Ask a S+TM Anything - February Edition

mrsbubbles-2

Ok ladies- this is the place for everything you want to ask a S+TM about! Birth plans? Let's chat! Glucose tolerance test? We gotcha. Baby kicks vs gas? Yup, that too.

For the STMs adding another kiddo can be mind boggling. Luckily we've got some third and fourth time moms to help with advice and encouragement!

Ask away - no holds barred!

scottishlass1213

So funny, this morning I was sitting eating breakfast with DS and thinking "how the heck am I going to get him, myself and a baby ready in the morning for work and 2 drop offs in the fall???"

ecwk

scottishlass1213 said:

So funny, this morning I was sitting eating breakfast with DS and thinking "how the heck am I going to get him, myself and a baby ready in the morning for work and 2 drop offs in the fall???"

I think about this all the time. Two drop offs? How in the how will that happen? And two pick ups? Oh man, I need to work out a system! 

scottishlass1213

Right?? @ecwk Last night while DS was playing in his room and I was relaxing in mine I was also having thoughts like "man now I am going to have to pay attention to a little thing all the time again" LOL  DS can hang out on his own, go to the bathroom, even reach snacks.  He brings me things when I ask him too and now I'm going to have to do more work again LMAO

rocknrrollmom

Yes, coordinating morning routines and also bedtime is terrifying me. Still working on getting DD to fall asleep on her own and stay in her own bed all night. Trying to wrap my brain around getting two babes down for bed at night. How do you guys do it?

princesslockness

For the drop-offs I have found that the more I get ready the night before, the better it goes. L and E have their clothes and a morning diaper kit ready before I go to bed. Then I would mix up their oatmeal/bottle while in the shower. As I was air drying or watching my morning show I would get them changed, dressed, and into their high chairs.  (I mix their food, let it sit to cool while I'm in the shower. I'm not making her formula from the shower head.)

H would load on kid and their stuff for the day, while I did the other. Our DC will put L on the bus to pre-school, and do the pick up from the bus as well. 


For having to watch a LO again, L is super helpful with grabbing things. 'Grab a diaper for E' and he gets one for himself and her. Or he will grab her sippy and bring it to me if its empty, type of thing. USE THAT. I mean take full advantage of having the 'big' one help if they can. They get the attention they need, and get to be praised for helping. 

ETA: CLARITY

mrsbubbles-2

@princesslockness - omg I laughed way too hard at the mental image of you making the formula from the shower head!

Ok - I'm putting this out there since our board is either in 2nd tri or going to be there soon. Most hospitals offer an infant CPR class. If you're thinking of taking one, go get the actual Red Cross CPR certification. These babies are only infants for the blink of an eye so knowing what to do when you have a 1 year old, 4 year old or 14 year old is so important. I waited until E was 4 months and starting solids before I even thought about getting certified and wish I had done it while I was pregnant. 2nd tri is perfect because you (hopefully!!!) are starting to feel more energetic and don't have the huge belly in the way yet.

calimom2524

So I made sure to choose a school where both boys could attend for now because as a single mom I had no idea how I was going to do this. It's super easy right now with them being in the same place but DS1 starts Kinder this year (probably like the same day this LO is due) so it'll be an entirely different story. Currently I prepare both lunches while also making their breakfast so everything is ready to go at the same time. They eat breakfast while I finish getting ready for work then we load up and head to school for drop off. 

My biggest challenge is bed time. Since there's only one of me it's hard when they both want me. They sleep in the same room in bunk beds so usually I take one up and read him his stories and lay with him until he's asleep. Then I go downstairs and read with DS1 on the couch and when he's tired enough we head upstairs and I help him get all tucked in and stuff and say goodnight. It sounds super easy but some nights they both want/need me at the same time, there's meltdowns everywhere, etc. It can be very overwhelming but we always get through it and you will too. 

livinthesunnylife

Yeah the morning and evening juggle by myself with a newborn and a little man that isn't 2 yet is on my mind too.  I've gotten into a pretty good routine of not needing DH to help with anything, but I think it will be harder with both of them. 

But then, there's a light I see at the end of the tunnel where these two little boys play together and don't constantly need Mom's attention.  And I cannot wait for that. 

calimom2524

I can also say that when DS2 was born and I was always nursing him and DS1 was 2.5yo things got a little crazy sometimes. You have to accept that things can get chaotic, your house isn't going to always be clean, sometimes there will be tears and that's ok. It will take a little while to find your new normal but you will find it. It's an entirely different experience trying to figure out how to show both very different children how much you love them but you make it work. I struggled with the guilt of adding a second basically the whole time I was pregnant with him but here I am 3 years later and we've all survived. Some days are harder than others, some days are messier than others, but when your kids go to bed knowing they have the love of their mommy, you've done your job right. 

livinthesunnylife

@calimom2524 Great point.  House cleaners will be my push present to myself. 

ecwk

@calimom2524
Great point. DS will be around 2.5 when #2 is born so similar age difference ass between your two. It makes me feel calmer knowing it can and will be done! 

@princesslockness
I'm dying at the shower/oatmeal comment OMG 

delujm0

I will only have one drop off/pick up for the first 2 years, all 3 will be at the same daycare, less than 2 miles from the house.  When DD1 starts kindergarden she will either take the bus or carpool with neighborhood kids.  We have two other families on our street that have kids the same age as ours, so they'll go to school together.  I'm not too worried about the bus if they're all together, and we live very close to the school, so hopefully our pick up time isn't super early. 

Bedtime with 2 is the worst right now because I still nurse DD2 to sleep.  So DH watches DD1 while I do that, and then I start DD1's routine.  He has morning duty and I have night, due to our work schedules.  Hopefully by the time this kid is born the older 2 will have the same bedtime and we can combine their routines, or DD1 will be able to hang in the playroom unattended while I put the other two to bed.  We'll see.  A mother's helper for a few hours in the evenings is also on the table.

calimom2524

delujm0 said:

I will only have one drop off/pick up for the first 2 years, all 3 will be at the same daycare, less than 2 miles from the house.  When DD1 starts kindergarden she will either take the bus or carpool with neighborhood kids.  We have two other families on our street that have kids the same age as ours, so they'll go to school together.  I'm not too worried about the bus if they're all together, and we live very close to the school, so hopefully our pick up time isn't super early. 

Bedtime with 2 is the worst right now because I still nurse DD2 to sleep.  So DH watches DD1 while I do that, and then I start DD1's routine.  He has morning duty and I have night, due to our work schedules.  Hopefully by the time this kid is born the older 2 will have the same bedtime and we can combine their routines, or DD1 will be able to hang in the playroom unattended while I put the other two to bed.  We'll see.  A mother's helper for a few hours in the evenings is also on the table.

Bedtime with 2 while one is nursing is SO HARD. I used to have to just trust DS2 to play by himself in his room while I got DS1 down. Combining bedtimes makes life a lot easier as long as they both don't want you at the same time. It's also really fun to lay in bed and read stories with one kid on each side, that's probably one of my favorite things about being a mom. 

neeraja_k

So, I hate to be one of "those", but I swear I've felt the baby move about in there around 11w. As someone with a litany of digestive issues I'm fairly well versed to what various "gas sensations" feel like...and what I felt, was nothing like any of that. It was centralized and localized to one spot, not a feeling that moves across your gut.

At my second ultrasound last week, she found the baby fairly high (I think), a couple of inches below my belly button. And that's where I seem to be "popping" so far as well. Yet most of what I have read said it should be lower, just above the pubic bone. So who knows if there's a normal.

But a few days ago when I was laying on my back in bed, in the still and quiet, I swear I felt a flutter in the same area she was scanning. It felt like butterfly wings, like when you find one in a window and you cup it in your hands to release it outside, that faint fluttery feeling. It was brief, then gone almost as soon as I realized what I think I was feeling. I had an 8oz glass of watered down OJ before bed that night as plain water wasn't cutting it. Then I recalled the little bean jumping around in there during the ultrasound due to the glucose liquid they had me drink before the ultrasound. So hopefully that's what I was feeling.

elsieisamoocow

@neeraja_k That was most likely baby I've felt those flutters and popcorn feelings in my pregnancies (this is pregnancy #4) as early as 8 weeks, just because I knew after the first time what that feeling was. I've felt a few flutters and popcorn-like pops this time as well, the first was at about 11 weeks. Expect those feelings to get bigger and bigger now! It's one of my favorite parts of pregnancy!

lalala2004

@neeraja_k that does sound like quickening. I’m always skeptical when people say they feel the baby early. I felt NOTHING until 17 weeks with DS. But I had an anterior placenta and a retroverted uterus. Everyone is different, so it’s hard to say it’s impossible to feel something that early.

melprop

I only have DS right now, but his bedtime is 8:30. I’m hoping I’ll be able to lay the new LO down to sleep before that. DH wakes up at 4am so he usually goes to bed before DS and me. 

As for mornings, one thing that helps me now is that DS gets dressed for school on the nights he takes a bath. He has never liked to wear pajamas, so he puts on clean clothes at night and wears them to school in the morning. Obviously that won’t work if your kids are younger & are potty training, but it worked well for us last year when he was in Kindergarten. 

calimom2524

I have a question for moms that have more than 2. How was the transition from 2 to 3 kids? I've heard from some of my friends it was easier than 1 to 2 and I've heard from others it was so much harder. Obviously everyone's different but this is something I'm so worried about. 

Firemanswife11

I have been feeling this baby since 10 weeks. I don't think I have an anterior placenta this time because I am DEFINITELY feeling things now every day and with my first, I didn't feel anything until about 16 or 17 weeks.

Also, count me in as freaking out with how to do this mom thing with more than 1 child. I'm also going from working to being a SAHM and I'm terrified. I'd love some input from moms who went from working and doing the day care thing to staying home. I often feel I am not cut out to be the employee of my children lol. 

scottishlass1213

Firemanswife11 said:

I have been feeling this baby since 10 weeks. I don't think I have an anterior placenta this time because I am DEFINITELY feeling things now every day and with my first, I didn't feel anything until about 16 or 17 weeks.

Also, count me in as freaking out with how to do this mom thing with more than 1 child. I'm also going from working to being a SAHM and I'm terrified. I'd love some input from moms who went from working and doing the day care thing to staying home. I often feel I am not cut out to be the employee of my children lol. 

That's why I don't think I could ever be a SAHM. I think it would drive me insane and it takes very special mamas to do it! Plus, finance wise, couldn't/wouldn't. Now, if I had a part time job that pays me what I make now and I could have the best of both worlds, then that would be awesome - but would never happen!!

calimom2524

Firemanswife11 said:

I have been feeling this baby since 10 weeks. I don't think I have an anterior placenta this time because I am DEFINITELY feeling things now every day and with my first, I didn't feel anything until about 16 or 17 weeks.

Also, count me in as freaking out with how to do this mom thing with more than 1 child. I'm also going from working to being a SAHM and I'm terrified. I'd love some input from moms who went from working and doing the day care thing to staying home. I often feel I am not cut out to be the employee of my children lol. 

I totally understand your fear. I was a SAHM last year for 4 months when I moved to CA and was job searching and it was so hard for me. My kids were sick of me, I was sick of them, I just couldn't do it. My best friend is a SAHM and she's amazing at it. I think one thing that is really important is to still maintain your own identity and make sure you still do things that are your own. I'd like to think I could be a SAHM but I'm just not cut out for it. 

hfooter

I was scared of doing the bedtime thing with both kids when DH is out for the night. But if you can, try to get them on different bedtime schedules. Right now DS1 goes down at 7 and DS2 goes down at 6! We got lucky with that one, he set it all on his own. But I made sure the older one went to bed by 7:30 when he was napping but now 7 since he doesn’t nap. So then I let DS1 play or watch tv while I get DS2 down.

Also, all kids are so different. DS1 required us to rock him to sleep, DS2 can be put down awake and doesn’t even want to be rocked! So that definitely helps. 

So I guess don’t worry too much about it yet. It will all fall into place and yes some nights may be harder than others but more often than not our nights go smoothly when it’s just one parent on duty.

hfooter

@Firemanswife11 I’m a SAHM with a few side businesses. What I suggest is really finding other moms with kids in the similar age range that you can do play dates with. I say similar age range because then they will most likely be on the same nap schedule.

Also, in regards to schedules. Keep one! That helps me organize my day just as if I would when I was working. Up at 7 and eat breakfast, play, nap at 9:30, eat lunch at 11:30 etc. Its not only good for the kids but good for you

melprop

I’ve stayed home with DS every summer. Honestly, he drives me crazy in the first month, and we’re trying not to kill each other by the end of summer. The key is to find activities for the kids to do so you’re not home with them 24/7. Local mom’s groups, mom’s day out programs, or toddler & preschool programs run by churches are great to stay busy. I’ve also put DS in summer swim lessons and sports programs through the YMCA to help him run off his energy. 

This past summer I found out about a half-day free program at the local playground during the first month of summer. He went every day it wasn’t raining. It seriously saved my sanity. I had time to work on projects at home, and he got to play with friends all morning. This summer I’m also going to look at the library’s summer reading program. 

calimom2524

hfooter said:

@Firemanswife11 I’m a SAHM with a few side businesses. What I suggest is really finding other moms with kids in the similar age range that you can do play dates with. I say similar age range because then they will most likely be on the same nap schedule.

Also, in regards to schedules. Keep one! That helps me organize my day just as if I would when I was working. Up at 7 and eat breakfast, play, nap at 9:30, eat lunch at 11:30 etc. Its not only good for the kids but good for you

See I disagree with this. Schedules never worked for us, especially with DS2 in the picture. I try and keep it mostly structured but things just kind of happen when they happen with us. I know other moms who are super strict and stick to the schedule no matter what but it was too stressful for me. 

pghctwife

Honestly... you’ll just figure it out. They will change between now and then and really... you just figure it out as you go, adjust, deal. 

I do bedtime solo solo often bc dh works late. I nurse a baby while snuggling and reading, etc. when they are tiny they either sleep or just just snuggle and nurse along for the ride. Then when they are bigger you figure out what works. I always put the baby or toddler down last bc it’s the longest hardest process... my bigger kids get a story, teeth, then a snuggle and a hug and kiss. The littlest needs to nurse for ages, try to lay down, pat and hush etc

hfooter

calimom2524 said:

hfooter said:

@Firemanswife11 I’m a SAHM with a few side businesses. What I suggest is really finding other moms with kids in the similar age range that you can do play dates with. I say similar age range because then they will most likely be on the same nap schedule.

Also, in regards to schedules. Keep one! That helps me organize my day just as if I would when I was working. Up at 7 and eat breakfast, play, nap at 9:30, eat lunch at 11:30 etc. Its not only good for the kids but good for you

See I disagree with this. Schedules never worked for us, especially with DS2 in the picture. I try and keep it mostly structured but things just kind of happen when they happen with us. I know other moms who are super strict and stick to the schedule no matter what but it was too stressful for me. 

I think it just really depends. I have a friend who didn’t do a schedule and wasn’t sleeping because of it, now that her “son had figured out his own schedule” she’s sleeping. I see it happen more often than not. But to each their own! Once they go to preschool or daycare they will be on a schedule so I think taking a kid out of daycare to stay home with them and then not having a schedule at home could be cause for issues. 

And god, Id die if my kids didn’t have a scheduled bedtime. I want alone time and alone time with DH. But that’s important to me.

calimom2524

hfooter said:

calimom2524 said:

hfooter said:

@Firemanswife11 I’m a SAHM with a few side businesses. What I suggest is really finding other moms with kids in the similar age range that you can do play dates with. I say similar age range because then they will most likely be on the same nap schedule.

Also, in regards to schedules. Keep one! That helps me organize my day just as if I would when I was working. Up at 7 and eat breakfast, play, nap at 9:30, eat lunch at 11:30 etc. Its not only good for the kids but good for you

See I disagree with this. Schedules never worked for us, especially with DS2 in the picture. I try and keep it mostly structured but things just kind of happen when they happen with us. I know other moms who are super strict and stick to the schedule no matter what but it was too stressful for me. 

I think it just really depends. I have a friend who didn’t do a schedule and wasn’t sleeping because of it, now that her “son had figured out his own schedule” she’s sleeping. I see it happen more often than not. But to each their own! Once they go to preschool or daycare they will be on a schedule so I think taking a kid out of daycare to stay home with them and then not having a schedule at home could be cause for issues. 

And god, Id die if my kids didn’t have a scheduled bedtime. I want alone time and alone time with DH. But that’s important to me.

Oh I TOTALLY agree, I think that's why it's so important for everyone to figure out what works for them and their kids. My kids didn't sleep through the night until over 2 years old but it wasn't for lack of schedule. We tried everything, schedules and not, and nothing worked. In the end we just discovered that for us a schedule just didn't work and was too constricting for our lifestyle. 

pghctwife

 There is such a huge range on schedule versus no schedule! Some families are super rigid with them, which just doesn’t work for me personally and I can’t see it. That said, I know my kids do a little bit better with the structure. What works best for us to balance everybody’s needs is kind of keeping a routine… I am not organized enough to be scheduled and too much happens with three kids… But the general routine lets everybody know what to expect and how to behave 

hfooter

pghctwife said:

 There is such a huge range on schedule versus no schedule! Some families are super rigid with them, which just doesn’t work for me personally and I can’t see it. That said, I know my kids do a little bit better with the structure. What works best for us to balance everybody’s needs is kind of keeping a routine… I am not organized enough to be scheduled and too much happens with three kids… But the general routine lets everybody know what to expect and how to behave 

I like routine. That’s a better word for sure!

hfooter

And most kids turn out fine no matter what eighth? My MIL, who drives me crazy gave us so much crap because we put the kids to bed at 6 and 7. She said to me “I just let my kids stay up till they wanted!” And I was like lady...you crazy. If we did that my oldest would stay up so late but still get up at 7 and then would be a raging ahole cause he doesn’t nap anymore! DS2 loves sleep so sometimes he lets us know he’s ready before 6 to go down lol it’s hilarious how different they are.

aj1327

@Firemanswife11 I REALLY struggled when DS was around 3 months, thinking I made the wrong decision to stay home. Then when he was 4 momths, I found a yoga studio with childcare and started going three times a week and that totally helped! I’m not super strict with a schedule but now that he’s older, it definitely helps. He’s in Mother’s Day out on Tuesday/Thursday’s now from 9-2, so I get that time to myself right now. He goes to Swim on Monday mornings, Friday mornings we go to Yoga, and Wednesday’s we usually set up a play time with friends or he and I will go to the park. In the afternoons we relax and play at home. I know having the new baby will change some of this, but I’m the type that has to get out of the house or i go crazy. Definitely keep some things for yourself and make sure you get some kind of time for yourself. I love being at home now. 

I do plan on going through yoga teacher training in the spring of 2019 and hopefully starting to teach some class. It’s a goal I’ve set for myself. 

pghctwife

@amac12999 I have to get out of the house too! Omg I hate myself when I’m stuck home more than 1 day lol. Dh is total homebody though. I’m working 2x a week now and on the days he’s off so he’s taken over the stuff I already had scheduled and he haaaates it so much (but hey new appreciation for the time suck that stuff is). 

My kids als do better getting out. Our Xmas break it was hideously horribly cold, too cold even for my kids to go play. We were stuck at home and everyone was climbing the walls!

scottishlass1213

amac12999 said:

@Firemanswife11 I REALLY struggled when DS was around 3 months, thinking I made the wrong decision to stay home. Then when he was 4 momths, I found a yoga studio with childcare and started going three times a week and that totally helped! I’m not super strict with a schedule but now that he’s older, it definitely helps. He’s in Mother’s Day out on Tuesday/Thursday’s now from 9-2, so I get that time to myself right now. He goes to Swim on Monday mornings, Friday mornings we go to Yoga, and Wednesday’s we usually set up a play time with friends or he and I will go to the park. In the afternoons we relax and play at home. I know having the new baby will change some of this, but I’m the type that has to get out of the house or i go crazy. Definitely keep some things for yourself and make sure you get some kind of time for yourself. I love being at home now. 

I do plan on going through yoga teacher training in the spring of 2019 and hopefully starting to teach some class. It’s a goal I’ve set for myself. 

I think that’s an awesome goal. Becoming an instructor gave me something for me and a hobby on something I truly enjoy. 

derbysquirrel

What is the procedure for gestational diabetes? I'm high risk, and assuming that will be something I have to deal with in the near future. Are there things I will need to do differently? Can I do some of them now? 

ecwk

derbysquirrel said:

What is the procedure for gestational diabetes? I'm high risk, and assuming that will be something I have to deal with in the near future. Are there things I will need to do differently? Can I do some of them now? 

They’ll have you do the test (where you drink the glucose drink and they draw blood) somewhere afternoon 24 weeks I believe! If you fail that you’ll have to do the follow up test that will confirm whether or not you have GD. 
Im not sure exactly what you can do, I suppose lowering sugar intake and increasing exercise can’t hurt but I’ve known people to get it who’ve followed an extremely healthy /low sugar diet and worked out so I’m not totally sure it’s something that’s totally preventable. 

livinthesunnylife

@derbysquirrel Yeah the advice I got from my OB & doula was really just to be very careful with what you eat like the 24 hours before the test.  Pretty much nothing is safe.  Egg whites.  No sugar, no fruit, no carbs.  I was really hungry by the time I got my blood drawn.

delujm0

livinthesunnylife said:

@derbysquirrel Yeah the advice I got from my OB & doula was really just to be very careful with what you eat like the 24 hours before the test.  Pretty much nothing is safe.  Egg whites.  No sugar, no fruit, no carbs.  I was really hungry by the time I got my blood drawn.

Both times I had a breakfast of just 4 scrambled eggs and some almond milk before hand, and both times my blood glucose was back down around 100 by the 1 hr mark.  Could just be me, but I figure my normal giant bagel and glass of OJ aren't conducive to a blood sugar test.

I fucking hate that drink, I almost always gag and have to really try to not barf it up.  I have zero pregnancy related nausea but that stuff is nasty.

mrsbubbles-2

Ditto what’s above about limiting simple sugars and increasing exercise, but unfortunately nothing you really do beforehand will affect the test that much. They took my fasting sugar, had me drink the drink in 5 min, started the 1 hour timer and took another blood sample. GD is 100% dependent on your placenta interfering with the way your body handles glucose so if you have it there’s nothing you could have done to prevent it. It’s not at all your fault and doesn’t reflect on your eating habits at all.

redheadbride15

Question about childcare for your older kid during labor and delivery and postpartum hospitalization. Were any of you in a situation for baby #2+ where you have no local family or friends who can fill this role? What did you do? I just found out my mom won’t be available around my due date so I have no idea what we’re going to do with DS. The idea of DH having to miss the delivery is heartbreaking.