Well then. I would come and defend myself and tell you all about my reasons for being stressed and frustrated but it will fall on deaf ears so honestly there's no point.
I have been nothing but supportive of everyone here and I don't understand why I'm a target for shaming. I don't believe for a second any of you posted about ER because you were genuinely concerned about me or MW. You wanted to shame me. Well, congratulations. I am done with this board.
To the ladies who have been kind and supportive: thank you. I wish you nothing but the best. Now kick back, relax, and enjoy the "bye, bitch" gifs and incoming snark.
@wishiwaspreggo I agree that the multiple posts weren't necessary. I also understand the position of the first one(s?) in trying to give another perspective about your W's possible reluctance. You are the one who is there for her and who she would confide in if she was reluctant to do ER due to side effects/pain/ etc. So if that is not her reasoning, you would know that. You are also allowed to be frustrated that pieces beyond your control (your W's delay) are delaying your part. That's human. No one believes you should leave over this. I think the idea was just to try and give another perspective, not make you feel bad about your feelings. You have been vey kind and supportive to me - which I'm sure it's difficult since I'm not the best poster. If you need to leave, then do. But don't let one disagreement take you out of a community you're happy in.
@wishiwaspreggo Me telling you about my personal experience wasn't shaming you. It seemed to me like maybe you were underestimating a very difficult procedure that I have personal experience in so I thought it would enlighten not only you but also anyone else reading these threads. If you choose to take that as "shaming" then feel free. But I definitely was viewing it as "educating". You say you have been nothing but supportive, but when you pass off stimming and egg retrieval as hardly worth a second thought and like it's not a big deal you are actually disrespecting a lot of the women. In my opinion I was being supportive of you in that I was giving you information which you apparently didn't have so that maybe you wouldn't continue to say things like that.
Too bad that I wasted my time retelling my personal story for you only to have you react angrily and defensively.
Clothing help please. DS is almost 5 and really tall and skinny. He is in 5t pants, which sometimes are too short, which is insane since last year 3T was way too big, I rolled up most of his pants. But, the issue is, he butt is almost always hanging out. Any brand recommendations for a tall skinny boy?
@holly321 Have you tried Old Navy? They're pretty good - my 4 year old is super skinny too, but everything's too big in the waist, so having the drawstring is perfect. Of course if they fit him in waist, they're like floods on him - if the length is good then he's swimming in the waist. It never ends! But back to my point - Old Navy has been the best I can find for my skinny minnie - sometimes Cat & Jack at Target is good too
@RVAmom315, I have not tried old Navy, the one around here closed, but maybe I can order a pair. He has some cat and jack sweat pants, but I haven't tried their jeans, so I will pick a pair of them up too. Thanks!
@holly321 in terms of the butt hanging out- my son is long waisted like I am. Some brands (Carters, Osh Kosh) have very low rise on all their pants and in those, we have the same problem. I have found Gymboree to be better for his long torso (but not perfect) and some of their pants have adjustable waist bands to help with the long and skinny issue. Also, I really love the jogger fit pants with elastic at the ankles because there is a bit more forgiveness in pant inseam length. Gymboree is having a great sale right now, FYI. Hope this helps! Let me know if you find any other brands that have longer waists!
I really hate it when “lurkers” from other boards start up a bunch of drama and then leave. When I was part of LFAF, there was a board just for mocking and talking shit about the posts of other members. Like, who has time to read boards that don’t pertain to them, just so that they can go sound off on somebody that they don’t agree with?
I don’t care if you’re “right.” When you eavesdrop on a conversation IRL, do you interrupt them to give your opinion? Or do you just silently judge them? Let’s go back to that.
I was upset because I received multiple (seemingly angry) responses to my offhanded remark without anyone asking me to explain why I feel that way. Yes, I certainly understand that ER is a surgical procedure with its risks and pain associated with it. What we are doing, though, is incomparable to standard IF women. I'm guessing you all stimmed pretty hard with thousands of dollars worth of FSH and suffered a good deal for the chance to have a baby. I respect that. I've lurked on the IF board long enough to know how terrible and scary it can be.
We're doing INVOcell IVF which is a less expensive and less invasive alternative to standard IVF. As far as we know we don't have fertility problems. She'd be stimmed rather gently (less medication than I needed for IUI, frankly) and she'd have a reduced risk of OHSS. I respect MW for doing this. I never asked her to. She wants a bio baby but is more afraid of giving birth than anything else. I offered to use my body for pregnancy because I know I can handle it (even though I was really hoping to never go through pregnancy again). This was never our plan. She tried 2 IUIs and they failed. It felt like we were throwing our money away on something that isn't working so we need more aggressive treatment.
That being said, my pregnancy was not easy. It was incredibly hard on my body. I won't go into all the details but I had multiple complications, a preterm birth, and was in a good deal of pain for 6 months of it. MW, knowing what I went through, did not want to get pregnant but she wants a bio baby. I do not want to get pregnant again because I am scared. Before I got pregnant I'd imagined having a wonderful experience with feeling my baby move, shopping for maternity clothes, browsing baby registries, being the Pregnant Princess and having everyone fawn over me and admiring my bump and loving every second. I endured a LOT to get pregnant. Not as much as some other women but enough to appreciate every moment even though it hurt.
But I was never "cute pregnant." Hell, no one even KNEW I was pregnant because I'm also overweight so people thought I was a lumbering, lazy fat woman and I'd find I'd get pushed out of the way when shopping or glared at for riding on a cart because I had debilitating round ligament pain and couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes at a time in my final weeks.
Anyway... because we're doing the gentle IVF and the medications are so low I didn't perceive her ER as a big deal relative to what I will (probably) go through in pregnancy again. But I will do it again because I can and even though I'm afraid, I am less afraid than W so if she can give me the eggs I will do the rest. And if she decides she doesn't want to do ER, I will do it myself. I am frustrated because she isn't making up her mind and if she doesn't want to go through with it I'm totally fine with it but that means she won't get the bio baby she wants. I don't care how we get our next baby - even if that means being a full participant in the whole rodeo myself.
So I hope that makes sense. I'm sorry I got defensive but it felt like I was being unjustifiably attacked. I posted the comment on TFAS, not on IF. I didn't expect a slew of posts like that.
Oh HAY THERE @concreteayngel - I actually keep an eye on TTGP because I like to keep up with and cheer on my IF friends here (I only got out of here myself a few short months ago) and there are also some old friends here in the TFAS thread I like to check in on. Bummer that you have such bad memories of being on LFAF (not sure why that was brought up, as that group has nothing to do with any responses here). I guess it's for the best you haven't been in that group for such a long time.
@wishiwaspreggo Thanks for sharing your perspective and understanding where we were coming from as well. Hope everything works out easily for you and your W.
@antoto please understand that many of us on TFAS feel like we have nowhere else to post, because TTGP is basically one giant TW where everyone wants to talk about making babies, but no one wants to hear about *actual* babies. That’s cool. I get it, and out of respect for people who are struggling, I only post here, where the other moms don’t mind.
I dont go onto IF boards and talk about how insensitive it is that no one wants to hear about my kid or MY struggles as a Stay at Home Mom. That would be ridiculous. Please let us have this ONE space.
I for one don't mind lurkers. On a public forum it's expected that there will be lurkers and I think everyone should have a place to say what they need to say. I think it helps give insight into everyone's experiences and can maybe help one see things differently. Sure, some of the responses were kind of harsh, but when people (IFers) have been through horrible, strenuous medical testing and treatment, it makes sense that they would get frustrated when someone posts something they might deem as insensitive. I think everyone has their one issue they like to stand on their soapbox for. (For example, don't get me started on anti-vaxxers!) I don't know much about IVF and the ER procedure so I found it really insightful to read everyone's experiences, even though they may be a bit different from what @wishiwaspreggo is going through. Big hugs to you @wishiwaspreggo. I hope you don't leave as you've been very supportive here. It's helpful for us all to remember that we've gone through different things and no one here knows what our home lives are like. @concreteayngel I get what you're saying but there's just no designated "safe space" on the Internet. People lurk everywhere and chime in when they have something to say. Those who've moved on to their BMBs lurk the dailies constantly and post to answer questions when they want to. We can't ask them to stop posting and move on just because they got pregnant. If they have insight to provide, they should do it, in my opinion!
@concreteayngel Not really sure where that complaint is coming from or what it has to do with me, but as far as talking about your kids there are seriously ten million mom groups all across social media and websites like TB. On this one single TTGP board most members prefer you avoid that topic. I don't really think it's that big of a sacrifice.
@concreteayngelI'm truly sorry that you feel like those of you on TFAS have nowhere else to post. You are TTGP, so you are in the right place. You're right, the IF thread probably isn't the best, but you also have other dailies that you can participate in. There are also parenting boards on the bump, with tons of different "specialties." And you can even start your own private group, with you being the MOD so that no unwelcome threads are started. But this is a public forum, and it's on TTGP, so no, I don't feel like we were lurking. (I also am a step parent, so I can get useful tips/insight from TFAS from time to time.) I might be the odd one out, but IRL, I would politely correct somebody if what they were saying was incorrect. I have been flamed on here before, have had what I said picked apart, but I learned from it. I learned how to gauge my audience and chose my words wisely. I also had to accept that this is a public forum, which I knowingly post in, and anyone can read it. Bottom line, we are all on the same team here. We are TTGP. We love science and we want to bring attention to misconceptions or incorrect information. (I was one of those women with no clue.) The rah rah stuff is for other websites. @wishiwaspreggo I'm glad you came back and gave us a little more insight. It seems like these women appreciate your help and you're a big part of this community. I wish you and your W the best.
Re: TFAS w/o 12/11
Well then. I would come and defend myself and tell you all about my reasons for being stressed and frustrated but it will fall on deaf ears so honestly there's no point.
I have been nothing but supportive of everyone here and I don't understand why I'm a target for shaming. I don't believe for a second any of you posted about ER because you were genuinely concerned about me or MW. You wanted to shame me. Well, congratulations. I am done with this board.
To the ladies who have been kind and supportive: thank you. I wish you nothing but the best. Now kick back, relax, and enjoy the "bye, bitch" gifs and incoming snark.
You are also allowed to be frustrated that pieces beyond your control (your W's delay) are delaying your part. That's human. No one believes you should leave over this. I think the idea was just to try and give another perspective, not make you feel bad about your feelings. You have been vey kind and supportive to me - which I'm sure it's difficult since I'm not the best poster. If you need to leave, then do. But don't let one disagreement take you out of a community you're happy in.
Too bad that I wasted my time retelling my personal story for you only to have you react angrily and defensively.
TTC #2 - August 2016
MFI
IUI #1-3 BFN
BFP 4/21/18 MMC 6/11/18
I really hate it when “lurkers” from other boards start up a bunch of drama and then leave. When I was part of LFAF, there was a board just for mocking and talking shit about the posts of other members. Like, who has time to read boards that don’t pertain to them, just so that they can go sound off on somebody that they don’t agree with?
I don’t care if you’re “right.” When you eavesdrop on a conversation IRL, do you interrupt them to give your opinion? Or do you just silently judge them? Let’s go back to that.
We're doing INVOcell IVF which is a less expensive and less invasive alternative to standard IVF. As far as we know we don't have fertility problems. She'd be stimmed rather gently (less medication than I needed for IUI, frankly) and she'd have a reduced risk of OHSS. I respect MW for doing this. I never asked her to. She wants a bio baby but is more afraid of giving birth than anything else. I offered to use my body for pregnancy because I know I can handle it (even though I was really hoping to never go through pregnancy again). This was never our plan. She tried 2 IUIs and they failed. It felt like we were throwing our money away on something that isn't working so we need more aggressive treatment.
That being said, my pregnancy was not easy. It was incredibly hard on my body. I won't go into all the details but I had multiple complications, a preterm birth, and was in a good deal of pain for 6 months of it. MW, knowing what I went through, did not want to get pregnant but she wants a bio baby. I do not want to get pregnant again because I am scared. Before I got pregnant I'd imagined having a wonderful experience with feeling my baby move, shopping for maternity clothes, browsing baby registries, being the Pregnant Princess and having everyone fawn over me and admiring my bump and loving every second. I endured a LOT to get pregnant. Not as much as some other women but enough to appreciate every moment even though it hurt.
But I was never "cute pregnant." Hell, no one even KNEW I was pregnant because I'm also overweight so people thought I was a lumbering, lazy fat woman and I'd find I'd get pushed out of the way when shopping or glared at for riding on a cart because I had debilitating round ligament pain and couldn't walk for more than 15 minutes at a time in my final weeks.
Anyway... because we're doing the gentle IVF and the medications are so low I didn't perceive her ER as a big deal relative to what I will (probably) go through in pregnancy again. But I will do it again because I can and even though I'm afraid, I am less afraid than W so if she can give me the eggs I will do the rest. And if she decides she doesn't want to do ER, I will do it myself. I am frustrated because she isn't making up her mind and if she doesn't want to go through with it I'm totally fine with it but that means she won't get the bio baby she wants. I don't care how we get our next baby - even if that means being a full participant in the whole rodeo myself.
So I hope that makes sense. I'm sorry I got defensive but it felt like I was being unjustifiably attacked. I posted the comment on TFAS, not on IF. I didn't expect a slew of posts like that.
@wishiwaspreggo Thanks for sharing your perspective and understanding where we were coming from as well. Hope everything works out easily for you and your W.
That’s cool. I get it, and out of respect for people who are struggling, I only post here, where the other moms don’t mind.
I dont go onto IF boards and talk about how insensitive it is that no one wants to hear about my kid or MY struggles as a Stay at Home Mom. That would be ridiculous. Please let us have this ONE space.
Big hugs to you @wishiwaspreggo. I hope you don't leave as you've been very supportive here. It's helpful for us all to remember that we've gone through different things and no one here knows what our home lives are like.
@concreteayngel I get what you're saying but there's just no designated "safe space" on the Internet. People lurk everywhere and chime in when they have something to say. Those who've moved on to their BMBs lurk the dailies constantly and post to answer questions when they want to. We can't ask them to stop posting and move on just because they got pregnant. If they have insight to provide, they should do it, in my opinion!
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
And thanks for the pants recommendation, I will have to try them too!
@wishiwaspreggo I'm glad you came back and gave us a little more insight. It seems like these women appreciate your help and you're a big part of this community. I wish you and your W the best.