I will be all alone

lexigirl1228

Hey ladies, I got some troubling news and I am freaking out.

I am 32 weeks pregnant with twins and not working. I lost my job due to being pregnant (I'd rather not get into it anymore than saying that), and my fiancé works two jobs. His main job he just started in July, so he has no vacation time until July of this year. I'm due in March but my OB said they can come at any time starting at 32 weeks, which I just hit.

So my fiancé tells me that his job took away any and all sick time he has accrued and is going to give him the money instead in portions with his paycheck every few weeks or so. We were planning on using that sick time, even if it was only a couple of days, since we cannot afford for him to take paternity leave because he will not get paid and with twins and me not working, that is not an option. Meaning I will be all alone from day one. The only other person I have in my life to help me is my mom, and she can only take so much time off of work herself and already made it clear to me she'd only be able to come over a couple of times a week tops. I just wish my hubby could stay home with me. Any other girls in a similar position? I'm terrified being a first time mom with twins, on my own, getting this news this late so I don't really have time to prepare. It especially bothers me because he won't be home to bond with the boys. I need words of encouragement above all else.

BrittnieMariee

I’m so sorry to hear this! I understand completely! My DH had just started a new job when we got pregnant with our first so by the time I had him he still didn’t have much vacation time and no one was allowed to donate time since he hadn’t been there for a year yet. So DH was off for 5 days, including the 3 days we spent in the hospital after delivery. I know it’s so scary! I wish I had a solution, but I totally sympathize! It was hard, but we made it! DH would help a lot when he was home from work so I mostly had to manage while he was away. Luckily DS was a great sleeper at the beginning! (Though not so much now..)

lexigirl1228

Thanks for the supporting words, but that kind of just made me feel even worse. 5 days is the maximum for most jobs for a paid vacation. At least in my state. I'd kill for him to have 5 days off. Especially if I was stuck in the hospital. Every other forum has women in your situation where husbands still at least get a week off, so it's not really something to complain about. I have not been able to find a single other family where the husband could not get any paid time off whatsoever besides my own. A week is what my fiancé would be able to get tops anyway and that is actually a lot to us because like I said that's typical for most jobs in my state except for manager positions, so we'll gladly settle for those measly 5 days. It's better than nothing. I'm going to continue trying to hold back my anxiety attack now, thanks for replying!

ashleyf911

lexigirl1228 said:

Thanks for the supporting words, but that kind of just made me feel even worse. 5 days is the maximum for most jobs for a paid vacation. At least in my state. I'd kill for him to have 5 days off. Especially if I was stuck in the hospital. Every other forum has women in your situation where husbands still at least get a week off, so it's not really something to complain about. I have not been able to find a single other family where the husband could not get any paid time off whatsoever besides my own. A week is what my fiancé would be able to get tops anyway and that is actually a lot to us because like I said that's typical for most jobs in my state except for manager positions, so we'll gladly settle for those measly 5 days. It's better than nothing. I'm going to continue trying to hold back my anxiety attack now, thanks for replying!

QFP. 

Also, I'm not really sure what you're going for here, or what you're wanting from us... but being crappy to someone who was trying to sympathize with you is probably not the best way to get helpful answers.

missnc77

I don’t want to go all boot straps on you, but the blessing and the curse of it all is that you have no choice, you know? It will be hard, but you’ll do it, and you’ll eventually get to a point where you look back and think how the heck did I survive that and feel like a total bad ass. Even if he did get 2 weeks of paid leave, he’d still have to go back to work, and you’d be in the same position. And honestly, I thought I had a dream baby for 2 weeks post birth. I’d feed her, and she just slept all the time until the evening and at night, and if your husband works a normal schedule, he’ll be home for that. But I soon realized I didn’t actually have a dream baby, she was just a sleepy newborn for those first two weeks. 

Having newborns is full on survival mode for a lot longer than two weeks, so it’ll all even out in the end. Just hunker down. Go ahead and do a bunch of freezer meals before they come so you can at least have food handled. And for those days your husband will be home, lean on him as much as possible so you can rest and recover. That’s the biggest thing you’ll need immediately post birth. 

You mentioned you haven’t come across anyone in your position. I’m a military spouse, and I know quite a few women who had babies while their husbands were deployed, so they didn’t even have their husbands home in the evenings or overnight. In this case, you actually have it better if you want to compare. These guys didn’t get to actually meet their own child until months post birth. Can you imagine? 

kiki75

lexigirl1228 said:

Hey ladies, I got some troubling news and I am freaking out.

I am 32 weeks pregnant with twins and not working. I lost my job due to being pregnant (I'd rather not get into it anymore than saying that), and my fiancé works two jobs. His main job he just started in July, so he has no vacation time until July of this year. I'm due in March but my OB said they can come at any time starting at 32 weeks, which I just hit.

So my fiancé tells me that his job took away any and all sick time he has accrued and is going to give him the money instead in portions with his paycheck every few weeks or so. We were planning on using that sick time, even if it was only a couple of days, since we cannot afford for him to take paternity leave because he will not get paid and with twins and me not working, that is not an option. Meaning I will be all alone from day one. The only other person I have in my life to help me is my mom, and she can only take so much time off of work herself and already made it clear to me she'd only be able to come over a couple of times a week tops. I just wish my hubby could stay home with me. Any other girls in a similar position? I'm terrified being a first time mom with twins, on my own, getting this news this late so I don't really have time to prepare. It especially bothers me because he won't be home to bond with the boys. I need words of encouragement above all else.

But if he's still getting paid for his sick time... y'all should come out even money. The cash is the same. The only difference is that he actually has the opportunity to make MORE than he would have if he didn't take any time off. 

Gingermom15

lexigirl1228 said:

Thanks for the supporting words, but that kind of just made me feel even worse. 5 days is the maximum for most jobs for a paid vacation. At least in my state. I'd kill for him to have 5 days off. Especially if I was stuck in the hospital. Every other forum has women in your situation where husbands still at least get a week off, so it's not really something to complain about. I have not been able to find a single other family where the husband could not get any paid time off whatsoever besides my own. A week is what my fiancé would be able to get tops anyway and that is actually a lot to us because like I said that's typical for most jobs in my state except for manager positions, so we'll gladly settle for those measly 5 days. It's better than nothing. I'm going to continue trying to hold back my anxiety attack now, thanks for replying!

Bless your heart. 

My husband works night shift and would have to sleep during the day. I got zero help from the time we brought our son home after a c section until I went back to work and got a sitter. My son was a terrible sleeper. You buckle down and do what you need to do and don’t compare yourself to people who have it better or worse, because the grass is always greener. Babies are hard. They’re a lot of work. If you are already this anxious I suggest talking to your OB because it will only be worse after they’re born 

megpeg

My husband has only ever taken the time we were at the hospital off.
With #1 he was in school and couldn't take more time off. We were in the hospital 3 days and that's what I got. We went home and I was on my own and family was 10 hours away.
#2 he didn't have time to take and was at the hospital 2 days and went back to work. 
#3 will be the same. He now is part owner and can't miss days because things wouldn't get done and fall apart.
 You need to go in with a positive attitude. If you go in with this woe is me thing going on you aren't going to succeed. 
Women do this all the time without anyone else. Think of all the deployed husbands who's wives have babies. 

muggle621

megpeg said:

My husband has only ever taken the time we were at the hospital off.
With #1 he was in school and couldn't take more time off. We were in the hospital 3 days and that's what I got. We went home and I was on my own and family was 10 hours away.
#2 he didn't have time to take and was at the hospital 2 days and went back to work. 
#3 will be the same. He now is part owner and can't miss days because things wouldn't get done and fall apart.
 You need to go in with a positive attitude. If you go in with this woe is me thing going on you aren't going to succeed. 
Women do this all the time without anyone else. Think of all the deployed husbands who's wives have babies. 

And single moms and widows!!! They manage! 

cford08

It can definently be done as some of the other ladies have pointed out. I'm sorry you're dealing with this @lexigirl1228 it sounds like a very complicated situation....

mmom3

I’m a trucker’s wife who’s gone 90+ hours 6-7 days a week 365 days a year.  I run the entire household single handily with no help from family and two other kids.  We’ll be lucky if he can manage to turn the truck to make it to the birth because chances are far greater he won’t be able to.  My husband gets no sick time and if the wheels aren’t turning - he’s not making a dime.  That’s my situation, but just to give you a different/another perspective to consider versus “no one in your situation”.   There’s also plenty of military families who don’t meet their babies until much later.  

If you’re getting paid sick days - put the cash aside and take the days “uppaid” but you’d have the cash banked already so he can be there for those first few days. I know it seems scary, but you can and will be able to do it.  Moms do it every day, all day, day in and day out!  Have faith and confidence in yourself.  

stardustskies

Gingermom15

sarahhedger7 said:

Judging by a post by this user on the High Risk boards I think she’s dead serious

[Deleted User]

Yeah I mean I sort of feel like you actually only posted this to throw a pity party.  Which I do get - sometimes I want to throw myself pity parties too.  But when you start walking into "no one has it as bad as me" territory it's just too far.  There are tons of women who give birth with no significant other there at all.  I'm sorry you're stressed out and worried but for the love of all that is good throwing this pity party will do NOTHING to help you.

You need to make a game plan.  Get your house organized AF.  Figure out how to order groceries online so that's one less chore.  Make a specific plan with your mom for which day she can come over to help so you can plan for chores that day while she helps with the babies.  Will it be tough taking care of the little ones on your own?  Hell yes it will.  The only thing that will make it easier is to take charge and be proactive.  What can you do right NOW to make it easier on future you?

heatherdubrow

I was thinking it had been awhile since we had a good pain olympics... I’m just here agreeing and LT’ing. 

lovesclimbing

*Lurker*

I was in a very similar situation. My husband, at the time, was working for himself. In other words, if he didn't work, he didn't get paid. He was home the day ashe was born (we got home shortly after 8 a.m., so he was at home all that day) and then went in to work part of the day the next day and then the full day after that. 

Honestly? It wasn't that big of a deal. I'm a capable adult. Would I have preferred to have him home longer? Of course. But I could take care of her just fine by myself. 

ETA: upon reading the rest of the thread, you're actually luckier than me and my H. At least he's getting paid for the sick leave they're taking. 

And you're also not my friend who ended up having her membranes stripped to put her into labor so she could have the baby five days before her husband got deployed for six months. Or another woman I know who had her baby during her husband's deployment 

lexigirl1228

To Ashley, I didn't mean to come off as bitchy as I did. Rereading it now I totally came off wrong and I apologize to everyone.

To missnc: Thank you for the kind words. We unfortunately don't even have enough money for food to feed ourselves right now. We just went grocery shopping for the first time in a long time after I was almost brought to tears because of how hungry I always am due to the financial setbacks we've faced with me losing my job. I'd love to make freezer meals, but we just don't have the money to stock up on food. He also apparently makes too much for food stamps even though he makes just dollars above minimum wage. And true about moms out there having it worse, but I still have a right to be stressed about my situation. And I will admit I was having a bit of a pity party when I first posted this, basically in tears. Especially since this news comes so late. And the first two weeks would be great to have help, I've read that help in the first few weeks is the most important, especially because when am I going to eat/make food and clean the house with two newborns just ugh. Not to mention I will be using cloth diapers and breast feeding, and I will be needing to learn how to do that all at the same time as well. Maybe I'm just worrying about too many things at once and am getting cold feet because reality is hitting me but these comments telling me to get my ass into gear is waking me up out of that mindset and helping immensely.

lexigirl1228

To Kiki: I stated in my original post he will be getting the money over a time span. He's not getting it all at once, so he'll get what maybe an extra $50 a week in his paycheck until the 4 days of sick time or so are paid to him. That doesn't help us when it comes to rent and stuff, you know? And we do not know when he will be starting to receive that pay. So if we were to do that he would have to save the money he makes over the course of time he will be receiving his sick time pay, and THEN he would be able to take the days off. But that's not a reality because as I stated we need every dollar we can get, especially if we want to stock up on food for when kiddies arrive. Not to mention they still need a few things too before they arrive that we need to get ASAP since I could pop at any moment. We were planning on him taking that time off because he thought he was going to get all of the money at once, but they are probably purposely are paying the employees in increments so everyone doesn't do the same thing, just call out for 4 or 5 days since they all received a week's worth of pay, you know? Not to mention that would be a lot out of the company's pocket at once if they were to pay everyone all of their accrued sick time at once.

Gingermom15

@lexigirl1228 This situation is stressful and I’m glad you see that pity parties, though nice sometimes, aren’t productive. Once the babies are born reapply for assistance, you should qualify for food and WIC. Apply for WIC ASAP if you haven’t already. The income guidelines are different than for food stamps and pregnant women qualify. You need that nutrition. Maybe meet in person with a caseworker face to face to see what he’ll you could get. Contact local churches and food banks asap, as well. Gather your resources and start scouting them out, you are pregnant and should not be going hungry 

lexigirl1228

Gingermom, I do have issues with anxiety I have been battling with my entire life which probably just exacerbate my prenatal paranoia, but my OB is a very busy woman and she is hard to get a hold of. Even during my appointments she's got one foot out the door because she has so many patients. I finally was JUST able to come around talking to her about my anxieties regarding the fact that twin delivery is typically more dangerous but I want as natural a birth as much as possible because she runs out of the room before I can even ask a question. I may try mentioning it to her next week though, or even to the specialist today. But I'm so glad to hear you're doing it having a partner doing third shift is very tough I admire you and your hubby's strength!

lexigirl1228

Very true megpeg. And I know how tough school is, I graduated last fall. I can't imagine doing it with children. But yeah, for the most part I've cancelled my pity party and need to just be positive. If I have doubts in myself already, they will only bring me down.

lexigirl1228

Mmom3, that sounds really tough and you and your hubby are incredibly strong people for pulling through and doing what you need to for your family. My fiancé almost got his CDL before we met but the school kicked him out right before he graduated because he had to work simultaneously and he was missing too many school days to work, which is ironic because he was working to pay for trucker school. And he explained to me how hard it is for families to have a parent trucking when he was thinking about going back to school and finishing before the kiddos made their debut. Not to mention I know people who do it (locally though which is a lot easier) and I know it is truly a difficult job. Anyway, I digress. Thank you for sharing your story. This community is great with the support.

[Deleted User]

Agree totally with @Gingermom15 - Look up WIC as soon as possible.  If you're struggling to pay for groceries and you are pregnant you will without a doubt qualify.  Hopefully that assistance will lighten your load.  It's just awful to have to worry about this kind of stuff when you're pregnant.

lexigirl1228

Very true antoto yeah I sometimes go on this forum to vent I don't really see how that's a crime. Many moms just need to vent and a lot of us don't have support in the real world so we come online. But you're still absolutely correct girl.

Sarah and gingermom, are y'all mocking me? Spam? Really? Haha I wish I had some spam. That's incredibly mature. I may be reading incorrectly and I apologize if I am, but it seems as though gingermom is also judging me for a previous post I made worrying about having as natural of a birth as possible with twins, and how my OB wasn't really compromising with things? Don't see what's wrong with either of my posts but cool. I see we are all mothers and/or future mothers here, but still have time for immature crap. Cool. Once again gingermom if you didn't mean any harm by your post, no hard feelings. I can't read tone through text so it's hard. This is mostly pointed at the spam woman. Don't understand it though, are you saying this is spam? I'm not on this forum often so maybe that's why. Especially because as I said it seems extremely juvenile.

To the woman who said I didn't have to get my membranes stripped and all that because my husband isn't being deployed (or whatever you said, I don't know how to quote stuff on here), I haven't given birth yet. One or both of my babies or even I could die. I could prolapse. Chances of me needing a blood transfusion are pretty high my OB warned me. A lot of things could go wrong that I'd rather have my membranes stripped than possibly experience. Please don't assume my labor is going to be easy and dandy and I have hubby right here and we will live happily ever after just because he's not a soldier. Never mind counting your own eggs before they hatch, you're counting someone ELSE'S eggs before they hatch. I'm only 32 weeks. A lot can go wrong. Just because your friends have/had husbands deployed doesn't mean my situation will be smooth sailing or any easier. I hope it will be and I hope everything comes out fine, but especially with my type of twins there is a lot that can go wrong, and both specialist and OB have sat me down and discussed the realities with me multiple times, especially now since D day is almost here. Will we all be fine? Probably. Let's hope so. Let's hope we ALL will be fine. But we can't just assume someone's situation will be better than someone else's because it hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, thanks ladies. Good luck to all of you in your pregnancies and parental life.

lexigirl1228

lexigirl1228 said:

Very true megpeg. And I know how tough school is, I graduated last fall. I can't imagine doing it with children. But yeah, for the most part I've cancelled my pity party and need to just be positive. If I have doubts in myself already, they will only bring me down.

Woohoo I figured out how to quote. Let's just blame that on pregnancy brain haha. But I meant I graduated in the spring. Not that it makes a difference, but it was bothering me.

[Deleted User]

@lexigirl1228 Hope you saw our comments about WIC.  Definitely worth checking into.  And reapply for additional assistance after you give birth.

becausescience

lexigirl1228 said:

To Ashley, I didn't mean to come off as bitchy as I did. Rereading it now I totally came off wrong and I apologize to everyone.

To missnc: Thank you for the kind words. We unfortunately don't even have enough money for food to feed ourselves right now. We just went grocery shopping for the first time in a long time after I was almost brought to tears because of how hungry I always am due to the financial setbacks we've faced with me losing my job. I'd love to make freezer mealslexigirl1228 said:

To Kiki: I stated in my original post he will be getting the money over a time span. He's not getting it all at once, so he'll get what maybe an extra $50 a week in his paycheck until the 4 days of sick time or so are paid to him. That doesn't help us when it comes to rent and stuff, you know? And we do not know when he will be starting to receive that pay. So if we were to do that he would have to save the money he makes over the course of time he will be receiving his sick time pay, and THEN he would be able to take the days off. But that's not a reality because as I stated we need every dollar we can get, especially if we want to stock up on food for when kiddies arrive. Not to mention they still need a few things too before they arrive that we need to get ASAP since I could pop at any moment. We were planning on him taking that time off because he thought he was going to get all of the money at once, but they are probably purposely are paying the employees in increments so everyone doesn't do the same thing, just call out for 4 or 5 days lexigirl1228 said:

Mmom3, that sounds really tough and you and your hubby are incredibly strong people for pulling through and doing what you need to for your family. My fiancé almost got his CDL before we met but the school kicked him out right before he graduated because he had to work simultaneously and he was missing too many school days to work, which is ironic because he was working to pay for trucker school. And he explained to me how hard it is for families to have a parent trucking when he was thinking about going back to school and finishing before the kiddos made their debut. Not to mention I know people who do it (locally though which is a lot easier) and I know it is truly a difficult job. Anyway, I digress. Thank you for sharing your story. This community is great with the support.

since they all received a week's worth of pay, you know? Not to mention that would be a lot out of the company's pocket at once if they were to pay everyone all of their accrued sick time at once.

, but we just don't have the money to stock up on food. He also apparently makes too much for food stamps even though he makes just dollars above minimum wage. And true about moms out there having it worse, but I still have a right to be stressed about my situation. And I will admit I was having a bit of a pity party when I first posted this, basically in tears. Especially since this news comes so late. And the first two weeks would be great to have help, I've read that help in the first few weeks is the most important, especially because when am I going to eat/make food and clean the house with two newborns just ugh. Not to mention I will be using cloth diapers and breast feeding, and I will be needing to learn how to do that all at the same time as well. Maybe I'm just worrying about too many things at once and am getting cold feet because reality is hitting me but these comments telling me to get my ass into gear is waking me up out of that mindset and helping immensely.

lexigirl1228 said:

Gingermom, I do have issues with anxiety I have been battling with my entire life which probably just exacerbate my prenatal paranoia, but my OB is a very busy woman and she is hard to get a hold of. Even during my appointments she's got one foot out the door because she has so many patients. I finally was JUST able to come around talking to her about my anxieties regarding the fact that twin delivery is typically more dangerous but I want as natural a birth as much as possible because she runs out of the room before I can even ask a question. I may try mentioning it to her next week though, or even to the specialist today. But I'm so glad to hear you're doing it having a partner doing third shift is very tough I admire you and your hubby's strength!

lexigirl1228 said:

Very true megpeg. And I know how tough school is, I graduated last fall. I can't imagine doing it with children. But yeah, for the most part I've cancelled my pity party and need to just be positive. If I have doubts in myself already, they will only bring me down.

lexigirl1228 said:

Very true antoto yeah I sometimes go on this forum to vent I don't really see how that's a crime. Many moms just need to vent and a lot of us don't have support in the real world so we come online. But you're still absolutely correct girl.

Sarah and gingermom, are y'all mocking me? Spam? Really? Haha I wish I had some spam. That's incredibly mature. I may be reading incorrectly and I apologize if I am, but it seems as though gingermom is also judging me for a previous post I made worrying about having as natural of a birth as possible with twins, and how my OB wasn't really compromising with things? Don't see what's wrong with either of my posts but cool. I see we are all mothers and/or future mothers here, but still have time for immature crap. Cool. Once again gingermom if you didn't mean any harm by your post, no hard feelings. I can't read tone through text so it's hard. This is mostly pointed at the spam woman. Don't understand it though, are you saying this is spam? I'm not on this forum often so maybe that's why. Especially because as I said it seems extremely juvenile.

To the woman who said I didn't have to get my membranes stripped and all that because my husband isn't being deployed (or whatever you said, I don't know how to quote stuff on here), I haven't given birth yet. One or both of my babies or even I could die. I could prolapse. Chances of me needing a blood transfusion are pretty high my OB warned me. A lot of things could go wrong that I'd rather have my membranes stripped than possibly experience. Please don't assume my labor is going to be easy and dandy and I have hubby right here and we will live happily ever after just because he's not a soldier. Never mind counting your own eggs before they hatch, you're counting someone ELSE'S eggs before they hatch. I'm only 32 weeks. A lot can go wrong. Just because your friends have/had husbands deployed doesn't mean my situation will be smooth sailing or any easier. I hope it will be and I hope everything comes out fine, but especially with my type of twins there is a lot that can go wrong, and both specialist and OB have sat me down and discussed the realities with me multiple times, especially now since D day is almost here. Will we all be fine? Probably. Let's hope so. Let's hope we ALL will be fine. But we can't just assume someone's situation will be better than someone else's because it hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, thanks ladies. Good luck to all of you in your pregnancies and parental life.

lexigirl1228 said:

lexigirl1228 said:

Very true megpeg. And I know how tough school is, I graduated last fall. I can't imagine doing it with children. But yeah, for the most part I've cancelled my pity party and need to just be positive. If I have doubts in myself already, they will only bring me down.

Woohoo I figured out how to quote. Let's just blame that on pregnancy brain haha. But I meant I graduated in the spring. Not that it makes a difference, but it was bothering me.

Just here for the QFPs. 

OP please reach out for assistance to WIC.

lexigirl1228

antoto said:

@lexigirl1228 Hope you saw our comments about WIC.  Definitely worth checking into.  And reapply for additional assistance after you give birth.

I did not see any comments about WIC, but I have WIC. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it barely gives me enough that I can actually use (like minus the juice and canned beans and stuff which is horrible for me anyway and we have an over supply of). That's all income based benefits too and he makes "too much" for me to get enough from WIC to live on for more than a week. I live in CT everything is super expensive a bag of apples is already more than half of what I'm allowed to get with WIC for fruits and vegetables, never mind meats and granola bars and a varied diet that it doesn't cover at all. But yeah, the second the babies are born I'm going to reapply for everything again. Only crappy thing is that I'll need to go in for an interview which will be another battle haha.

missnc77

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time just feeding yourself at the moment. I don't have any other advice outside of what's already been offered about reapplying once you have the baby, but any sort of prep work and thinking you can do before your babies are out of you the better. Even if it's just making sure you have forms ready to go, etc. You'll be so mentally drained post birth that if you have it all done and ready to go, it'll be that much more of a help. 

It sounds like a really stressful situation, and I wasn't trying to make light of it with my military spouse comparison, but you did kind of discount @BrittnieMariee 's experience as it wasn't as bad as yours. My point was that there is always someone that is worse off. If you're dealing with anxiety, it's easy to go down the road where you have it worse than anyone, but that's a dangerous path to go down, so I was just trying to put things in perspective. I think maybe you're projecting your overall anxiety about having twins on a shoe string budget with little help on 2 weeks of paternity leave, almost as if that was the last straw. Maybe the main focus right now should be to seek advice on how to handle those other big stressors that you do have control over? I'm a lurker of a SAHM group on FB with some 30,000 members. I have seen similar posts about WIC and affording kids, etc. and some advice given about it. With that many people, there is surely someone else in your shoes that can offer advice. I think they also allow anonymous posting where you can message a mod, and they will post your question. I'd just not even bother about complaining about the paternity leave and go straight to questions on WIC and handling twins on your own. You can probably also get advice on ways to get the food you need now while you're pregnant as well. https://www.facebook.com/groups/144348716100850/

aos620

I will add that if you really do believe you were fired for being pregnant, this is in violation of federal law and almost certainly the law of whatever state you live in.  I would encourage you to talk to a plaintiff's lawyer who would be able to evaluate your case and would take it on a contingency fee basis.  I know this isn't what you want to do when you're 32 weeks pregnant, but many states have extremely short statute of limitations for employment discrimination claims (in my state, it's 300 days, for example), so see if you can get someone on the phone.  Sometimes, one demand letter can lead to a settlement.  (I'm a defense-side employment lawyer.)  I hope you are able to find the support resources you need in the meantime.  Best of luck to you and your little ones!

[Deleted User]

@aos620 Oh yeah i wanted to say that too!  If you are truly fired for being pregnant it is absolutely within your rights to sue the bajeezus out of your employer.

ShawnnaO

You’re a mom. You’ll manage. We all do. NOONE ever goes through having a baby with someone by their side 100% of the time. People are offering you tips, solutions, even anecdotes of their own personal experience or the experience of people they’re close to. And quite frankly, you’re telling most of them that they either don’t understand your situation or don’t have it as bad as you do. 

Maybe they don’t. Maybe they do. It’s not a competition. You came here to vent, created a one off thread to vent, and then insulted some of the first women here who try to sympathize.

WIC is great. Yes there are interviews. But if you’re complaining about the initial one, get ready for the follow up interviews afterwards. There’s a lot of them. But it’s still assistance and if you’re in as bad of a situation as you say you’re in, the interviews are worth it for free baby food, formula if you need it, milk, bread, cereal. The basics that you need to survive. No you won’t be eating like royalty, but you’re eating. That’s what matters until you can find another job and your family can become more financially stable. 

I encourage you to find churches, or other charities in your area that could help. And a lawyer to deal with the fact that you were fired for an illegal reason. At the very least, you should be getting paid unemployment. Also, a new OB. Because your doctor should not be rushing you, or running out the door before you’re able to voice all of your questions and concerns. 

muggle621

lexigirl1228 said:

antoto said:

@lexigirl1228 Hope you saw our comments about WIC.  Definitely worth checking into.  And reapply for additional assistance after you give birth.

I did not see any comments about WIC, but I have WIC. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but it barely gives me enough that I can actually use (like minus the juice and canned beans and stuff which is horrible for me anyway and we have an over supply of). That's all income based benefits too and he makes "too much" for me to get enough from WIC to live on for more than a week. I live in CT everything is super expensive a bag of apples is already more than half of what I'm allowed to get with WIC for fruits and vegetables, never mind meats and granola bars and a varied diet that it doesn't cover at all. But yeah, the second the babies are born I'm going to reapply for everything again. Only crappy thing is that I'll need to go in for an interview which will be another battle haha.

QFP

kiki75

lexigirl1228 said:

To Kiki: I stated in my original post he will be getting the money over a time span. He's not getting it all at once, so he'll get what maybe an extra $50 a week in his paycheck until the 4 days of sick time or so are paid to him. That doesn't help us when it comes to rent and stuff, you know? And we do not know when he will be starting to receive that pay. So if we were to do that he would have to save the money he makes over the course of time he will be receiving his sick time pay, and THEN he would be able to take the days off. But that's not a reality because as I stated we need every dollar we can get, especially if we want to stock up on food for when kiddies arrive. Not to mention they still need a few things too before they arrive that we need to get ASAP since I could pop at any moment. We were planning on him taking that time off because he thought he was going to get all of the money at once, but they are probably purposely are paying the employees in increments so everyone doesn't do the same thing, just call out for 4 or 5 days since they all received a week's worth of pay, you know? Not to mention that would be a lot out of the company's pocket at once if they were to pay everyone all of their accrued sick time at once.

You stated that part of your problem with him not having the time off was that he would miss bonding with the babies. Put the extra money they're paying out away and then use it to cover the time so he can take some off. 

This is certainly a tough situation and the last minute policy change would be a last straw. So have a bit of a pity party. Then you have to dry your eyes, put your pants on, and get a solution-based mindset. 

You declined to explain why you lost your job due to pregnancy. If you did nothing wrong and it was strictly because of pregnancy, you have a case. Contact a lawyer. Look into applying for unemployment or disability. Meanwhile, your  partner should be actively working to find a job where he will be paid better or working to make himself more valuable so he can get paid better where he is or at a different job. If this income isn't cutting it now, it certainly won't get better as you double the number of mouths to feed.

We all need time to process emotions but at a certain point, you have to work the problem. Lamenting the situation won't do you a lick of good. Get to busy finding solutions today since things are only going to get more hectic. Only you and your partner can do this. No one here can do it for you.

momma6angels11

You can do this!! @lexigirl1228 I honestly believe that god gave you these twins for a reason! Maybe to show you how strong you actually are! Keep your head up!

maelily15

@lexigirl1228, you might want to look into the food stamp policy in your state a little more closely (all states have them in online format). In my state, if you are unmarried and don’t have any common children (which still currently applies to you, assuming you are a FTM), they can’t force you and your fiancé to be on a case together unless you tell them you are living together and cooking together. Of course, that’ll get re-evaluated when your babies arrive but may help in the short term. With no source of income, you might qualify for emergency benefits. 

I second the other ladies’ opinions about seeking another OB. I understand it is stressful to think about this late in your pregnancy but your anxiety is just going to cause more anxiety in an already over anxious hormonal situation (not good). You need to keep a journal or note of all your questions and ask follow up questions if needed, that might help with the anxiety if you’re getting more thorough answers. 

Also, it might not be a bad idea to stop dreaming of that as natural as possible birth experience. Like you said, there’s quite a bit that can go wrong in your situation but unfortunately most of that is beyond your control. I think your doctor may have unintentionally scared you (she should have read through your patient history and recognized your history of anxiety). You can try to keep yourself hydrated, rested, take your meds, keep your appointments and something will still go “wrong”. The important thing to keep in mind is that the ultimate goal is having healthy babies. I wasn’t high risk and I developed a serious condition that required enduction at 37 weeks. Nothing about my labor was natural except that I did deliver vaginally but the important part was me being flexible enough to realize that healthy is more important than any birth plan. For everything that can go wrong, there’s always the chance it can go right. My boss had twins and was able to deliver both vaginally with few complications at 36 weeks. Just stress about the things that are within your control. 

About your fiance potentially missing out on bonding and helping out- believe me, there’ll be plenty of time for him to bond while he’s not at work. Newborns only do a few things- eat, sleep, and poo. They’ll do all that while he’s home. If he’s not a zombie while he sleeps, he’ll have the same joys of all nighters right alongside you. 

I also second the idea of looking into a lawyer. Since you’re not married yet, you might qualify for assistance from your local Legal Aid office. 

More about your anxiety- don’t let it go untreated because it will get worse as you begin to feel more overwhelmed which is inevitable because you’re a FTM of twins. 

Instead of doing beans on WIC, try the peanut butter. It’s got more protein. Also talk to the WIC nutritionist at your next appointment about what food are on your vouchers, they can make slight alterations based on your personal preferences. 

If you haven’t already, get preregistration done at the hospital, car seats inspected at the local inspection spot (usually a fire station or WIC office), and your hospital bag packed- one less thing to worry about when it’s go time.  Most hospitals will supply you with all you’ll need during your stay for the babies except a going home outfit. 

The best you can do is try your best to prepare now and the rest will somehow fall into place, mostly because it has to. 

ShawnnaO

@maelily15 I LOVE that last paragraph 

uakina94

Apologizing in advance for not introducing myself (I'm just a lurker, Only log on to see if i find answers to any questions i have) but this users post really annoyed me and pissed me off. I have a 2.5 and 1.5 year old and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I have had a rough pregnancy and my husband is home once a week, he's always away for work, during that 1 day is the only time  when I get to rest. I don't go around complaining because that's the reality of life, it's tough. And instead of being on here complaining about how hard it will be and how you don't have food right now to feed yourself, find the help there are plenty resources and figure things out before those babies come because it won't get easier especially with a mindset like yours. You need to understand your going to be a mom so start being responsible and stop trying to make people feel sorry for you. 

Knottie1442875410

I have empathy for you. My husband started a new job and won't have any paid time off. The best we can hope for is a day or two unpaid. He also works 2 hours away and l deliver quickly, so he might miss a lot of the labor, maybe even the delivery.
To be fair, this is my 5th baby, so I'm not afraid, I know I'll be fine and can care for the baby without help. I didn't always feel this way. I've had babies while broke, on WIC, and suffering from crushing anxiety. I thought I'd feel better after delivery but it actually got much worse. Dangerously so.
What I hear in your post and responses is a lot of anxiety. It sounds like you're in a very tough position financially, and that you feel like a victim of unfair circumstances. Anxiety can hijack your coping skills and make you feel like you're helpless and that the sky is falling in. It makes you find a problem with every solution, and unfortunately when you reach out, you're not able able to see the forest for the trees when people are honestly trying to help you.
Please consider getting treatment for the anxiety. The reason why people are telling you to "suck it up, Buttercup" is because that's what we all do as mothers. Moms around the world give birth in huts and refugee camps without running water, and many of them probably feel more empowered than you do with with the limited free food choices from WIC. 
That is the anxiety talking. Tackling the anxiety now, via meds or therapy or whatever path you choose is going to help you cope with this difficult situation. You'll feel better and be better able to get through these hurdles. If your ob isn't responsive, try another doctor, or a crisis hotline that can point you in the right direction for finding someone who can help. You can totally handle this, and in 10 years you'll look back and be so proud of how strong you were.