Mother in Law Issues

knottieef00fd1ae0763822

So I’ve had something on my mind since my daughter was born and it’s beginning to drive me a little crazy so I’m hoping reaching out in a discussion I can find some kind of peace. My mother in law, husband.. family has lost a family member last November due to battle of addiction. This member was his sister & her daughter. My husband and I found out I was pregnant June 2017, right before my birthday. My mother in law spent my whole pregnancy comparing my daughter to her daughter & telling us she was a gift from her daughter. Became obsessed with mt husband & I and expects a lot from us that was never expected nor wanted before her daughter passed away. Now we have become her main attention & my daughter as well... I was due February 19th. Extremely active my whole pregnancy.. worked full time all the way up until the Saturday before I went into labor. My last doctors appt before the arrival of my sweet baby, the doctor told me expect to be at the hospital the next week (2 weeks early, 38 week) all I could say was please don’t be born on my mother in laws birthday. Well she was! And my mother in law has made it about her. A gift to her and how it is no coincidence. I am extremely upset one over the fact she has once again stolen a joy from my husband and I making it about herself, two that my sweet baby has to share a birthday (even though I will never make her “share”) it will always be about her. & How now once again she looks at my daughter as a gift to herself.. It is a unhealthy obsession she has created since the loss of her daughter and it is and has created serious resentment against my husbands family. Now I had struggled with post partum, seriously missing my pregnancy and my baby in my belly where I feel I could protect her from all of this. Now she is here and I’m feeling obsessive with keeping her away from my husbands family because of the situation. I feel so sad this is going on and that I have to be so crazy over something I cannot control. I guess I’m hoping for some advice & a way to find peace.. I don’t know what to do and I unfortunately have no idea how to talk to her about it and most likely won’t. My husband Says she is traumatized and I don’t want to be insensitive but this is our baby and she is my number one priority. I love her so much. I couldn’t IMAGINE losing her but something has got to give.. we can only use excuses for our behavior for so long.. 

msunshine123

Congratulations on your LO. I'm sorry you're experiencing all this. Having a LO is a lot to get use to and sometimes ILs don't make the transition any easier.  Your situation sounds tricky. It also sounds like your MIL could benefit from a grief counselor. For parents who have had a loss a grief counselor can be an amazing resource. I would say to try not to let your MIL actions and words influence your experience with your child. With children people will continually make comments, suggestions and statements to you - as the parent choose which things to let go and what things to do/ keep in mind. I'd say if your MILs words are hurting/ upsetting you and DH - tell her when you hear "xyz"  it makes you feel ... acknowledge her loss and let her know you are sorry for the loss, but you'd like her to value and cherish your daughter for the individual she is and this unique experience... Also maybe have your DH have he conversation above as it's his mother he'll know how to approach this subject. Good luck! 
Edited due to auto correct