Newbie :) Needing some reassurance

hoff079

Hello - as mentioned I am a newbie here (on this board any way).  I struggled for years TTC.  1 MC.  Then to IVF b/c found out I have DOR and bad tubes.  Several cancelled cycles and a few resulting in zero embryos or no "normal" embryos.  Finally....I got one (did not do PGS testing though).  Did an FET and am now 7w6d.

My real struggle is being happy and excited.  I have such a fear of another disappointment.  We had a heartbeat confirmed at 7w, 124, and measuring great.  However, every day I wish I could just focus on it being what it is and not the potential for another loss.  If I have some cramping, I get worried, if I don't have any cramping, I get worried.  If I don't feel morning sickness or any other symptoms, I get worried.  I'm still doing progesterone injections and taking estrogen, so I feel like I don't even know what my body is feeling - is it the baby or is it the medicine?

Has anyone else dealt with this and what have you done to move past the trauma of going through years of IVF and let downs?  I want to be excited, and I am, but I can't seem to show it and I can't seem to stop worrying!

lablover78

*lurking* aw @hoff0079 I'm so sorry - I just had to respond to send you more (((hugs))). Have you thought about counseling? Are you in the U.S. because a lot of ppl on group health insurance have EAP which allows them a few free sessions. What you are feeling is totally normal after the trauma you have experienced and I think a professional can help you work through the feelings so you can actually enjoy what you've been waiting for for so long

jtothel

@hoff0079  I wish I had some great advice to give but unfortunately just like you, I worried every single day. I just had my son 8 weeks ago after 3 rounds of IVF (PGS)The 1st round I was pregnant with twins and lost them at 22 weeks (I got a random infection) and the 2nd round was a chemical pregnancy. When I got pregnant the 3rd time, I was a complete psycho! I could not relax and enjoy my pregnancy (which was unfortunate) If I felt cramping I would convince myself something was wrong, If I felt nothing - I would convince  myself something was wrong. I drove myself nuts looking up every feeling on the internet (Try not to do that) I even went to the hospital twice because of my panicking. I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks (due to my previous losses) and that sill didn't make me feel any better. I had panic attacks because I didn't think he was kicking enough...the list goes on. All I can say is just try to take it day by day. The only thing I found semi effective was to set little goals for myself...try to make it to second trimester, try to make it to week 16, try to make it to week 23...just take it day by day. I was too scared to be really happy and enjoy my pregnancy and I really wish I could have. I truly wish you the best and hope you will finally have a wonderful outcome like I did