December - Hoping to Adopt / Adopting / Adoptive Parents

AnnieR81

Are you thinking about adopting / fostering? Are you in the process of adopting/fostering? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences so far.
 
-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)

-How are you feeling about the process right now?

-Any questions?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

AnnieR81

What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Domestic Infant Adoption

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) we are waiting for a match. Our video finally got posted to YouTube and on our online profile. We are waiting for the marketing agency to put up our website. I'm thinking of printing some of my own profile books that the agency has and handing them out to to my church and friend's churches.

-How are you feeling about the process right now? It's been tough with the holidays and seeing my cousins with their little ones - eating turkey, decorating the tree or just dressing up for holiday family photos. 

-Any questions? Are any of you doing extra things to draw attention to the fact you are looking for a match? Visiting your local PRC with information about your agency or anything extra?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed? when it comes to your marketing materials make sure you get what you pay for. Check your video to make sure that the footage you wanted was there. Make sure your dedicated website works. Is your name spelled right on your marketing materials? You pay good money for this stuff so don't be shy about demanding It's right.

-Anything else to add? Just hoping you all had a great Thanksgiving. Wishing you all the best of luck this month with everything.

tamalahoops

@AnnieR81 Thats so exciting! How did your profile turn out? Were you guys happy with it? Fingers crossed for a quick match! 

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
This has changed for me literally every month! But we are finally decided on domestic infant adoption! 

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
Just decided on an agency so getting our ducks in a row to move forward

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
Anxious to get started and move forward.

-Any questions?
Those of you doing domestic infant: When did you do your homestudy? I want to get this done and over with ASAP but husband wants to save more money first. My thought process is as soon as we are homestudy approved we can start applying for grants.

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

AnnieR81

@tamalahoops Yes. We are happy with our profile. We had to find a good balance between what we wanted and what the agency was looking for. I think it was a good compromise.

That's awesome that you are working on your home study. The agency will recommend a social worker for you. However, the first thing you need is a checklist of forms and a list of questions for adoptive parents from your social worker or agency. This can act as a checklist for you.

The interview and home visit is the last thing on the list. Beforehand you'll need background checks, finger printing and even education certificates from online courses.

Good luck with everything! Keep a scanned copy of all your paperwork. We had to resubmit a few forms a few times before they said they had them on file.

nicole1-2-3-4

@tamalahoops - I am submitting my home study packet tomorrow! In my state it’s good for 18 months - so hopefully you’ll get your match soon after

 - we got our physicals done today and finally meet with our lawyer today and paid the retainer! 

- we were suppose to have the initial appt last week 

- I also get to see baby on Wednesday for the first time! The appt for that was supposed to be last week as well but I got to hear heart beat ❤️

@AnnieR81 - also maybe contacting adoption attorneys to see if they know of birth moms looking - I found that they actually get contacted looking for families. 

- how exciting guys I’m praying for you ladies!! 

nicole1-2-3-4

@tamalahoops - you can always start doing things before actually doing the home study process - my husband wanted to wait at first so I decided to baby proof - make sure outlets are covered - drawers have locks for cleaning - medicine locked up - fire extinguisher (mine required it) - also you can get a packet to see what you need prior to paying - we’ll this for my specific agency maybe they are the same? It takes about 3 months to get it all accepted in my case so it was sooner the better especially with the holidays - delays etc - 

britters314

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Foster Care

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) Waiting for a placement

-How are you feeling about the process right now? We almost had a placement (I think I mentioned it in last month's thread). But they have to make keeping siblings together a priority and someone else could take the child along with a sibling and we couldn't. That's actually the 2nd time we thought we would be getting a placement and the child went somewhere else (the other time a family member stepped up). It sucks getting our hopes up and then still having an empty nursery.

-Any questions? 

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add? Possible TW about TTC: I had H do a second SA recently because I wanted to try acupuncture as a last effort and the results suggested a possible infection causing low semen volume. So he went to a urologist to get tested and he'll get the results today, but the doctor said it'll probably take 6-8 weeks to treat and then men usually get their partners pregnant 1-2 months after treatment. So we have hope again to have a biological child! Even before we had trouble TTC, I wanted to someday be foster parents, so we will still be taking in foster children if we get any placements. But I'm really happy that we will most likely be able to grow our family in more than one way   ETA: H got his test results back and there is no infection, which means we are back to having no idea why I haven't gotten pregnant in the last 2.5 years. So I guess nevermind to all of that..

AnnieR81

@nicole1-2-3-4 So excited for you! It must be amazing to hear your baby's heartbeat for the first time. Thanks for the tip with the attorneys. I will see what I can do there.

@britters314 So sorry to hear about the issues with the 2 placements. I'm hoping soon you'll have the match you want. Good luck with TTC as well. That's great that things are looking up there as well.

kmtz89

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? domestic adoption via my husbands home country

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) Foster period! Here you foster for at least 6 months before you can proceed with the official adoption. He has been home with us for almost 2 months now.

-How are you feeling about the process right now? Adoption an older child (he's 4) and out of birth order can be hard. In a sense, I am lucky I have known him since he was a newborn and had a relationship with him but having him in our home is totally different. Also that fact that he lived in an orphanage for almost 4 years means we have a lot of behavior and boundary issues we are working on. It is so challenging but he is so worth it. 

-Any questions? 

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

AnnieR81

@kmolleltz Welcome to the boards. Not sure I've seen you commenting here before. I have heard that dealing with the issues that come with adopting an older and/or may have been in an institution like an orphanage can try your patience.

kmtz89

@annier81 thanks. I started checking in on the November post, once I realized there is a bit of life over here on the adoption board these days.

nicole1-2-3-4

So! We told my mother in law today it was so funny and a relief! She was so supportive and happy for us! Little by little we are telling certain people in our lives about the upcoming adoption! So we confirmed with the appointment...it’s a boy!

AnnieR81

@kmolleltz Yes. We are trying to participate more so the forums are more active. Please stay in touch as we'd love to support you in your journey.

@nicole1-2-3-4 A boy! That's awesome. Glad the family is stepping up their support for you and your husband.

Vagarcia16

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
Foster Care adoption

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
We have placement of a 1.5 year old who has been placed with us since she was 3 days old.  We picked her up from the hospital.  We have completed our adoption home study, which has also been approved.  We have termination of parental rights scheduled for February.  After that, there is a 60 day appeal period.  Finally after that we can start the adoption proceedings!

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
It's been a long process with lots of ups and downs. I'm just so thankful that the court has terminated reunification services, and that we are finally heading towards adoption of this little one who has been with us since birth.  She has been my daughter for so long, I'm just so ready to make it legal.

-Any questions?
If anyone has been through termination of parental rights, what does that process look like?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
Be patient.  Find a support group, ask a lot of questions.  Be involved in your child's case, show up to court, even if you're told that you don't have to.  Write to the court for every hearing.  Let the court know that you are this child's family, not just a "caretaker."

-Anything else to add?
I haven't posted here in a long while.  I'm happy to see that things are looking a little more lively, and would like to contribute!  

AnnieR81

@Vagarcia16 Good luck with everything! Keep us posted on your progress. A few of the women on this board are headed down same road as you so they could benefit from your experience.

Vagarcia16

@AnnieR81 Thank you!  I will continue to keep the group posted on our progress.  I'm happy to answer any questions that folks might have about what our experience has been thus far.

britters314

Question for everyone (possible TW): Would it be appropriate to include adoption via donor embryo on this board (and this thread, specifically)? My husband and I just started thinking about it, but I don't know if everyone would be okay if I posted stuff about it here or if the IF board would be better. Legally, it's not adoption - it's a transfer of property, but much of it still relates to things we talk about on here. I would only talk about the "adoption" side of things and leave out details of IVF and pregnancy.

AnnieR81

@britters314 I'm OK with it. 

Vagarcia16

@britters314 I'm okay with it too.  I'm actually extremely curious about embryo adoption and would love to hear about your experiences.  

tamalahoops

@britters314 Embryo adoption is something we've looked into too! I'd love to hear more about journey if you decide to explore that path! 

tamalahoops

Here's my better late than never check in for December! 

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
Domestic Infant Adoption

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
Saving

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
Excited! Ready to get the ball rolling some more! 

-Any questions?
I would love to hear how anyone is affording domestic adoption without being independently wealthy! My husband and I do very well, have great jobs and what I consider to be good budgeting skills. I just don't see how anyone up and decides to adopt and then starts the homestudy the next day. Where are these people coming up with $40k overnight?! I am mostly joking because I know that its not necessarily a lump sum, the homestudy is only the first step and all that but lordy. I am feeling very discouraged by the cost! 

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
For anyone in the same boat as me, saving or otherwise waiting to adopt; take pictures! We are busying ourselves with trying to do some of our favorite things and documenting them along the way. We are so bad about taking pictures when we do things and have about ten pictures of us a couple and zero pictures of us doing things we actually enjoy. Hopefully this helps when it comes time to do our profile!

-Anything else to add?

britters314

Thanks for responding, everyone! We are still just toying with the idea of embryo adoption, but if we decide to pursue it, I'll definitely post about it here!

@tamalahoops I've heard of people taking out loans to pay for adoption costs instead of saving. It kind of makes sense to do if you know you'll be able to get that money back soon with the adoption tax credit, but idk how soon you can actually get that.

Update for me: We have two little foster girls with us this week! It's just respite care so they go back to their regular foster home on Sunday, but it's nice to get some practice lol. I feel like we'll be a little more prepared for a longer placement after this.

tamalahoops

@britters314 so fun! What age are the girls?

britters314

@tamalahoops They are 2 and 3. It's been a tiring week so far lol

AnnieR81

@tamalahoops Check out American Christian Credit Union. We got pre-aooroved for $30k but we need an adoption contract before we can get the adoption loan.

Also my mother is encouraging me to fundraise with friends and family. Plus there are grants out there - limited for those looking for a healthy infant, but they do exist.

If you struggled with infertility, you may qualify for infertility grant which can go towards adoption.

Most grant applications need a signed, current homestudy.

AnnieR81

@britters314 wow! I bet you take naps when the girls do... Glad you are getting some experience under your belt.