Husband has next to no interest — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Husband has next to no interest

Hi all,
Apologies if I've put this in the wrong group. Am currently 16 weeks pg and I feel as though my other half has very little interest in anything. He never asks questions about how I'm feeling (very scared), although I've felt pretty rotten recently, and he never seems to have us as a priority. I'd have expected him to buy a little gift for either me or the baby but he just isn't with it at all. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be showered in gifts, we have little spare money. But a thought here or there or a Text asking how bubs is doing.
We can talk practically about work and maternity pay but he never talks about the baby itself. When did other people's husbands start taking an active interest? Thanks all. 

Re: Husband has next to no interest

  • Some men don’t feel a connection until the baby is born because they are not experiencing the same changes. What if you invite him doctor appointments or have him participate on a few item selections. You can’t expect them to full understand so soon. I personally had a hard time connecting so early too and i didn’t show much excitement either because i had so many fears. Talking about my fears with my husband helps us connect better. Try to get him involved.
    izza2BusinessWife
  • Tough love is good, thanks!
    lalala2004BusinessWifekiki75
  • I agree, it may not be that he's not interested,  but men are thinking about different things.  Mine can only talk so long about what he thinks are the funzie things, or even names, for that matter, before he's ready to change the subject.  But I know he's excited, and Im sure a bit nervous, and it's all very real to him.  Where I'm worried about what's the best, safest gear, making sure bums are clean and dry, fingers and toes are all kept toasty and warm, and we're well equipped to suck the snot out of baby's sweet face etc., he's more thinking more about the finances and longer term stability and comfort for our whole family.  (Which I do, too - don't get me wrong!)  So he thinks it's silly for me to be thinking so much about baby's immediate needs, where I generally believe the money has a way of sorting itself out, and we've never gone without so.... just different sets of worries / priorities in our case.  But it doesn't mean that baby is not on YHs mind.  Like, a lot.  He may have plenty to share, if you can get him to open up about it.  GL
    Me: 35 | DH: 42 ~ TTC May 2015 thru Dec 2017
    5/16 - Began Creighton Method CM Tracking / Napro Fertility Medicine | Progesterone + various abx cycles - all BFNs
    8/16 - SHG: ute good, at least one tube open | 10/16 - MFI Azoo dx confirmed. No known genetic cause. Vas deferens absent.
    3/17 - DH started Clomid to prepare for MESA/TESE | 4/17 - Initial RE Consult for me. | 7/17 - Successful retrieval for DH!
    9/17 - Two BTB IVFs  | 10/17 - Polypectomy  |  11/17 - 1st FET ended in CP | 12/17 - 2nd FET ... BFP!!! <3 EDD: 09/09/18

    Our little miracle is finally here!


    offtoneverlandlalala2004kiki75
  • Thankyou businesswife,  that's really kind. I can understand. He is an extremely practical person whereas I am more of a dreamer. He will get the half-built house in order I will dream about names and clothes and tiny tiny socks! It's still a long way off and I can understand his lack of excitement. I don't have a single girly friend as I work in an extremely male dominated environment and I do feel as though I have noone to talk to about my excitements and worries, therefore I do expect it from him, but I shouldn't.  I don't like having to get him to talk about it, most of the time I get radio silence and end up more annoyed! But I will give it time and some nourishment. Thanks again to everyone. 
    lalala2004BusinessWife
  • @sianyburrows. Are you participating on a BMB?  When are you due?  If you haven't jumped in yet, it might be a good time to start.  I feel it's a great outlet, and could turn out to be a nice little set of "galpals" you can get excited about all that stuff with together! ;)
    Me: 35 | DH: 42 ~ TTC May 2015 thru Dec 2017
    5/16 - Began Creighton Method CM Tracking / Napro Fertility Medicine | Progesterone + various abx cycles - all BFNs
    8/16 - SHG: ute good, at least one tube open | 10/16 - MFI Azoo dx confirmed. No known genetic cause. Vas deferens absent.
    3/17 - DH started Clomid to prepare for MESA/TESE | 4/17 - Initial RE Consult for me. | 7/17 - Successful retrieval for DH!
    9/17 - Two BTB IVFs  | 10/17 - Polypectomy  |  11/17 - 1st FET ended in CP | 12/17 - 2nd FET ... BFP!!! <3 EDD: 09/09/18

    Our little miracle is finally here!


    kiki75paytonpedro
  • Also, try to get him involved in ways that play to his strengths. Mine was all over it when I asked him to research baby monitors and other things like that. He would talk my head off about the pros and cons of each. 
    He also got excited about being able to feel the baby kick once it got big enough for him to feel. Coming to the dr appointments was good too so he could hear the heartbeat and see the ultrasound. Basically, anything he could be a part of rather than just hear about. 
    BusinessWife
  • That's cool, I tried dropping in about baby monitors/pushchair type stuff on your recommendations, (basically anything techy or anything with wheels!!!)  Seems to have done the trick.... He's now really got into the swing of it, he's set up an amazon baby list for the two of us and is looking forwards to finding out if he should be adding pink suff or blue stuff...... So, chatting on this page has really helped both me, and hubs. thankyou so much ladies! Tx
    nackiemeggymelalala2004BusinessWife
  • My husband has been excited more than me since we found out. I’m baffled to see men act so stoic. It’s very weird to me. It would upset me as well. It’s not normal at all. I think maybe they are stressed or just didn’t want a baby at the time. Some folks think a baby will bring you closer but not always the case. 
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