Weekday Randoms - Week of 2/12

holly321

@emmasemm, what was your rheumatologist's reasoning?  Mine would not prescribe plaquenil when I was first TTC because he was hopeful I would go into remission while pregnant, and we wouldn't know how well it worked.  TW in spoiler .  

I felt so much worse while pregnant so we assume the pregnancy aggravated the disease, but then again, it could have been the cancer.  

holly321

Mobile bump and spoilers don't get along.  Anyway, once I got benched he let me try.  But, my OBgyn so absolutely not to using it while pregnant.

jrm_14

@caybb352 @emmasemm Yes, I do have experience with Humira (and Remicade, Enbrel, Cimzia, Methotrexate, and Xeljanz ). I have had many, many extensive conversations with my Rheumotologist re: the use of biologica while TTC/hypothetical pregnancy. For me, personally, I will not continue biologics during pregnancy. They are such a new class of drugs- many less than the amount of time we have been alive  The longevity studies are just not there for me to feel safe continuing them while growing another human. 
I currently take one of those medications listed. Come to find out, the RE discovered studies show it disrupts the egg growth & development pathways. 

Medications when TTC is hard stuff. That being said, I’m my best self on a medication for depression.  I will continue it during pregnancy.  Many women with autoimmune issues experience a great improvement and/or remission of symptoms during pregnancy. 

P.S.  If you haven’t- try bringing the Humira pen to room temp for 30-60min prior to injection. Ice the injection site before&after!

sarcaztic1016

@jrm_14 I brought the pen to room temp this time but didn’t ice the area. I’ll try that next week! I was thinking it wouldn’t be as bad as my previous fertility meds so I could tough it out but it was worse! 

I agree that especially with newer drugs there could always be risks that are unknown due to lack of longevity in studies. In the end individuals have to weigh the benefits vs the risks. My psoriasis is bad enough and affects my day to day function enough that for me the benefits of taking Humira while TTC outweigh the risks. I have been in the middle of an active flare up for the past 6 months whith multiple short term treatments not working to settle it. My hair has thinned drastically and I have bald patches in some areas. I use a steroid shampoo every other day to calm it enough that I don’t itch constantly. 

Maybe I will get PG at some point and the flare will subside, I can only hope. 

jrm_14

@caybb352 No judgement here- I hope your psoriasis does get under control!  


@holly321 ((all the hugs))
ETA:  I will stay on plaqunil the duration of an intended pregnancy. Biologics are such a different category of drug that there are so many variables compared to disease modifying anti rheumatic drugs (ie: plaqunil). TW-pregnancy

I think I’ve told you before- my sister went off plaqunil at each BFP. Now, on this pregnancy, she went back on it second trimester as her flaring was not improving. Or Rheumotologist was supportive either way. I think with a lot of hesticency has to do with the mindset none is best, why add it if the chance is there it will get better?  

ETA2:  It actually has made me physically ill knowing how biologic medications (such as Humira &Remicade, etc) are made & what from. And yes, I know gonal-f is technically a biologic medication as are many vaccines. 

persnickity

**lurker***

@caybb352 try injecting in your stomach. The legs were so painful for me, but upper stomach area is much less painful. It still stings, but not as bad. *TW I was on humira my entire pregnancy. end TW*

emmasemm

@jrm_14 @holly321 @caybb352

Also no judgement here - I’m really just exploring ideas and trying to get different views and experiences. Balancing our health and well being with TTC is not at all easy.

My old RE wanted me off everything for as long as possible, was even a complete no to prednisone whilst stimming.
My new RE basically wants to totally dampen my entire immune system whilst stimming (he also believes this affects egg quality and quantity heavily) - he suggested several things including Humira or up to 50mg of prednisone a day (yep, that much) amongst other options. But it also depends what the haematologist finds next week too.

My rheumatologist was not happy with stopping all meds (as per RE.1), but reduced them (and increased my monitoring frequency) which meant the last six months I’ve yo-yo’d between next to nothing one month and then high meds the next as I did one on one off IVF cycles. I think you all know how crappy that is to have flares so often. I go on Monday to discuss the options from the new RE with him (and put them in contact directly - me playing middle man is crazy...!).

Thanks for all your views. This seems such a specialist niche area. Before Xmas my rheumatologist said the number of patients young enough and well enough to consider childbearing has been so small in the past that it’s a really poorly researched area and pretty much everything they go from is anecdotal or uncontrolled studies (ie no control group).

And to everyone else - sorry I didn’t mean to hijack the randoms thread!

@holly321 also sorry AF arrived 

kns1988

@jrm_14 , I'm on a low dose of Zoloft, and I think I'll stay on it through TTC, too. I was a hot mess of anxiety without it.

My random is that I need a new car. Our 16 year old Saturn failed inspection yesterday because the frame is rotted out. It would cost more to fix it than the car is worth. Anyone have a hybrid car that they like?

lurvleybunchococonuts

@emmasemm I don't mind you hijacking the randoms thread.  I find it fascinating the balancing of TTGP & managing physical well being.  TTGP is hard alone, I can't fathom the added obstacles you all have to overcome.  I gotta ask, apologies cause you've probably said it a billion times before, but what are you in school for?  You are like a walking TTGP/IF encyclopedia and have an AMAZING way of explaining things. 

@kns1988 no advise on vehicles, just here to say that suuuuccks!!!! I hope you're able to find something you like easily    

@holly321 Boooo! Stupid AF... wtf is she doing?  

coco2787

TTC is taking over my dreams now.  I had a dream last night that my husband told me that he would sometimes check my CM while I slept.  I mean, really??

offtoneverland

Does anyone have any tips for switching to/using natural deodorant? I tried it for a week (I used Primal Pit Paste) and by the middle of the day it definitely started wearing off and I got really self conscious about my stench. I don't even sweat that much! I switched back to regular deodorant, but I'd really like to find a natural one to use because I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to the aluminum in regular deodorants and my armpits are so so itchy all the time. Any tips or recommendations would be great! 

holly321

@offtoneverland, I make my own.  I use coconut oil, bakig soda and corn starch.  It takes a few days for your body to adjust.  I think I was able to avoid stinkiness with reapplying during the day for the first week.  

I have tried to use store bought natural deodorant and had no luck.  Tom's makes me stinky and Schmidt's, I don't know really what happened, but essentially my arm pit got sort of infected wear the hair was growing back from shaving.  It was miserable.

dreamscapes_

Just poking my head in to say hi to everyone. *wave*

eleven_

@coco2787 I just had my DH read your post. We both could not stop laughing 
@offtoneverland I have no advice, but I have also tried the Toms deodorant and it was absolutely terrible. If you end up finding one that works, let me know. 
@dreamscapes_ Hi, friend 

darkstar42

@offtoneverland I use the Crystal Essence lavendr & white tea deodorant. It works great for me! It definitely does take at least a few days for your body to get used to a natural deodorant though. Good luck!

linund

@offtoneverland I went down this road, but TMI, I stink. I was using the clinical ones twice a day before I switched (my husband's a nurse and won't let me use antiperspirant), and literally tried everything. Homemade stuff, all the brands, Etsy stuff, and what works for me is Native (none of the flowery scents). For the first time ever, I only have to apply once a day, so even though it's expensive, I love it.

offtoneverland

@holly321 @darkstar42 @linund Thank you for the tips! I really hope I can make a natural deodorant work so I'll try your recommendations and see how my body handles it. Thanks!!
@eleven_ @holly321 I tried the Tom's deodorant too and I don't like it at all. 

KristoKekerooni

Alright, which of you guys are great at insurance? Our benefits are changing a little this year and I don't know which plan to choose. The plan I am currently on has a deductible and OOP max that is raising a little. And they added a new option, with HRA. I have NO idea what to choose. Normally they have a benefits meeting and they say something like "If you plan to do xyz this year, choose this plan, if not, choose this" and she lists things like have a baby, have surgery, etc. So you can sorta plan it out. I mean, obviously shit happens and you can't plan for everything. But I always elect whatever she says is best if you are planning to have a baby (We see how that's worked out, *eyeroll*), anyway, I don't know which would be better this year, since we might have a baby this year, with IVF and all. Regardless, IVF isn't covered on any plan, so that doesn't matter. Between the two I am looking at (EPO, and PPO w/HRA), the employee contributions are really similar. So what do I choose?

Based on this (below) I would think the PPO w/HRA is better (I know it's more up front, since it has the higher deductible, but we can afford the up front costs). 

But based on the examples they give, it looks like the EPO is better?

                  PPO w/HRA                                        EPO

jrm_14

@KristoKekerooni My silent superpower is insurance. Will it be for you or you&H?  Would you potentially add baby to yours or your husband’s (if he has separate insurance?  Do you have an HSA or does your employer contribute to an HSA or reimburse you for any medical cost?

rta:  The other thing to consider is how much you use your insurance. If the only thing you were doing was having a baby, the EPO looks cheaper. However, overall, both those hypothetical figures only take into account you haven’t already met your deductible or OOP max. If it utilize your insurance on a regular basis, the the PPO w/ HRA is the best option looking at how much you’ll spent OOP in the plan year. I’m assuming the prefunding is the amount the employer puts into the HRA for you?  

KristoKekerooni

@jrm_14 , yasss girl. I love your superpower! 

It is for H and I both, since his insurance sucks and we are lucky in that there is no fee for him having other insurance available ( I know that is a thing a lot of places). it will also be for LO, if the FET works. 

We don't have an HSA, but the company contributes to the PPO HRA plan, 1000 total, since H is on it. But it's not like a typical HSA, it's not loaded for me to use wherever like a flex, they directly bill my company for it. But I also have flex. I don't like to include that, since it's still technically money out of my pocket, not contributed money. 

I don't know how much I use my insurance, I guess. Like, what is normal? We are "lucky" in that we see an OBGYN for IF stuff (except the actual IVF procedure), so all my monitoring appointments have been just an office copay, so far. Plus all that bloodwork has been covered so far as well. I also see an acupuncturist weekly (yes, it's covered) But beyond acu, IF, and potential pregnancy, no, I don't see a doctor at all. I can't even remember the last time I saw my PCP. 

galactickates

@kristokekerooni I am in the HRA plan and it works well for us,  it's nice at first because you pay nothing.  If you are able to do a FSA that helps cover the OOP once your HRA runs out that's the best way to do an HRA because the FSA money is tax free and can be applied to your OOP.  I've been on an HRA for a couple years now but not by choice, it's just what my company switched to/offers.  If you can add an additional plan like the aflac pregnancy policy then that will cut your OOP even more.  You have to add it 30 days before you become pregnant though.  Just a warning if you do go with the HRA.... be prepared to explain at EVERY visit you don't have a copay. They WILL try to make you pay it but your insurance card should say "copay only due after deductible is met." If you do pay it... you'll eventually be reimbursed but not for awhile. Can you tell I've done this before? lol

Hopefully your OB will do global billing so you won't pay a cent until after you deliver. What would be the ideal situation... is having your LO when your plan rolls over so everything else the rest of the year is covered. But... does it really matter as long you get that take home baby?  

jrm_14

@KristoKekerooni If you’re going on what is best if you have a sweet babe this calendar year, the PPO w/ HRA will be the way to go. Either way, with accu etc, it sounds like That’s the way to go. Their example was a bit misleading if you don’t consider how other cost you encounter before that would impact the labor & delivery cost or the entire year. I’m more of a “look at the overall cost” rather than one specific event. 

galactickates

@kristokekerooni an HRA actually works the opposite in regards to up front cost. What will happen is that your employer shares that big deductible with you.  You go through the funds that your employer provides FIRST so you pay nothing until their portion is used up THEN you are responsible for your portion until the entire deductible is met then everything that would be covered by your insurance is covered 100%. Your policy looks very similar to mine.  So I had a few office visits and an urgent care visit plus prescriptions this year and I paid $0 for all of it. I also had laparoscopic surgery and my OOP was $80 because I still had funds on my HRA. But.... if I have to see my Dr before APRIL I have to pay for that visit 100% OOP, and any prescriptions 100% until the rest of my deductible is met.  If you are relatively healthy then HRA is definitely the way to go

Eta I say April because that's when my plan rolls over
I just reread your plan... and do you have to cover that whole deductible yourself????  Is the prefunding what your work is covering?  So your deductible would really be $4000 on a family plan?

This is the way mine is laid out
Its super confusing because my work actually pays the $1,500. 



I'm assuming that is what your $500-$1000 is for?

KristoKekerooni

@jrm_14 , I think you are right. Once everything else adds up, I still think it'll be better to do the HRA. And I think too what about i f anything, even minor things, go wrong? GD or extra anesthesia or something.I would imagine that would add up. H never ever ever goes to the doctor, but I think I could easily cover the deductible and even the OOPM if we get to that. Especially since we have flex. 

holly321

@KristoKekerooni, I second @jrm_14.  If you plan on having a lot of medical bills, it is best to look at the OOP max.  Also, since the plan is a no copay plan, once you reach OOP max, almost every thing is free. We had a plan one year when we met OOP max, we still payed copays, it was awful. 

wishiwaspreggo

So this is really random and I'm sharing with you all because I can't tell anyone else.

My wife found our donor. It's really, really surreal. She went to a work meeting yesterday where they taught her how to search for people through LinkedIn parameters. She used that to look for our donor by typing in his degree, major/minor, and graduate education and scanned a few pages of profiles. Then boom, she found his picture and learned his name. Found his Facebook profile. Kids mentioned in spoiler.

We will absolutely not contact him, of course. But it's crazy to know he's out there living his life and has no idea he helped 17 families make babies. He will know more about us in 10-15 years, depending on when the oldest of the kids in our group decides to initiate contact first. Who knows, maybe he and his wife and kids will join us on our reunion vacations. I really hope that's the case, I'd love that for the kids. I can't tell any of the other women in our group, though, because one is a major loose cannon and already tried contacting the sperm bank to figure out who this guy is so she can "thank" him personally. I could seriously picture her contacting him if we told her and then scaring him off. Plus I guess her son is having troubles accepting he doesn't have a daddy (she and her partner had a messy break-up and her ex has been in and out of the child's life) so I could honestly imagine her trying to "fix" it by harassing the donor. Which in turn would cause him to pop off the grid to avoid the nightmares she'd inevitably cause and ruin the other kids' chances of having a relationship with him and his kids.

lurvleybunchococonuts

O.m.g... So H and I are binge watching the Sharknado videos (cause they make me laugh like a hyena) and in #5 Fabio is the friggin' Pope!! Lmao... They're so terrible!!!

Eta: annnnnnd now we started watching the mortified guide... Holy guacamole batman... I'm just about dying of laughter over here. If you need a "pick me up" doit!

Whitmore1027

So. H and I are currently laying on the couch watching Criminal Minds, and I said "can you rub my feet so that I can relax because it might help my egg travel and implant safely" (I'm 3 dpo....hahaha). He looked at me squinty and side eye and said "yoouu lie! But I'll rub them anyway." Lol! Just thought that was funny. 

Whitmore1027

@wishiwaspreggo Oh wow!! That is amazing! I can't believe how easy it really is to find people these days!! 

wishiwaspreggo

@Whitmore1027 I say yes to milking the foot rubs! I’m already looking forward to splurging on my pre-IUI massage because it worked before! Except I might need the 90 minute one with hot stones now that I’m a bit older than I was last time. You know, just in case. Gotta be nice and relaxed for those hormones to work properly!

rosebud332

TW mentioning kids in response to wishiwaspreggo

@wishiwaspreggo Wow! I have no experience in what you're dealing with so please excuse any ignorance in my part. You're right it's crazy to think he has so many kids and just has no idea! I always wonder if sperm donors think about stuff like that, or if they just push it to the back of their mind and pretend they never did it. I think it's really cool that you are in contact with so many siblings and are planning on having reunions! It's just one huge family but from all different walks of life. That's awesome.

ETA: spoiler

Whitmore1027

@wishiwaspreggo yes I totally agree you should go for the 90 min with hot stones! Relaxing does wonders I say! And that sounds so amazing!

LJMoon6

@wishiwaspreggo Wow that's crazy you were able to find the donor!!! I'm sorry if you've told it a million times but do you mind telling me your story? I'm curious how you found out about all the other families.  It's so great that you can be in contact with them. Are there no limits on how many families can use the same donor? Is his FB anything like the profile you picked out from the sperm bank or are there some things you wish you didn't know?  Sorry 20 questions lol.  I just know nothing about all this.

wishiwaspreggo

@LJMoon6 - I don't mind sharing my story being a same-sex couple, we needed to utilize a 3rd party to have a baby so we went with a cryobank (I had two male friends offer and after we chose that route I am so, so glad we went anonymous because they started fighting with each other over who would get to be the donor and we ended up being confronted by one of them after he prepared a list of reasons why he'd be a better donor than our other friend. Shit would've gotten very messy, very fast).

TW - children/family mentioned - sorry I failed to put the spoiler up previously! I forget other people read these responses sometimes!

Anyway, we went through a few donors before getting pregnant by the one who gave us our son. The cryobank has a crappy social media feature and we found other women who used our donor too. We formed a Facebook group that's much easier to use and we get together once a year so our kids can get to know each other. This year we're going to Wisconsin Dells! Really excited about that. We also meet up when we can if we're in the same area as another family. We'll probably stop in GA to see one of the women on our way to Florida this May so that'll be fun.

Our donor is open ID which means he's willing to be contacted by his offspring when they turn 18. That being said, I'm fairly certain he'd freak out if we contacted him now. The kids he's raising are close in age to the kids we've given birth to so I can't imagine how surreal it would be to meet them. We don't want to cross any lines that could jeopardize the kids' chances of meeting him in the future so we're not contacting him at all, and we're reluctant to share with the group that we know who he is out of fear one of them will think it's a brilliant idea to contact him. It's inevitable that his information will be discovered by one of the other women. His whole profile is public and he was actually really easy to locate.

To answer your questions: each donor is allowed to create 25 families, max. The parents who have kids through the donor can have as many children as they want/are capable of having from the amount of sperm he donated. Many of us are just having 1-2 kids. Some of the women are well into their 40's and just wanted 1 child. Others are same-sex couples and are more inclined to have 2 or 3. We're all so different it's pretty amazing. But our common thought process is we don't want to deprive the kids of their identity or familial connections by preventing them from knowing their donor and half-siblings. Kids who are raised knowing they're donor conceived and have that connection to half-siblings are happier and more readily accept their birth story. I've read a lot of horror stories about kids who found out they were donor-conceived later in life, or had 2 moms that chose an anonymous donor and were discouraged from finding their donor, or who grieve those connections they never had. I don't want that for my kids and while there may be some yearning or pain that I can't heal the least I can do is do my best to fill those voids with what information I have. All kids respond differently, though. Some will resent growing up without a dad. Others will resent being different. It's our job to allow the kids to feel that pain and help them work through it, rather than tell them they're "lucky" to be alive or guilt them into silence. Doing those things will make you a good parent to a donor-conceived child, I think.

His FB and other profiles definitely had things I wish we knew he has a family history of heroin addiction and he has a rare autoimmune disorder he didn't disclose. W has a family history of heroin addiction and alcohol abuse, and she has an autoimmune disorder, too. We are glad she never got pregnant now because their biological match could've been a disaster. But otherwise he seems happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. He has a nice family of his own, a lovely house, and he's working on his MBA. He's someone I'll be proud to show my kids when they get older that he's their donor. Definitely could've done worse!

jrm_14

@wishiwaspreggo You have been around long enough to know and respect talking about live children should at the very, very least contain a TW or say “I’m happy to discuss that in TFAS thread.”  
Additionally, it’s possible he did not know about the autoimmune disease when he donated. I cannot imagine the draw to wanting to know more about a donor that is creating my family. What a miraculous gift!  What a great thing to have a donor that is willing to be contacted when the children turn 18. That being said, those are the terms you agreed to. It doesn’t matter if he was easy to find. When the choice is made to violate the agreed upon terms, so many ethical and moral issues arise as well as emotions. 
I wish you the best of luck moving forward- truly, I do. The gift that donor has provided is indescribable. Please be more considerate of board etiquette in the future. 

Eta: thank you for the TW & spoilers. 

wishiwaspreggo

@jrm_14 - Sorry, as I mentioned in my (edited) post I forget other folks are reading these threads.

And yes, absolutely we agreed to not contact him. That's why we've decided not to mention it to the other women in our group. One of them we're sure would violate that contract so we're not saying anything. She already tried once by writing a letter to the cryobank (to pass along to the donor) and when she told us she did that we tried explaining why that's a bad idea and she got very defensive. I do worry since he's so easy to find one of the others will come across his information and try to contact him. It's not up to us to do that, though. It's up to the kids and W and I fully respect that.