Scared to Death - Drank in my Third Trimester

nbkeller

Yesterday was an extremely emotional day for me. It was the ninth anniversary of my mother's death, and simply knowing that she wouldn't be there to support me, a first time mom, or my daughter when she is born in late May made it unbearable. I took two mg of Xanax on that day-- something that I do EXTREMELY sparingly. I usually only take one mg once a week due to stress, major depression, and anxiety. I also used to be a borderline alcoholic, and as much as I hate it, I did drink last night to take the pain away. I'm not sure exactly how much. We have some whiskey in the cabinet, and I mixed a bit of it with a quarter bottle of flavored water. I took two additional swigs during the night. I didn't feel drunk at all, but I did feel slightly tipsy. I never, NEVER drink that much with a child in me, and now I'm scared to death of the consequences. I do occasionally have a glass or two of wine (about one or two times a month), but I have read that most doctors feel that that is alright. Now I'm feeling so guilty and so scared, and the depression and anxiety isn't helping that one bit. If ANYONE has any words of ease, that'd be greatly appreciated. If not-- well, it helps to vent, at least. 

meggyme

nbkeller said:

Yesterday was an extremely emotional day for me. It was the ninth anniversary of my mother's death, and simply knowing that she wouldn't be there to support me, a first time mom, or my daughter when she is born in late May made it unbearable. I took two mg of Xanax on that day-- something that I do EXTREMELY sparingly. I usually only take one mg once a week due to stress, major depression, and anxiety. I also used to be a borderline alcoholic, and as much as I hate it, I did drink last night to take the pain away. I'm not sure exactly how much. We have some whiskey in the cabinet, and I mixed a bit of it with a quarter bottle of flavored water. I took two additional swigs during the night. I didn't feel drunk at all, but I did feel slightly tipsy. I never, NEVER drink that much with a child in me, and now I'm scared to death of the consequences. I do occasionally have a glass or two of wine (about one or two times a month), but I have read that most doctors feel that that is alright. Now I'm feeling so guilty and so scared, and the depression and anxiety isn't helping that one bit. If ANYONE has any words of ease, that'd be greatly appreciated. If not-- well, it helps to vent, at least. 

I’d suggest that you talk to your doctor. They can check up on baby and hopefully put your mind at easy, but also help you to find a solution to your anxiety and depression, because it can get worse post partum.

You may also benefit for speaking to a therapist to help you sort through your feelings about your mom as you become a new mom. I know that my perspective of my mom’s role in my life has changed a lot since becoming a mom and I’d imagine they would be painful coupled with missing your mom. Best to create a good mental health support network now so that when you haven’t had a full night’s sleep you don’t have to worry about finding someone to help.

You also mentioned borderline alcoholism, so perhaps a local AA group could lend support to help you manage any future urges. I hope this helps.

dirtanddiamonds

I’m more of a “glass of wine here or there can’t hurt” person. However, same doesn’t ring true for someone that is battling alcoholism. 

Bottom line is you mixed xanax and hard liquor. This might sound extremely judgmental but what were you thinking? I concur with the previous poster about 1. Call your doctor tomorrow, be straight with them and your history of alcoholism 2. Contact AA - get a sponsor, someone who can help you during moments like that 3. Consider professional help outside of OB care - but a psychiatrist or therapist that can work through your different issues. 

Xanax is not a go to Med during pregnancy. Hard liquor is definitely a no go. Mixing those can cause death to not only a fetus but you, too. 

I hope you get some help and soon. I don’t hate on anyone for dealing with things like this - I’ve drowned my stress in alcohol during a divorce. It happens. We self medicate. But you don’t mix liquor and drugs - ever - pregnant or not. Please please please talk with a professional.