WTF Wednesday - 11/29

kiki75

kiki75

Offered to give a colleague from another company an extra hotel reservation we had. He said he would like that. So I put it in his name and forwarded him the new confirmation with his name on it. He emails me back a couple days ago ON THAT EMAIL asking me for details about the things we talked about. I thought he meant the other things we talked about (a meeting and dinner my company is hosting) of which I didn't have any new specific details so I hadn't sent him anything. Someone else was supposed to have sent the meeting details (and then it's pretty much just come to our meeting at 3 and plan to spend the rest of the day with us. We'll get you to dinner and feed you and booze you.) So today, he freaking emails me, doing the B move of CCing someone else and was all passive aggressive, "To date I haven't received the information we talked about bla bla I'm very busy so give that hotel to someone who can use it." YOU ARE RESPONDING TO YOUR HOTEL CONFIRMATION IDIOT. Someone else sent you your other information on Monday. Congratulations. You tried to make me look bad and instead you just make yourself look like a dumba**.

ETA: I hate this week. Can it please be Christmas vacation already?

bb3vj3n

@kiki75 lol.... what an idiot

vflux33

@kiki75 I hate when ppl involve others like that to try to make someone look bad for no reason. What an asshole.

She left Sunday, but I'm still not over doing the MIL thing last week. This was the first time she visited since I've been pregnant and the new dynamic has apparently opened the door for her to be super judgmental and obnoxious. Some of the things I learned from her over the Thanksgiving vacation: 1) No one truly has trouble breastfeeding (so if I end up with a problem and switch to formula I guess I'm a terrible person), 2) Twins should not own a single item of their own and be forced to share everything (contrary to every expert book on twins in existence), 3) it doesn't matter what parents think about circumcision because apparently this is for grandparents to decide, 4) middle names that aren't additional first names are not "real", and 5) I should feel bad for not loving being pregnant. 

So glad we don't live in the same state. I'd seriously lose my mind. 

Cowboycorgi

@kiki75, ugh. Passive aggressive workplace drama is so stressful! I’m with you on the holiday break, it’s time! 

@vflux33, twins run in my family and we have several sets... they will all tell you that you MIL is WRONG! Breastfeeding 1 child can be difficult/impossible, breastfeeding 2 comes with a whole new set of complications. I tried every trick in the book, saw multiple lactation consultants (both types), and still couldn’t get my otherwise healthy full term Singleton to latch. I pumped instead and once I gave up on trying to force breastfeeding to happen (after 3 months) ‘magically’ my depression went away and baby and I started to bond. People that shame moms for feeding (breast or formula) deserve a pop in the nose. 

ShawnnaO

@kiki75 please tell me the other coworker pointed out to them that they’re an idiot. Please, I need to know that good karma came through.

@vflux33 1.) not true at all whatsoever ohmygosh how is she so ignorant 2.) yeah totally because twins are just the same person amiright guys? 3.) wtf 4.) I guess my middle name is imaginary then 5.) nah screw that early form of mom shaming. 

vflux33

@Cowboycorgi @ShawnnaO I know! And I do plan to try to BF (and said this), I'm just being honest with people and warning everyone upfront that if BF doesn't work out it doesn't work out. I was honestly pretty shocked about that one--I knew she had BF but I just assumed somewhere in the history of her life she had met someone who had an issue with BF and knew it wasn't the same with everyone. As far as the twin thing goes, it seems so obvious that they're already going to share so much that can't be controlled (like a room, and our attention) so wherever you can squeeze something in that just belongs to one may be a good idea just so they don't grow up thinking they are half a person. But I think the underlying issue here is, these are our kids. MH and I have gone over all our decisions ad nauseam and agreed on all this stuff and to have her walk in and act like she has a say, is just, no. 

kalawa

@vflux33 oh man. Where to start. Your MIL is so ignorant to so many of these sometimes serious issues, it sounds crazy. Please don't let her judgments affect your thoughts. 

My WTF is the sun. It hasn't been sunny for an entire day since the beginning of November. I just need some sun! 

muggle621

@kiki75 It's ppl like your coworker that makes me miss drinking. I hope many ppl saw how dumb he looked. 

@vflux33 Yay for MIL's!!! Yours sounds like a delight. It's interesting how many relatives assume they have a say in raising/naming/caring for/feeding the baby. I for one will be happy to show my relatives they don't get a vote in anything when baby arrives. 

My WTF is the lab where I was supposed to get my glucose test done. They lost the order. This was not a surprise since this happened with the Materniti21 test as well. Why are they so incompetent!!??? I hate my insurance company for making me go there instead of getting these tests done at my doctor's practice.  I got there at 7:30 am and I didn't have time to wait an hour for my doctor's office to send it to them AGAIN so now I have to go back tomorrow.   I'm sure they will screw something up then too. 
 On top of that I'm getting sick, yay. 

kiki75

I wish that gifs had been more of a thing back when Jon & Kate + 8 was running. Insert Kate, "Today I may very well lose my mind." Seriously. I'm going to point my car south and keep driving until I find an appealing part of Mexico.

I have not yet heard back from douche #1. And I realized that hotel has a 7-day cancellation policy and still has our card. He was supposed to check in next Tuesday.

At hotel #2 After realizing that the person I talked to about a number of reservations had screwed up another reservation, I started doubting all of them. So today I called to go through the whole list of 10 rooms to reconfirm every one of them. Most only had minor mistakes. Until I got to one for a guy who is awesome and I really want to take care of.  I had needed to change his reservation from checking in 12/4, out 12/10 to checking in 12/6, out 12/10. The person had changed it instead to checking in 12/4, out 12/6. Now the hotel is practically sold out and the one room type they have will be nearly $2,000 for four nights. And, the main chain customer service line couldn't take care of me and I have to call the hotel back tomorrow morning--before my work hours--to talk her into fixing what whomever screwed up and giving me my old rate for this room. 

I've only cried about four times today already because it's been constant this kind of crap and it's my nephew's birthday tonight so we have a group dinner which is sure to be a shitshow, featuring MIL who took blackout Wednesday seriously and landed in the hospital for half of Thanksgiving with basically the mother of all hangovers so it's going to be triple awkward and I'm both pissed at her and feel sorry for her so I don't know WTF I will do when she's inappropriate because she will be because she doesn't have boundaries. Why can't his parents be 800 miles away and my parents be 15 miles away?

And @vflux33 Even if you two hadn't talked about ANY of this stuff yet, MIL still has no say. She raised her kids. You get to raise yours. And FTR, for all of the years that I have contemplated twinness and the best ways to handle it so that they have a healthy relationship, I've always thought that while I would have them share clothes when they were tiny and didn't care what they wore, otherwise, I'd treat them like I would any siblings. There are some things they would absolutely share because that's what you do and they would also have their own stuff, too. They are separate people, after all.

vflux33

@kiki75 Thank you for reminding me how grateful to be of my IL's distance. Your MIL sounds like my sister's former MIL... oy. As for your work sitch, I'd be super tempted to send a passive aggressive email with a CC to match his!

mdfarmchick

@kiki75 wow. You win? And WTF Wednesday isn’t something you probably want to win... ughhh. I hope you passive aggressive email stupidface back and CC whoever you want that he’s a stupidface in a very clever, passive aggressive way. And just, wow to your MIL. 

@vflux33 wow. MILs are so fun. It’s good to know how impossible she’s going to be upfront so you can figure out how you want to handle it. Fed is best with a big side of Mommy-is-sane. I promise. I guess I’m stupid today because I don’t even understand #4. How did YH react to all of these ... “rules”?

vflux33

@mdfarmchick The story with #4 is that when we got married I ditched my middle name (which never quite "fit" and had no special meaning to my family), took MH's last name, and legally changed my maiden name into my middle name. At that time MH and I agreed that all of our kids would also have my maiden name as a middle name. I have no brothers and it's kind of a cool and somewhat unusual name, and I wanted it to be preserved. I had a friend growing up who's parents had done that too, for her and her brother, and I always thought it was interesting and unique to have 2 surnames as opposed to 2 first names (not that there's anything wrong with 2 first names, it just isn't what we decided we wanted for our kids blah blah blah). I thought we had mentioned this to MIL before since we decided 8 years ago, but apparently we hadn't and she was weirded out by it and wanted us to give the kids 2 first names like most people have instead... so just another grandma trying to name your kids type of thing, but would be specifically taking away the part that is meaningful to my family. 

As for MH's reaction to all this, and this is going to sound weird because not every family has our family dynamic, but MH thinks his mom is just not very smart and that when I perceive something from MIL as judgmental or manipulative he sees it as her just being dumb and not knowing better. There is some truth to this as she is not the sharpest pencil in the box, but I don't think being unintelligent and being manipulative/judgmental are mutually exclusive. Some of the dumbest people I know are the most judgmental ones, in fact. It's an ongoing "debate" between us. So although he definitely doesn't think I should allow her to run the show and we agree on what we want for the kids, he doesn't want me to pull her card and be real with her when she says something shitty and he thinks I should just let it go (which I did even though it physically hurt not to call her out).

In conclusion, as you say, yes, MILs are fun. And by fun I mean completely terrible. 

cford08

ShawnnaO said

@kiki75 please tell me the other coworker pointed out to them that they’re an idiot. Please, I need to know that good karma came through.

@vflux33 1.) not true at all whatsoever ohmygosh how is she so ignorant 2.) yeah totally because twins are just the same person amiright guys? 3.) wtf 4.) I guess my middle name is imaginary then 5.) nah screw that early form of mom shaming. 

I hollered and approve everything from this message.

ShawnnaO

Y’all... one day WE’RE going to be the mother in laws. I’m crossing my fingers we all have a little more tact and decency than some of the women we tell stories about. It’s a scary thought to think my future child in laws might hate me 

cford08

@ShawnnaO I know I'm going to be a mess! I just hope to be of the cute old lady variety,  not the beastly old hag kind.

ShawnnaO

@cford08 I hope I’m just like my mom (although maybe a bit more intelligent - she’s old and never finished high school so her education is a little outdated sometimes). She’s more of a mother to my husband than his own mother is. My parents support us so much and are such a huge part of our lives. If I’m like her, I’ll be happy.

vflux33

@ShawnnaO @cford08 Yeah, I plan to be the cool old lady MIL who has a sense of humor, lets people go their own way, and can handle honesty. My mom is like that, and she and MH are actually really close and joke around all the time. It can happen! 

cford08

@vflux33 @ShawnnaO it just makes life a little easier for everyone when MIL is chill, right? Keep your ridiculous comments to yourself, only chime in when helpful....seriously I could go on and on...

kalawa

Guys...I actually have wonderful inlaws. They get annoying, as all people do, but they are very supportive, and a huge part of our lives. As are my parents. I count my blessings in every way for this. So I promise, there are good in laws, and we can be those great MIL's one day haha.

npkat

@kalawa I feel the same way. My FIL is a little too much to handle sometimes but I have no problem telling him, and he takes it well. My MIL is so laid back and pretty great! My parents are pretty amazing too! We are very very blessed! I am determined to be a "cool" MIL one day too

Mass-girl-at-heart

H and I are both estranged from our horrible mothers (the one I’ve spoken about is actually my stepmother but my dad is dead so it gets confusing and she raised me so I just call her my mom). I’m telling you, as much as it sucked growing up with toxic moms it’s nice that we don’t have to deal with their crap as adults.  Sure my stepmother can be a pain (like the Christmas/birthday situation) but she knows her place is outside of our marriage. 

Not everyday you hear the positives of parental estrangement is it? 

justkeeptrying

My MIL encourages me every single day to be a wonderful MIL to my future DIL one day. In the craziness that she does. I count it as a blessing that I have learned so many things of WHAT NOT TO DO from her.

She very generously gave us a sizeable cheque the other day as part of our inheritance. Wow. I was floored by her generosity. Deposited into the bank. Called my bank to arrange for a lump sum payment to go towards our mortgage. Check bank account today. THE CHEQUE HAS BEEN RETRACTED!!! Call the bank. There were insufficient funds. Call my FIL and he says she must have forgotten to transfer money from savings to chequing. Great. Call the bank. She has to transfer funds and then issue us a new cheque. And now there's a "bad credit" on our account, so it'll take longer for them to clear any cheque we deposit. So I have no choice but to completely DRAIN our savings account to our chequing to make sure that my mortgage payment doesn't bounce!!!! 

So my bank account is now EMPTY. Like...completely empty. So her generous gift just cost me all of my savings account.

I want to cry.

ShawnnaO

@justkeeptrying oh my lanta I would be so frustrated/angry. Why would she write you a check BEFORE transferring the funds over? Whyyyyy????? 

justkeeptrying

@ShawnnaO, Who knows?!?! My DH just called her and she was like "Oh yeah. That money is invested, it's not in chequing".

I know very little about investments. So now I'm like, do you actually have access to this money??? Or is it locked in for a certain time frame? Do I no longer have a savings account??????

ShawnnaO

@justkeeptrying I’m so confused about what that even MEANS? So did she just screw you over? If the money is invested and she’s not actually giving it to you right now... then why did she give you a check? And that puts you in such a tough position because you can’t really be like “well we need that money now” because that sounds greedy but at the same time, again, why did she write you a check if she wasn’t actually giving you money? 

justkeeptrying

@ShawnnaO, exactly!!! If you aren't going to transfer money to your chequing account before you write a cheque, then clearly you weren't ready to give that money. Which is fine. I never in a million years would have expected that money. But now that I've essentially "spent" it on my mortgage, I NEED it!!! And I know that if we tell her this, she's going to make a comment about how we are "struggling" because I'm a SAHM. Because she has to comment on our finances ALLLLL THE TIME!

cford08

@justkeeptrying girl.... that kind of foolery will get her cut. You just don't play with someone and their money. I'm sorry you're even having to go through that.

ShawnnaO

@justkeeptrying I’m so frustrated for you. I seriously hope she moves the money over so you’re not screwed by this.

bb3vj3n

@justkeeptrying I'm so sorry - you shouldn't ever be made to feel that way. A families personal decision to have mom or dad stay home or true to work is nobody else's business. 

I would have your H take the lead on this one.  I have, in the past, confronted my MIL on big issues and it has always put my H in the middle - which i usually regret. I would tell him how you are feeling, and ask him to navigate the conversation from here. just my two cents. 

kiki75

@justkeeptrying
I'm so sorry. That's terrible.

justkeeptrying

Thanks ladies! It helps me to feel validated in my response since my DH seems to think this is "no big deal". We haven't been seeing eye to eye when it comes to my MIL for quite some time, but especially in the last few weeks. And this is just really giving me more to stress about.

mdfarmchick

@justkeeptrying how is this “no big deal”?? Your savings is gone and you have no idea if she’s actually going to gift you the money?!

cford08

I'm with @mdfarmchick I feel like your DH has to see how wrong his mom was.....baby has to live and can't live for free 

justkeeptrying

@mdfarmchick & @cford08, DH 100% trusts his mom will give us the money. And I don't doubt that she will either. What I'm concerned about is WHEN. Is this something that's going to happen this week? In a month? In a year??

She called today and said she has another cheque written and she'll give it to us tomorrow. I want to trust that this will be the end of this problem. But part of me can't help but be pessimistic and think "I'll believe it when the cheque CLEARS".

mdfarmchick

@justkeeptrying can you go by her bank and make sure the check is good? Or exchange it for a certified check. That should save you the bounced check fees at least.