It's weird to me to hear people on here talking about midwives (rather than an obgyn) or doulas because nobody I know has used a midwife or a doula or has ever mentioned considering using a midwife or a doula. I realize that this must just be something unique to my social circle. And I totally don't mean this in a judgemental way - it's "weird to me" in the same way that it's weird to me that some people on here don't have AC because it's not a necessity where they live because, living where I do, I always assumed that AC was something that everyone used. I guess I just assumed that midwives and doulas were a lot less common than they actually are. So basically my FFFC is that I didn't realize that some of the things I took for granted as the "normal" way of doing things are definitely not the norms in other places, which is embarrassing to me. (edited to fix a word)
@beanship before becoming pregnant myself, I never heard of a doula. I actually had to Google it a few months ago to learn what it was.
My FFFC is that I ate two big fat green bagels today! Work had a st Patrick's day celebration and I have such a hard time say no to bagels!! Feeling a bit guilty.
@beanship I live in CA, so doulas and midwives are VERY common. Unless I will be having a c-section, my baby will be delivered by a midwife, which is standard at Kaiser.
I haven’t done any work for about 2 hours and don’t want to do any the rest of the day.
SAME. Related: I am obsessed with March Madness and my husband took off for the rest of the day to watch some games with some friends. I took a long lunch and went to the sports bar with them to watch most of a game
Meagan Married 6.12.10 DS 11.8.12 Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
I just want to spend all the money I don’t have on fun things for my last baby. Like a Tula and a new fun travel system. Neither of which I really need.
@hillbillywife I've totally fantasized about becoming a doula or lactation consultant. But probably not realistic for me.
@beanship I am using a midwife, unless I need a c section or my GD gets out of control, and also hoping to use a birth center instead of hospital unless I am risked out of the birth center (I might he eventually due to the GD). I think OBs are much more common in America, but I've read in other countries midwives are much more common. I've heard it described as just different viewpoints or I guess theories on how to care for pregnant women. It might be controversial to go into full details but basically some believe that OBs/hospitals treat pregnancy/birth as an illness when midwives treat it as a normal family event until something comes up to prove otherwise. I don't know, whatever the case, I am enjoying my midwife experience because I feel the care is more individualized to me, whereas my old OB practice spent 2 mins per appointment with me and I felt like just a number. I also feel totally safe because we're right across the street from a major hospital (with level 3 NICU), consult with an OB practice, have me see an MFM for my GD management, and have strict rules about when they need to send you to the hospital for delivery.
@beanship before I did my prenatal yoga teacher training I didn't know what a doula was. But as @zombiehoohaa said they are very common in California, and my area is overall pretty granola, lol. @hillbillywife I also want to spend all the money these days! But, we are still waiting to hear about our taxes and it's always a death sentence haha so I better hold my horses! @wildtot I've been pretty unproductive today and I'm going to log off early. I'm actually tackling some stuff my boss asked me about just a few hours ago and she's happy I'm dealing with it so I'm counting that as extra work!!
@zande2016 Yeah I've definitely (since being pregnant) heard that some people think that different types of caregivers use approaches and can see why some women are choosing to use midwives and birthing centers. I've just never met anyone IRL who has mentioned using them, so I've been shocked to discover how common it is elsewhere! I just did a quick google search for midwives and birthing centers in my area: one midwife, zero birthing centers, and 4 hospitals were the results. So I feel a bit more comfortable saying that it's a local/regional thing. However, I also live in the 3rd largest city in my state, so...
@kissableviv +1 for taxes being a death sentence. We always owe a ton and never get a refund. Wait, I take that back. Last year we got a letter saying we owed more money than we had already paid. So we paid the extra. Then we got a refund in the exact amount that we paid extra. Not sure what the point of all that was except to deprive us of a bunch of cash for 4 months.
@beanship I didn't realize how common midwives and doulas were in my area until I got pregnant. I had an NP for my primary well woman needs until then, but when I told the clinic I was expecting they let me know for maternity they gave you a choice of going with the regular OB track or the midwife track. I love my NP, but chose the midwife option because I wanted the flexibility and control it offered me, plus in my area it's actually much less expensive because it's a certified nurse practitioner midwife instead of a doctor. I think it's a growing trend.
My FFFC: I think DH and I are officially old and lame. Yesterday DD came home from daycare with a note requesting she wear green today. We had an entire conversation and neither one of us knew why. Then today on the radio they were talking about how St Patrick’s day is tomorrow. Neither one of us had a clue! Our college selves would be ashamed!
I thought midwives were standard for uneventful pregnancies until I joined this community. My frame of reference was a standard hospital birth and your option was meds or no meds, or in a blow up tub in your living room with Enya jamming in the background like a crunchy cousin of mine did. My practice does have OBs on rotation but they don’t do births unless there’s a complication. I don’t think I’d want it any other way, you get the best of both worlds.
@elizabethrn87 I have some clean my house too! Best decision ever.
I made sure my doula was available as soon as I found out I was pregnant! My husband made sure that I booked her immediately too.
@tarheelgirl8 that is funny. I thought it was on Wednesday because someone hosted bunco that day. I even talked about how I use to go to the jam packed bars. Then I was confused why daycare asked us to put green on the kids today. You are not alone!
I've been going back and forth on whether or not I want a doula. At some point it seems like the delivery room is going to get a bit crowded, I'm having DH and my mom in the room, adding a 3rd person seems like too much but I might end up regretting not getting one. Does anyone know how late into pregnancy is too late to hire a doula? lol
I want to have "free-range" children but I don't want to be arrested for it because of stupid people. I still haven't figured out how to manage this balance IRL. I should teach my future elementary-aged kids to tell nosy folks "Fuck off crazy lady/man". That'll work right?? FWIW, I've been teaching DD to scream as loud as possible (which is really f-ing ear splitting) if anyone I haven't personally introduced her to approaches her and speaks to her, regardless of their intention. If DS was more verbal I'd have confidence in him learning this "safety rule", too.
@flockofmoosen3 I'd love to do that too, but haven't figured out how to balance that with current surroundings. My brothers and I were raised that way, so was DH, and this was before "free-range parenting" was really a thing. It was just how everyone did it where we grew up. If you figure how to manage this, please let me know! I just see such a value in the independence and self-sufficiency one can gain from that. One of the things I've loved about traveling as much as I had the privilege to do, is seeing how other cultures/places handle every day things like child rearing. It's not uncommon when we're in Japan to see little kids (like first grade) on the metro by themselves, but society there is different, a little more communal and you don't mess with other people's kids there.
updated to add: I feel like we saw a lot of this when we were in Germany too, at least in Berlin. Maybe it isn't normal there, but seemed like it was for the part of town we were in anyways. Kids out doing kid things without a helicopter parent in site and no creeps bothering them.
@carsonraynee there isn't really a time, but definitely before 32 weeks. My doula does a prenatal visit at 34. And some teams may book up.
I will say that research points out that too many people in the room can slow labor down as it becomes distracting for the mom. However, nurses are only in the room roughly 20% of the time so that's not much. I personally want a doula because it's our first and we are both very clueless and too busy to read too many books. I also want to labor at home safely for as long as possible so I feel better having someone there helping me, coaching DH, and also doing some logistics (bringing me water and food, making calls for me if needed). Finally I need someone to advocate for me with the med team in case they try to push unnecessary interventions.
When I got preggo with DS, I called the hospital closest to me for an appt and they asked me if I wanted a midwife or an OB, and when I said I didn't know the difference they basically said, "The OB will only be with you to catch the baby at the birth, the midwife stays the whole time, so lots of FTMs go with the midwife." So that's what I did! They weren't overly crunchy but it was a birth center at an old school hospital that doesn't have a NICU and just started offering pain relief during birth like 10 years ago. When I told people I used a midwife they thought of home births and Enya, not the nurse practitioner I actually had. Before I got pregnant I assumed all midwives were of the homebirthing variety.
@flockofmoosen3 and @noideawhatshesdoing have you guys been getting those Scary Mommy posts popping up on your facebook today about wanting to range free range kids but not being able to because you'll get reported? I have seen about three diff articles about it today, and now you guys are talking about it, just wondering if you'd seen the same stuff!
@SmashJam I admit that my post was spurred by something I saw shared on the August BMB when i was lurking for a good read. I don't follow Scary Mommy unless someone shares something specific, but there does seem to be a decent population of older "millenials" like me who want to raise their kids like we were brought up, but the older shitty people who call CPS and the cops on these types of parents can't seem to comprehend this. Rather than supporting families in the raising of resilient and independent future adults, they prefer to tear families apart for extremely inane BS reasons. @noideawhatshesdoing we can free-range our kids together!
@SmashJam I haven't seen those today! At least not yet. I was thinking about it today because I saw that Utah actually just passed something that allows it. My state has a minimum age minimum of 10. It just annoys me that if my kid is responsible and 9 I won't be able to go let him play at the local playground, but if we're visiting family overseas he's 6, it's no big deal there.
if you want to free range your children, just come to my neighborhood :P Just today I saw some teenagers smoking on the roof of a 2 story today while I was swerving around to dodge a 2 year old on his big wheel in the middle of the road. It doesn't bother me much because I'm used to it, but the parents around here definitely do not supervise their children at all, lol.
With that being said, I'm older also and was brought up "free range." When we were small, no older than 8 and 10, my mom would just have us go outside when we came home from school and we would go ride bikes down the road or do whatever we felt like until dark. We would go with her to her softball tournaments every weekend and get turned loose at the ballpark and just roam around and play all day Friday - Sunday (or whenever they were eliminated). It's a totally different world out there today than it was back then, and even though I enjoyed my childhood, I am way too paranoid to dare do the same with my kid. I definitely fall under the helicopter mom category... I give my daughter freedom when playing and stay at a distance when she doesn't need me, but I do my best to never let my eyes off of her.
@cseley321 when I was a kid we did the same-come home for lunch and come home for dinner. Then sometimes the neighborhood ms/hs kids would organize flashlight tag for the little kids in our cul-de-sac and we'd be out til later. We used to go and explore the ravines by my friend's houses, wade in rivers (but know when it was too fast to go in), etc. I do hope I can let go of what seems to be the societal norm these days enough to let me kid explore, get hurt, and learn his boundaries without me around.@noideawhatshesdoing I have no idea if VT has minimum laws of kids being alone I didn't know that was real!
One of the articles was by a dad who was saying you have to be helicoptery because you're worried about being judged by other parents; one in particular about hitting was, "My kid hits and I'm done apologizing" and I was like, this is so me! I definitely worry that other kids judge my DS's behavior and it leads me to hang out closer than I'd like. It is easier when we're outside it seems but indoors I'm always hovering because I dunno what he'll do! At bounce house days I try to stay 10 ft away and let him work it out with the other kid unless another parent steps in.
@carsonraynee In my area, doulas book up quickly so it depends on how available they are in your area. I remember by 20 weeks, a woman in my birth class couldn’t get one. I only had DH and my doula in the room, so it wasn’t crowded. Honestly, even though we took a class and read books, DH was not much help or needed to be directed to help. I credit the doula with getting me through labor because in the moment, it is easy to forget all that you have learned. I also felt more comfortable having someone there that was knowledgeable and would help me make decisions if something came up.
Free-range parents aren’t afraid someone would steal their kids? There are a lot of creeps in this country. My biggest fear is someone taking my kid. I grew up disappearing from home for hours and playing in the neighborhood though. It was more of a country side environment and much safer in the area I live now.
Free-range parents aren’t afraid someone would steal their kids? There are a lot of creeps in this country. My biggest fear is someone taking my kid. I grew up disappearing from home for hours and playing in the neighborhood though. It was more of a country side environment and much safer in the area I live now.
I’ve never heard “free range parents” until this thread, but I definitely agree with you. We live in a safe neighborhood, but there have been multiple stories of kids been kidnapped and/or raped in our area (1 hr radius or so) in the past year. I do think it is a different world than when I grew up. It’s a balancing act for sure. I honestly don’t know at what age I’d let DD venture out unsupervised, but it would only be in a group of friends until she was fairly old. I feel like this balancing act is one of the hardest things about parenting, so I respect everyone’s choices. That’s just where I am.
Re: FFFC 3/16/18
My FFFC is that I ate two big fat green bagels today! Work had a st Patrick's day celebration and I have such a hard time say no to bagels!! Feeling a bit guilty.
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
@beanship I am using a midwife, unless I need a c section or my GD gets out of control, and also hoping to use a birth center instead of hospital unless I am risked out of the birth center (I might he eventually due to the GD). I think OBs are much more common in America, but I've read in other countries midwives are much more common. I've heard it described as just different viewpoints or I guess theories on how to care for pregnant women. It might be controversial to go into full details but basically some believe that OBs/hospitals treat pregnancy/birth as an illness when midwives treat it as a normal family event until something comes up to prove otherwise. I don't know, whatever the case, I am enjoying my midwife experience because I feel the care is more individualized to me, whereas my old OB practice spent 2 mins per appointment with me and I felt like just a number. I also feel totally safe because we're right across the street from a major hospital (with level 3 NICU), consult with an OB practice, have me see an MFM for my GD management, and have strict rules about when they need to send you to the hospital for delivery.
@hillbillywife I also want to spend all the money these days! But, we are still waiting to hear about our taxes and it's always a death sentence haha so I better hold my horses!
@wildtot I've been pretty unproductive today and I'm going to log off early. I'm actually tackling some stuff my boss asked me about just a few hours ago and she's happy I'm dealing with it so I'm counting that as extra work!!
ETA:
I made sure my doula was available as soon as I found out I was pregnant! My husband made sure that I booked her immediately too.
@tarheelgirl8 that is funny. I thought it was on Wednesday because someone hosted bunco that day. I even talked about how I use to go to the jam packed bars. Then I was confused why daycare asked us to put green on the kids today. You are not alone!
FWIW, I've been teaching DD to scream as loud as possible (which is really f-ing ear splitting) if anyone I haven't personally introduced her to approaches her and speaks to her, regardless of their intention. If DS was more verbal I'd have confidence in him learning this "safety rule", too.
updated to add: I feel like we saw a lot of this when we were in Germany too, at least in Berlin. Maybe it isn't normal there, but seemed like it was for the part of town we were in anyways. Kids out doing kid things without a helicopter parent in site and no creeps bothering them.
I will say that research points out that too many people in the room can slow labor down as it becomes distracting for the mom. However, nurses are only in the room roughly 20% of the time so that's not much.
I personally want a doula because it's our first and we are both very clueless and too busy to read too many books. I also want to labor at home safely for as long as possible so I feel better having someone there helping me, coaching DH, and also doing some logistics (bringing me water and food, making calls for me if needed). Finally I need someone to advocate for me with the med team in case they try to push unnecessary interventions.
@flockofmoosen3 and @noideawhatshesdoing have you guys been getting those Scary Mommy posts popping up on your facebook today about wanting to range free range kids but not being able to because you'll get reported? I have seen about three diff articles about it today, and now you guys are talking about it, just wondering if you'd seen the same stuff!
With that being said, I'm older also and was brought up "free range." When we were small, no older than 8 and 10, my mom would just have us go outside when we came home from school and we would go ride bikes down the road or do whatever we felt like until dark. We would go with her to her softball tournaments every weekend and get turned loose at the ballpark and just roam around and play all day Friday - Sunday (or whenever they were eliminated). It's a totally different world out there today than it was back then, and even though I enjoyed my childhood, I am way too paranoid to dare do the same with my kid. I definitely fall under the helicopter mom category... I give my daughter freedom when playing and stay at a distance when she doesn't need me, but I do my best to never let my eyes off of her.
One of the articles was by a dad who was saying you have to be helicoptery because you're worried about being judged by other parents; one in particular about hitting was, "My kid hits and I'm done apologizing" and I was like, this is so me! I definitely worry that other kids judge my DS's behavior and it leads me to hang out closer than I'd like. It is easier when we're outside it seems but indoors I'm always hovering because I dunno what he'll do! At bounce house days I try to stay 10 ft away and let him work it out with the other kid unless another parent steps in.
ETA: words