sure more people know though.
I told my boss as soon as I knew - she also knew we were trying/struggling with IF. She was so happy for me and really supportive, even though she knows I’ll be fine for 13 months (I’m canadian - I get my year off plus accrue a month’s vacation that I’ll have to use by the end of 2019). She’s even been cleaning out her baby stuff and is setting aside a pile for me.
For co-workers I’ve just started dropping it into conversation. I’m due around thanksgiving (Canadian thanksgiving, obviously) so it is easy to slip in when people start talking about vacation plans.
I’m terrified. I’ve woken up several nights now worried out of my mind about this.
I work for for a SUPER small startup. ~16 employees currently, so that means that all the FMLA protections don’t exist for me.
Im a department head with a lot of responsibility and a huge roll in the company, and which I consider a plus side for me, but we have zero maternity leave policy because nearly everyone who works here is under 30, and no one has been pregnant. In the past, the boss has made offhand comments about needing to “replace” ppl if they get pregnant. I wouldn’t say I’m easily replaced, but he is not a family type of guy (only 30, unmarried) and I don’t think he will sympathize one bit with needing 6 weeks off during our busiest time of year. I have EVERY intention on coming back to work ASAP and kicking butt just as hard as I do now, but I’m afraid he’ll view it as a liability.
I told our (kinda) HR person several weeks ago because she is actually an older woman with grown children, and to see if she could offer me any insight. Plus, I felt like I needed someone in my corner. She will be there next week when I plan on telling him.
Im up for a raise and recently started recruiting for the company, so I know he values me and what I contribute, but I’m petrified that could disappear due to this. Add to the fact that I am the breadwinner in our family. Without this job, we don’t have our house and lil but won’t have the life it deserves. I also signed a non-compete when I started over a year ago, and that would keep me from pursuing similar positions in this area for at least 18 months if I were to be let go. I also work in an “at-will” state, so I could technically be let go for any reason at all.
Ive been totally torn up over this, and unfortunately it’s the one thing keeping me from being completely over the moon about our new blessing. Clearly, I’ve already imagined the worse case senario. At least I will have my answer soon.
Sorry for ranting... it’s just been on my mind and thought at least here I could find some ppl to commiserate with.
Go in with a plan, and stick to it. Don’t let him intimidate you. If he starts running off people because they decide to have kids, he’s going to start losing his team really fast- both the ones hoping to start families and the ones who perceive it as a shit employee relations.
And best of luck to you! You’re in a sucky position, and I totally understand why you are worried. But everything will work out.
@mamacox_2018 make sure you review all of your rights with your HR person. Know they are and how to stand up for yourself. It's good to have someone with you, because your boss still has to watch what he says. Pregnancy is still a protected medical condition. Review your company's STD policy. You might not be protected under FMLA, but you most likely are under STD.
Make it clear your intentions to come back and ask him what he needs from you before you go out. Commit to having as much of your bases covered as possible for while you're out. Your boss will appreciate your desire to have a game plan.
I'm sorry this is such a source of stress. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised his reaction.
I told my boss when I was about 7 weeks, she knew we'd been doing fertility treatments (because of all the appts I told her) and I told my co-manager a couple weeks after that. They were both great about it. We work in a dept of 12 half of which report to me, so I need to tell all of them somehow. But I don't have a chatty relationship with all of them and I feel like I either need to tell them all individually or just tell everyone at a weekly team meeting, which seems weird but probably the easiest.
I work third shift on weekends and my boss works first shift during the week so I only see her a few times a year. The next time I see her won’t be until the staff meeting in July most likely and at that point I’ll be so far along that my coworkers will have figured it out and she would find out through the rumor mill which is not good. I think I’m just going to have to tell her through email once I hit second trimester.
TTC History
Me: 35 DH: 34 Married 07/2012 DD born 07/2014 DD2 born 10/2018 DS born 10/2022
IF history: TTC #2 since January 2016 June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018 FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
@shortstack930 Maybe you should call her while she's on the first shift during the week? Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather deliver that conversation via a phone call rather than email. Email has a way of losing the emotional aspect to a conversation. Just a thought! Good luck!
@sliztee not a bad idea! I’m not a phone person so I usually avoid calling people if I can but you’re right, it might be a better conversation for over the phone. Thanks!
TTC History
Me: 35 DH: 34 Married 07/2012 DD born 07/2014 DD2 born 10/2018 DS born 10/2022
IF history: TTC #2 since January 2016 June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018 FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
I have 3 part-time jobs, so 3 "bosses" to tell. 1 down, 2 to go. The first one went well, but it's more of a temp position that wasn't going to continue much in the summer anyway, so it's easy to break away.
One of my jobs is at a tiny little company (the owner + 2 part-time workers). We're paid as consultants, not employees, so I don't get any leave or benefits. I just started 2 months ago. Honestly, I do a good job, but I'm doing pretty basic work that anyone with care for detail can be trained to do, so replacing me won't be a huge issue, but I still feel a little bad, and I'm nervous to tell my boss. I would be open to continuing to work once the baby is here, but it's only 2 days per week, and I doubt it would be worth it once I pay for child care. My boss is really sweet and has 2 kids of her own, and I'm sure she'll be excited for me, but the anxiety isn't listening to the reason in my head.
I am planning on telling my boss on Tuesday as we have a meeting about a few other things - I so don’t want to do it! I am sure she will be happy for me but still...
This will be my third maternity leave with this organization (in 10 years so not ridiculously often) and we get a year of maternity leave in Canada so filling my position is a super big pain as it’s also a very niche position and takes almost as long as I’ll be off to really train someone properly. On top of that I’m also doing a mentorship to take over as Executive Director which will have to be interrupted. I’m already trying to think of ways I can stay involved and active with my organization while I’m off!
Ugh, I hate causing other people stress and hassle - I totally get how annoying it must be to have staff go off on leave and find replacements, etc. And it’s just plain bad timing for my job!
@mamacox_2018 it really breaks my heart to read your post. I work in consulting which has been known to be family unfriendly. I lucked out in that even though I was the first person on my team to have a kid, I wasn’t the first at the company. I know this is stressful for you, to have to be the trailblazer. A good friend worked at a small, woman owned architecture firm that had no leave policy. They asked her to suggest one (no pressure). She suggested 2 weeks paid. They came back with 2 days paid. Like don’t even bother. She ended up leaving after her first kid there.
I hope it goes well, but I also hope that if it doesn’t, that they allow you out of the non compete. It would be terribly short sighted of them to lose you because anyone they hire, even if young, eventually grows up. If they value longevity of employees, they will see that they will lose people as soon as they want a family, not good business practice.
Also, no one boss should get to decide anything, all that stuff should be consistent and go through hr.
please let us know how it goes. If shouldn’t matter that you are kicking ass at work, but I’m glad you are and hoping you get the treatment you deserve.
I’m actually trying to see how long I can hold out. I work in a school and would like to avoid unsolicited advice and touching but as a first time mom, I’m also looking forward to collecting hand me downs! I wanted to wait until my teaching assignment was settled for next year and it looks like it finally is. My teaching partner is ecstatic that we will be working together again but many of the team are leaving so all new teachers are coming in. My principal told me that she feels okay knowing I can lead them as “department head”. My plan is to work as long as possible and take 10 months mat leave and then give 2 to my husband so I can return for September 2019. I’m in canada so we can share a full year off. I’m attending a workshop put on by union on maternity leave next week so hopefully they can give me some insight. I know the last thing I should be feeling is guilt about having a family, but I’ll be leaving a bunch of my little babies next year too! I teach kinder so I’d have the same kids in my class.
How long is too long to wait? I’m 14 weeks and in my mind still able to hide he growing bump another month. Nothing official has been said but I think I could be up for promotion or some opportunity for growth for covering for my boss during her maternity leave and proving my abilities, but I would hate for pregnancy to have any impact on that. I also don’t want to wait to the point that it’s really awkward. I’ve been wracking my brain to remember when she told us and I THINK it was at 20 weeks but I could be wrong.
@rabtaido1214 technically you could wait to tell them until you're going out on leave. It also shouldn't have any impact on positions or promotions. However, we all know how that goes. I think it's perfectly fine for you to wait until 20 weeks or you hear about the increased responsibilities.
This time around (second), I’m a firm believer in waiting. I’ve heard people regret telling too soon, but never telling “too late”. My team at work is making some structural changes and I decided to wait to tell because I don’t ever want to wonder if my leave influenced any decision.
I have a small in home daycare so no "boss" but I do need to let parents know. I have some open slots and I obviously have held off filling them until after the baby is born. I'm 14w3d right now and haven't mentioned it yet. I think I'll wait until after my scan next month. My appointments currently don't conflict with my schedule. However as they get more frequent they might and I want to give people a chance to start looking for backup options. I also worry that some may not come back after my leave, but it is a strong possibility.
I'm telling mine this week and I'm super nervous. She is not known for being kind to the preggo people. I have been having a great year and I have my rating coming up next month so I wanted to put it off until then, but I'm starting to show and DH has wanted to tell our news for a while. (He hates keeping secrets and kinda sucks at it.) So we announced on Facebook the day after Easter. Now I have to tell the boss before one of my coworkers does. So very nervous!!!
A little different situation but I'd love any insight. I'm a SAHM so no issue for me personally but my husband is eligible for 6 weeks paternity leave. We plan to use it, maybe with some working from home, as this is our 3rd child and we have all out of town relatives. He's unofficially received a promotion that won't go through until around August/Sept. We've been wondering if he should tell them soon/early to be prepared, or if he should wait to make sure it doesn't influence anything related to the promotion. I know late summer is plenty of time to prep for a late Oct leave so I'm leaning towards waiting until then. Thoughts?
ETA basically if this was a woman in his situation I'd know the answer. It feels shitty to acknowledge but I'm basically wondering if as a man he needs to handle it any differently? Ugh.
I always say wait, which is shitty but a commentary on how well most companies consider that stuff. 6 weeks isn’t that long.
My husband gets 6 weeks too and he will tell them soon not to plan his leave, but because he feels weird he can’t mention much about his home life (he has a small team).
Is your Dh gonna take it all at once or break it up? My Dh did 3 at the beginning and 3 when I went back to work to learn how to care for a baby solo (plus for us to extend out daycare costs!)
I always say wait, which is shitty but a commentary on how well most companies consider that stuff. 6 weeks isn’t that long.
My husband gets 6 weeks too and he will tell them soon not to plan his leave, but because he feels weird he can’t mention much about his home life (he has a small team).
Is your Dh gonna take it all at once or break it up? My Dh did 3 at the beginning and 3 when I went back to work to learn how to care for a baby solo (plus for us to extend out daycare costs!)
Thanks for your thoughts! I can definitely see how it could be freeing on a small team. My husband has said it hasn't been weird for him, not many people on his immediate team have kids so it's not a common topic. I do think he will break it up, a few weeks at first and then a few weeks around the holidays/into the new year. It'll cover vacation and time that preschool is on winter break!
This has been on my mind a lot lately and my very vivid dreams are making me fear the worst about telling my boss. I was waiting for my second trimester before I tell anyone. I am really nervous about telling my boss, I have been working here for over a year now and always feel bad when I take time off, since there is no one to cover my position when I am away. I have my first ultrasound this week and then do my chromosome blood test next week, I am praying for good news.
I work in accounting and my boss just told our team he wants to move our annual audit from March to January next year. Sigh. That won't be exactly great since I'll be out roughly Oct 15-Jan 31!
Re: Telling your boss...
Boss was rly nice, gave me a big hug. I don't think she was overly shocked as this is #2 for me.
Feeling relieved!
BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016
BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
Then a few minutes ago, he came in my office laughing about a gender reveal video where some guy used an alligator. And he got all quiet and was like "you should definitely do that." Cracked me up.
BFP #2: due 6/30/2017, MMC found 12/7/2016
BFP #3: due 10/21/2018
I’m super glad that I did it that way, because everyone was genuinely happy and supportive of me. It also allowed me an opportunity to make those people feel important and special.
I considered saying something in my weekly departmental meeting (there are only 5 of us), but I felt like that would be awkward, and also make something that is personal into something that is work-related. Yes, at some point we’ll have to figure out coverage and leave and all that, but right now I just want to be in front of the rumors and have a chance to bask in my special moment. (Which sounds silly, but, whatever.)
For co-workers I’ve just started dropping it into conversation. I’m due around thanksgiving (Canadian thanksgiving, obviously) so it is easy to slip in when people start talking about vacation plans.
I work for for a SUPER small startup. ~16 employees currently, so that means that all the FMLA protections don’t exist for me.
Im a department head with a lot of responsibility and a huge roll in the company, and which I consider a plus side for me, but we have zero maternity leave policy because nearly everyone who works here is under 30, and no one has been pregnant. In the past, the boss has made offhand comments about needing to “replace” ppl if they get pregnant. I wouldn’t say I’m easily replaced, but he is not a family type of guy (only 30, unmarried) and I don’t think he will sympathize one bit with needing 6 weeks off during our busiest time of year. I have EVERY intention on coming back to work ASAP and kicking butt just as hard as I do now, but I’m afraid he’ll view it as a liability.
I told our (kinda) HR person several weeks ago because she is actually an older woman with grown children, and to see if she could offer me any insight. Plus, I felt like I needed someone in my corner. She will be there next week when I plan on telling him.
Im up for a raise and recently started recruiting for the company, so I know he values me and what I contribute, but I’m petrified that could disappear due to this. Add to the fact that I am the breadwinner in our family. Without this job, we don’t have our house and lil but won’t have the life it deserves. I also signed a non-compete when I started over a year ago, and that would keep me from pursuing similar positions in this area for at least 18 months if I were to be let go. I also work in an “at-will” state, so I could technically be let go for any reason at all.
Ive been totally torn up over this, and unfortunately it’s the one thing keeping me from being completely over the moon about our new blessing. Clearly, I’ve already imagined the worse case senario. At least I will have my answer soon.
Sorry for ranting... it’s just been on my mind and thought at least here I could find some ppl to commiserate with.
Go in with a plan, and stick to it. Don’t let him intimidate you. If he starts running off people because they decide to have kids, he’s going to start losing his team really fast- both the ones hoping to start families and the ones who perceive it as a shit employee relations.
And best of luck to you! You’re in a sucky position, and I totally understand why you are worried. But everything will work out.
I told my boss today after my annual review (which went really well btw). She was so happy for me. I was so relieved.
Make it clear your intentions to come back and ask him what he needs from you before you go out. Commit to having as much of your bases covered as possible for while you're out. Your boss will appreciate your desire to have a game plan.
I'm sorry this is such a source of stress. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised his reaction.
Married 07/2012
DD born 07/2014
DD2 born 10/2018
DS born 10/2022
IF history:
TTC #2 since January 2016
June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
Married 07/2012
DD born 07/2014
DD2 born 10/2018
DS born 10/2022
IF history:
TTC #2 since January 2016
June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
One of my jobs is at a tiny little company (the owner + 2 part-time workers). We're paid as consultants, not employees, so I don't get any leave or benefits. I just started 2 months ago. Honestly, I do a good job, but I'm doing pretty basic work that anyone with care for detail can be trained to do, so replacing me won't be a huge issue, but I still feel a little bad, and I'm nervous to tell my boss. I would be open to continuing to work once the baby is here, but it's only 2 days per week, and I doubt it would be worth it once I pay for child care. My boss is really sweet and has 2 kids of her own, and I'm sure she'll be excited for me, but the anxiety isn't listening to the reason in my head.
This will be my third maternity leave with this organization (in 10 years so not ridiculously often) and we get a year of maternity leave in Canada so filling my position is a super big pain as it’s also a very niche position and takes almost as long as I’ll be off to really train someone properly. On top of that I’m also doing a mentorship to take over as Executive Director which will have to be interrupted. I’m already trying to think of ways I can stay involved and active with my organization while I’m off!
Ugh, I hate causing other people stress and hassle - I totally get how annoying it must be to have staff go off on leave and find replacements, etc. And it’s just plain bad timing for my job!
I hope it goes well, but I also hope that if it doesn’t, that they allow you out of the non compete. It would be terribly short sighted of them to lose you because anyone they hire, even if young, eventually grows up. If they value longevity of employees, they will see that they will lose people as soon as they want a family, not good business practice.
Also, no one boss should get to decide anything, all that stuff should be consistent and go through hr.
please let us know how it goes. If shouldn’t matter that you are kicking ass at work, but I’m glad you are and hoping you get the treatment you deserve.
ETA basically if this was a woman in his situation I'd know the answer. It feels shitty to acknowledge but I'm basically wondering if as a man he needs to handle it any differently? Ugh.
My husband gets 6 weeks too and he will tell them soon not to plan his leave, but because he feels weird he can’t mention much about his home life (he has a small team).
Is your Dh gonna take it all at once or break it up? My Dh did 3 at the beginning and 3 when I went back to work to learn how to care for a baby solo (plus for us to extend out daycare costs!)