Trouble TTC


I struggle so much with the TWW. It's a love/hate relationship. 
Most of what I hate is that no matter how smart my brain and body are, picking up in the fact that everything I'm feeling is the exact same as last month, and the month before that, and the month before that. matter how much I repeat that and realize yup we're in the same boat again, somehow another part still sneaks in saying yeah but what if it's jist a LITTLE different than last month?! And even though the rationale part of me knows my period will come, this other hopeful part of me gets her hopes up. I try to stop that from happening and just wait till my period arrives and move on, but inevitably I have a major disappointment. Which is silly because my rationale mind has known for at least a week that it was coming. I guess it's good that I still have hope, otherwise i guess that's a symptom of depression.
How do you all manage your time and expectations during the TWW? How do you try to ignore every little twinge and symptom? Happy Monday to all :)

Re: The TWW

  • @allisona66 I think it is safe to say that we all feel your pain.  The struggle is real, lol. I am a lot like you.  My rationale brain knows that I'm going to get my period, but no matter how often I remind myself or repeat it in my brain, I still a crushed when it actually happens.  

    I don't think there is any way to really avoid that.  I just try my best to keep myself as busy as possible during the TWW whether it's binging on a new Netflix show, meeting up with a friend, or just playing board games in the evening with DH.  Anything to keep my brain from wandering into the 'what ifs'.
    Me:33, DH:38 Married: 8/2/2014
    TTC #1 Since: April 2015
    Unexplained Infertility

    Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
    Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
    Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
    Cycle 5: HSG-normal
                  Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
    Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
    Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
    Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
    Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
    Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
    Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF 
    Cycle 14: IVF-BFN

  • @allisona66 - ding ding ding! You've hit the nail on the head! The roller coaster and the waiting is such a mindf*ck, it's really hard.

    Luckily, for me, sometimes I have pre-period spotting, so that manages to cut short the last couple days of my TWW. I know some women have spotting even when they're pregnant, but I don't think it's quite as common as the pre-period spotting. That helps me a little bit.

    And I know I might be in the minority here on this, but: I will let myself have a glass of wine or two during the TWW. Sometimes, when I'm not busy, when I have my evening down time, I watch the Kardashians and drink a glass of wine. I didn't used to, not in the first few months of TTC, but since I've been officially IF, especially during the cycles between treatments, I'm relaxed about wine.

    Anyway, it sucks. But hopefully one day you won't get your hopes up - you will actually have your BFP!
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  • @allisona66 yes, yes yes.  My SIL (single, no kids) went with me to my ultrasound appointment today and she was like "so what do you do after the IUI?  do you have to just wait for 2 weeks?" I was like "yeah, you always have to wait for 2 weeks".   She said "Omg that would kill me, I would be testing every day, that's torture" and I was like YEAH that's been every month of my life for the past 15 months!

    It is seriously a mindf*ck.  Especially when you're on progesterone supplements that mimic all those pregnancy symptoms (grr).  But you're right, if we didn't have that little bit of hope clinging on, we wouldn't be able to get through this.  I agree with @hoffmanr7 staying busy is the best way to pass the time.  
    TTC History in Spoiler
    Me: 29  DH:34
    TTC 21 cycles
    All TI cycles BFN (with letrozole, ovidrel, prometrium)
    Hysteroscopy + Polypectomy + D&C on 1/3
    IUI #1 February 6, BFP 2/21, CP 2/26
    IUI #2 March 14, BFN
    IUI #3 April 11, BFN
    IUI #4 May 11, BFN
    July 2018 IVF, developed lead follicle, converted to TI, BFN
    August/September 2018 IVF converted to freeze-all: 7 mature eggs; we fertilized 3 and froze 4. 3/3 fertilized and 1 blast!
    October 2018 FET-BFN
    November 2018 FET-TBD

  • @allisona66 your post is my exact same experience every cycle.  My rationale brain is saying "dude, there is no reason to believe this will be any different than the last 30+ cycles".  But there's that little voice in there that says "you might be pregnant, google pregnancies symptoms for the thousandth time!".  The rationale voice comes back and says "AF is due tomorrow, go buy tampons".  The little hopeful voice says "i think my boob just twinged...did it...maybe?...yes...maybe this is the month...go buy more HPTs!".

    Honestly, the best thing I've been able to do is just to do other things to distract yourself.  It's still torture but if you are busy with x, y, or z then at least you are not thinking about it 24-7 (just like a few hours everyday ;)
    #1 EDD 01/10/19; Team Green!
    TTC #1 since 01/16; Unexplained IF; Low AMH; Conceived naturally
    Married 11/12; Dating 05/05
    Me: 36  DH: 37

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