Monday Bfest 12/18

sandbar517

We haven't had one of these for a while, so let's hear it.  Who's a bitch, or what do you want to bitch about?

sparklingdiamond

We leave for FL on Sunday and I don't want to be at work this week.  We are so slow, but I definitely didn't have enough PTO to take off for two weeks.

loko08

THANKS MIL for asking me to get DD's snow stuff all together as I'm trying to get out the door to get to work. Text me the night before next time, mmmmkay?!

justsuzie

Everyone texting whilst driving. If you already drive like an asshole, maybe don't add texting to that equation because you make me want to do bad things to you.

sandbar517

So, I keep telling myself that it doesn't bother me, but I guess it does a little.  Again, relating to my best friend that had her baby last week.  We email back and forth quite a bit, so a few months ago I was asking her if they had any names picked out.  She was giving the list: Aurora, Scarlett, a few others, but said they hadn't decided on anything quite yet.  I wrote back and said, We pretty much have Natalie and Meredith, that's about all we've been able to agree on so far.  She writes back, Oh yeah, I forgot Natalie is on our list, too. 
She texts me Friday evening with a picture that says, Introducing Natalie [middle name] [last name].  We live across the country from each other, and I've seen her 3 times in the last 17 years, so I keep saying it won't bother me to use the same name.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is that our mutual friends on Facebook (we went to high school together, so there will be a lot of them) will totally think that I stole her name if I use the same name 4 months from now.  Ugh, we have the AS on Wednesday, so hopefully we'll find out then if it's something I even need to worry about.  

loko08

@sandbar517 I'm sorry. That would bug me too. Especially with how social media kinda makes the whole "we never see them" thing moot. Silver lining is if you decide not to use Natalie, you have more time to figure out another option!

sandbar517

@loko08 Thanks.  Easier said than done, though.  Natalie and Meredith really were two of the only names we really agree on, and I don't even really like Meredith all that much.  I kinda hope it's a boy, because at this point I think circumcision will be an easier topic to argue about than names!!! 

sparklingdiamond

@sandbar517 Ugh that would annoy me too!  

My other thing is that I felt like such a crappy mom yesterday.  I was having one of those days where everything was getting under my skin and ended up yelling at DS and it made him cry.  I felt so awful.

JNCPro3130

@sandbar517, that would TOTALLY piss me off and it would bother me.  I know it is their child, but if she's your friend and knew it was on a list of only 2 names, it seems really inconsiderate to take it, IMO.

@justsuzie, YES!  I was in an accident a couple weeks ago.  Someone was driving like an asshat, cut off a person in front of me (who had to slam on their brakes), and I rear ended the person in front of me.  I know it is my fault for following too closely, but the guy the caused it just kept going.  Is it the holidays, or are people driving like maniacs?! 

@loko08, UGH!  Mornings are too crazy to be throwing things at a person last minute!

@sparklingdiamond, Yay for a trip to FL!  I'm always less productive before a trip.

Mine is for myself.  I really need to get crap done before winter break starts.  We have school through Wednesday, but all I want to do is be in my pjs.  

bwow615

The lady who rear ended me this morning on the way to work is my bitch of the day. @justsuzie I suspect she was texting because we were in slow moving traffic near a railroad crossing that is always slow in the morning.  She kept mouthing "sorry" to me and it just made me angry. 

justsuzie

@bwow615 uhhhh, monday morning fender bender...bitch away girl.

I've got another big bitchfest... I HATE when people comment on my stomach!  I am so self-conscious of it for some reason, and I don't know why.  I don't like attention at all and the growing stomach just makes people give me the unwanted attention.  And the first person that touches me is going to get a bunch in the face.

JNCPro3130

@justsuzie, I was called "plump" last week.  Is there really an acceptable time to call a woman plump?  Let's just make a rule that if you are going to comment on someone, the only acceptable comments are "You look great/wonderful/amazing!"

bjkay22

@sandbar517 omg that would irritate me too. I mean if she had included it in her original list then fine, it happens, but still. Also it would bug me. We have two friends (not close friends, just work friends) who have daughters and I love their namesake. Jolene and Cora. I told DH I love them both. He wanted us to just use Jolene but I couldn’t because I knew in my heart that I only thought if it once they told me their name. 

thunderberry

@bwow615 Man, that is super bitch worthy! I would have made a big fuss clutching my stomach just to make her feel bad

@sandbar517 I totally can understand being upset by that, that really sucks. Would a slightly different spelling help you feel any better about it? My SIL spells it Nathalie, I think it's more the French way. Or something like Naomi or Melanie kind of has a similar sound/rhythm while looking very different. But I know once you're attached to a name it's hard to find anything else you like so I feel for you!

Is it wrong to be bitching about a small child? Yesterday I went to see Star Wars and there was a kid sitting behind me kicking my seat the WHOLE TIME. He was obviously in a funk and every time his mother would tell him to stop he'd just start kicking harder/faster. Maybe it's more the mother I should bitch about for not taking her kid out of there when he refused to behave. Although I have to admit if I was the mother I'd find it pretty hard to give up my Star Wars tickets too.

doraleigh35

Ugh, @bwow615 that's a rough start to the morning. Glad you're okay though.

@sandbar517 I had a friend from HS do that to me when I was pregnant with DD. She had listed off a bunch of their boy names and the only one I had said was on our list at the time was Colton. Guess what they used, Colton. We never see them, but it still bugs me.

I'm so pissed at myself. I went to the grocery store last night to get stuff for the week so that I don't have to go out today in the snow. I literally forgot the main thing I went there for (bbq sauce for work potluck dish on Wednesday). So now I have to go back. I think I'll wait until DH gets home tonight so I don't have take DD out. Best part, I even had a list!

suchaglencoco

@sandbar517, yeah, I'd be pissed. I also wouldn't be able to use the name because it would give me bitter thoughts. 
I guess I'm glad we don't really have any names picked out so no one can steal them, haha. Although I only have 1 pregnant friend who I would share them with and I think their name is already picked, but being kept secret for this reason.

@bwow615, I hope you're alright since traffic was slow. 

My BF is I have to go in for a dumb pee, weight, hb, "see you soon" appt. And DH demanded to come in with me with no kids so I had to find someone to come watch them for us since my mom is out of town. Luckily my aunt is amazing and is more than willing to come over. 
I'll end up being gone an hour and half if they're on schedule. Normally I don't worry too much about the kids, but DS has been super clingy to both me and DH lately so I'm worried he may cry the entire time. My aunt is great though, so I know she'll be just fine if the happens. 

cups4

Can I bitch about preschool? DS will be 3 in February and I'm scrambling because preschool starts at the time I have to be at my own school for work and we are trying to figure out 1. where is he going to go and get a spot (enrollment starts in January) 2. how are we all going to be on time in the mornings with a new baby to drop off at the sitter's too, 3. expensive!! 4. potty training situation.  It is only our worst and last case scenario, but is anyone waiting until 4 to do preschool? Our babysitter is amazing and does crafts and lessons with him, but I'm worried.

charlestonchew

@sandbar517 that would bug the crap out of me. I had a similar situation with my wedding date. An acquaintance who is more a facebook friend picked the same wedding date as us and now I have to see her stupid updates every year on my anniversary. I also had to go to her wedding on my first anniversary.

sandbar517

Thanks everyone, I hate feeling like I'm just being overly emotional and overreacting to something minor.  I'm personally not a fan of unusual spellings, so I guess after our AS I'll just have to really spend some time thinking about how our kids sharing a name will make me feel if it happens to be another girl.  As far as facing any "backlash" I might get online, I mean, honestly- what are the chances that someone would actually have the balls to comment about them having the same name?  And if they do, I have no problem telling them the truth.  Not that she "stole" my name, but that we both had it on our list before we realized it, and we just couldn't find anything else that we liked as much.  Great minds think alike, I guess.  We've been best friends since we were 14, so it shouldn't surprise anyone.  
@sparklingdiamond and @JNCPro3130 I only have today, tomorrow and part of Thursday left before Christmas break, so I'm in the same boat.  I have so much I would like to get done so it's not weighing on my mind over break, but I also know I only have three work days left before break and don't feel like doing anything!  Especially since all I can think about is my AS and birthday on Wednesday!  Also, @sparklingdiamond just remind yourself we all have those days, and you are NOT a bad mom.  I scream at my kids and make them cry all the time, and it makes me feel like the worst mom in the world.  We're all entitled to have cranky, irritable days, and we can't all be Mary Poppins all the time.  Solidarity, girl.  
@loko08 Ever since MH got his new hours at work, we don't have to take the girls to his mom's house anymore but he would get SO annoyed when she would do something like that.  Or she would tell me to remind him, like, I'm at work and don't see him in the morning either, so how is my texting him any different than you texting him?  Mornings and trying to get out the door at a certain time is stressful enough, you don't need to add to it. 
@justsuzie You're not international are you?  I love the non-US-English use of the word "whilst" and I wish we would start saying it more (also calling the bathroom the "loo" I love it!).  But I totally agree that texting while driving is such a stupid thing to do, although I have to admit to being guilty of texting at red lights or voice-to-text texting sometimes.  It's a bad habit, and I've really been working on stopping, obviously for safety but also because I want to set a good example for my kids by not doing it.   Also, can we just make a news story every single day about talking about people's bellies/bodies?  Commenting on ANYONE's body is NEVER ok-male or female, pregnant or not.  Unless you're paying them a sincere compliment (not a backhanded, "Your belly is so small" when you're 20+ weeks and it starts making you freak out about baby not growing...) and telling them how nice they look, just skip it.  PLEASE.  
@bwow615 I'm so sorry you had such a shitty start to your day!  Hope you and baby are okay, you don't need that added stress right now!
@bjkay22 I'm so tempted to tell you to use them because they're just coworkers, but now I totally get it.  People will think you "stole" them, and no one wants people to say that about them.  Naming kids is so damn hard, and I hate it LOL  
@thunderberry DEFINITELY the mom needs to be the bitch for today.  I get it, Star Wars, etc, but why would you even take your kid if you weren't like, 99% sure they would behave themselves?  Or at least take them out of the theater to have a little talking-to and threaten to leave if they don't straighten up?  
@doraleigh35 Exactly.  I find it even more annoying though that she "forgot" Natalie was on their list.  Like, you obviously didn't like it all that much or you wouldn't have forgotten about it, yet it happens to be the name you end up choosing?  Ugh.  I'm just being irritable and petty, and I hate that about myself.  And I do stuff like that while shopping all the time, even with lists, too.  So annoying. 

cups4

@sandbar517  I had an interesting situation with the toddler's name.  A close friend was having a boy in December and DS was due in February.  She chose not to tell her choice of name for her son before he was born.  No biggie! I told her and our group of friends when we decided on DS's name before either baby was born.  She text me a minute after I told everyone that was the name they chose as well, but she still would not be sharing with anyone else.  It is a weird situation, but at least you know you shared it first.  That sounds so tacky, but it helped me

justsuzie

@sandbar517 No, not international....just love the less commonly used words.    And pfffff to the haters that make any comments on your daughter's name.  I honestly feel like  a name is special and anyone that says anything snarky is just being rude.  If you love the name, then use it.  I understand feeling a little down about the fact that your friend used it.  I'm sure she loved it just as much as you did and wasn't really thinking.  I have a Natalie that goes by the nickname "Nettie".  Love both names. 

ivyvines6

@sandbar517 I had a vaguely similar situation with this LO and a close friend, but not really. She’s been dead set on the name Lilliana for forever, and one of our top contenders was Lillian. She flipped out of her ever living mind over it! We’re not going with that name choice now, but it had nothing to do with her hissy fit. They are similar, but not the same, so I don’t get it...

sandbar517

@ivyvines6 Yeah, I think that's a little extreme.  Totally not even the same name.  
@justsuzie Nettie is really cute!  I think part of the reason I'm so bummed is that I'm not overly attached to Natalie, either, it just happens to be the name of the two options MH suggested that I like better.  I'm still so set on Josephine, and he's still not budging even an inch, so I feel a little....overwhelmed that I can't have the name I really want, and now part of me feels like I can't use the "runner-up" either.  
@cups4 IF this is a girl, and we still decide to use Natalie, I feel like it will be some consolation that even if other people think I stole it from her, she and I both know the truth.  I'm just getting frustrated because girls' names are very hard for me, I'm super picky, have a ton of girls in my family and MH's, and I feel like we're back at square one as far as finding one that we both like.  I just have to shelf it until Wednesday when we find out the sex, if baby cooperates.  And at this point, I'm thankful that this is the most "important" thing I have to worry about so far.  
Edited for clarity

JNCPro3130

I don't understand rude comments about names.  I have names that are NMS and I may side eye them, but I would never say anything rude to the parents.  Most times I ask where they got the name from and learn about why they chose the name.  I don't know.  I just don't think you have to be rude.

gildah

I really thinks it’s  best to keep names to yourself. People will always have an opinion. Seriously, people have criticized the name we chose for our son....and we’re naming him after my beloved uncle who died last year. His name is John. It’s pretty much the least offensive boys name I can think of besides maybe William or something. I’m not even kidding I had someone say “oh, what about James instead?” Hmmm, let me say this again. I’m naming him after my uncle, who’s name was John, not James. What about that is so hard to understand?!?! Like, can you have a little respect? It’s not like I’m calling him Rupelstilstkin people!

JNCPro3130

@gildah, DS is John!  People better not have anything bad to say about it!    I'm sorry to hear about your uncle.  I think it's sweet to name your son after him!

justsuzie

@gildah eye roll at whoever said that.

gildah

@JNCPro3130 Cute name! I hope no one gives you a hard time on your crazy out there boys name!!

suchaglencoco

I don't know, we've never had any issues with telling our names beforehand. Everyone knew what DS would be at 16 weeks (if one was a boy) and knew what our top 2 girl choices were when we went in to give birth. 
Maybe our families are just too afraid to say anything dumb about them?? Haha.
My mom is the other main person I'll run names by and shes always very honest and I appreciate her opinion. So does DH. We've run some potential names for this bean by her and shes been pretty "meh" about them, kind of like we are.
We also pick very classic names and our families tend to be more traditional with ways of thinking so maybe that's why?

attorneyworkproduct

One of my friends has a SIL named Holly who is somewhere between 35-40 and pretty much never dates. When my friend named her cat
Molly the SIL freaked out and said that they had stolen “her baby name.”

I think unless you are super close, and the kids will see each other frequently, just go with what you like. But I know it can make a name feel less special when you hear of someone else choosing it close in time to your baby’s debut. 

crazyliblady

Mine is at my work.  I try very hard not to be a complainer, but today has me seeing red.  My boss just told me once again to not delegate as much.  Granted, I did put a decently big project on my assistant, but I was swamped.  This is the 3rd time this year I have been told to delegate less and it just irks me because while I am running ragged, puking at times, in pain, and doing a million things on top of that, my staff keeps complaining about how bored they are and how they need something to do.  Then I do ten million things all by myself and my boss tells me my work needs to be better quality.  When I have told her I couldn't do something she just said "sure you can, it's easy."  I just can't win for losing here!  I have people sneaking around doing things for me on the sly, and still they are bored with the amount of work.  It feels unfair to me.

@sandbar517 I agree the not saying it was on the list would annoy me so much.

@loko08 oh yeah that would bug me.  

suchaglencoco

New BF.
DH caught the bug DS has late Saturday/ early Sunday morning. So instead of my aunt coming to watch the kids, I brought them with me so she wouldn't be exposed. I figured "quick check up, should be in and out". Nope. Ob was in surgery and thus, 45 minutes late. For a 5 minute appointment. 
Thank goodness my hospital has free WiFi and the kids were amused by YouTube! 

kpc914

Everyone on one of my teams at work. A bunch of them went on vacation this week ( I was supposed to be on vacation as well), but i'm taking one for the team and working until at least EOD Wednesday.

also....tax reform. Mostly because the actual reform is BS.....but also because I am a public accountant (tax) and the reform has made us SOOOOOOOOO busy. Like stay at the office until 3am on a sunday night busy.  

ETA: I hate sharing our name choices with people (except you guys) for that exact reason. I am sorry you are dealing with that @sandbar517. Also, @gildah, I love the name John and love that you are honoring your uncle. So odd for someone to say "how about James" in response. I cannot roll my eyes enough at that one. 

onesmallcoconut

Not feeling typing out my entire day but it was terrible so I'll just do the "highlights".

 Part of it is that awhile back we had a restructure and some management got shifted around. I'm working on a large campaign currently among a million other things and my old manager is being a complete asshat to me. I'm struggling with dealing emotionally with having a difficult client who used to be my biggest supporter who is now trying to undermine me, make me look incompetent and drag my name through the mud. It's just.. so shitty. He was my favourite manager I've had so far in my entire career... now I don't know what to think. I can usually separate emotion from business very easily but this one is ... Tough.

I also ate super randomly and very little today due to workload, I couldn't go out at lunch to finish my xmas shopping because of meetings that got added to my schedule last minute, I'm backed the eff up from taking too much immodium so I could get through a family gathering on the weekend, I had to grocery shop after work and the store was full of idiots who can't drive a cart to save their life, and DH did NOT start cooking the potatoes like he said he would so I came home from grocery shopping directly after the work day from hell and jumped straight into cooking and trying to get DS to eat his damn dinner (he's being super picky).

Can I cry now? 

bwow615

@onesmallcoconut yes, I think you deserve a good cry. Sorry you has such a shitty day, tomorrow's another one so hopefully it will be better! 

theletlers

@suchaglencoco glad it turned out alright in the end! 

@crazyliblady I'm sorry. I have no real advice but you have my full empathy on the situation. It sounds awful.

@sandbar517  I'd be pissed too. But it sounds like just venting and waiting a couple of days until the anatomy scan is the best plan. 

@gildah sounds like someone needs to just shut their mouth on names. John is awesome!

theletlers

@cups4 I personally wouldn't stress about preschool at 3. I actually say this from years of teaching preschool. Oftentimes I saw parents use it mostly like daycare with a bit of educational spin. I've known some people that do it at 4 but just part time, like two or three half days because their child always stayed home with a parent or grandparent and it was more of a practice for kindergarten. But really if your kid is getting exposure to some educational focused activities at 3 I'd say you're on the right track. If you want to up it I bet you could even just ask your current babysitter if it's possible to work more on letter/number/shape recognition. I'm not sure what the setup is or how many kids she watches, but if she is able to even just add an extra activity or two during the week it might ease that stress for you. Also think how many years of preschool do you think DS will require and are their any special circumstances with him that would need an additional year. And when can he start kindergarten for your school district and are there requirements he has to meet to enroll? But really if he started closer to 4 he would still have a year and a half before school which in most cases is enough. Just a few thoughts, take them or leave them!

cups4

@theletlers I am SS this for my sanity. Thank you for writing this out SOOOO much. Our sitter does a letter a week with arts and crafts, books, foods, and activities like dot art corresponding to the letter of the week. They go to the library or nature conservation center daily and she is amazing. He knows his shapes, amimals, and can count to 15, and is working on his number and letter recognition.  I don't know why I have been obsessing over this, but I really appreciate your advice. So as long as he has a year and a half of it for 3 days a week at 4 you think that's ok? I REALLY appreciate your advice right now!!!!!

sandbar517

@cups4 I don't know how I missed your OP about preschool, but our girls will be 4 in May, and I think our current plan is to wait until the fall to enroll them in a preschool.  They've only ever been around family, have never gone to daycare, so I didn't think they were ready this past year.  But we are worried about the transition to kindergarten, so I would definitely like to get them in somewhere next year.  I've been battling my guilt about them not getting enough education-they can count and recognize shapes and animals, but are not really recognizing letters or numbers (other than A and H lol) so I worry that they'll be behind once they get to preschool.  We've been playing Go Fish to try and teach them numbers, we put their letter magnets up on the fridge, and I've been more cognizant of pointing out letters and numbers to them and trying to go over them with them a little more than we have in the past.  

theletlers

I really truly do!!! My own personal opinion would be to wait until 4. There is so much of preschool that age matters the most. So many parts of it will be easier with another year of maturing. Sitting still for worksheets is hard as hell for most kids. When I taught it I gave my kids a lot of freedom of where they worked and how they sat. If they wanted to stand and write on a clipboard I didn't care, or if they wanted to lay on the floor to do a worksheet or hover over a table, whatever. But not all classrooms and teachers will allow that same level of freedom. Sitting down is one of the hardest parts for kids I think. And I always noticed the kids whose parents pushed it too soon struggled more so. Some kids truly love sitting calmly and reading and drawing and writing. But many still want to run and play and get up and dance and move their bodies. A year of developing their body's core muscles is huge in their ability to do well. IMO, when we limit how much movement they get in the day we hinder their ability to do their best in school. I really did have kids come in at four not even knowing what letter their name started with and within a year they could read and write all upper and lower case as well as read basic sight words. I really think it sounds like you have a great setup already and if he is not even three yet and working on these goals he will get there! The next year will amaze you with how much he will grow and develop. I truly believe if you wait until next January or his birthday or so you will be so sure that he is ready for it instead of preemptively worrying that he is already behind and going to struggle if he doesn't start now. Plus think of the stress like you said in the original post of the cost, the morning drop offs at two locations, the kids being in separate buildings, etc. There is something to be said for allowing a little bit of simplicity of one babysitter for both kids and giving you and your husband that break during the transition from one kid to two. But like I said, each family has to decide what works best for them and do that. If you decide to start now, no judgment. But don't feel like you are failing if you don't start right now during an already chaotic time of life either. It really does sound like he is doing awesome!

cups4

@theletlers I freaking love you so much right now. Thank you for your insight and knowledge.