I Mustache You A Question (2/25)

bearmoons

I've been hoping to NOT have a csection, but at my US Wednesday, baby girl has spun around and is breech. I'm a little freaked out about it, but know there is still a good while for her to turn. I also have crazy anxiety and I feel like I'm worrying over every little thing possible (which is pretty much my norm anyways...). I haven't spent much time worrying about birth just yet, but I am looking into a few books to start getting my head wrapped around it. I've been on the catching side several times, and every woman's birth experience is different, but I feel like I need to know more about what I'm going to be doing while in labor. 

I also felt the need to start worrying about what the hell I'm going to wear this summer post-partum....I'm thinking easily removable/pull downable tops and dresses? 

silvergreen

@May14th2011 Thanks, I appreciate that! I just hear all sorts of horrible things like organs going into pockets and lots of tugging. I may feel totally differently if I have to go through one - and honestly, I feel silly and selfish not to be able to see my baby as soon as they are delivered. I had very small cyst removed from my chest early on in my pregnancy and I remember hyperventilating as they were prepping me on the table. But it did turn out to be nothing to panic about; the local anesthesia was the worst part, and I could handle that. Although the stitching up part did get me all weirded out with the tugging...

silvergreen

Sorry @kfren! I didn't see your post to me until now. And yeah, hoping the maternal instinct to deliver safely overrides any fear! I read that it depends on the hospital whether or not your husband can be with you in the OR, but I'm pretty sure that if you choose to be put under then they aren't permitted to be in the OR with you, and I hate the thought of neither parent being witness to the birth of our LO.

catlady1215

@silvergreen try not to think of the stuff you've heard. i felt not tugging. no stitching. no movement of organs. just alittle pressure but i agree that it all goes fast. i was completely numb before they even laid me down so there was no chances of feeling anything else. I do agree you go into mommy-mode. i was mostly scared about getting the spinal.. and i still am my 2nd time around.. its something i reeeeally wish DH could be in the OR with me for. but telling myself it goes quick and its what i need to do for the babe.

@bearmoons I've been thinking about that also. i think I'm going to start buying summery dresses in the spring to have on hand. it'll be cool enough still that i can wear my tshirts/pj pants around the house the first few weeks for recovery. but just summer clothes in general? ugh. i might feel the most comfortable in dresses with the postpartum mom mode. and i told SIL the other day that if anyone sees me swimming at the end of summer, i'll be in a muumuu.

krash_

@bearmoons I agree that you don't have to worry about baby being breech right now. There is plenty of time for them to turn and I'm sure they will. But our Bradley instructor recommended spinningbabies.com for getting baby into the right position before labor. 

bearmoons

@catlady1215 LOL. I have a really ugly maternity swim suit, it has f-ing polka dots on it...like why can it not be plain black? (It's for swimming laps)

@krashke thanks! I'll check that site out. I have an appointment tonight so I'll be asking the doc about it simply because I'm a crazy pregnant lady. 

ffw0617

@Austenista I'm with you, except I am taking a birthing class.

TW
Part of my reasoning is I feel too lucky (and granted I'm only 25 weeks in) but outside of the bleeding/low progesterone in the first tri I've had a really easy pg/ reproductive life. I made it 10 years (ages 17-27) of being sexually active with no hormonal birth control and not one pg scare/ unplanned pg. Then DH & I got pg on our first try. No losses. Even thought 2 of my closest friends suffered losses in 2017. Get pg, no morning sickness. I feel really fortunate. I really just want a healthy baby. Asking for an easy labor seems like asking for too much.

Austenista

If you're facing a c-section or the possibility, I hope I can reassure you by saying my experience could only have gone better if my son hadn't needed the NICU. It wasn't scary, it didn't hurt, and I only felt pressure and tugging. When they prepped me for surgery, they made double and triple sure I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't see anything at all and I was still wondering when they were going to cut when they pulled my son out. Anesthesiologist sat at my head and was kind. Two of my OB's performed the surgery, they presented my baby, he was crying and they showed him to me before and after they cleaned him up and allowed my husband to hold him. They held him down for me to touch and kiss. If he had been able to breathe well enough on his own (under-developed lungs) we would have just wheeled back to my room a happy family to bond during recovery. 

Healing wasn't bad. Stay ahead of it with the medicine they give you. I never was more than very moderately uncomfortable. I've had headaches hurt worse. Take it excessively easy at first. Dial back on the hard meds once you're able just so you can feel your own limits and don't injure yourself. Keep the incision area dry and clean. I vehemently didn't want a C last time, but I promise you it was NOTHING like I had made up in my mind of what it would be. In many ways, I feel like I bounced back quicker because of it. You're just as much of a warrior and a mommy in the end. If that is what needs to happen, it's going to be okay, it really is. I hope everyone gets exactly the birth they want. But birth hurts and is uncomfortable and you have to heal however things turn out. So please don't be scared. If you have an OB you trust, and you should, try to remember that going in - that you trust them to care about you, value both of your lives and honor your birth wishes as simultaneously as possible. 

May14th2011

@silvergreen it definitely depends on why you have the csection, but with my son I got to hold him right away. I don't think they even wiped him off before putting him on my chest, all while they sewed me up.
With my daughter, they thought she had inhaled fluid, so they took her for a few minutes before giving her to us. 
And yes, the epidural/spinal is the worst part. After that, it's not bad at all. I didn't notice any tugging or pulling, didn't feel a thing. 

silvergreen

I really appreciate all of the responses about the c-section. It's very comforting. I'm actually not freaked out about a spinal/epidural, but that's because I don't really know what it entails. Maybe better to keep it that way.

katie121209

It’s reassuring to hear some good c section stories since mine was not!! I’m trying to think positive about this next one. Definitely stay on top of the pain meds. I’m a little concerned about having my 25 pound DD to pick up but hopefully My Mom and husband can take care of the lifting for a few weeks. 

LaceyBee522

Thank you guys for the positive C-Section stories! I know that's the road I'm headed down, so it is nice to hear.

I'm about to take a sharp left turn on our questions thread, so please forgive me. I just finished (mostly, will probably keep adding/refining) our baby registries at Amazon and Buy Buy Baby. I ended with over 200 items total - about 100 on each. Did I go overboard? I feel like I want to throw everything on there, especially with twins, but I don't want people to think I'm crazy. Ugh!

Austenista

Painwise contractions>epidural. If you're getting an epidural, you could care less about that needle, you want some relief! Needle was barely a blip on my radar. We were having to find a spot in between my contractions. When one was over, I was like, "Do it woman!" Haha. 

May14th2011

@LaceyBee522 I think it's fine. I would assume no one feels obligated to buy everything so, I'm sure most people will just appreciate having options. I personally wouldn't even blink an eye, especially since I know you're having twins. 

LaceyBee522

@May14th2011 Thanks for the reassurance! I’m hoping they see it as options and not as gimme gimme gimme. 

sunshineandwhiskey

@LaceyBee522 seems reasonable to me esp with twins!!

re csection: I had a scheduled c section since DD was breach so my experience is definitely different but it truly was as good as it could be. DD was also jammed in my ribs (she was frank) and that was the only thing I could feel. The “ease” of the surgery and recovery is what makes me want a RCS. 

lisa2589

@LaceyBee522 you’re good! There’s nothing worse than opening up a registry to buy a gift only to see almost everything has already been bought! I think the more options the better 

krash_

@LaceyBee522 to reiterate what other said I don’t think that is too much especially with twins. I have abou 80 on Target and 70 on Amazon and we’re only having one lol. 

stephcat421

@LaceyBee522 you're totally fine! I have about that for a singleton! I wanted to give people a lot of options plus I get a discount on items not bought so they told me to go wild.  I'm excited you got your registries complete, that has to be a weight off your shoulders!

llamamama14

bearmoons said:

***I also felt the need to start worrying about what the hell I'm going to wear this summer post-partum....I'm thinking easily removable/pull downable tops and dresses?

Yes. You need boob access from the top or bottom. Everyone has different styles they prefer but most summer clothes are pretty nursing-friendly IMO. 

+ 1 to having a positive C section experience. I did feel tugging but I actually liked knowing when my son was taken out of me. 

+ 1 to the more stuff on your registry the easier it makes it for guests. 

llamamama14

Has anyone gone through the process of making a will? Any pointers? It's on my to-do list before baby comes. Wondering about the cost/time to get this done.  (How many meetings with a lawyer, a few hundred or a few thousand $$.) 

jsl82

@llamamama14 while I haven't done out will yet - and this reminds me that I really need to- while I was pregnant with DD my boss told me he used LegalZoom to do his.  You should check it out while researching local estate attorneys. 

lisa2589

@llamamama14 we haven’t but my parents have. I want to say it was around $600 for them and that was meeting with him twice. Their advice from the experience is to find a basic format online that you can fill in appropriately before meeting with an attorney so that you at least have a starting point and not need to follow up many times with revisions or questions. 

ETA: I’ll just apologize for my not very helpful advice because now I’m searching for an online format to start out with and it’s really difficult to find. So, bleh.  If you’re interested specifically in the healthcare living will/medical power of attorney aspect, your OB clinic should be able to direct you to a social worker with more information in that vicinity. 

buffalove1211

C-section: I was told that DD was breech starting around week 24.  They told me not to give it any thought because they move so much at that point.  Well, she didn’t.  I got serious about flipping her around 32ish weeks.  I did all the spinning baby stuff and paid out of pocket for a chiropractor that practiced the Webster method.  Nothing worked, and I was beside myself.  I remember calling my mom and crying.  I finally accepted the fact that I was headed for a c-section…. It seriously ended up being the most wonderful experience.  I am left with zero desire for a VBAC attempt.  The c-section was so fast, I got to hold baby right away, I did not feel tugging or anything at all, and I recovered quickly.  A planned c-section is for sure not the end of the world… it can be downright pleasant! :-) 

llamamama14

@jsl82 @2589 Thanks for the tips. I'm interested in an actual will (guardianship and assets for the kids) not a living will/ advanced directive.

If you find a form you like do share.

doxiemoxie212

@llamamama14 if your assets are fairly straight forward (ie, you are not a gazillionaire with multiple homes, etc.) a will should be fairly straight forward. Like, honestly a written document that says "I leave all my assets to my children if I die, and my children should be put in the care of XYZ person" and is notarized is, I believe from what I understand, a legally binding document. There are some weird things with probate court or something in certain states. I am not a lawyer, but DH has studied for two bar exams at this point, and the wills/estates teachers for the study materials were my favorite videos sooooo lolz my info is basically from that. But yeah, before DH studied for the bar exam I sort of thought of legal stuff is this witchcraft situation, but it isn't. It's just basic words on a page with a signature. Decide the basic things you want, put it in a form online and sign it. Get a lawyer involved as little as possible, IMO. 

marcus7676

@llamamama14 my H and I did a will, trust, power of attorney, health care proxy, etc., via attorney last year.  In my high COL state/city, we spent $6000 for everything.  It took two meetings (one to discuss everything and one to sign everything).  

Every state is different. I am an attorney and would never do it myself given the intricacies with the tax law.  As an example, my father (not an attorney) hired an attorney to do a will.  He then did a codicil (amendment) to a will himself because he didn't want to spend the money.  We were in probate court for over 2 years because the court wouldn't accept the codicil that my father did himself and ultimately had to hire an attorney to help settle the estate.  In my opinion and legal experience, hiring a lawyer to help with this aspect will only pay off for your children / spouse in the long run.  

What @doxiemoxie212 says is true-ish, but there are a lot more questions - - what happens if the person listed on your piece of paper can't take care of the kids? Do you want your kids to have access to all the money right away? Do you want the person taking care of your kids to have access to the money or is that a third party? If your kids are 2, who is in charge of the money?  Who has the power to make legal decisions on their behalf versus physical custody? What about you - - who can make health care decisions on your behalf?  

I actually encourage everyone to have that last discussion before going into the hospital to have the baby.  If something happens in labor - - what do you want your husband to do? It is a morbid and emotional discussion and everyone will feel differently, but it should be discussed so your husband knows what to do in the event something goes wrong.

catlady1215

@silvergreen i don't know (nor want to know) what all happens with a spinal. I just didn't like how it felt when doing it. It wasn't pain or anything, just... a weird.. feeling that I can never explain.

@laceybee522 I think more is better, as long as it's all stuff you legitimately want/need.. not just fillers. This way there's options for everyone. But fillers get in the way cause more people could buy that stuff over stuff you really want.

izza2

marcus7676 said:

@llamamama14 my H and I did a will, trust, power of attorney, health care proxy, etc., via attorney last year.  In my high COL state/city, we spent $6000 for everything.  It took two meetings (one to discuss everything and one to sign everything).  

Every state is different. I am an attorney and would never do it myself given the intricacies with the tax law.  As an example, my father (not an attorney) hired an attorney to do a will.  He then did a codicil (amendment) to a will himself because he didn't want to spend the money.  We were in probate court for over 2 years because the court wouldn't accept the codicil that my father did himself and ultimately had to hire an attorney to help settle the estate.  In my opinion and legal experience, hiring a lawyer to help with this aspect will only pay off for your children / spouse in the long run.  

What @doxiemoxie212 says is true-ish, but there are a lot more questions - - what happens if the person listed on your piece of paper can't take care of the kids? Do you want your kids to have access to all the money right away? Do you want the person taking care of your kids to have access to the money or is that a third party? If your kids are 2, who is in charge of the money?  Who has the power to make legal decisions on their behalf versus physical custody? What about you - - who can make health care decisions on your behalf?  

I actually encourage everyone to have that last discussion before going into the hospital to have the baby.  If something happens in labor - - what do you want your husband to do? It is a morbid and emotional discussion and everyone will feel differently, but it should be discussed so your husband knows what to do in the event something goes wrong.

^WSS.

We haven't drawn up wills, nor do we have POAs, HCPs, etc. (yet!), but we've had this discussion a few times over the years of what we'd want to happen if one of us ever ended up needing life-saving interventions, ventilation, etc. H and I are on the same page for everything during every discussion we've had, which makes it a little easier.

twelvetwosomeonenew

My goodness, some very heavy subjects going on in here! 
My two cents -- if you trust your OB, they should be open to your birth plan(s) and discussing them ahead of labor will give him/her the opportunity to give you any hospital specifics that may change your plan. (I.e. my hospital only has one birthing tub, and he was able to warn me that it is standard to put ointment on the newborns eyes. And in order to opt out I would need to sign an AMA) 

And PLEASE have those tough discussions with your partner! And make sure that those close to you (parents, sibling, whayever) know who is to make decisions if something were to go wrong. The last thing anyone needs is an argument in the hall over who makes what choice. 

Annnnnd, please register for anything that makes your heart happy. All the things.

krash_

Q for ST+M's...did you wear a postpartum girdle or support belt after delivery? Did you find it helpful with recovery and is there one you would recommend? 

catlady1215

@krashke I would also like to know this (unless support belts are different for vaginal vs csection). the hospital didn't offer me one with DS. but I've seen a lot of mom's have it offered. my niece just had one after her csection last month (different hospital) and she was getting around good, so I really want to have one ready and bring it.

ramennoodlegif

+1 to the support band. I asked for one after my c-section before leaving the hospital and it definitely helped. I didn't wear it after my VBAC. 

krash_

@catlady1215 from my limited Amazon research and review reading I don't think there is any difference in the actual product for vaginal vs c-section. Maybe if you have a c-section you can get one through the hospital/insurance. I'm curious because there seems to be a big range of price and I'm wondering if that directly relates to quality. There are some that are $100+ and some that are $15. I would think that regardless of vaginal or c-section it would be good to have the support and some compression to keep things in place but I think it would be especially helpful for a c-section. 

jsl82

@krashke & @catlady1215 it was recommended to me to use one after having DD by a mom friend (she had twins and still rocked a girdle when the girls were 2yo).  I didn't find one that I liked (but I didn't look that hard).  I have been looking for one to wear this time too. 

My hospital did not provide, but I had a vaginal birth last time (fingers crossed this time too).  I can imagine that c-section births would require different care during recovery.  I know that the underwear you wear post c-section should be above the incision so it doesn't irritate the wound as it heals, girdles I would guess would be similar.  

catlady1215

@krashke wow that's a big price range! then yah, I'd be curious if its quality or what. I only wasn't sure if there was a different with vag/csection cause of the incision etc. I should probably start some research on these.
and think I'm making a note to ask the hospital if they offer them when/if we make it to the hospital tour!

mytinc

Re: Birth Plans

I know I"m chiming in late, but for me it was helpful to read through lengthy questionnaires (like the Bump's) on creating a birth plan.  It gave me the opportunity to research a few things and get an idea of what was important to me and what wasn't.  I was able to think through various scenarios in advance.  I didn't end up actually creating a birth plan or giving anything to the nurses, but I felt I was better prepared to answer when various questions were asked because I understood why they were being asked and I knew how I felt about the answers while not under the pressure of being in labor.

sunshineandwhiskey

@krashke I used the hospital provided one until the one i bought fit.  I bought two through Bellefit.  i loveddddd it.  It just made things "feel" better haha I did have a csection, though.

MoonOverGoldsboro

I didn't feel any need for a support band. I actually felt sort of the opposite...I didn't want anything squishing/constricting my middle. I felt so free not having such a big belly anymore! But I had a quick vaginal birth and overall easy recovery--I think it's really different with a c-section. Like everything, I guess, YMMV.

lrichhx05

I also felt no need for a support band, it didn't even cross my mind. I had a vaginal birth and a fairly easy recovery, so maybe it's different for everybody.