Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Ready to move on

This was my first pregnancy and first loss. We started TTC in June of last year, and after six months we were starting to get a little defeated. 

On January 7th, 3 days after my expected period, I got the positive pregnancy test. Finally! We really hit the ground running - made appointments right away, found a midwife, scheduled bloodwork - the works.

Oddly, I had no symptoms. Ever. Not one. No sore breasts, nausea, exhaustion. I chalked it up to being lucky.

At my first dating ultrasound on February 1st I should’ve been 7w4d, but only measured 6w, and couldn’t yet detect a heartbeat. This wasn’t incredibly alarming as 6w more accurately lined up with my ovulation and conception than the first day of my last period. So, they scheduled a 2nd ultrasound for February 15th.

On the morning of February 15th (9w4d), I awoke to noticeable spotting. I had had a little light brown spotting in my first couple of weeks (only ever when I wiped after going to the washroom), but this was enough to stain my underwear, and I just knew. I went to work in the morning and noticed a bit of clotting. “Just wait for the ultrasound,” I thought. I’d have answers soon. 

My my appointment was at noon, over my lunch hour. They had overbooked, though, and I wasn’t seen for an hour - I was going to be late getting back to work. I was texting my fiancé about how annoyed I was. 

They tried the abdominal ultrasound but had to resort to transvaginal to get a more accurate reading. The ultrasound technician didn’t say much, just that the doctor was coming in to look it over (which had not happened at the first appointment). When the doctor came in, she was very blunt, cold. “So, it’s not good.” I sort of nodded and waited for her to keep taking. “You have a few options, but you’ll probably start bleeding - obviously you already have some spotting. So you’ll probably miscarry naturally. Alternatively, your doctor can write you a prescription for a pill that will force the miscarriage, or you can go to the hospital where they do a procedure to sort of vacuum it out.” 

I don’t know what stunned me more - the fact that I was losing the baby, or how callous the doctor had been.

I called my fiancé. “I’m losing it,” I said. He wanted to know what was wrong, why I was losing my mind...he didn’t grasp what I had meant. “The baby...I’m having a miscarriage.” He was calm, supportive, and we talked as I drove. After we hung up, I cried, briefly. I hadn’t even felt pregnant for 9 weeks, and now it was ending before it ever really began. I had to get back to work.

Within an hour of the ultrasound, the bleeding and cramping started - slowly at first, then heavy and painful. Nobody at work knew I was pregnant - I had only been hired the week after I found out. I sat quietly and worked for the remaining 4 hours, drive myself home and cried into a bottle of wine while my fiancé took care of me. 

On Friday the 16th, I went to work and told my boss I was having a miscarriage. He was incredibly supportive and asked if I wanted to go home - I opted to stay to have a distraction. 

I was advised by my midwife to go to ER after work for a WinRho shot as I’m A-. At the hospital, because I had not yet been a patient, they needed to first confirm my pregnancy with a urine test, then confirm my blood type before they would administer the shot. After the samples were collected, I was brought to another room to wait. The nurse set a gown on the bed. “Go ahead and change, the doctor will be in shortly.” Confused, I asked why I was being asked to disrobe. “Well, they’ll be doing a pelvic exam...” 

My jaw actually dropped. “I am actively miscarrying- I’m not doing a pelvic exam.” She left the room.

In the hallway, we overheard the nurse speaking with two other women. “How does she know she’s having a miscarriage?” one asked. “Well she said she had an ultrasound and that they told her she would be miscarrying.” I was furious. She had completely omitted everything else I had told her - the lack of fetal development, the bleeding, the cramping, the clots. 

We we waited two hours for their tests to confirm what I already knew, and another 45 for the shot I had come for in the first place. We got home at 9:15 PM. 

I passed the baby - the tiny embryo, sac and placenta - at 9:30 PM. Almost immediately, the bleeding lessened and cramping eased.

I bled lightly for a week afterward. It’s now 3 weeks post-MC and I’m getting my first period. We plan to TTC right away, so hopefully the myth about being more fertile after MC is true. We’ll see.

Re: Ready to move on

  • @AmyAngela I am so sorry for your loss. It's such a painful experience and we are all here if you need to vent, rant, creepy internet hugs, whatever you need. Sorry your experience was especially hard due to lack of empathy all around. It's hard enough but having caring medical professionals makes it just slightly more bearable.

    I am not sure if it's a myth or legit that your more fertile. In my bosses shoes, she was. She was actually trying not to get preg before 3 months "recovery". She didn't catch signs of O but she's growing a healthy baby now. So for our sake, I'd like to beleive it's legit. 

    Best of luck for this coming month giving you a rainbow :heart:
  • @amyangela *hugs* sounds like some really thoughtless medical professionals made a difficult situation even worse. I had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks and ... well it was shocking and crushing to find out there was no embryo.

    I understand the feeling of being ready to move on. I hope your rainbow arrives soon!
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  • ble1ble1 member
    @AmyAngela I can't believe the nurses they should have been more considerate treating you. I am glad your boss was more understanding and supportive.  Hopefully your rainbow comes soon!
  • I’m not sure if you will see this but I’m so sorry you went through this. We just experienced our loss earlier this week and while my experience at my doctors office was not that awful, I did not have a good one either. There really needs to be some compassion in these situations and it sucks that it is not there. After my experience, I am likely going to switch to a different OB when I get pregnant again and I’m wondering if you are considered the same? Wishing you all the best in the future. 
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