Pregnancy and Depression

williala

I feel so sick everyday. I wake up sick and go to bed sick. I'm sick at work. Everyone says I should be happy, but I feel horrible. I just can't wait until my due date. I get so annoyed when people ask me how I'm doing... I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING! I wish there was some where I could go and come back in 7 months...away from everyone!!! To top it off, my friends (ages 34-40) are trying to conceive. I feel so bad, because my friends like so many other women want to have a baby and would probably love to be sick everyday. I cycle everyday, sad because I'm sick, mad because I wish this pregnancy was over, then guilty because of this "miracle" is a blessing and I should be happy but I am not happy. Counting the days until my due date, then I'm going to get my tubes tied so I WILL NEVER BE PREGNANT AGAIN! 

wildtot

I’m sorry your feeling this way and i hope you start to feel better soon. No shame in feeling unconnected or sad with pregnancy but i do think it’s important to talk about it. I had a horrible pregnancy with my son and I’m having a hard time enjoying it this time around. If your feeling depressed please reach out to someone. I’m free to listen if you need an ear. I expected ppd and it’s not fun going through it especially alone. I hope you start to feel better soon! :creepy internet hugs:

flockofmoosen3

You don't have to love being pregnant. You can hate being pregnant. I was so sick and miserable when pregnant with my second that i swore I was done having kids (but... I'm here doing it again). You should talk to your doctor about help managing the sickness part. See if your work can be flexible with your time. And I hope your husband knows how you're feeling and can take care of more around the house so you can rest.
If your doctor knows you feel this way, he/she may recommend a therapist, too. Don't feel ashamed by how you feel because you're not the only one and it isn't really your fault. Good luck.

stillcozy

i highly highly suggest calling your OB and talking about your feelings. I thinking seeing a therapist could be really helpful. also try to remember the sickness for 90% of people is temporary. There are also things you can do to help with the symptoms. have you checked out the symptoms thread? I know I posted several things to try and I believe others have as well.

While this may also come off as unsupportive but from a mental health stand point we have a long way to go. So you really need to seek help out now and be active in that to start gettjng things better. i also strongly believe in actively challenging our negative thoughts. Yes there are days I feel like crap but when I challenge those thoughts and remember it isnt forever and yup i'm nauseus but im not actually dying and when everyone else here is going through the same thing it helps to temember that. We had a mom who lost her baby today and while yes your situation is valid and it sucks and is hard, sometimes you really have to work on keeping things in perspective

stillcozy

@williala also since you have time to create your own post maybe also go send your well wishes to the mom who lost her babg. We like to give support here as well as receive it

wildtot

@lindsayleigh1989 i have to say as a person who has gone through both an early loss and ppd for over a year it does feel like your minimizing her feelings as others may have it worse. Yes others may literally have it worse but her feelings are still important and should be heard. There maybe other underlying issues she is dealing with we don’t fully understand or know about. This sort of messaging is what keeps people from seeking emotional/mental support. As i feel for the recent loss, her condolences should be genuine in the case of the loss not forced out of being called out.

@williala Please seek out support. These feelings are temporary and very often hormonal. You can work through them with support. Feel free to PM me if you’d like. Hang in there and i hope you feel better.

stillcozy

@wildtot I feel like I gave her good advice on how to help her symptoms while also to seek out help for her depression. I think sometimes it is good to point out though what else is going on with people on the board. I agree condolences should be genuine. I do think the OP's feelings are valid but I do think there are steps she can take to make things better 

stillziggysmom

I guess my first advice would be to try and decipher your emotions. Is it hormone related and purely reactions to pregnancy (which is totally valid, it's not mandatory to enjoy it), or are you dealing with clinical depression? If it's the first, talk to your OB. They have great access to various counselors including those who frequently work with pregnant women and have an interest/ specialty. If it's depression, still talk to your OB, but also try and "shop around" for a therapist or counselor you would like to continue on with regularly. As someone with major depression, my pregnancy with my son made it so much worse, and increasingly so even throughout recovery, until it was a "meds or hospitalization" choice. If you are clinically depressed do. not. wait. I missed out on so much pregnancy joy and health because of waiting. Good luck, mama. 

ckmb_1250

@lindsayleigh1989 While I think it's a major sign of good character to frequently appreciate how "good you have it" in comparison with others, it's also my biggest pet peeve when people immediately compare one persons struggle to someone else's "worse" struggle. Everyone is experiencing life as it happens for them, and it's no one business to rate other people's pain. Gosh, I know a really good quote exists that would articulate this so much better-if I can find it I'll post it. 

@williala i hope you can locate a support system which doesn't consist of people just telling you to be happy.

stillcozy

@ckmb_knottie glad you only took one thing from my post and also the last point but completley ignored all my other suggestions which I gave first and formost. I said keeping things in perspective and thought challenging helped me and it did a lot with my PPD. No one compared. I was bringing awareness of what was happening on the board as well. 

celainev

I hate the symptoms of pregnancy too, and this is my second time going through it. There will be days that are the absolute worst and you never want to go through it again, and then there are days where you think “it isn’t that bad.” I had MS from 7 weeks til 8 months last go around so of course I’m going to cry that it’s already bad at 6 weeks. Just know you aren’t alone.
That being said, I agree with @lindsayleigh1989 that this belongs in the symptoms thread. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but not every anxious or depressed post needs it’s own board topic. We are a group of internet strangers, not OPs bffs. 
Talk to your real-life-trying-to-get pregnant friends and OB about how you’re feeling. I’m sure they’ll have better advice to give you then us, having never met you before. 

ckmb_1250

@lindsayleigh1989 not trying to attack you - this just touched on something I'm super passionate about. I think this is the quote I was looking for: 

stillcozy

thanks didnt need the quote I never judged anyone just gave a suggestion.... 

celainev

ckmb_knottie said:

@lindsayleigh1989 not trying to attack you - this just touched on something I'm super passionate about. I think this is the quote I was looking for: 

So you think everyone should make their own board about the woes of life and pregnancy? 

ckmb_1250

@williala I actually think your real-life-trying-to-get-pregnant friends would not be your best resource, because they won't be able to understand how you're feeling, as much as they may try.

wildtot

Would there be a problem of making a feelings or depression thread? It may not be a common symptom and maybe not everyone is comfortable talking about it. 

stillcozy

If she honest about how depressed she is and if they are real friends I do think they could be helpful... 

celainev

Well, my real life friends are my friends so they are the best support for me, even if they don’t understand what I’m going through. 
And also, must I say this again, your OB is also a good resource. Also the SYMPTOMS board. 

stillcozy

@wildtot I think a mental health thread would be good since it covers anxiety, depression and any preexisting condition that may flare up due to med changes with pregnancy.

celainev

Also, this is clearly a poofy poster. Her post has no clear direction, it’s just a whining post. These need to be nipped in the butt or else the board will be full of them. 
Read the post again. She never asked for our advice or support. She just wanted to rant. The only sign of “depression” I see is her topic. Other than that anyone with morning sickness feels the same way. But she didn’t even ask if anyone does!! 
This is why we have little sympathy. We were gentle in telling her she has somewhere else to post. She doesn’t need white knights. 

wildtot

lindsayleigh1989 said:

@wildtot I think a mental health thread would be good since it covers anxiety, depression and any preexisting condition that may flare up due to med changes with pregnancy.

Totally agree! 

stillziggysmom

I vote yes on that one, too @wildtot @lindsayleigh1989

christycalifornia

OP: I remember crying around week 10 because I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and there was no end in sight (even though it all got better two weeks later). We're all there with you. You mention, though, feeling sad all the time. If that's a pervasive feeling, especially if it's coupled with any of the following: feelings of hopelessness, feeling like you can't get out of bed (not just pregnant tired, but 200lb wet blanket tired), or any thoughts about endings or death or self-harm, I'd encourage you to talk to your doctor and get help. Post-partum depression can start as early as conception or as late as up to two years after birth, and it's more likely to affect women with a previous history, however minor or major, with depression. There are medicines you can take that are safe for the baby and can help you get right. Above all, seek health and help; you have to be okay for the baby to be okay. Take care, and be well. 

christycalifornia

To everyone else: I'm personally willing to err on the side of taking any posts about depression seriously. If someone is really in the thick of it, it may be too much to try to find the appropriate thread or category. Or there may be worry about a post getting lost in the crowd when there's a real need for help, whereas new posts always get attention. (To be fair, though, board hyper-organization isn't really my thing. I like to keep things tidy, but don't feel like it should be so strict people are afraid to post.)

That being said, we're not medical professionals and I recognize that if someone is really struggling they should be doing more than asking their BMP for help. But I also know that sometimes internet autonymity can feel safer than talking to people irl, so that's why I personally choose to err on the side of taking posts seriously, so we can point people to help and healing. If they are a one-off poster, in my experience that will quickly become apparent, and we can all gif and troll and move on. Or if someone is a known drama-queen, obviously it'll just be ignored. I'm not trying to dictate how anyone else reacts, or saying anyone here is right or wrong. I'm just saying I choose to take these posts at face value until there's a reason not to. Mental health is an issue dear to my heart and I just saw a bit of drama in a thread that could be legitimately asking for help, so I wanted to throw out my two cents.