“Important” Dr’s Appts for Partners to Attend

knottieamusements

Hello!

This is my first pregnancy, and I have honestly spent most of my adult life avoiding discussions about pregnancy; long story, but there are reasons I’m 38 and just now having a baby.  I’m doing this as a Single Mother by Choice, and I have a super supportive friend, the baby’s Guncle, who wants to do all the things with me. 

However, I don’t want to drag him along to every doctor’s appointment and lab visit. That just seems tedious, and I want to make sure I’m not taking advantage of his time. (Selfishly, I want to make sure that there is time later when I do need to take advantage of it...)

What would you consider to be the most important visits for a partner to attend?  What do you consider important milestones in your pregnancy?  If you have been here before, what things were you particularly glad to share with your partner, or sad that they weren’t there for?

kaza512

His is a great question!  I work as a therapist in an ob/gyn office and this is my second baby so I hope my experience is helpful.  First it is totally up to you and your friend.  If you feel like it is a great binding time, than do it.  Or if he is excited to come then let him.  I personally only had my hubby come to first doc visit and the ultrasounds.  The other appts were in and out in 10 minutes.  
Every office works a little different.. but often times one of the first visits is a nurse interview... or medical history gathering and you might not even see the doc. (So no need for support to come to this)
When you schedule your appts you should ask what to expect at that visit.  Then either a first or second visit you will have a full gyn appt, and many docs now have bedside scanners so you might get an ultrasound.  If your doc doesn't have those, they might send you to a facility that does.  Ultrasounds are fun for support people.  If you do first trimester screening that is a fun ultrasound and so is the anatomy scan around 19 weeks.  Other than those, most appts are blood pressure, weight, maybe test urine for protein and measure your belly and dopler to hear heart beat (they usually start this in the second trimester when the uterus gets higher.  

If your birthing hospital/center offers parenting classes or childbirth classes, definitely bring your support person as those tend to be the more informative and less medical approach.  

cdepperschmidt

I only brought DH to two appointments. The first ultrasound and the anatomy scan around 20 weeks. Most of the regular appointments are only a few minutes, you spend more time waiting. I also enjoyed having DH help with the nursery. Also, gunkle? Is that a god uncle?

olivemomma

I think the big ones are the apts where they do an ultrasound. For me, that was my first, the one where they do neural translucency (I can’t remember exactly when that is) and the 20 week anatomy scan. Other than that, it’s mostly peeing in cups, getting weighed and BP checked, and listening to the heart beat

knottieamusements

Thanks so much!  I figured that most of them were short and sweet. 

Also, a guncle is a gay uncle. He's my best friend and is excited enough about this for both of us.

cdepperschmidt

Got ya! He will probably love all the stuff my husband hated, like the baby registry...

Lisa3379

The appointments that DH attended were the first ultrasound, the anatomy scan, and the genetic consult appointment, where we were asked a ton of info about our family's background. All the other appointments were super quick and uneventful. 

jennybean80

My husband has never attended a doctor's appointment (3rd pregnancy) but came to ultrasounds. I didn't think he needed to take time off work to watch me get my weight and blood pressure taken. But I know lots of women who have their partners come to every appointment. I think that it's whatever you and he think he will get the most out of, and you'll need to discuss things like whether or not you want him there for appointments where your doctor may be doing an internal vaginal exam (usually after 36 weeks). Good luck!

jengibre_zorro

My husband thought the 20-ish week anatomy scan was very exciting, and our 12 week appt where he got to hear the heart beat (the doc even let him hold the wand, lol)  Everything else i think was pretty boring for him.

mytrueloves

The only appointments I'm going to make sure I schedule in a way that ensures DF can come are the ultrasounds, specifically the NT scan and the anatomy scan. All other appointments are kind of unnecessary, although I accidentally scheduled my first prenatal appointment on a day that DF can't come and I'm kind of upset about it. 

lordcyric

As the father, I did most of the appointments with my wife for our first child.  We went through a home birth midwife so our appointments were always 60-90 min long, and there was a lot of getting to know our midwife and her assistant.  The only purely vitals gathering appointment we had was a in hospital glucose test because the one our midwife did came back exactly on the minimum of normal and she needed a second more precise test done.  There were some appointments I didn't go to due work and on those I always asked that all the technical care be done up front and then I got a call and we discussed things for the last 30 min out so if the appointment.  Now, for our second, I will likely go to the most of them but once in the second trimester and things enter the smooth sailing part of pregnancy I will likely skip them and call in at the end if there is any need t discuss something.

I found it very helpful as a way to be supportive to my wife and also so that I could get more of a connection to our baby.  I also found the birth classes very useful, but not the ones through a hospital setting.  Rather we did it through a local business that had classes 2x a month for 6 months and those in the class later would become your postpartum support group, which the business also facilitated. We are super fortunate to have such a unique business were we live and I wish there kinds of service were just now commonly available, it was absolutely the best investment of our money and time as far as the pregnancy and postpartum are concerned (not counting our midwife).

My suggestion would be that you let your support person decide if they want to attend the appointments based on what is going to be done at them and also how the pregnancy is progressing.  If they are just checking vitals and it's an in and out and your feeling fine and it's a low stress pregnancy then I would totally agree with not asking your support person to go, but let them decide if you are ok with it.  

krgriffin26

on round 1 DH only went to my first, anatomy scan and birth lol. The others were just weight, measurements, and talking. It wasn't a big deal to me that he go to those. For baby 2 we will actually get an extra ultrasound so he will come to 1 extra appt. 

knottie553183d2bf019788

I would suggest any appointment where they are doing an ultrasound or using a Doppler just in case there is an issue you will have someone there for you. My husband was stuck in traffic and was late to one appointment at about 20 weeks. My midwife had grabbed the wrong chart for someone who had a miscarriage. She told me that she felt that my pregnancy was not viable due to the labs. I broke down thinking she had seen something on the 20 week ultrasound that meant my baby was not going to make it. Luckily when my husband got there he was able to verbalized that we just had the 20 week ultrasound and the radiologist said there didn't seem to be any issues. She looked over the chart and realized her mistake. She immediately took the Doppler out and found the heartbeat. I remember being so upset for the person who was about to get that news and couldn't imagine being alone for that. 

DunkinDecaf

For us, the first u/s will be at week 5-6

TW
I have a history of ectopic pregnancy so we need to make sure nugget found the right spot before I could risk a rupture.
End TW

So for me it’s important to have H at that one. Other than that, I want him there for our NT scan at 12w and the anatomy scan at 18-20. Basically, I just want him for appointments that include ultrasounds and are higher risk for being times when we could get bad news.

ashin121

DunkinDecaf said:

For us, the first u/s will be at week 5-6

TW
I have a history of ectopic pregnancy so we need to make sure nugget found the right spot before I could risk a rupture.
End TW

So for me it’s important to have H at that one. Other than that, I want him there for our NT scan at 12w and the anatomy scan at 18-20. Basically, I just want him for appointments that include ultrasounds and are higher risk for being times when we could get bad news.

I was thinking the same. I have history of alot of mc so I like having my husband there for the 6-8 week, 12 week and 20 week just in case. Those are both exciting and nervous appts that's always nice to have someone there to share with .