Weight gain and inappropriate comments at work — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Weight gain and inappropriate comments at work

Hello! I’m 22 weeks pregnant and have been facing a lot of unnecessary and inappropriate comments about the weight I’ve gained since getting pregnant. Has anyone else experienced this?? Just want to vent because some of the comments are hurtful and I feel alone. 

Re: Weight gain and inappropriate comments at work

  • Hello! I’m 22 weeks pregnant and have been facing a lot of unnecessary and inappropriate comments about the weight I’ve gained since getting pregnant. Has anyone else experienced this?? Just want to vent because some of the comments are hurtful and I feel alone. 
    ^WSS
    ME: 31  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
    **Ticker Warning**
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • Thanks! She’s upper management and it’s a government job. I feel like if I go to HR I’ll ruin chances of moving up. She made a comment about how my legs got bit. And asked if my doctor told me I’ve gained a lot of weight. 
  • Agree with what's been said but I would also start documenting every single thing she says to you to build your case in the event it gets to that point.

    If you need to confront her face to face, maybe ask HR to sit in with you so you have a witness or send an email.  Anything you can do to have hard evidence.

    I wouldnt jump to looking for a new job just yet (unless you want out).  If there's something that can be done to remedy her actions, then I would do that first.  You may not be the last woman who gets pregnant while working there and the problem may continue for other women.  She shouldn't be allowed to continue her inappropriate behavior.
    If you're going to talk to her - try to have a third party that's impartial present. Whether that's a co-worker you're not friends with, who's not friends with her, or someone from HR. At this point, it'll be a he-said-she-said situation.

    Regardless - tell her that her comments are inappropriate for the work place and for your work-relationship, and that you're uncomfortable with how she's interacting with you. If you end up having the conversation - go to HR regardless so that they know what is going on and that you are trying to work the issue out yourself, or go to your direct manager if you aren't comfortable going to HR at the moment.

    Keep in mind that anything you say to HR is supposed to be confidential. In my experience, they will present things in a way that they can not come back on you unless she really knew she was doing something report-worthy and expected it.
    Me: 25 | DH: 29 | DSS: 9
    TTC #1: Aug - Nov '15 (TTA N'15-J'17 for Nursing School)
    TTC #1 take two: July 2017 (NTNP); August 2017 (actively TTGP)
    BFP 10/9 @ 10 DPO; EDD June 23, 2018

    lindsayleigh1989BusinessWifesmsaulino
  • If you feel like going to HR will create conflict, just do what you can to not let it bother you. Several ways to do this, forgive her, ignore her, realize that you're making a child and you're body (weight gain and all) is fucking incredible SO her opinion doesn't matter, give her snark about something similar (I don't suggest this but meh it helps some people). I've been in a similar situation where I told someone the person picking on me that I was upset about someone else doing those things to me. I explained why, and that got her aware of my sensitivity and she actually started taking up for me here and there when someone did something similar.

    Just remember to not make major decisions when pregnant unless they're feelingns you've always had. We all get a little more sensitive, and sometimes we let our emotions get out of hand. A great job is something to be proud of. If it has the chance of moving up, even better.  Don't let yourself be miserable, but don't live in misery if you can make your world brighter with a good perspective. Usually volunteering helps realign you with what's important.

    (Sorry for the tangent, only saying that I recently made a bad promotion decision and can't stand my new role. But when I look at it, I'm still able to pay for a home, feed my family and prepare for bringing another angel into this world. And despite how much I regret making the move, thank god I have it.)
  • I didn't say she should look for a job right now because of this. I meant if she truly works in an environment where she can't take issues to HR or management without worrying about backlash, she should look for a new job. Because that kind of work environment is NOT good. 
    adiratBusinessWife
  • @adirat - Damn us and our vaginas! If we had penises and were pregnant we'd be having a completely different conversation!
    Me: 25 | DH: 29 | DSS: 9
    TTC #1: Aug - Nov '15 (TTA N'15-J'17 for Nursing School)
    TTC #1 take two: July 2017 (NTNP); August 2017 (actively TTGP)
    BFP 10/9 @ 10 DPO; EDD June 23, 2018

    Redpuma119
  • OP- I would send out an email to your boss.  Just let her know that her comments are making you uncomfortable. Then you have documented proof. Also, BCC someone from HR
    izza2BusinessWife
  • @izza2 That seemed a little emotional. 
  • kat029 said:
    @izza2 That seemed a little emotional. 
    Totes magotes, yo!
    My emotions at the time of responding: astounded and appalled.
    Not present at the time of responding: sensitive emotions and feelings getting out of hand.

    I'm sorry that you have issues making important decisions and them turning out positive, and blame that on your pregnancy.
    That doesn't mean you should be telling other people they can't make decisions while pregnant because you feel it makes more sense to blame your failure on the hormonal changes happening in your body rather than your own lack of good judgment.

    But, really, what do I know. I'm a hormonal pregnant lady who apparently can't make any important decisions for myself because *gasp* hormones. Those pesky things!
    Me: 25 | DH: 29 | DSS: 9
    TTC #1: Aug - Nov '15 (TTA N'15-J'17 for Nursing School)
    TTC #1 take two: July 2017 (NTNP); August 2017 (actively TTGP)
    BFP 10/9 @ 10 DPO; EDD June 23, 2018

    stassischroederlindsayleigh1989lalala2004
  • Sounds like i need to get a doctors note for work accommodations because i can’t make logical and safe decisions right now - joking!

    But in all seriousness i like what another poster said about emailing your supervisor. I use to be a supervisor and having things recorded is always good! Legally they can’t retaliate for speaking up if you feel harassed or uncomfortable with this sort of thing. I hope things get better for you. 
    BusinessWife
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