2nd Trimester

First time moms, long distance families?

Hello, I am due in May with the first child for me and my husband. Our families are so excited, everyone loves babies!!! We live 8 hour drive from his parents and siblings and 24 hour drive from my parents, siblings, and all my extended family (we live 5 hours from nearest airport that takes direct flight to our parents, we always drive as his parents are "on the way" to mine, too). There are some interesting dynamics because my parents are emotionally closer to us, visit us more and consistently (ever since I moved far away, they always visited 2-3 times a year and enjoyed where I was location wise and in life) and this is their first grandchild! They were already planning to visit in spring and in summer with my grandma before knowing of baby.  My husband's parents did not give us the time of day pre-pregnancy. Last visit was over a year since previous (and we bought a farm in that year, very exciting!), they play favorites with his sisters who have children, they are THE grandparents to their grand kids (unlimited access, rude about other grandparents, etc). There are many examples that I won't go into here about how unfairly they treat my husband and hurt his feelings (and he is a very loyal, sweet son) and also how they guilt us living far and make it seem like we're SO far when my family is 3X that. Now they are doing a 180 because a baby is expected in spring. I cannot stand the thought of his parents becoming overbearing. They are close enough to be here more on a whim than my parents can. The in laws want us to keep traveling to them for all holidays, which we usually do with them being the closet family. But I foresee that I will want my work breaks at home with my family. I already do without a child here, plus the whole farm care thing! I'm already feeling guilty that I most likely won't see my grandma or most of my family, who is very dear to me, during my pregnancy or baby's early life due to work and travel (we only get to visit in summer) and that my parents could not just leave and be here when I go into labor, while his parents most likely could. Husband is aware of all this and agrees with most of my feelings on his parents, but he also gets sucked in or feels bad for how we are planning to set boundaries more so with his parents than mine. First because the differences in distance/travel and also how they treat us. Is anyone in a similar situation? Long distance from family with mixed emotions on family dynamics? 

Re: First time moms, long distance families?

  • lynne2018 said:
    Hello, I am due in May with the first child for me and my husband. Our families are so excited, everyone loves babies!!! We live 8 hour drive from his parents and siblings and 24 hour drive from my parents, siblings, and all my extended family (we live 5 hours from nearest airport that takes direct flight to our parents, we always drive as his parents are "on the way" to mine, too). There are some interesting dynamics because my parents are emotionally closer to us, visit us more and consistently (ever since I moved far away, they always visited 2-3 times a year and enjoyed where I was location wise and in life) and this is their first grandchild! They were already planning to visit in spring and in summer with my grandma before knowing of baby.  My husband's parents did not give us the time of day pre-pregnancy. Last visit was over a year since previous (and we bought a farm in that year, very exciting!), they play favorites with his sisters who have children, they are THE grandparents to their grand kids (unlimited access, rude about other grandparents, etc). There are many examples that I won't go into here about how unfairly they treat my husband and hurt his feelings (and he is a very loyal, sweet son) and also how they guilt us living far and make it seem like we're SO far when my family is 3X that. Now they are doing a 180 because a baby is expected in spring. I cannot stand the thought of his parents becoming overbearing. They are close enough to be here more on a whim than my parents can. The in laws want us to keep traveling to them for all holidays, which we usually do with them being the closet family. But I foresee that I will want my work breaks at home with my family. I already do without a child here, plus the whole farm care thing! I'm already feeling guilty that I most likely won't see my grandma or most of my family, who is very dear to me, during my pregnancy or baby's early life due to work and travel (we only get to visit in summer) and that my parents could not just leave and be here when I go into labor, while his parents most likely could. Husband is aware of all this and agrees with most of my feelings on his parents, but he also gets sucked in or feels bad for how we are planning to set boundaries more so with his parents than mine. First because the differences in distance/travel and also how they treat us. Is anyone in a similar situation? Long distance from family with mixed emotions on family dynamics? 
    Don’t borrow trouble. You’re worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. When the time comes you’ll deal with it then.

    As for long distance family, I live across the country from both our families. It’s a financial and time commitment to visit, so it doesn’t happen often, but when it does I do my best to split the time 50/50. The rest of the time we make up with a weekly video chat to both sets of grandparents. That really helps. Good luck.
    Meg
    ME: 30  DH: 31 DD: June '16 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife
    TTGP Dec Siggy: Favorite Christmas Movie           BotB Dec Siggy: Ghosts of Christmas Toys Past
                                                          

  • Why should you reward them for past bad behavior?  What goes around comes around. If they are willing to put in the effort to come to you then I think you should let them visit sometimes, but certainly don't go through any extra trouble to appease them just because all of the sudden they are interested. 
    Me: 36    DH: 36
    Married: 5.27.16
    Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker



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