Wtf. Cool. My dad just woke me up at 5am to lecture me for 30 minutes again on how I’m ruining his life and killing my mom by having another baby. He just wanted to make sure I knew this and was ok with having it all on my shoulders.
Anyone want a roomate and her 2 (gonna be 3) kids?
Holy shit @calimom2524. Just....wow. If I were closer you could crash here definitely, because no one needs that sort of stress in their lives. Is there seriously no way you can afford an apartment on your salary? No plans to rent with your SO to help pay the rent? Because I don't think I could stay there and maintain a speaking arrangement with my folks if they were that resentful that they're waking me up at 5am to tell me about it. (creepy internet hugs)
My WTF: I woke up at 7am and it's white outside. It was 60 yesterday! Take some bipolar meds, Mother Nature.
Oh, @calimom2524, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. How are your boys with everything? You totally don’t have to answer but I hope your parents attitudes aren’t affecting them because that would suck even more. I’m sure once the baby gets here they’ll love her. And time heals all wounds but it’s going to be a long 4/5 months. Hugs lady.
Oh @calimom2524 my heart is breaking for you. I can't imagine how stressful this is on you. I'm also hopeful that your parents' negative attitude isn't affecting your boys. We're all here for you in the meantime.
@calimom2524 He woke you up at 5 am?! WTF is wrong with him? I'm so sorry that he's still doing this. I hope something clicks for your parents and they change their attitudes soon.
@calimom2524 Oh I am so so sorry you are going through this! Like others said I hope this is not affecting your boys. I really was hoping your Dad would come around by now. Hugs and good vibes.
@calimom2524 I don’t get it. I mean, it’s not the ideal situation, sure, but why does it affect them so much? Other than a rent-free place to stay, are they paying your medical bills, buying all of your baby stuff, food, etc? Why does it bother them so much? Do they not like your SO?
@calimom2524 I’d consider coming back with “Well actually, Dad, it appears that Im not only having another baby but can add you and Mom to my list of kids. Because you’re acting like children.”
But seriously, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I forget, do you live with them? If not, I’d consider cutting off contact with them for a short period of time. Or at least until they can show they deserve to be a part of your life.
@calimom2524 - oh sweetie, my heart is breaking for you. So I know you said that you and SO weren't there yet with the moving in, and there's no need to rush it, but do you have a friend or family member in the area that you could stay with for a little while?
Sending you lots of virtual hugs. We're here for you, even if all we can do is listen
Thank you for the support ladies, I had never imagined my dad would be this horrible of a human being towards me, he's never in my life been like this and I don't understand it. I'm going to try to answer everyone's questions below.
@neeraja_k at this point in time there is absolutely no way I can afford to rent an apartment for my kids and myself with my current salary, rent in the San Francisco Bay Area is absolutely insane. I'm talking the cheapest 2 bedroom I've found is $2500 and that's a sketchy area as it is. I'm going to talk to SO tonight; I'm not ready to move in with him but at this point I might have to. I don't really know where he is with this because it's just not something we've talked about so we shall see how this goes. @amac12999 luckily for my boys my parents are not treating them any different. If they were I would already be gone. I don't know where I would go or what I would do but I can handle the stress as long as my kids aren't also being punished. @lalala2004 I don't really understand it either. They pay for my boy's private school but THEY OFFERED. Not once have I asked for money from them, they continue to offer. My oldest is starting kindergarten in August at public school and with that burden off of the cost of private preschool I can afford to pay for my youngest to remain where he is. I've offered to pay rent, I've even given my dad checks and every time he gives them back and won't take them. They are not paying my medical bills, nor my children's, so there's no cost to them there. We both pay for food/groceries and again, they never ask for money and when I offer they won't take it. I don't understand why they are acting the way they are. They don't really know my SO because I've kept my life very compartmentalized; I wasn't ready to bring a "father figure" into my kid's lives and I didn't want them meeting any boyfriends until I knew anything was serious so I haven't really brought him around much. Now that shit is so awkward I don't even want to bring him around, for his own sake.
@calimom2524 I'm just so sorry. I do think that their negative attitudes will relax as time goes on and when she gets here...but obviously that doesn't help at all right now. I'm just sorry you're going through that. You're doing the right thing, you're a kickass mom, you will be ok. Huge hugs!!
@calimom2524 I'm also so sorry this happened. It is not at all my place to offer advice but if you are not 100% ready to move in with SO, that is probably not the solution. Once everyone has calmed down you can sit down with your parents and have a mature discussion. Let them know how much you appreciate the support they offer you and the boys and ask about their concerns with the new baby. Ideally, this is a calm discussion rather than an emotional screaming match and everyone can get on the same page.
It wasn't fair for your dad to surprise you with his anger like that this morning but they obviously care very much about you and the kids to support you so if you are willing to hear them out I'm sure they will come around.
History and blog link in spoiler
2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks May 2020 FET; BFN July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate Oct 2020 BFP!
@calimom2524 If you can move to Idaho, we have a spare room, and lots of love to share at my house. I'm sad and angry for you.
@livinthesunnylife I agree with dental issues in pregnancy. I'm trying to get a root-canal that is acting up fixed. Never have a problem with my gums or teeth unless its during pregnancy.
My WTF goes to my students. We are discussing hurricanes, and Katrina has the most detailed reasons of how/why to prepare. Several boys focused on the sewage issues. So they were talking, in great detail, about how they would use the water/chunks to fuel the fires to boil down the water. I lost my breakfast in front of the class. At least they now know to STFU when I say to.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@calimom2524 I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that, how horrible of him! Have you sat down and asked them what their deal is? Do you think they’d lighten up if they got to know your SO?
My WTF is this nor’easter! It is literally snowing, thundering and lightening!
@livinthesunnylife I had issues with my teeth last pregnancy after having nothing more than a check up my whole life... apparently it’s a fact that being pregnant can cause tooth decay and gum disease which sucks
My wtf is work... first day back after being sick for 2 weeks, while sick I emailed my manager a couple of things that needed doing for a patient while I was off. On return today it appears nobody gave a shit and it was all waiting for me for deal with today
@dirtanddiamonds so weird seeing lightening and hearing thunder while it’s snowing! I’m praying we don’t lose power. We made it through last weeks storm without it going out but now this snow is so heavy... ugh!
I went to my precinct caucus last night, and there were 5 of us! Five! We have 5 delegates, but only 3 of us could make it to the state convention, so we lose two.
I'm continuously astounded at the lack of civic participation, especially with all of the political complaining I see all over social media. How about instead of reposting that meme, you actually DO something? I was the youngest person there by about half. Every time I see someone bitch about politics online I'm going to remember this sad group of 5 people who showed up to make decisions. If you don't like our decision, too damn bad.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@calimom2524 my heart goes out to you. Having toxic parents is extremely difficult, yet sometimes its not as simple as just move out or stop communicating. You are also trying to do the best for your kids. I know its easy to say, you will find a solution. You got this lady, and are a strong momma whose kids are obviously a top priority which is much more than many can say.
@calimom2524 I am so sorry your dad is being so childish. That is so petty to wake you up at 5am to tell you again how he's not happy. Who does that?! I hope your conversation goes well with SO tonight.
April Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
29 y/o Married 6.26.11 BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14 BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now! BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17 BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
@calimom2524 my heart goes out to you. Having toxic parents is extremely difficult, yet sometimes its not as simple as just move out or stop communicating. You are also trying to do the best for your kids. I know its easy to say, you will find a solution. You got this lady, and are a strong momma whose kids are obviously a top priority which is much more than many can say.
This comment made me cry and not because of what you are saying, believe me I appreciate the kind words more than you know. It made me cry because never in my life would I ever consider labeling my parents as toxic yet here they are, being toxic. They've always been my rock, my safe place, my best friends. This is all so confusing and hurtful.
@derbysquirrel I kiss my kid's foreheads a lot so it's a super easy way to tell. My kids also always show physical signs as well; droopy looking eyes, lethargic, cuddly.
^and you can often tell if they are feeling sick from behavior, kinda droopy acting. And sometimes they just look... sick. You’ll know your child’s norm and will notice if they are off
@calimom2524 That’s awful and frankly abusive. I’d do what you can to get out of there. Whether it’s moving in with your so or even relocating somewhere cheaper/commuting/etc. I know that’s easier said than done of course but, at the same time... if you can’t afford it, and the option is living where you’re being talked down to like that - which your kids WILL eventually see even if they don’t receive it... I’d get the hell out of dodge.
Oh my goodness, they become hot boxes. They are just hot to the touch. Uncomfortable to even hold because they are so hot. But it becomes really to tell. Like PP’s said - kisses on the forehead are a great way to tell because our upper lips are extra sensitive to hot/cold.
@derbysquirrel exactly what everyone said. He woke up from nap early and upset, which isn’t like him, so I went up, kissed his forehead and could immediately tell. They get so hot!
I feel like a terrible mom because I HATE that he’s sick, but all I can really think is, “shit, I hope I don’t get it.”
My WTF is the lack of snow days in NYC. Dismissal was insanity yesterday, with heavy, wet snow falling. I saw kids slipping and sliding all over. Today everything is all iced over from the storm. I'm sure getting to school will be fun.
Our mayor is an idiot.
Me: 28 DH: 29 Married: 6/2016 TTC #1: 12/2016 Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
^ my DH is a teacher in the city, and I was soooooo pissed he went in. Busses and trains wound up stopping a little after he left for the day. We got around 2 ft of snow, and lost power yesterday afternoon. Hoping it's back on by tonight so we can stay home and not deal with the freezer stuff.
Re: WTF Wednesday 3/7
Anyone want a roomate and her 2 (gonna be 3) kids?
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
My WTF: I woke up at 7am and it's white outside. It was 60 yesterday! Take some bipolar meds, Mother Nature.
But seriously, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I forget, do you live with them? If not, I’d consider cutting off contact with them for a short period of time. Or at least until they can show they deserve to be a part of your life.
Sending you lots of virtual hugs. We're here for you, even if all we can do is listen
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
@neeraja_k at this point in time there is absolutely no way I can afford to rent an apartment for my kids and myself with my current salary, rent in the San Francisco Bay Area is absolutely insane. I'm talking the cheapest 2 bedroom I've found is $2500 and that's a sketchy area as it is. I'm going to talk to SO tonight; I'm not ready to move in with him but at this point I might have to. I don't really know where he is with this because it's just not something we've talked about so we shall see how this goes.
@amac12999 luckily for my boys my parents are not treating them any different. If they were I would already be gone. I don't know where I would go or what I would do but I can handle the stress as long as my kids aren't also being punished.
@lalala2004 I don't really understand it either. They pay for my boy's private school but THEY OFFERED. Not once have I asked for money from them, they continue to offer. My oldest is starting kindergarten in August at public school and with that burden off of the cost of private preschool I can afford to pay for my youngest to remain where he is. I've offered to pay rent, I've even given my dad checks and every time he gives them back and won't take them. They are not paying my medical bills, nor my children's, so there's no cost to them there. We both pay for food/groceries and again, they never ask for money and when I offer they won't take it. I don't understand why they are acting the way they are. They don't really know my SO because I've kept my life very compartmentalized; I wasn't ready to bring a "father figure" into my kid's lives and I didn't want them meeting any boyfriends until I knew anything was serious so I haven't really brought him around much. Now that shit is so awkward I don't even want to bring him around, for his own sake.
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
I'm just so sorry. I do think that their negative attitudes will relax as time goes on and when she gets here...but obviously that doesn't help at all right now. I'm just sorry you're going through that. You're doing the right thing, you're a kickass mom, you will be ok. Huge hugs!!
It wasn't fair for your dad to surprise you with his anger like that this morning but they obviously care very much about you and the kids to support you so if you are willing to hear them out I'm sure they will come around.
2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP! baby boy born 8/22/18
May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
May 2020 FET; BFN
July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
Oct 2020 BFP!
Take a look at my blog
@livinthesunnylife yes to the sore gums! Part of mine were swollen for days last week. Pregnancy wrecks havoc on dental health.
@livinthesunnylife I agree with dental issues in pregnancy. I'm trying to get a root-canal that is acting up fixed. Never have a problem with my gums or teeth unless its during pregnancy.
My WTF goes to my students. We are discussing hurricanes, and Katrina has the most detailed reasons of how/why to prepare. Several boys focused on the sewage issues. So they were talking, in great detail, about how they would use the water/chunks to fuel the fires to boil down the water. I lost my breakfast in front of the class. At least they now know to STFU when I say to.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
My WTF is this nor’easter! It is literally snowing, thundering and lightening!
My wtf is work... first day back after being sick for 2 weeks, while sick I emailed my manager a couple of things that needed doing for a patient while I was off. On return today it appears nobody gave a shit and it was all waiting for me for deal with today
*edit because I pressed send too early!
@livinthesunnylife I hear you on the gums. I get pregnancy gingivitis and they bleed like crazy at the dentist. Fun times.
WTF to my exhaustion?! I can’t seem to get enough rest and feel so tired all the time. Ugh.
I'm continuously astounded at the lack of civic participation, especially with all of the political complaining I see all over social media. How about instead of reposting that meme, you actually DO something? I was the youngest person there by about half. Every time I see someone bitch about politics online I'm going to remember this sad group of 5 people who showed up to make decisions. If you don't like our decision, too damn bad.
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
Stupid FTM question: How did you know your son has a fever? I assume you used a thermometer, but how did you know to check?
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
i actually rarely bother taking an actual temp unless it’s like burning up (or a newborn I obvs would)
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
August 18 Siggy Challenge: April Showers
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Oh my goodness, they become hot boxes. They are just hot to the touch. Uncomfortable to even hold because they are so hot. But it becomes really to tell. Like PP’s said - kisses on the forehead are a great way to tell because our upper lips are extra sensitive to hot/cold.
I promise you’ll know when it happens
I feel like a terrible mom because I HATE that he’s sick, but all I can really think is, “shit, I hope I don’t get it.”
wtf self with the waking up!!!!!
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Our mayor is an idiot.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!