Monday BF (3/19)

knottieamusements

I have plenty to bitch about, but I’m just going to continue to stew.  

In case y’all are having a bitch-tastic Monday, the floor is yours. 

kiwi2628

This isn't a true bitchfest, but I currently have a VM on my phone that has the sex of the baby on it. I am waiting until both my H and I are home tonight so we can find out together.


AND HE IS COMING HOME LATE. How TF and I supposed to survive the next 6 hours without cheating and listening to it?

chopchop25

@kiwi2628 I'm so excited for you!!!!!

purplegoldfish2

Noticed a new chip in my windshield yesterday... today it’s a full on crack across the majority of the windshield.  

I guess this is more of a wtf than bf, but my real bf is sitting over there under the wtf from last week, so clearly I have my stuff together lately. 

knottieamusements

@kiwi2628 - waiting impatiently with you.  

sliztee

@kiwi2628 OH MY GOD, I didn't even think about this possibility! Nooooo!

Now I need to process the ethical dilemma...tell husband about this predicament ahead of the call or just listen to the voicemail/talk to the Sequenom representative and claim ignorance?!

sammierose464

I will probably run into that same thing! Ugh!! Although, hubby has been working early not late. 

My BF is that I'm just so tired of feeling like crap. I'm miserable and counting down the last hour of my workday.

kiwi2628

@stithof I think it depends how much your H cares. We have 4 frozen embryos and all of them are girls, and while my H has said over and over he will be happy with any sex as long as it's happy and healthy, I know he was hoping to have a boy at some point, so this one is his only shot, so I thought we should find out together.

I regret my decision, lol. 

sliztee

I guess my BF is that it's not bath time yet.

I need my bath tub, John Oliver, and a 10-hour nap.

rc-cola

@kiwi2628 that would drive me crazy. When I know there is information available patience is not a thing I am good at.

My bitchfest is long and complicated so  bear with me. I’m going to give some context. One of my BFs from high school has over the last 3 years failed to show up for me in important ways. She missed my bachelorette for work (I went to hers right after a very traumatic work experience and pushed it aside and celebrated her), she left my wedding early — like pre dinner (she had a toddler but her husband could have taken her home early), and she didn’t reach out to show support while my husband and I were TTC for 10 months but then asked for support when she started trying again and it didn’t happen after 2!  I was also super supportive throughout her first pregnancy.

ok, now the complicated part and TW- going to mention loss.


She swore up and down she was going to be super supportive during my pregnancy which I was excited about because most of my friends haven’t gotten pregnant and she’s the one person I’m close with I could ask for advice. When I was 5 weeks pregnant she and I had dinner plans which she cancelled because she was having nausea due to being 5 weeks pregnant also. We were super excited and gushed about having the same due date. Then the next morning she lost the pregnancy. She hasn’t really reached out since. I’ve been supportive from a distance and then she told me abour a week ago she didn’t really feel she could talk to me right now.

So I feel really guilty that I feel upset with her but I do. I don’t really expect her to be there for me right now, and I really get why she doesn’t want to talk with me right now but it also sucks. I feel let down and disappointed. I know it’s not fair to feel that way. I’m not saying anything to her except for offering support when it’s welcome. That’s why I’m venting here.  Anyway I expect a few of you to tell me I’m being the a-hole here which maybe I need to hear. It’s just disappointing and frustrating. 

End rant.

sliztee

@kiwi2628 Unfortunately, your decision is the better one. If I receive a voicemail...I won't be able to keep myself from listening.

My husband knows that patience isn't my strong suit, and (most of the time) finds it endearing.

chopchop25

@kiwi2628 thinking about this more. I would totally call H on Skype or another phone or facetime or whatever it took, and then play the voicemail on speaker. Negative patience over here.

edit to add BF: My VP asked me to present to our senior leadership team. I'm pretty sure not one of them cares what I have to say (heck, I don't care), and of course she's out of office traveling today. Can't wait to look like a freshman in a senior class nerdy idiot this afternoon.

sammierose464

@rc-cola It's not an easy position to be in. It's frustrating that she hasn't been there for you in the past, and you thought she finally would be only to have something else come up. On the other hand, she's probably really struggling with the fact that you're almost a constant reminder of what she lost due to the similarities. 

knottieamusements

@rc-cola - Internet Comfort of your choice.  (Hugs, hand holding, virtual glass of vino, etc). 

You aren’t being selfish, and it sounds like you are handling things as compassionately as you can. 

You are also human, and your feelings are valid.  I think that many of us struggle with having friends that we thought we could count on flaking out for whatever reason when we became pregnant. 

chopchop25

@rc-cola I don't think you're being an a*hole because you acknowledged that you're not expecting anything from her right now. Agreed completely with @sammierose464 - watching you through pregnancy and eventually with your new LO will probably be so heartbreaking for her. Maybe some ladies here will have some advice on how to be a good friend while she's going through this, though I know you already feel it's one sided. It's hard, but I think you have to decouple this as an exception from what a crappy friend she was before and just continue to try to be the friend you'd want her to be.

If you both still can't reconnect down the road, then maybe it's unfortunately just two different paths for you guys. That probably sounds super cold but, honestly, it doesn't sound like she was super awesome beforehand...

nasalot188

@rc-cola I was in a similar situation but reversed. My BF had been struggling for a year to get pregnant. I have been so supportive the entire time. She experienced an early miscarriage in which I was beyond supportive and tried to do anything I could. Fast forward a few months and she got pregnant again. She's due in August I am thrilled. I also was pregnant and we had the EXACT same due date. I lost that baby at 4 weeks. It was early so I handled it OK. However, she was not supportive at all. I basically got a 'sorry to hear' and moved on. I fell pregnant right away after my loss only to have another loss early on again. This one hit me hard cause it was now 2 in a row. I really thought she would be supportive but again she was so not. I guess I just expected more given just how supportive and caring I have been with her throughout her struggles and her loss. Now I'm pregnant again and praying things go well, we are about 8 weeks apart. 

Sorry for the long rant but yeah....I feel you girl. Friendship can be hard, especially when you feel like you are always putting in more of the effort. 

purplegoldfish2

@rc-cola Not at all selfish.  It is hard to be let down over and over. Even with this very sad and understandable reason, her history of letting you down is probably playing into how you’re feeling.  Unfortunately, there’s not much you can really do to fix it.  You can’t make her be there for you and seeing you is going to be very hard for her, possibly throughout your pregnancy and maybe even after, which makes it hard for you to be there for her too.

rc-cola

Thank you guys!!! I’ve been feeling tons of guilt and frustration and didn’t really know where to turn. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate this group and your responses!

@nasalot188 that is very similar and so frustrating! She doesn’t even have a good reason not to be supporting you. It’s so hurtful when friendships feel one sided like that. 

drb2424

@rc-cola sorry you are going through this with your friend.  Its hard to have a friendship that feels one sided.  Hang in there and I hope she comes around in time.

BF: Its Monday after a week of vacation, I have a cold and my toddler has a cold Is it too soon to wish for Friday!!!!

kiwi2628

@rc-cola I don't think you are being the a-hole here, but I do think that her past non-support is coloring your view of this. Honestly, I told one of my very best friends this summer that as much as I love her and her son, I couldn't be around her for the next month or so because I had just had my final failed IUI and we were moving on to IVF, and seeing her and her 'on the first try' son killed me. Was that selfish of me? Yea, it was. It was 100% pure petty jealousy and it hurt like hell, but saying that to her protected our friendship, and I am lucky that she is a ridiculously thoughtful person and totally got it. And after a month and a half I was feeling emotionally healthier and we went on like normal.

I get why your friend can't support you now, ESPECIALLY since you two had the same due date. That would probably kill me, so I think giving her some time is healthy. I think if she cant pull herself together in a few months, then either a) she needs help (and I say that in a non mean, non judging way) or b) shes just not a very good friend, and your coloration of this event by her past behaviors is probably the most accurate. But I don't think you are an a-hole at all, and I get being hurt, but try not to take it personally. Its her, not you.

cdepperschmidt

I have to run a Chick-fil-A Spirit night for my school tonight. The last two times I’ve been to Chick-fil-A since I’ve been pregnant I’ve gotten super sick. I can barely stand to smell the parking lot outside of the building. I’m not sure how im going to make it through the next two hours. And I’m starving and I really don’t want any Chick-fil-A.

krzyriver

@rc-cola As someone who has had multiple losses *and* used to be known for being a flake and not around much for my friends because I was preoccupied with my own life, your feelings are valid and you are entitled to feeling hurt. But definitely try and be understanding and give her space. I basically cut out any friends who were pregnant or trying after my first loss. I never reconnected with them after I did finally have a kid, but that's because I developed horrible social anxiety. It is incredibly hard to be around that when you are mourning your child. I'm sorry, I know it's hard when friends pull away from you, especially during such an exciting time.

sliztee

@cdepperschmidt What I wouldn't give to be close to a Chick-fil-A again...definitely one of the things I miss most about living in the south.

meltonjl

@rc-cola I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Friendships at this stage in life are tough. Everyone seems to have their own life and not enough time for each other. I know this is really hard but I think it’s all about expectations. I struggle with this myself but as a lot of the ladies have mentioned one way or another, your friend seems to be acting in character. Easier said than done, but I try to tell myself this: don’t be shocked when people act in character.

Your feelings are valid and never forget that you are allowed to be excited about YOUR pregnancy. No matter what happens in someone else’s pregnancy, don’t let others ruin your excitement. 

Maybe give her some space for now and I hope you can reconnect and find common ground through mamahood. 

meltonjl

My BF this week is sort of my own fault but all the same I am going to bitch about it. I have obsessively been looking at the online portal where all my vitals and blood work are posted. Every couple of days new labs come back. We had the Counsyl testing done (what used to be Harmony) and we had it done last time. Last time the results were not posted on the portal and in fact there really wasn’t a portal to look at. Anyways...wellllll they were THIS time! I was looking and the dang sex was posted. I’m so mad because we were waiting to find out. Needless to say my DH was annoyed and said I shouldn’t have been obsessing so much. He’s right. But he made me tell him. Now I know the sex. Total bummer. 

knottieamusements

@meltonjl - That is one of my pregnancy fears come true.  I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t want to know, and am being very upfront about that with everyone, but you can’t remind a portal before you talk to it!!!

SawyerRichardson

A nasty 24 hour stomach bug ravaged my entire house this weekend. H got it Friday, then DD and I got it Saturday night. It was so sad seeing DD get sick for the first time. Every time she would vomit she would get so scared.  I had to call my mom at 6am on Sunday to have her come take care of all of us. Thank God for that woman! Still feeling terrible today, bit we have our first ultrasound in the AM, so that's the only thing that's keeping me going.

rc-cola

@meltonjl ahh that’s so frustrating. Did your OB note somewhere that you didn’t want to know? It seems messed up that that was on the portal! Sorry that happened!

knottieamusements

So- I just had my own “None of your business why I’m not drinking” type moment- and it didn’t even involve alcohol!

Once a month, I have lunch with several coworkers from various groups at my firm- just a social catch-up thing.  I couldn’t face another day of salad, so I got one of the personal sized pizzas- which are super generously sized even when I’m eating normally - but I also usually eat the whole thing.  

I could only eat half the pizza, and as we were l vacating the tables, one of the gals was like “but you didn’t eat anything for lunch!”  Yes, I did- I had a bowl of soup and half a pizza.  If I ate another bite, I’d probably puke.  So, thanks, but no.  

I’ll be really glad when I can start telling people more broadly about what’s going on.  

sliztee

@knottieamusements And by the time you do start telling people more broadly, you probably won't feel sick anymore

knottieamusements

@stithof - That is one of the genuine ironies of 1st Trimester- when you want the most sympathy, you also have told the fewest people. 

coffee-saur

My BF is kinda piddly after some off yours... 
I've been feeling really gross and yesterday and this mining have probably been the worst I've had. I ordered off of the Subway app and got me a steak and cheese wrap and a foot-long sub for my two girls (i knew it'd be a lil much for them, but a 6 in. Wouldn't be enough). I just went and picked it up and took it back home to eat. I took a couple bites and it just tasted weird so I checked it out and they'd put guacamole on it. Now, I like guacamole, but not on a steak and cheese sandwich! I checked my receipt and on the app and it said nothing about guac anywhere, in fact, they charge you extra if you want to add it. I called the place and told her what happened and she told me it usually comes with guac. Um... No... But she said she'd make a notice there and next time I came in they'd make it right. So at least I get a free sandwich out of the deal, but what a way to make me feel worse and lose my appetite! 

knottieamusements

Yuck.  I like guacamole, but only when I’m expecting it!

muchwanted

@meltonjl - That's really upsetting! Most REs won't post the sexes of the embryos anywhere unless you absolutely insist (multiple times!) that you want to know. I think protecting that sort of info is a good policy.

My BF is sort of in the same vein: I had my ultrasound and blood work done locally first thing yesterday, and my doctor's clinic (in a different state) STILL has not gotten the results. The local clinic says (I believe them) they've faxed them three times already, and I can't for the life of me understand why this happens so often. They send a fax, they get a confirmation, and my clinic says they've gotten nothing. How does that happen?! We got all the news we need from the ultrasound yesterday, but this is supposed to be my graduation from the RE, and they can't do that until they have this info. I think they're also going to tell me I can stop the progesterone injections, and I'm SUPER excited for that news!

sliztee

Yeah, the thought of guac on my Philly...ugh. Just wrong.

sammierose464

knottieamusements said:

@stithof - That is one of the genuine ironies of 1st Trimester- when you want the most sympathy, you also have told the fewest people. 

So true. Some days I just want to complain.

ETA: Who in the world puts guac on a steak and cheese...? wtf

mesamyt

My BF of the day. I told my “employer”, who is also a close friend that I’m pregnant when I was first POAS. She has been a great support through everything and is constantly checking in on me, which is nice. Well, she knew I was pregnant with twins and decided to tell some of my classes. I walked in today and had some of my regulars come up to me asking how I was feeling and offering “double congratulations”. It was like a huge punch in the gut. I hadn’t announced.

*TW*

 I couldn’t tell them that one has passed. I can barely hold it together when I think about it. 

*End TW* 

People really suck. 

sliztee

@mesamyt Ugh...I'm so sorry. That's awful

sammierose464

I am so sorry. That's horrible and it wasn't her place to share that information. 

cjx95

@mesamyt I'm so Sorry! I would definitely speak to your friend and express your feelings/frustration that a) you haven't made the public announcement yet and b) it isn't their news to be sharing. And when you are comfortable talking about your loss you could mention that them telling others your news makes it that much harder for you to be congratulated for two when you only know there's one.. 

chopchop25

@mesamyt I am so sorry you had to go through that. What an awful experience. Sending you creepy internet hugs