Mental Health Check-In (Week of 11/27)

okaykoala

Are we still doing these? Hoping I didn't miss a post/poll where we voted them off the board. Otherwise, it's been a while, so I wanted to give everyone a chance to safely share questions, concerns, thoughts, updates, etc. 

I can kick things off by saying that my husband and I have a 16-week ultrasound coming up towards the end of this week (I believe my provider does two anatomy scans and that this is the first), and I am feeling so, so anxious. I get nervous before every ultrasound and appointment, just dreading that something will have gone wrong. This one's especially stressing me out, as I've been having cramping for the past couple days. Not severe, so trying to tell myself it's just my uterus stretching. 

ivyvines6

I’m actually glad you posted this. I’ve been having anxiety attacks and it’s led to insomnia for a while now. I keep having dreams that I’m having a miscarriage, that are graphic and brutal visually. I’ll be seen sometime this month so that’s helping me a little bit. I don’t really have any symptoms outside of exhaustion, and constipation, and I haven’t felt the LO for over a month now. Hopefully this feeling starts to go away soon.

zizzabell523

I'm not doing as well as I could. One of my project managers at work has put me on edge with his non-existent social skills and knack to blast every little thing out of proportion. I cried in front of him last week and couldn't make myself stop for about an hour, even came close to an anxiety attack. It was embarrassing. Thankfully, I have a door to close and hide behind from the rest of the workplace. The Thanksgiving break helped, but last night I was dreading coming back in today. My blood pressure is slowly rising over the past week, which also has me on edge since I was induced with DD due to borderline pre-e and am anxious I'll get it again. If I could get a good long break from my manager and my work responsibilities, I feel like I could get back into a groove again. But, that long of a break won't happen until maternity leave, which will be stressful with a 3yo and a newborn, so I guess it's no break for me! Unless I get doctor's orders to rest...I'm sure I'd go insane if that happens, although it would be a welcome break.

okaykoala

So sorry to hear you're not doing too well, ladies. I also just found out that I ate some food involved in a listeria recall (see my other recent post for info., if you're curious), so that's going to stress me out monumentally too. 

@ivyvines6: I constantly have recurring miscarriage dreams. It sucks! Anxiety is a real bitch sometimes. I also have an appointment this month, so I'm looking forward to that too. Good luck with yours! 

@zizzabell523: Wow, your job sounds stressful. I've had jobs where personnel made my life miserable too, and I can't imagine dealing with that on top of being pregnant. Kudos to you, mama. Can you go for walks or anything during the day just to give yourself a break? I literally used to just wander around Whole Foods at lunch. So glamorous. 

Pearlvirus

I’m having a hard time too. Though it’s only peripherally about this baby. I SAH but it doesn’t suit me. DH makes more than I ever could but housework is just so unsatifying to me. Why did I bother going to college for ages just to spend all my days doing an endless repeate of the same chores? And you can say, hire someone to clean and get a job! But then a) then I don’t get to raise my own kids and b) managing other people is still work and two parent working families seem super slammed all the time, even with help, I’m not sure it would be worth it. My DHs job is just so stressful, he can’t do any more.

Kendrajos

Thanksgiving had me stressed out. I hate the holidays, I am a grinch. I have basically avoided all social interaction, even on here for the last week or so. I just can't people when I am stressed. I can feel baby at night when I lay down now so that is a relief. I am having a rough time eating, and am plagued by insomnia. I am sure it will get better after the holidays are over. But I will be over 20 weeks by then and my fears of developing pre eclampsia again are already kicking in. 

thunderberry

I am in a kind of weird headspace lately that I don't know if I'd call it bad or good. My anxiety has really been spiking and I'm experiencing it in really physical ways, like in my stomach, poor sleep, muscle tension, headaches etc.  But I tend to get pretty depressed in association with my anxiety and that hasn't really hit me. In between the anxiety, or even during it, my mood is kind of okay, except for a couple random incidents of teary insecurity that can probably be written off to pregnancy hormones. My doctor was really emphatic about coming in to discuss medication if I notice things getting bad and I really can't decide if this qualifies or not.

@okaykoala I feel you on the ultrasound stress. Since our 12 week didn't go well I feel like I can't enjoy them at all anymore, and instead of feeling joy at seeing the baby moving at our 16 week I just kept obsessively watching the tech to see if she seemed worried about anything. I'm even rethinking doing the 3D ultrasound we planned to do for fun as maybe it will just be stressful now.

@zizzabell523 Man that sounds super stressful, I'm sorry you're going through that! Just remember your mental health is also an important part of your health during pregnancy, and something worth talking about your doctor about how to manage, whether it's through time off or something else. Especially since stress probably wouldn't help a high blood pressure concern!

Pearlvirus

Me:

holli0801

@Pearlvirus is working part time an option for you? I stayed at home for awhile but was losing my mind a little and felt the same... house work isn’t satisfying and I have a flipping masters degree sooo... grrr. 
So, I found an amazing preschool three days a week where I can work 8-430 and stay home the other four days. And about once a month I take a day off he is at school so I can have some me time, then pick him up early. This balance has worked well for us. I did hire someone to clean just 1-2x/month as well to help out.
i totally felt the same about not wanting someone else to raise my kid, but I found the perfect fit with all the fundamental things I believe in and focus on wth my kid. And he is better off having a mommy who is sane so... that’s what worked. DH makes significantly more than me, but wants to “stay home” with number two and have me go full time. I see that lasting a week... and he wouldn’t ever quit all together, he just may reduce hours.

anyway.... I’m doing okay. Anxiety is always there but manageable most of the time, and depression is currently in check thanks to family time, holiday deals (yeah I like my family and the holidays haha) and lots more yoga. Stress has been the biggest issue bc my two year old has been a little terror lately and traveling with him solo is not happening again until he is 18... maybe 21. 

Ceridwen77

Pearlvirus said:

I’m having a hard time too. Though it’s only peripherally about this baby. I SAH but it doesn’t suit me. DH makes more than I ever could but housework is just so unsatifying to me. Why did I bother going to college for ages just to spend all my days doing an endless repeate of the same chores? And you can say, hire someone to clean and get a job! But then a) then I don’t get to raise my own kids and b) managing other people is still work and two parent working families seem super slammed all the time, even with help, I’m not sure it would be worth it. My DHs job is just so stressful, he can’t do any more.

I work, and I’m pretty sure I “raise my own kids”. 

Pearlvirus

@holli0801 last winter I did have a situation similar to that but for various reasons it fell apart in the spring. And now I’m feeling so tired and mushy brained that it seems too hard. I have a MS too and it’s been really tough finding projects I can do PT that seem worth doing. My older is also VERY spirited. It makes most everything harder. And now I’ll have a new one in May who I will want to be 100% with for a while, so I think I just need to get through it for a while. 

@Ceridwen77 can we please not start that debate? I truely did not mean it as a value judgement, I’m just trying to find the right balance for myself.

Ceridwen77

Pearlvirus said:

@holli0801 last winter I did have a situation similar to that but for various reasons it fell apart in the spring. And now I’m feeling so tired and mushy brained that it seems too hard. I have a MS too and it’s been really tough finding projects I can do PT that seem worth doing. My older is also VERY spirited. It makes most everything harder. And now I’ll have a new one in May who I will want to be 100% with for a while, so I think I just need to get through it for a while. 

@Ceridwen77 can we please not start that debate? I truely did not mean it as a value judgement, I’m just trying to find the right balance for myself.

Hey, you’re the one that said you wouldn’t be raising your kids if you worked. So don’t throw it back at me for “starting a debate”. Finding your own balance is great, but try not putting others down while doing so. 

theletlers

Okay, first can we keep at least this thread where people who are actually dealing with shit a place you can just say what you are feeling. Sometimes it's fine to throw down when someone's being critical, but @Pearlvirus was just trying to unload her current stress. @Ceridwen77 I don't know your situation at all but the mommas on this thread are legit going through stuff. It might be just stress in life, depression, anxiety, complications with pregnancy, or whatever. So let's not get petty about how someone else's feelings of inadequacy as a parent or how her tough family decisions make you feel. You can always just scroll through. I get the point you are making and she did ask and say she wasn't making a judgement. So just move on. If you want to fight me on this in a pm that's fine but let's just let this thread be a safe place where people don't feel judged. Let's save that for UO/FFFC

On that note I came to this thread to write my own comment but will just save it for another time. 

Pearlvirus

@theletlers thank you for saving me from taking things farther off track. And @Ceridwen77 I’m not and haven’t put you down. If you really, really want to throw down about this fine, make a new thread, but let’s not do that here.

mamabird515

@Ceridwen77 I’m jot going to say I know what @Pearlvirus meant but I know that while i only  work part time now (had to step away from full time) sometimes I do say that it FEELS like others have the chance to influence my kids life more than me. He’s 2 now but it took me a long time to let go and realize that that’s not what it is even when it FEELS that way. Maybe not the best way to put it but I’m sure it wasn’t meant as a dig on anyone or their families choices. 

On a personal note, I’m really struggling with finding balance and I’m feeling like everything is so foggy. I’m constantly sick. Trying to balance work. And my family is suffering because of it all. I can’t find time for my husband and my patience is thin with him and my son. I had a hard day and just had to lock myself in my room when H got home and breathe.  I def struggled with PD but kept it “quiet” even though my friend and H later admitted they knew... (but didn’t do anything to help) I’m hoping this time I have more support if and when that shows up. 

Ceridwen77

As the person who started these threads originally, I think it’s safe to assume that I am dealing with things too @theletlers

Could it be possible that the statement made by @Pearlvirus is a trigger for point me?

I’ll walk away now because this is obviously not productive. And no I don’t want to “throw down” and start another thread about this. 

charlestonchew

I typically don't participate in this thread as I have no diagnosis but do read the thread and I was also offended by what @Pearlvirus said so maybe @Ceridwen77 wanted to just ask for people to think about how we say things.

ivyvines6

I don’t think it was meant to be said the way it came across, and the flippancy was definitely taken in a hurtful way. There is just better wording for why people find staying at home to be a better choice. Saying “I want to be the sole caregiver” rings slightly better than “I want to raise my kids.” 

I’m mostly a sahm but that’s more to do with affordable childcare vs less to do with not trusting someone else with J. We’ve been discussing putting him in preschool next school year to both give me a bit of a break, and to introduce him to other children his age. (He currently acts like other one year olds are animals that are beneath him and prefers to hang out with grown ups instead.) But that’s enough about my irrelevant $.02

theletlers

@Ceridwen77 I also was not trying to offend you. I apologize if I offended you. Like I said we are all going through shit and while we chat on the bump we don't really know each other from atom. 
I just think before any overreactions take over we should just clear the air. I like that our month isn't really super catty. 

On a more personal level, I had about the worst day ever. My client today had a bad episode of aggressive behaviors that result in him kicking me in the legs and stomach, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, shoving me into a table, scratching my face, and biting my wrist. The stomach kicks weren't too bad, but still scary. Needless to say, a bad day at work. I went to the OB and they checked the heartbeat and everything seemed fine. So I'm just to monitor for severe cramping and or bleeding but nothing too severe. But it didn't help my headache any. So I got to have a fun conversation with my boss about not working with him anymore and his mom. Luckily everyone agreed completely that it's just too risky while I'm pregnant. But now I don't really know what to do about my job. I really only stayed at this place for the last five or six months because of that client. I've worked with him for well over a year and have just grown attached. But if I'm not staying for him then I don't really feel the job is worth staying at anymore. There's just a lot of negatives to it. The pay is kinda crappy for how much it costs to do the job; just like gas, and you constantly do stuff like go out to eat and the movies and bowling etc. (and the reimbursement for gas sucks majorly.) But I love the clients I work with and this field of work so I always just did the trade off of job satisfaction. But I think now especially with another kiddo on the way I need to find something else with better pay and benefits (like sick pay or some amount of time off) as well as a more consistent work schedule. I just didn't want to do any of this right now and had hoped I could deal with it all after the new year. 

And all of this is happening on top of me going through my own perfectionism induced anxiety over my life already feeling like it was collapsing in on me because it feels like I'm constantly failing at being a wife and mom and my own person. So that's cool. I'm eating pie straight from the pan tonight. 

mileswithmyles

Lurking- @theletlers have you thought about looking into being a classroom instructional assistant, one-on-one or something like that?  You would have a normal school schedule and still get to work with the population you love. They tend to have pretty good benefits, too. 

theletlers

@mileswithmyles Thanks, yeah I have. But the pay isn't a lot in my area and you only get paid for the 180 days of school a year. They can divide it so you get paid year round but then it pays worse than my job now. It's just been a lot to process all at once. My brain is just completely overwhelmed today. 

mileswithmyles

@theletlers that makes sense. In our District, they have the option to work summer school, so that’s nice for our IAs. I’m sorry that today was a rough day. 

sandbar517

I also don't participate in this thread, but still read it.  @theletlers I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I often go through bouts of feeling like I'm failing at everything, being a good mom, wife, friend, whatever.  I think it's just something we all have more of as society expects us to have it all and do it all perfectly.  It sucks.  
Also, I really want to avoid the SAH vs working mom debate, both of you are well-liked regulars here, so I think it's best if we just drop it and get back to our mostly drama-free board.   

Kendrajos

Dang! @Ceridwen77 I really appreciate you starting these threads.

I think we all need to take a step bad and realise that we are all stressed the fk out, rarely anything seems to be meant personally here. Nor meant to negate others depression or anxiety or anything else for that matter.

@Pearlvirus I completely get what you are saying. It's been my issue as well, basically I don't trust others to take care of my child the way I want them to be. I am hoping to go back to work in the next couple yrs now(was hoping sooner ) but still once I have this baby, I doubt I will trust anyone with it until it's at least very verbal and potty trained completely, probably around 3ish. My SO is just about as paranoid as I am. 

Pearlvirus

Honestly it’s not even really about trust. I’m a pretty trusting person in general. It’s partially  about my own ability to handle their dissapoint. And also my older daughters “hangovers” when i come back. She’s getting slowly better as she gets older but it used to be brutal. And I’m scared this one will be high needs like her.