New here :(

bakerstreetboys

Hey ladies.  I have been lurking for a few days and reading everyone's stories.  I'm sorry to see so many losses.  I'm finally ready to accept that this may be a long journey, so I'm hopping on with an intro.

I had a chemical pregnancy in early November.  It was sad, but early, and my body took care of everything, so we moved on quickly.  We got pregnant again on the next cycle and thought things were going fine...until the dating u/s at 6.5 weeks.  The tiny fetus was only measuring at 5 weeks, and the tech said that it could be normal if my dates were off, and to come back in two weeks.  As much as I wanted to have hope, I have been temping and charting for months, so I knew my dates were right.  Sure enough, two weeks later, we went back and found that the baby had stopped growing completely about a week after the first u/s.  We decided to have an MVA (D&C when you're awake), but had to wait a week for an appointment.  That was awful; going to work and trying to act like everything was normal.  That was last Thursday, and I'm going back to work tomorrow.  I'm extremely nervous about TTC again, but I'm 40, so we don't exactly have a lot of time.  Through a lot of reading, it seems that with age, it isn't necessarily harder to get pregnant, but harder to stay pregnant.  For me that almost seems harder...to get that BFP and then live in fear for months until you're past the first trimester.

Anyway, I look forward to chatting with you ladies and hope to read some good news soon

lokibear89

So sorry for your loss. I totally get what you are saying about the first trimester, can't imagine what I am going to be like next time round.

pumpkinpancake

I'm so sorry for your loss. The waiting between scans during those early weeks of pregnancy is really rough... with my first loss, I also had the dr tell me to wait a few weeks and come back because my dates were "probably off", but I had also been temping and charting, and knew that it wasn't looking good.  

It's definitely hard getting back into TTC after a loss, so take some extra time if you need it.  I think regardless of age, once you've had a loss, it's always going to be in the back of your mind when you do get pregnant again.  Hopefully you won't be here for long, though, and you'll go on to have a healthy pregnancy.

ccvslp

Welcome.  So sorry for your loss.  I had to get through two days of work between finding out about our blighted ovum and my D&C and I was such a mess.  I also hear you on feeling like being afraid you won’t stay pregnant is harder.  I have never gone through months or years of waiting for a BFP so I can’t make that judgement call, but I get what you’re saying.... getting that hope and having it ripped away is devastating and it will change you as a person.  At least I know it has for me.  

Mack2342

Welcome and so sorry for your losses.  I’m 42 will be 43 in May and understand that extra anxiety of not having time on your side.   TW I had my DS at 40 and have had 3 losses since.   We are giving it one more go and if it doesn’t work then we will stop.  

offtoneverland

I'm so very sorry for your losses. Take whatever time you need to grieve and feel more ready to TTC again. Living with that fear of not knowing what will happen is so incredibly difficult and causes so much anxiety. Good luck returning to work today. 

Kath525

I'm so sorry for your losses. I also had back to back losses and I know how heart wrenching that is. This is a great group to find support in. I hope your stay here is short and your next BFP ends in your take home baby!

tosh24

Welcome and I am so sorry for your losses. I have had two back to back losses in just over the last year so I know what you mean about living in fear of your next BFP and whether it will actually result in a healthy baby you get to take home. (I do struggle with actually getting pregnant as well, and I can tell you that the anxiety over whether you will ever even get another BFP sucks equally as much). Have you sought the help of an RE at all? I'm assuming (maybe incorrectly) that you are Canadian given your Gord Downie avatar, so if you haven't sought treatments yet and have questions about our system, I'm happy to share what I know I hope your stay here is short!

40momma

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too feel like a ticking time bomb. I've just turned 41 and had 3 losses at the age of 40. I think anyone who has suffered a loss feels the anxiety on the next BFP, it's all part of our new normal. I hope you can find some comfort within this group of women. 
And if @tosh24 is correct, welcome fellow canuck I'm on the west coast

splashmountain

Welcome and so sorry for your losses. I completely understand being afraid of another loss, it's what stopped me from ttc for about 9 months after my MC.

cassafrass15

Welcome, and I’m sorry for your losses. A lot of us on this board can understand your loss anxiety, so you’ve found the right group to get all the support you want. 

coco2787

I’m so very sorry for your losses.  This is a great group, and we can all relate to the roller coaster of emotions that’s comes with trying to conceive and anxiety about a BFP.  I hope you find the support you need here 

bakerstreetboys

Thanks so much ladies  This really does seem like a very supportive group.  Right now I'm just waiting for my body to normalize (whatever my new normal is going to be), so I can get first AF and go from there.  I have a feeling there will be a lot of wondfo OKPs in my future!

@tosh24 and @40momma Yep, I'm Canadian!  Funny how Gord is such an iconic figure  I sent an e-mail to the fertility clinic in our city, and they suggested that we come in for a meeting.  My OB waits until three consecutive losses though, so I'm feeling sort of torn about that.  I've been with him since I was 18, and I really like him and don't want to feel like I'm going behind his back, but also don't want to have another loss just to go to the clinic anyway.  My family doctor refers patients after two losses, so I could go though her...something we're thinking about.  OHIP now pays for one IVF treatment per woman, so that's awesome too!

40momma

@bakerstreetboys - woah! way to go OHIP!! And you have to do what's right for you, not what's right for the OB. You are the one that has to go through the painful situation of RPL and after 2 back to back losses I think it's worth trying to find some answers. 

vlagrl29

I'm so sorry for your losses after 2 I'd look into testing. My re said they do that after 2 losses. I've only had 1 loss but wonder if I'll ever get pg again cause it's been a year TTCAL.

tosh24

@bakerstreetboys I'd absolutely go in for a consult with an RE. Two b2b losses and being 40 you definitely have a legitimate reason. Generally the guideline is to see an RE after 6 months of TTC if you're over 35. It usually takes a couple of months between your referral and actually getting in to the RE for your first appointment so I'd have no hesitation being proactive and getting that referral now. 

I just went through my OHIP funded IVF cycle and have 10 embryos frozen! We are so lucky to have the opportunity to use IVF without going into financial ruin. It wouldn't have been an option for us otherwise. 

bakerstreetboys

@tosh24 That's amazing!  Fingers and toes crossed for your IVF to be successful!  My understanding is that OHIP pays for the transfer of single eggs only; I guess they're trying to curb the occurrence of multiple births.  I agree, we are so lucky to have that available to us!  The clinic in my city charges about 14K for an IVF procedure I actually made an appointment today with my family doctor to get a referral.  I won't see her for another week and a half though, and as you said it's a month or two until the clinic will be able to see me, so that should be good timing.  As of this morning I'm still turning a pregnancy test positive, so I clearly have a few weeks to go.  I'll mention it to my OB when I see him in four weeks....

tosh24

@bakerstreetboys Thanks! I think it's a a great idea that you are getting the ball rolling. You have to be under 43 in order to qualify for the government-funded IVF program and the wait lists can be long (differs by clinics, you may want to call around if you have more than one clinic near you). When I initially went for my consult, the wait list for IVF under OHIP was 2 years (my date was March 2019!!!!). By some pure miracle, the clinic ended up having extra funding left over and opened spots up to those still on the wait list (first come, first served). Luckily, I had already had my initial consult and my follow up consult and got my protocol so I was eligible to take a spot (I was actually at a different clinic undergoing IUIs but switched clinics for the funded IVF). So, I think it's a good idea to get a consult in and ask to be put on your clinics OHIP funded wait list. If you don't end up needing it, it's no big deal, you can remove your name at a later date. If you are under 35, the OHIP program only allows single embryo transfers. If you are over 38, the OHIP program allows the transfer of two embryos at a time. Here are a couple of links for you to look through (there's a list of "exceptions" to the SET rule):

This one outlines the embryo transfer rules:
https://www.drvictory.com/index.php?id=ontarios-fertility-program-ivf-funding 

This one gives a good outline of the entire program:

<a href="https://hannamfertility.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Ontario-Fertility-Program-Patient-Information-Sheet-FINAL-EN.pdf" title="Link: https://hannamfertility.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Ontario-Fertility-Program-Patient-Information-Sheet-FINAL-EN.pdf">https://hannamfertility.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Ontario-Fertility-Program-Patient-Information-Sheet-FINAL-EN.pdf</a>

ccvslp

That is so amazing that you guys get that kind of coverage.  I am so jealous!  The costs are going to add up quickly even just for ultrasounds, blood work, and meds for us given our home situation already plunging us into a bad spot.  Everyone deserves the right to try for a family, I wish the U.S. could get on board with the Canadian and European countries that understand that.  Off my soapbox now.  

bakerstreetboys

@tosh24 Thanks for the links!  I had no idea the wait list are so long, eek!

@ccvslp I don't know how Americans do it if they don't have private insurance.  I think having a family is a right that should be offered to everyone.  Our maternity leave is pretty amazing too.  I really hope the US gets on board soon!

ccvslp

@bakerstreetboys We do things like pull from retirement, refinance our homes, and take out loans and go into debt.  And we have pretty good insurance, too, they just do not cover anything for fertility.  Something like twelve states have some sort of mandated fertility coverage but I do not live/work in one of them.  Tell me about it with maternity leave, too!  It's crazy.

vlagrl29

@ccvslp - ask to get your blood taken at a location that is in network with your ins.  I would plan on getting mine taken at quest because it will be covered.  Meds are pretty inexpensive depending on what it is.  I'll be doing my first medicated cycle next month and I will only need 1 u/s and the cash price is $200 and an extra 5% off if we write a check.  I think overall all of that is doable until you get to IVF then it would be financial ruins.

ccvslp

@vlagrl If the lab orders are being done for fertility could I still be denied, though?  My insurance won't even cover diagnostic fertility.  Insurance is so stinking confusing.  I do plan on going to the lab I have done everything for the PCOS/naturopath with and had it covered, though, that's a good tip!  (The MTHFR draw that was covered was 350 dollars so let's just cross everything, lol!  I have a list of like eight things to do.) Yeah, it is all doable right now!     ...it's just that a few hundred here and a few hundred there stings more than it usually would being in debt over other people screwing us on our house.  I'm not sure I'll ever get over having to refinance to basically rebuild it due to someone else's errors.  I don't like the feeling of things being charged with nothing to back it up, but that's more of a life circumstances vs. just fertility problem for us. 

I've totally hijacked your thread, though @bakerstreetboys ...  I'm sorry!!! I hope you get into a great RE and have a nice path forward or maybe even just end up KU all happy and healthy before then and don't even need it!    

vlagrl29

@ccvslp so mine doesn't cover testing either if it's labeled IF. But the doc I had at the time a year ago labeled it all abnormal period and it was covered even the HSG. I did not ask her to do that. She was my OB. I've also bought labs from my chiro cause it's so much cheaper. Ask the cash price cause usually it's much more affordable. Cd3 testing if not covered is $1300. I didn't want to chance it so I bought labs from my chiro paid $190 cash.

i saw an HSG at my re clinic is $700!! What?! There's no way we would have gotten it done so thank god the OB coded it as such and we only paid $70.