FTM Questions for S+TMs: February

ashtuesday

ashtuesday

Okay ladies: anyone remember roughly how long it took them to get through the worst of healing-with-stitches-after-a-tear, or have any advice for making the pain manageable?. I'm on day 6 after some significant 2nd-degree tearing, and I desperately need to see a light at the end of the tunnel!

becausescience

@ashtuesday The light is so close. The first week was definitely the worst. Take the ibuprofen regularly to help with pain and swelling. Do you have the Dermaplast in the blue can? I used that a few times a day and ice packs a few times a day. I did a couple sitz baths too with Epsom salts. Also my nurse gave me one of those inflated donuts to sit on and that helped a ton - not so much pressure on the area when sitting and nursing for.ev.er.

mmom3

I second Dermaplast. Also the ice pack pads or padsicilies several times a day.  With my first I was a complete tear and it took a few weeks to not feel that excruciating pain.

ShawnnaO

Everything @becausescience said! You’re almost there!!!! Be careful though. Just because you *feel* better doesn’t mean that you *are* better. Still take it easy for as long as possible so you don’t hurt yourself even more. I speak from experience, tearing a stitch in Walmart because you just NEEDED to get out of the house is soooooo not worth it. 

StephBrim24

I second everything @becausescience said. Dermoplast and padsicles. 

stardustskies

This is my worst fear about childbirth. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm afraid and I say no, because they have epidurals. I'm more afraid of the pain that comes in the following weeks. 

missnc77

You poor thing! I remember toward the end of the first week crying at 2am while trying to feed DD1 because I couldn’t even sit up in bed it hurt so bad. I had second degree tearing as well. And when everything is new and something you’ve never experienced, it’s discouraging, and you think it’ll last forever. I think within 1-2 days of that peak pain, I started to go uphill. Hang in there as others have said!

paigew123

@ashtuesday dermoplast as others have said. I also used Tucks which gave me some relief. 
Hope the worst is over soon! It gets better after the first 1-2 weeks.

chasingroygbiv

As @paigew123 said I used tucks. I would dab the area with them and then put a few on my pad too. Try not to sit with all of your weight on the area if you can avoid it. Use a boppy or some sort of donut. Lots of padsicles.

ashtuesday

Thank you so much, ladies!  You are giving me hope!  As much as the pain sucks, the dependence feels that much worse. I HAVE to give myself breaks throughout the day, and I hate having to rely on my husband so much.  I know it will just take time!

muggle621

My mom had a pretty horrible tear when she had my sister in 1989 and said they would give you this heat lamp thing that went under the covers. I take it they don't do that anymore. STM's - is heat a big no no in general for healing down there? 

[Deleted User]

muggle621 said:

My mom had a pretty horrible tear when she had my sister in 1989 and said they would give you this heat lamp thing that went under the covers. I take it they don't do that anymore. STM's - is heat a big no no in general for healing down there? 

I feel like heat increases swelling so i would guess the that's why the preference switched to cold?

muggle621

@antoto That would make sense. I was telling her about dermoplast and padcicles and she was telling me all they had were giant pads and a heat lamp. It's funny how things change over time! 

stardustskies

Sooo I'm hearing dermoplast for sure, but should I go with padsicles or tucks? I was planning on going the always discreet route for the first week or so. Should I make padsicles to put in them, or just go with tucks? 

Edit- Or, can I make padsicles with my airways discreet instead of actual pads?

bravoandprosecco

If it helps anyone's fear about healing after, I didn't really have that hard of a time! I had 2 stitches and for me the bleeding for 6 weeks was the worst part, the tear didn't bother me as much as that.  I'm hoping this time it will be similar. I did however have horrible back pain for a month. Not sure if I hurt it pushing the wrong way or if it was the epidural but I could barely get up and down stairs!

missnc77

@sarahhedger7 When I was in the hospital, the nurse showed me how to build a pad. Pad, then lay down some tucks, squirt some of whatever cream they gave me, spray some dermoplast on my wounds, then pull up my undies.You can just lay down some tucks on a padsicle if you go that route. I also ordered these from amazon because you just crack them in half and it activates them like a cold pack, but you still have to use a pad under them because they aren't very absorbent. The hospital gave me some, but I also ordered extra. 

https://www.amazon.com/Medline-MDS148055-Deluxe-Perineal-Adhesive/dp/B01N6PAYO7

megpeg

I don’t want to scare anyone but if you are feeling like things are taking longer than you think they should to heal talk to your doctor. A friend of mine had issues for a while with things being painful and not feeling right- it ended up that the resident that sewed her up put things back together wrong. She had to have it cut back open and resewn when her daughter was a few weeks old when they finally realized what had happened. 

missnc77

@megpeg Oh my gosh. What a nightmare! 

ShawnnaO

@sarahhedger7 I’m team all the things. Padcicles. Tucks. Dermoplast. EVERYTHING. 

paigew123

@sarahhedger7 I didn't use padsicles at all. I found tucks to be a lot more helpful then anything else I did try....
it gave me immediate relief. 
I didn't tear much though, so it's possible for someone that tears more it's not enough? 
I hope never to find out! 

crossfitbabybump

I've had blood in my cervical mucus since I got home Sunday from the hospital, a total of 4 different times. As a FTM, it's hard to tell if it's part of my mucus plug or what? How long should I go like this? My contractions aren't close enough now to concern me enough to call the hospital. I don't want to go in AGAIN just to be sent home. I know that every pregnancy is different but I'm wondering if any of you STM's have insight on how long you went with bloody show before baby came? Thanks

DDRRT1982

crossfitbabybump said:

I've had blood in my cervical mucus since I got home Sunday from the hospital, a total of 4 different times. As a FTM, it's hard to tell if it's part of my mucus plug or what? How long should I go like this? My contractions aren't close enough now to concern me enough to call the hospital. I don't want to go in AGAIN just to be sent home. I know that every pregnancy is different but I'm wondering if any of you STM's have insight on how long you went with bloody show before baby came? Thanks

Your mucous plug can definitely fall out in chunks and pieces.  So, seeing all this four times is not abnormal.  It can even grow back, but if the volume of blood looks bright red you might want to just call your OB.  My OB doesn't mess around with any reports of blood and will usually bring you in for a check up.  Maybe you can see your OB today instead of later in the week?  

crossfitbabybump

@DDRRT1982 - the volume of blood is not super bright red, just tinged. I can give them a call and see what they have to say, especially since Friday seems so far away and that's my next apt!

cford08

Okay STM tell me the truth about these cervical checks. Are they any indication of how well I'll deal with labor? I have had 2 in the last two weeks and I thought I was going to crawl off the exam table. Made my OB question whether I should attempt an epidural free birth. Uncomfortable is a mild way of put it. I'm not sure if it's just because my cervix has been through alot and pretty friable or what.

ETA my question

megpeg

@cford08 to me it depends on who is doing it. My midwife and nurse practitioners didn’t hurt but I swear the resident at the hospital was like elbow deep. Don’t let it deter you from trying med free. I don’t necessarily think it means anything.

cford08

@megpeg good to know. I saw alot of ladies designated one person to be the "checker". I feel kind of bad, but I don't think it'll be my OB. Hope it doesn't offend her but good grief, I don't know if I can go through that hourly. 

crossfitbabybump

@cford08 - great question, because I was thinking the same thing. Although I've had several different people with different sized hands check me and they are all different. it's also frustrating because how can I get a clear answer if more than one person is checking? my OB told me a few weeks back I was 75% effaced and then when I was in the hospital over the weekend the other OB on staff told me no, I was only about 50%... pissed me off.

cford08

@crossfitbabybump didn't even think about the variations in measurements! That is so true. I need someone with delicate technique and small fingers lol

missnc77

Cervical checks are excruciating when you're not all that dilated yet. I'm going to talk to my OB today about at least waiting until 38 weeks before she goes in. I will say that once you're in labor and things are progressing, they don't feel as terrible. I didn't go med free for birth, but I don't think how you feel about cervical checks is any indication on if you can go med free. They are both different kinds of pain IMO. I think though if you're open to pain meds and not committed to going pain free, then it's probably easier to give into the pain of contractions. That's how I was - I was open to med free, but when my contractions ramped up thanks to being induced, I was like f*this. I really didn't really commit myself, so when things got tough, I was like bring me the meds!

stardustskies

Personally, I'm not gonna start cervical checks until 38 weeks just because it's really not an indication of when you'll go into labor. And yes, I've heard they hurt and I'm a pansy about pain. 

crossfitbabybump

See, because my baby is posterior, I need someone with bigger hands and longer fingers. It still hurts super bad as I've been sitting at 1cm for about 3 weeks now. I get checked again on Friday and I will be really butt hurt if nothings changed. lol but I do believe there should be some kind of consistency because it's annoying having 3 different nurses and 2 OB's tell you different things. Especially if they all have different sized hands!

fatstagnation

Also, you can refuse a cervical check at any time. You don't *have to* be checked every hour that you are in the hospital. It is totally your right to say "not right now." 

Gingermom15

Cervical checks hurt like a bitch to me and I am refusing them this time. 
Contractions were much less worse and more manageable than the cervical checks, so don’t let that deter you from your birth plan. I was induced and would still take those contractions over checks. 

Gingermom15

Blood tinged mucus plug can be normal, it’s called the bloody show (glamorous right lol). I’d still call your OB just to double check what they want to see you for regarding these things. It could be from the cervix being irritated from checks or starting to dilate. I wouldn’t stress too much about it 

ShawnnaO

My apparent UO: cervical checks aren’t that bad  I must have always had doctors with small hands checking me. They’re uncomfortable, but I would NEVER compare them to contractions. And they’re totally uncomfortable in a different way. I don’t think your pain tolerance during checks has anything to do with the pain you’ll be able to tolerate when you’re in labor. It’s a completely different mindset. 

Gingermom15

ShawnnaO said:

My apparent UO: cervical checks aren’t that bad  I must have always had doctors with small hands checking me. They’re uncomfortable, but I would NEVER compare them to contractions. And they’re totally uncomfortable in a different way. I don’t think your pain tolerance during checks has anything to do with the pain you’ll be able to tolerate when you’re in labor. It’s a completely different mindset. 

I’ve heard some women say they don’t even feel cervical checks. Each woman is different. But there is hope for women who can’t tolerate them to still do very well in labor. 
Personally I thought cervical checks were worse than my cs recovery  lol

cford08

@ShawnnaO I'd give anything for that to be a popular opinion in my head lol

@Gingermom15 @fatstagnation while I don't plan to outright refuse, after this advise I will be backing them back from hourly to maybe every 3-4...I'm just not down for the torture

@sarahhedger7   @missnc77 I'm not big on pain, but I've been practicing this hypnobirthing for weeks so I'll give it my best. The contractions I (thought) I was prepared for, the cevical checks I was not. There is no amount or type of breathing I could do to keep myself from almost kicking my OB

stardustskies

@cford08 My mom is a hypnotherapist and everyone that she's hypnotized for an easy birth has had a pretty easy birth. One lady even named her daughter after her lol! If you're not already, you should start using EFT along with the hypnosis. 

Gingermom15

@cford08 I’m having a repeat cs or I wouldn’t refuse them completely, but I would definitely wait to have them until I was in active labor if I planned on a vbac. When I got induced I requested them every 3-4 as well. IMO a watched pot never boils, why check so frequently? It won’t hasten progress and if it is painful for the woman there’s no need to suffer. 

cford08

I'll be stealing that phrase for LnD. Let's hope I can say it right between contractions and they don't think I'm just having a word salad moment...

Gingermom15 said: IMO a watched pot never boils, why check so frequently? It won’t hasten progress and if it is painful for the woman there’s no need to suffer.