Ask a Second Time Mom (STM) 12/12

laufisch

Hi All, 

Any questions for second time moms (STM)?

On my first bumb board we did this as a weekly thread and I found it super helpful, so I thought I'd start one for this group.

laufisch

Also hopefully I got the acronym right. I still get them all confused....

astraealynn

Oh, nice thought! I'd be happy to answer some questions!

msmonalisavito

::reports for duty::

princesslockness

I hope we get some good questions, I need to start remembering this stuff to get prepped again.

strawberryanne

Here!

mrsbubbles-2

Is it ok to post questions here from second time moms to third or more time moms?

legallykate

1) Do later stages of pregnancy go by a lot faster than the early part? I feel like the days are going sooo slowly. It has only been 11 days since I got my BFP and it seems like a month. Does that change after first tri when things are more stable?

2) What things did you and your husband/partner consider when deciding whether to do prenatal screening/testing? That seems like a big decision to make fairly early on, and I want to make sure we are as educated as possible in making it.

I'm sure I will think of more!

pghctwife

legallykate said:

1) Do later stages of pregnancy go by a lot faster than the early part? I feel like the days are going sooo slowly. It has only been 11 days since I got my BFP and it seems like a month. Does that change after first tri when things are more stable?

its different when you have kids at home, and depends on time of year etc. like this first month is going faster for me than my pregnancy this summer when I wasn’t busy.
i think the second tri and early third went by faster. Then the last month dragggggggs

2) What things did you and your husband/partner consider when deciding whether to do prenatal screening/testing? That seems like a big decision to make fairly early on, and I want to make sure we are as educated as possible in making it.

accuracy was a major factor, and risk. So the nt test etc are no risk but the accuracy seemed to us not to be great. For example I’ve known 3 different babies born with ds but didn’t show elevated risk. I’ve also known countless ppl who had high risk results that lead to a ton of worry and in some cases a higher risk pregnancy (my sis was pushed to induce over elevated nt results even though they were later shown to be unfounded and that snowballed to a cs) when there isn’t actually anything wrong. 

But then to confirm the results you can do an amnio... and the results are definitive. But there are risks to the baby. They are small certainly, but my aunt suspects her late mc was from an amnio. It’s not a risk I’m willing to take. And my husband really didn’t want the stress and worry from test results, and preferred to take things as they come.


now there are blood tests that are more accurate, and our circumstances are also changes (pgal, and kids at home to consider wrt special needs, and im
hugher risk due to age and loss history). 

I had a dr at my old practice give me a hard time about refusing the nt which was annoying. 

On the the flip side, information can be useful and being prepared for issues with proper specialists and care at birth can be good. And birth diagnoses, I’m told, are very very hard. 

Id consider: what are the risks, what is the accuracy on both sides, are you willing to get a definitive test if you are elevated risk? How do you feel about the anxiety that could come from being told you have a higher risk if something, whether or not it’s true. 

I'm sure I will think of more!

lalala2004

@legallykate

1. No Although I hear 2nd pregnancies go by faster? So far I feel like it’s dragging for me, too. 

2. For us, finding out something this early wouldn’t cause us to terminate. Most issues can be found in the anatomy scan. That was our reasoning for opting out.

proudparent2b

@legallykate
1. I felt like the middle part of pregnancy went pretty fast, but the last month or so moves extremely slowly.
2. My OB didn’t ask and we didn’t request. Unless you have specific reasons to be concerned, such as age or family history of certain conditions, I wouldn’t worry about it.

vinerie

@legallykate
1. I think it depends on so many factors. I felt like the end went SO FAST but maybe that's because I had a ton of work I wanted to finish before the baby came...(I'm weird, I was actually grateful I went 8 days overdue!)
2. We opted in for all the screening tests and will do it again. I had the opposite experience of a pp in that our dr. gave us a hard time about testing. She really urged us to opt out, and we were so distressed about it we almost left the practice (and probably would have if we weren't so darn busy and short on time to try and find a new practice.) Anyways, I think it's a personal decision and my advice is to choose the path that you feel most comfortable with. 

westphilly

1 Definitely depends on the time of year and what you have going on. My first was born Dec 30th (but was due in January) so I barely remember the last 6 weeks because of Thanksgiving, baby showers, and then Christmas. I was so busy (and so tired!) that the delivery really snuck up on me! I think the first tri is the longest because you're waiting to tell most people, hiding it, and for me, holding my breath a little. I feel a bit more relaxed when we get to second tri and even more when I can start to feel that babe moving around.

2 - I think @pghctwife spelled out both sides really well. We decided to do the testing because we wanted all the info to get prepared. We wouldn't have terminated, but we would have done different care, possibly delivered at a different hospital, and researched anything that might have come up so we didn't have a surprise at birth.
I know people that switched to give birth at a hospital with a specialist in the disease their child had so they went right to the children's hospital and didn't have to worry about transporting a newborn. 

princesslockness

@legallykate Everyone else has answered wonderfully, but I'll throw in my $0.02. 

1. I found in round 2 that the 2nd tri went the fastest. My third tri might have felt faster had we not been in PTL the entire time. 

2. I haven't done any testing other than the standard. That might change this time around with more early US due to our issues last time. 

SmashJam

@legallykate the whole damn thing goes by so slow, lol. I feel like this one is slow but now that I think about it, my second seemed fast. But I was working full time and so distracted by my a**hat of a boss so maybe that was it. With testing, I only chose to do it because otherwise...no ultrasound until 20 weeks! I would have had to wait til my anatomy scan to get an ultrasound and see if things were ok. The one we chose is the only one insurance would cover without a prior history of family issues, and I think they only covered it because DH doesn't know his dad so there was always a chance that something was lurking there we didn't know about. I also agree with @westphilly @pghctwife that it would be nice to plan better, not necessarily for termination's sake. We are getting a fetal echocardiogram this time around as well, and if they find anything we'd deliver out of state.

laufisch

@mrsbubbles-2 anyone can ask questions, the idea is just STMs sharing their wisdom/experiences.

@legallykate
1. I felt like I was pregnant forever but the worst was while I had ms. Once I stopped puking things went by faster until the last month because my son was over two weeks late.

2. We were the same as @lalala2004. Finding out wouldn't change anything for us so we decided not to. I thought it would just make me worry more. 

legallykate

Thank you all so much for the thoughtful responses! DH and I def need to talk more about testing options, luckily we have a little while. And I guess I'll just resign myself for a slow 35 more weeks 

hardlyhannah

Is two doable with a car or should I start looking at an suv or van? I’m worried about ease of loading in and out with a bucket seat and toddler

princesslockness

@hardlyhannah I have a chevy cruze and can fit 2 fairly easily. From my research I can actually fit 3 convertibles in the backseat. 

msmonalisavito

hardlyhannah said:

Is two doable with a car or should I start looking at an suv or van? I’m worried about ease of loading in and out with a bucket seat and toddler

We have a Ford Fusion and it works....ok for two.  But with this being our 3rd, we're looking into bigger cars.

With that being said, even if we only had two kids, I'd still want to upgrade to a bigger vehicle anyway because they are getting bigger and it's kinda tight.  Our double stroller takes up the whole trunk and the backseat is small.  

If you can make it work for now, it'd be fine but down the road, you may want to look into bigger cars. 

kindbytealikat

@legallykate 1. My entire pregnancy seemed to drag except the last week after finding out I was being enduced early for health concerns. 2. We didn't do the testing because 1 it was expensive and 2 it wouldn't change anything for us. 

ecwk

@legallykate the last few weeks of pregnancy lasted FOREVER for me. I delivered almost a week late so it reeeeally dragged. 

fishee333

1. The whole pregnancy seemed to last forever. The last month was the longest

2. *TW loss mentioned* Testing can be super helpful. The harmony test and NT scan verified that my baby that I lost this year had down syndrome. Knowing that, the doctors were going to do extra screening since about 50 percent of babies with DS have heart defects and many require surgery right away (and other things I won't list out that need to be monitored). Also having a baby with DS  i was able to choose a hospital that specializes in delivering high risk pregnancies, and I learned that I would have most likely needed to be induced weeks early. So getting the testing done didn't change anything for us in terms of keeping or terminating, but it allowed us to get more specialized care and prepare more. *End TW*

msmonalisavito

Also, the last few months of pregnancy are the worst! I started thinking I was literally going to be pregnant forever.  It sucks.

proudparent2b

@hardlyhannah We have a car and minivan. I like both equally well. The major difference, as msmonalisavito said, is trunk space.

mrsbubbles-2

I have a question for the third time + moms - Any tips for managing a very active toddler when you feel like crap? I've thought about putting a bunch of toys in bins and rotating which ones we bring out to play on different days, but other than that I've got nothing. I know we'll end up watching plenty of Bubble Guppies but that only holds his attention for so long... and baby jail leads to a screaming meltdown in about 5 minutes. All that to ask - any ideas for low-intensity activities?

pghctwife

@mrsbubbles-2 how old is he?

fresh toys, and sure tv... snuggles. Maybe an app for him?

mrsbubbles-2

@pghctwife - He's 16 months this week. Love the idea of an app! He has a few of those books that have buttons to push that make animal noises and he loves those! I'll bet there's an app for that

Thank you!

proudparent2b

@mrsbubbles-2 I’m a STM and DS is 19 months. He can’t get enough of being out and about. So far, I find the best way of dealing with his energy is to take him to safe places where he can run around, like the library, community center toddler play times, church (my church has an enclosed quiet section in the sancturary so he can run loops around the pews), etc.

melprop

1. I think pregnancy goes fast/slow depending on what you have going on in your life. If you don’t have a ton to keep you busy it’ll feel like it drags out. I have the opposite problem - too much going on - and it feels like it’s flying by. 

2. With our first we did whatever testing was covered by our insurance. We’ll do the same again unless my OB finds a valid reason to do further testing. 

3. I drive a 2016 Fiat 500X (one of the smallest SUV’s on the market). It’s smaller than my old midsize sedan. I love my Fiat and refuse to consider getting rid of it. 
When I babysat my infant niece & my son was about 1.5-2yo, I would wear him in a carrier and carry her in her infant seat. I would put her car seat in first, then take him out of the carrier & put him in the convertible seat. 

pghctwife

mrsbubbles-2 said:

@pghctwife - He's 16 months this week. Love the idea of an app! He has a few of those books that have buttons to push that make animal noises and he loves those! I'll bet there's an app for that

Thank you!

Try peekaboo barn (or peekaboo wild, there’s an Elmo one too). They were paid apps but I got them when my oldest was 1.5 and he’s 6.5 now and they still get used! I’m sure there are other similar ones too. Maybe a show he likes has an app (we have Daniel Tiger and superwhy)

kindbytealikat

I was going to suggest what @proudparent2b said. 

shri929

@legallykate I think the first few weeks are the slowest!! You feel crappy and just bloated- not preg.  I found that it picked up pace in the second tri when you are clearly pregnant and feeling a little more energy...thennnn it slows down again

@mrsbubbles-2 I only have 1 (DS toddler) but he will "wash dishes" in the sink for hours on end.  He also enjoys this flashcard app I downloaded on my phone and I feel a little less guilty about the screen time bc its "educational"

kindbytealikat

@pghctwife our favorite app is the Daniel Tiger bundle. That one is just for fun but for more educational we like endless reader and fisher price animals 

princesslockness

@mrsbubbles-2 L is an active little sucker, and lost his mind when I was on modified bedrest when pregnant with E.  So we went to Burger King/McDonadls/ play places 3-4 days a week for lunch. I could sit with my feet up, and he could run/jump/climb until afternoon naptime. All I had to buy was a set of nuggets each, a drink, and an ice cream for the drive home. 
I also had a 'self fetching' machine for our Kelpi pup. L decided it was his, so I would get it turned on for him, and put it on the roomba. It would shoot out a ball in any which direction, and L loved running to get it and put it back. Fun game, my house got vaccumed and the stupid machine got used more than the dog ever used it. 

mrsbubbles-2

@proudparent2b - thank you! I was trying to figure out a good play space for him since December finally showed up here. We just moved so I think we'll have to check out our new library!

@pghctwife and @kindbytealikat - thank you for the app recommendations! I will check those out!

@shri929 - LOVE the idea of "washing dishes" or something that mimics what mom and dad are doing! When I'm making dinner I find ways that he can "help" which usually consists of handing him some measuring cups, a muffin tin and a pot or pan for him to bang around while I cook. Now we can have "clean up" time after he helps make dinner!

Thank you ladies

@legallykate everyone pretty much covered your questions but I'll throw in my $.02 as well. As far as the pregnancy going by faster or slower, I feel that the first trimester is the slowest. Second tri for me flew by because that was when we had to do all the things for baby like get the nursery painted, start registries, pick a date for the shower, etc. It seemed like every weekend we were doing something baby related so it went quickly. Third tri felt like a huge rush in the beginning because I wanted everything that was left done, so we had to install and have the car seat inspected, wash and fold all the clothes, pack a hospital bag. But then the last 4 weeks or so was just waiting.

As far as the testing goes, I was AMA and it was my first pregnancy so my OB strongly recommended it. I agree with @vinerie to choose whatever option you're most comfortable with

mrsbubbles-2

@princesslockness - Oh my goodness I'm DYING at the image of your Roomba auto-fetch machine! We have a Roomba so now I'm off to Amazon to see about one of these fetching machines.

princesslockness

@mrsbubbles-2 I thought I was crazy to think about it, but that 12-15 month old had soo much fun and I got awesome videos of it, they are somewhere. 

LC12261012

hardlyhannah said:

Is two doable with a car or should I start looking at an suv or van? I’m worried about ease of loading in and out with a bucket seat and toddler

We are going on three and there will be 3 car seats in the back of our car. It will be a huge pain in the ass but since it's doable a larger car can wait. 

shri929

@mrsbubbles-2 and then we get to clean up after their “clean up” lol!

mrs_drc_rn

@shri929 DS is the same way with the sink! In the summer, if I was feeling too lazy to fill up the kiddie pool, he would just play in the sink. Now he wants to do it all the time while I’m cooking. 

@mrsbubbles-2 I second the libraries! I’ll also take DS to the play area in our local mall when it’s chilly. Arts and crafts tend to be good for DS, and I saw a trick where someone just put a disposable shower liner on the ground so it doesn’t make a mess.