March 2018 Moms
kiki75
member
Monday B-Fest - 11/13
kiki75
member
Me: 34 DH: 38
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
Re: Monday B-Fest - 11/13
Married: 5.27.16
Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
Crying because she is stuck with a crap birthday that will always be over shadowed by Christmas no matter what I do. Crying because H doesn’t come to these parties thanks to PTSD and resulting social anxiety but now he will have to if he wants to spend her birthday with her. Crying because they each have one birthday left before the baby (that neither of them want) gets here and the first one is already second fiddle to something else.
It’s nice to be close to home sometimes but I admit living 3000 miles away did have its advantages.
I know I have the right to be upset but I also know I’m overreacting a bit. We are big birthday people.
the following reasons are why I don’t keep many female friends and why I didn’t want a baby shower to begin with and haven’t had one with the previous 2 kids.
I am very good friends with A and B. We all used to be friends till they had a falling out. They both know I am still equally good friends with both of them. B said at the beginning she wanted to throw me a shower and I hummed and hawed about it. We haven’t discussed it since. A told DH that she wanted to throw me one but she never told me.
Today.... I got invited to two baby showers. For myself. The timing makes it feel like they had a conversation about this without me knowing (I’m explicit in saying idgaf about their drama and don’t want to hear about it).
The problem? They would both have the same guest lists. Fuck this... this is why I hate this stuff. I sent them both a message saying they will not subject my friends to choosing one or the other and they will also not subject them to two showers because I will not be going to two showers. I said they could figure out whatever they want but only one is happening or I’m not going to either. They have till the end of the day to amend this and turn it into a joint one or get rid of it altogether.
In any case, I'm with you about birthdays being important. To me, they're the day that you tell people that you're glad they exist. And it's got to be a royal pain making it special around Christmas. In this case, I don't think arguing with your mom will get her to change anything so it's not worth even discussing it with her any further. So I think if it were me and my family, we would first move her "birthday" to another day for this year (depending on where you are, Sundays can suck for birthdays anyways. I grew up in a place where everything was shut down on Sundays so it was the dumbest day for a birthday.) and do something fun then. Go to the local pool, a movie, bowling, bounce house, whatever she's into and then let people know they're welcome to come for dinner and cake. Just pick your day and go with it. If people can't make it, well, you'll sure miss them. I wouldn't move it again. This way she gets her own day and YH will be more able to actually enjoy it. Then, I would put on smiles, give DD an "I'm the birthday girl" button/shirt to wear and all troop over to the party. Have YH scope out a couple options for places to go if he gets overwhelmed and if he doesn't like sharing his PTSD info with everyone, he can have a pre-planned excuse. Work to do, needs to run to the store for whatever, etc. and then he can just slip out and text you if it's too much for him. Is it what you would choose? No. Will it work out okay? Yeah.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
With the PTSD, my family knows all about it and are totally understanding when he stays home. But my mother didn’t consider that he would have to chose himself or his daughter’s birthday when she planned her party. I won’t change her mind. This is just how it is, I am just so angry- if it was my brother’s kid there would be no question...
@syssa-o That's a little wild that two of your friends invited you to showers before clearing either shower with you. I would suggest though that they are crazy because of the people they are and not because they are women. Virtually all of my friends are women and I haven't had anything remotely dramatic or crazy like that happen to me. I'm glad you gave them a good talking to. If it were me I would just decline any shower at all. Sounds like way more trouble than it's worth. Ain't nobody got time for that.
My hair hardly falls falls out while pregnant & it’s obnoxiously I feel ya.
(I am lucky with my non-pregnant body type in that I can get dresses for these occasions for less than $30 each, so spending at least double on something that definitely won’t be worn again seems ridiculous to me, especially since i SAH now so I lost that disposable income).
Where do you order your bras from? I typically just go to the store for mine but having a reliable place to order online would nice.
@mass-girl-at-heart just my 2 cents about birthdays around Christmas:
DD's birthday is December 28th and she'll be 6 this year so the same age as your DD. I am a big believer of birthdays being that person's special day and not having to share them with another holiday, which is why I was really happy I got to pick her birthday (scheduled induction) because DH's and a couple other family members have birthdays in Dec and I didn't want her to have the same day as them or as Christmas. Now with that being said we haven't always had DD's birthday party on her actual birthday because if her birthday is during the week I will most likely be at work so she'll get a happy birthday and a special meal of her choosing but her party is where we have everyone over, cake, gifts, etc. Last year her party was actually on Jan 7th of this year because weekends are the best time for our family to have the party and the weekend before was Christmas and the weekend after was New Year's. I understand what your mom is doing sucks (if my mom ever did that I'd probably boycott the party myself) but maybe if you explain it to your DD that she actually gets 2 birthday celebrations, her special one with the 4 of you on her actual birthday and then her party that could help ease things a bit. My DD personally doesn't care but I can totally understand where you're coming from as a mom.
@k318 have you tried Target? I don't know if there's one in your area but I got 2 nice maternity dresses that I wore to church for Christmas one pregnancy and Easter the other. Not sure how formal you need for your occasions but it worked for me.
@k318 Are these two events going to have the same people at them? If not, I'd just get one dress to cover both events. You can try a site like ThredUp. I'd also keep scanning places like Motherhood and Pea in the Pod and Zulily for sales. As for planning your size, as long as it's made out of stretchy fabric, it should grow with you. Especially if it's empire waist. The only think to be careful about/plan for if it's short is if it's going to be long enough in the front or if as your belly grows, it's going to pull the hem up too far. In that case, just plan to wear it with legit opaque tights or leggings so you aren't spending all of your time holding the hem down. I have two black maternity dresses that will likely be good for the duration. And they're both of a style that I could dress down with sneakers and a jean jacket or put on dressy shoes and jewelry.
AFM, OnTrac delivered a package to me over the weekend that doesn't belong here. I tried to call them this morning and was on hold for over 30 minutes. Finally I got in touch with Amazon because the item had been ordered through them. After I finally got the chat rep convinced that I wasn't looking for something I ordered but rather had something I didn't order (which was surprisingly hard), she asked if I could just drop it off at the UPS store. Whut? No. I'm not going to take another 20 minutes running to the UPS store to fix someone else's mistake. She also asked if I didn't just know the person. Huh? No! If I did, I would have already told her to come get her stuff! Sure, yeah, I know everyone in this town. Finally, she told me to just keep it and they'd send new. Which would have been baller if it were something cool. Nope. It's lingerie. And not the nice stuff. But hell yes I'm keeping it.
edit: typo
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
soooo... they both let you know about your own shower by sending you an invite?
You should have RSVPd that you would be unable to attend.
EDD March 12, 2018
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
She even went to say that she will feed and bathe me and care for the baby entirely. I don't want to be around my in-laws when I'm physically and emotionally recovering, and I def don't want to be naked. I want to start my baby's routine immediately and bond in my own space. They are extremely overbearing and judgmental, and I will not be able to handle it through the exhaustion. Within the same conversation they criticized me for the 10th time about keeping my dog after the baby is born.
It's hard. They have no boundaries and there is a lot of pressure to be a "good daughter-in-law" within their culture. It's so awkward and sad that I feel like I can't be my true self with them. We just moved here 8 months ago, and I'm pouting and missing my own family. #NotAdultingToday
@k318 I'm going to an awards show at 6 months prego. I bought a pretty affordable dress on Lulu's in an XL and took in the sleeves so it fits pretty nicely! ASOS is good too.
Married: 5.27.16
Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
@syssa-o that's ridiculous and sitcom-worthy. You're a patient friend.
Thanks everyone for the dress advice! There is a pea in the pod about an hour away- if my order doesn’t arrive soon I’ll check out their sales rack.
This could be long...
B wanted to throw a surprise shower and invited A. A countered by saying she was throwing a shower. So they both hurried their etiquette-less asses to Facebook to be the first one to make it an event. B at least was on the mark with the invitees.... A invited a bunch of her friends. A also used MY ULTRASOUND PIC as the cover photo for the event (see spoiler box) which is fucking strange. I snapped at them both and from their responses, B was legitimately apologetic and A started playing poor me. I told them to combine or figure it out snd B was cool with that because ITS SUPPOSEDLY ABOUT THE BABIES NOT GROWN WOMEN’S EGOS and A declined to work together so I had her remove her Facebook event.
I’m mostly annoyed that my under boobs won’t stop sweating. I’ve tried everything to get them to stop but they’re so big that my bras can’t even keep them up anymore. And we have no extra money to buy yet another new bra for me. Ugh. Now under my left boob is super itchy and I actually broke the skin by scratching it.