Mental health check in 2/27

noideawhatshesdoing

 

***This thread has a general trigger warning.*** 

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.
Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in several dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.

This post can be replied to at any time during the next 2 weeks. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others.

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort.  

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Mental health diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?

How are you feeling?

 

noideawhatshesdoing

Noticed it's been a few weeks since we've started a fresh one of these. Just wanted to see how everyone is doing and offer up a willing ear or creepy internet hug as needed.

My anxiety seems to be pretty in check the last little bit. And I'm feeling less awful about my body and trying to be kind to myself and reminding myself I'm growing a human, it's not like I just sat down and ate 10 pizzas in one sitting.

moguippy

My anxiety has been easing up which I am super thankful for. I am definitely having some body image issues, but nothing that isn't normal (I think?). Actually feeling pretty decent most days other than a severe lack of motivation to do anything

whiskeyandtrouble

@noideawhatshesdoing I can sympathize with the not loving your body dilemma. To be frank, I was really hating how I looked for the past couple of weeks. It is hard for me to see my body change so much. But recently I have gotten better. I love your reminder that this didn’t happen overnight and that it is just part of the process. 

I have struggled lately emotionally just because I have had to finally stop horseback riding. I am an avid rider and it is something I would do 4-5 times a week. I found myself being very resentful and angry about it for a few days. But after randomly crying about it in a public elevator, I have felt better. It isn’t like this is forever, just for a little while until this baby is out and about. 

wildtot

I’ve been ok lately. Hormones still getting me with wanting to cry after arguments with DH. With the tiny scare of our anatomy scan he kept asking me if baby was going to be ok. I’m realistic with my response and told him even if something was wrong it’s not something i can change. He didn’t like that so i had to keep sugar coating say yes it’s fine. I don’t feel like that allows me to process things right because I’m hoping for the unknown. Making him feel better doesn’t make me feel better. Anyways other than that I’ve been ok. 

noideawhatshesdoing

@wildtot that's so tough. He put you in a hard spot, what were you supposed to say in that situation? Hang in there, it does sound like something that can clear up on it's own. Darn these newer more precise machines!

@whiskeyandtrouble I think that's normal to feel that level of frustration when you can do something you've been that active in for so long. But, it's just for a little while longer!

SmashJam

@whiskeyandtrouble thats hard, having to quit something that is so much a part of you! Great attitude that its not forever and you can just get back to it!

@wildtot I hate when loved ones project their need for reassurance on to you at a time that you, yourself, have no idea and might be struggling. I know that having people as part of our family means that at times they will require our comfort but sometimes I just wish they would know that we cannot provide it, because we ourselves do not know the outcome. My family often expects me to make them feel better about how things are going with this pregnancy, let them know what precautions I am taking due to the outcome of my last, but has gotten really good at not outright mentioning their need for comfort, knowing that I am also wondering how this is going to turn out for us. I hope he can switch from asking you for comfort to solidarity in being wary of the unknown as you wait to see what happens! Also...when I read that you would not get any other scans I just realized that means that you won't know if things are normal until post birth-unless you go over and they scan you. So big hugs to you as you go through these next few months. Sorry for that book!

I myself am doing better. I forgot to take my liquid iron for a few days and I was SO DOWN. I need to remember to take better care of myself, and hopefully that manages my anxiety better. 

stillcozy

My anxiety has been a lot better since deciding on a repeat c section. I still struggle some though with getting easily overwhelmed with dd at times and my two jobs but just working hard on trying to stay present in the moment 

Susan2685

I may have posted once on here about anxiety- I can’t remember. This is my third baby (first girl). My husband told me some information over a week ago that has ruined our relationship. It has been a long 9 days of utter shock, disbelief, wondering if I am going to stay. I’ve taken the entire week off of work. Last week I only managed to get a few hours of sleep a night (some nights less than 2). I’m having difficulty eating. But things are slowly getting better- as of today I’m not crying as much, I slept 6 hours last night. I see my obgyn tomorrow who will likely put me on anxiety meds again. I’m a little upset because anyone dealing with this would be in this state but ultimately I’ll do whatever he suggests. Week 17 and 18 have not been good weeks for this baby. 

zombiehoohaa

I've been hanging in there. Since going back on lamotragine, I've been having to up the dose every 15 days. I'm starting to feel "okay". There is a lot of stuff going on which has been causing me some stress and anxiety. I'm trying to just keep going, however, I am struggling a bit in that area. I wanted to hear the baby lastnight, so I used my doppler. I heard a lot of movement and a very faint heart beat. It worries me that something is wrong with the baby. I do have anatomy scan tomorrow, so this has me on edge even more. All these What if's come into play. 
Hopefully, everything will be okay and my anxiety for the baby can lessen.

Sending everyone creepy interweb hugs. 

stillcozy

@Susan2685 we are here for you in whatever way you need. So sorry you are going through such a difficult time. 

Susan2685

Thanks. I think I can forgive. I don’t know how long it will take to have a love relationship again. I feel so guilty for staying home this week but today has been my only normal day and tomorrow I’m headed to the obgyn and Friday psychologist. I’ve got some optimism about the future of our relationship. He told me about it which is a very good sign.

wildtot

@Susan2685 *hugs* sorry your going through a rough time. Glad your slowing but surely feeling better and taking action in talking to your docs. 

stillcozy

@Susan2685 it is important to take time to heal and recover from emotional pain as well as physical sickness so don't feel guilty I am gld you have some optimism. are you doing couples counseling? I cannot reccomend that enough! 

Susan2685

Not yet- I want to get myself sorted out around this first. This was very heartbreaking thing that he has done. Today is his birthday. It’s frustrating that I have never had anger towards him- just sad about what we have lost. I’m hoping I don’t lose it infront of my ob today. We live in a small town and know my ob from daycare etc. DH knows him through work. It’s going to be weird. 

Susan2685

My obgyn wrote me off work until the end of my pregnancy. I’m feeling relieved

wildtot

@Susan2685 that’s great that you’ll get some time to focus on yourself without the worries of work and before the baby comes. But i do want to say that sometimes without the distraction of work we can sometimes sink deeper emotionally (at least i do) so it’s important to keep busy but focused on what your trying to work out. Hang in there! *hugs*

Susan2685

Right now I’m just trying to get all my planning done ( I’m a teacher so I’ve been asked to plan next week). I’ve already thought about taking my youngest out of daycare but I’m not going to decide that until closer to May-( when my inlaws get back from a trip). I have things to do like fix all the elastics on my cloth diapers. He did say try to get in one walk a day or do something for me. He also said if I’m doing better I can go back to work. Just gets me nervous returning when I’m going to be further a long and it will be harder physically

zg49

@lindsayleigh1989 I've been trying really hard to stay focused in the moment too and that seems to help. Making sure I stay busy also keeps my anxiety at bay. 

@wildtot I've felt the same lately with DH and I know it's just hormones but in the moment it doesn't feel like hormones. It feels like he isn't understanding (which he probably isn't.)

@SmashJam Hmm I've never tried liquid iron but I'm thinking of bringing it up to my OB now. I had to be on extra iron with DS and my pregnancy with him felt like smooth sailing compared to this one.

@susan2685 I'm sorry to hear you're going through a hard time! That has got to be very difficult, especially while pregnant. It's good you took a few days off for yourself!

I've been doing ok this week but last week I had a complete breakdown on Sunday night into Monday. DD ended up getting a stomach bug and since vomit is a major phobia of mine it completely set me off and I couldn't function on Monday. I feel absolutely horrible about my reactions when the kids get sick like that but I don't even feel like a person when it's happening, it feels like I am going to die. DH stayed home with me and the kids through Wednesday last week while we nursed DD back to health and those extra days really helped get my emotions in check and I've been much more productive this week than I have been in months. I've never been on meds for this anxiety and I'm not sure I want to start while pregnant so I'm trying to find ways to cope and then I'll think about meds once baby is here. 

SmashJam

@zg49 the liquid iron is supposed to be better at not constipating you, which I have to say is def the case for me.  It is more expensive though.The four days I didn't poop earlier in the week I had forgotten to take the iron in the morning so took both doses (usually i take half in the am and half at night) at night for two days and I also ran out of my prenatal so I didn't take that for the same two days. I think that contributed. 

ETA: more info

elizabethrn87

@Susan2685 ((Hugs)) sorry your dealing with all that.

babyrojas2018

Boy, did I have a rough week
I haven't been on here lately due to the stress, actually. Baby, is fine, it's other stuff. I feel like my depression is coming back. I feel like I have to beg my family to be involved with my pregnancy. My mother was all for planning a baby shower, and as soon as she asked if one of her friends could go (that she knows I don't get along with), and I said no, she replies "We'll I'm not going to hurt her feelings so maybe you shouldn't have a baby shower, just do something with Tony's family (my bf)". I tried to explain how badly that hurt me and she just completely pushed my feelings to the side. 
On top of that.. I lost/had to quit my job.
My director and I got into it pretty bad over miscommunication of an accident report I wrote for someone. And the miscommunication was on HER end. When I said I didn't like the way I was approached and that I was stressed due to my pregnancy, she said "Your pregnancy has nothing to do with here, not everything is peaches and cream baby" so I said I need to leave the company and she just agreed and I walked out. 
I have been depressed since, and that was Wednesday. I need something good to happen soon

wildtot

@babyrojas2018 i am so sorry!!! I hope you can find something soon! Yes work stress can be bad for pregnancy. But simply because we are human and she is in a leadership position she should know how to properly approach these situations.
Also, why do people think it’s right to treat a shower as their own party. Just no! 
*hugs*

babyrojas2018

@wildtot thank you! And yes, that was my boyfriend's point. That our baby is more important than that kind of stress. So maybe it will turn into a good thing! High hopes.

moguippy

@babyrojas2018 Getting along with the people you work with is so important. I don't love my job, but the people I work with aren't half bad so I stay. I'm sure you will be able to find something (with better people!)
Do you have a sister or friend who could plan a shower instead of your mom?  Maybe Tony's mom could plan it?

elizabethrn87

Trigger warning 

Tell me why did I have to have a dream that my anatomy scan today showed that my baby had passed. I have been in panic mode since 3 AM. I hate anxiety.

Susan2685

I’m sure it’s fine. You can’t rely on dreams- I do however understand anxiety and I know this won’t help. Have you felt the baby move ?

elizabethrn87

Susan2685 said:

I’m sure it’s fine. You can’t rely on dreams- I do however understand anxiety and I know this won’t help. Have you felt the baby move ?

I know that you can’t rely on dreams. Everything was fine- it was just torture until I got to the appointment. And no I haven’t- I did t woh my first either for a while. I have an anterior placenta. 

Susan2685

Lol I was freaking out that night that I typed that. The med student couldn’t find the baby’s heart beat and I didn’t say anything to my ob. I thought I was fine and then I didn’t feel any kicks until after I drank a bunch of orange juice at 2 am 

wildtot

I am hiding from my psycho crying toddler while DH gives him a bath. I blew up and yelled “stop” because he’s been nonstop whining and crying all afternoon. I think he’s getting his second set of top molars and i know it’s painful for him and i just lost it. Now i just want to cry because yes i feel bad and i shouldn’t react like that. Now DH is yelling at me “why did i do that” and that i need to stop. He can never understand the anxiety it gives me especially he doesn’t do anything to help or he messes around and makes it worse. These are the moments i ask myself if I’m really ready for a second. What i get worse after birth.

SmashJam

@wildtot I ask myself these same questions! We all snap sometimes, yelling, etc. Its hard not to get anxiety. I try to tell myself that 90% of the time what makes me want to yell isn't that big of a deal but sometimes I am just like, "OMFG WHY ARE YOU STILL ACTING LIKE THIS?!?!" Give yourself some grace, maybe you'll just have to let things go more often after #2 is born, so you'll be less anxious. Its what I am hoping for, lol.

wildtot

@SmashJam thank you! It’s been hard to let go since i have always been a big control freak but I’m learning. Teething has never been easy but it seems worse this time. I wish DH could give me some grace, almost two years and he never fails to make me feel like crap because he can’t understand where this is coming from. 

wildtot

All of a sudden DH wants to talk about my leave plans and who is coming when all because we have friends who are planning to be in town either before or after baby. I said preferably after around 6 wks because i can’t take anymore time off and I’ll be on leave then (assuming he would be too). All of a sudden he comes out saying he’s only taking 4 wks off out of the 10 full pay our company gives us. It upset me because I’ve been trying to get him to talk about the plans and he kept pushing it off. To me 4 wks is not enough. We will have family support for 4 wks. So what am i suppose to go from all to no support over night? Does he not remember the hell I’ve emotionally gone through since then. It makes me feel unsafe and won’t be able to depend on him because “he already told his boss”. I’m super scared I’m going to revert to my ppd and ppa. That I’ll have to go through it alone again without him not learning to cope. I keep thinking how can he be so inconsiderate. He never thinks of worse case just the case of what he wants to do and i feel forced to just deal with it. I’m so mad and sad and disappointed. Here i thought things would be better planned to have his support but nope i guess not. I don’t want to have to tell him how much time to take off and i get 10 wks might be unnecessary. I just wish he would be more thoughtful of my needs. He took all the time we wanted with DS unpaid but now that’s paid he seems to think about works needs more. Am i over reacting? I’m just so scared of turning into what i remember feeling like some emotional monster who resented him because he wasn’t there when i needed him the most. 

SmashJam

@wildtot how frustrating! I'm sorry that you are going through this right now. Did you talk to him about all of this or is it bottled up for now? I 100% relate with the resentment and have talked to DH about taking on more of a role early on so that taking over care for two on occasion doesn't seem so daunting to him (he just recently started taking more days with DS alone as a toddler, he did it once a week when DS was a baby so I could go to school) and I don't go crazy. Keep talking to him about it calmly...I know when I talk to DH about my feelings I have to keep reminding him I'm not attacking him, I'm letting him know about my feelings. And I have to repeat over and over. It always takes him quite awhile to realize its not a personal attack but something I am struggling with that I am asking him to help me with. 

I hope you guys get the leave worked out... I know my DH felt kind of worthless those first few weeks and wishes he had waited and taken time when DS was a little older and I needed more help, so maybe that has something to do with why he only wants to take those 4 weeks? 

wildtot

@SmashJam i asked him how he felt about his leaving last time when he took 6 wks but we only had 2 wks of family help. He said it was too long. During this time i was home recovering from my c section while he was downstairs working on his new motorcycle and starting new hobbies to keep him busy. I could have used his help. He had previously commented “well what’s are you gonna do when I’m back to work?, you have to learn to do it on your own”. Yeah that didn’t make me happy and he better not say that this time! I won’t have my follow up appointment until 6 wks i think so i really could use his help physically so i don’t strain myself. Emotionally idk how I’ll be but i need to know that he’s willing to change his plans to be there for me. We’ll probably chat more later because right now I’m dealing with a sleepless toddler while he snores away (not helping his current case lol). Part of me is saying forget him I’ll manage with what i get and I’ll just have to suck it up but then here comes the resentment again. But your right i need to know sharing my feelings but in a way that I’m not attacking or guilt tripping him. 

hillbillywife

@wildtot I’m sorry this is hard for you. My husband hasn’t taken any time off work for either of my kids. He was there when they were born and off until I got home but then the next work day he was back at it. 

When my first  was born I was really frustrated by him not being there. Didn’t he want to spend time with me and his new baby? My stepdad tried to talk me through it and tell me that men have the urge to take care of their families and the only way my H  knew to do that is by working and providing for us. 

Now that we’ve been married longer I realize that working is how he shows his love in almost every way lol. It’s still irritating sometimes but I know that he’s trying really hard and that helps. 

Maybe your husband doesn’t want to take off the 6 weeks because he feels the itch to get back to work too, or maybe all the family around is overwhelming for him? I agree with @SmashJam, It helps to get all your concerns on the table instead of letting it get to resentment. Make sure he knows (lots of times lol) that it’s not something that needs fixed right.now. but you’re worried and you need him to know why. My H just honestly doesn’t understand all the feelings that I have sometimes. 

Also, do you have a regular therapist or pshychiatrist? I’m worried about PPD/PPA pushing me over the edge this time. I’m trying to be proactive about it by meeting with a therapist (I’m in the very beginning stages and I’ve never done this before so perhaps this is not actually good advice) to talk about what my concerns are ahead of time so that they don’t catch me off guard and out of the blue like they did last time. 

I hope you get it figured out so that you can feel more comfortable. 

wildtot

@hillbillywife thanks! I know I’ll probably get a bit overwhelmed with family too and usually i escape to my husband to vent about it (he does the same) so we actually come closer at those time oddly. But i know he needs to stay active one way or another and work getting backed up or screwed up without him is in the back of his head. We talked a bit this morning and i told him overall i need to know i can depend on him no matter what happens and that he is will to be flexible with his time if needed. Not to force me into his best case scenario and then leave it up to me to figure out. I don’t know what he is scared of because he doesn’t share it. But i told him he can share it but not expect me to make him feel better when i don’t even know how things will go (using the example of what happened with my anatomy scan). BUT he can always count on me to be there through the journey. That is what i need from him. Hopefully we can hash things out soon on this topic.
I haven’t actively talked to my psychiatrist for like 2/3 months but we do have one. I have a moms support group that i talk to for about a year now which is nice. I will definitely be more proactive with seeking help this time around during pregnancy if i feel like I’m slipping.

moguippy

@wildtot would it be possible for your DH to go back part time after 4 weeks?  so he could still keep up with work a little, but also be home a few days a week to help you. I'm sorry you are going through this.  

SmashJam

@hillbillywife that is interesting my DH works ALL THE TIME and sometimes I get annoyed that he's always tuned in but when you put it like that, like maybe he's showing his love by working really hard, maybe he thinks that is his contribution to the fam and doesn't think about needing to do other things unless I tell him and bring to his attention that I am in need of something. Something that has started working better for me is saying, "I NEED you to help me" instead of "You SHOULD be helping me," and I wonder if that has to do wtih the fact that he sees himself as doing so much already with work, so saying you SHOULD be helping is like implying its not enough, whereas saying I NEED it means its not his fault, its just something I need. 

wildtot

@moguippy yes i was hoping he could spread out the rest of his paid leave. That’s initially my plan after 10-12 wks. 

zombiehoohaa

@wildtot just sending you creepy internet hugs. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I hope your H sees how this is truly affecting you and actually hears your concerns.