Hello all (*TW loss mentioned*) — The Bump
Infertility

Hello all (*TW loss mentioned*)

Hi there,
I must admit outright to being a previous lurker here in the boards earlier in the year during my first IVF. I did create a user profile so I could post during my TWW but I had to wait 3 days before being able to post - and then I lost my nerve (sorry!). But I'm jumping back into this boat again, and I've read so many of your wonderful strong stories and see the amazing support everyone here offers each other, so if you'll have me, I'd love to be part of this community :)

So my story so far (TW loss mentioned). I'm 38, DH 39, TTC for over 6 years. We've tried Clomid and Letrozole and had hysteroscopy/laporoscopy and did a number of rounds of Puregon injectibles. I have a very high egg count and always got at least one follicle but always got a BFN. We tried IVF earlier in the year, again got lots of follies, but then only 9 eggs, only 3 of which were fertilised. After EC I felt very ill and found out I was over-stimmed (ovaries were huge!!) so couldn't do fresh transfer. We only had one good embryo for freezing. Had to wait 2 cycles and then transferred - but finally got the BFP we had been waiting for. Honestly, we were more shocked than anything else!! It was only when we saw the little erratic heartbeat at 7wks that we actually got so, so excited. Sadly, we lost our little bud at 9wks. I was heartbroken. No matter what I thought I was prepared for, I just wasn't prepared for that.

That's our story. I know many of you have similar situations. I swore at the beginning of this year that we would only consider doing one cycle and if it didn't work we'd call our journey to an end. But after actually achieving a positive result and seeing that little heartbeat I know I have to try one more time. It's tough when no-one else understands what you're going though. My family are great, but they can't help but say the wrong thing! Also I work with all men apart from one woman and it's just typical that she is actually pregnant now with a due date within a week of what mine was, plus I just found out my brother is expecting their 3rd child, again at the same time I was due. I know none of these affect my own situation and I'm truly happy for them all. It's just that sometimes, it can be a little tough being happy for others when you're just so sad for yourself.

I should also mention I'm actually over in Ireland (I guess a lot of you are based in the US) so I think some of the protocols might be slightly different, but it's all the same process! But forgive me if I mis-understand something - or get my dates all mixed up (month-day not day-month!!! That confused me hugely earlier in the year!!). Anyhoo, I'm off to my RE tomorrow to see when we can get going. I'm really hoping to stim and take out the eggs in November - probably then doing a FET in January (if so I'll hop on over the the November IVF group to see if they'll have me!). But one thing I've learned form doing this before is that it is so hard to predict what will happen, so I'll wait and see what I get told tomorrow.

Sorry for the super-long post! I didn't mean to - but I haven't actually written it all out before. Thanks to anyone who has read this far :D

I wish you all the best of luck in the weeks and months to come. Hugs xx

**History in Spoiler**
Me 39, DH 40
Married Oct 2010, TTC ~7yrs
Seeing RE since Spring 2013
Clomid - no response
Letrozole (6 months) 2015 
Laperoscopy/Hysteroscopy in 2015
Puregon injectibles + trigger x5 in 2016 - all BFN
Started IVF March 2017 - 25 follies, 9 eggs, 3 fertilised, 1 survived-> frozen due to hyper stimulation of ovaries
FET May 16th 2017, BFP May 27th 2017, m/c @ 9wks
IVF #2 February 2018 - 16 eggs, 8 fertilised, 3 frozen embabies
Awaiting FET April 2018 - cancelled (cyst)
FET May 2018, BFP June 2nd 2018, m/c @ 8wks
FET October 2018 - BFN
Final FET - late November 2018


Re: Hello all (*TW loss mentioned*)

  • @roisis first of all I am sorry for your loss..  There are many others here who have similar stories and can relate. I especially can relate to the fact that the people closest to you who mean well can say the absolute worst things. I have gone through loss as well, and having a forum such as this was very therapeutic for me personally.

    I wish you the best of luck in continuing with IVF. Hopefully now that you have gone through a cycle, the RE can use that history to help improve your chances.

    Best of luck again and wishing for your success!

  • welcome, @roisis !
    Sorry to hear about your loss, but it's good that you at least know now that BFP is possible.
    I also get a huge number of eggs when stimulated. I had over 10 in my cancelled IUI cycle, and ~70 during IVF, that doesn't really translate into too many mature, but definitely results in OHSS.

    Do you have an option to do PGS testing on your embryos, since you're doing freeze-all anyways? I figured that the older we get, the bigger % of the embryos end up abnormal, so testing might possibly save a heartache of a m/s. But it also can cause a heartbreak of not having any normal embryos after a cycle. :(

    Best of luck to you for the November cycle! You're in a good company here.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Me: 34 DH: 42
    I don't produce FSH, so no natural menstrual cycle. DH has reduced morphology.
    Summer 2014 IUI (with first husband): cancelled after almost a month of stims due to too many follicles
    Time off to divorce, get back on my feet, find a new hubby and get married again :)
    March 2017 IVF: ~70 follicles, 13R, 10M, 7F, 3B = 2 PGS Normal (both XY) - no transfer due to ohss
    Sept 2017 FET#1: BFP, Beta#1 - 253, Beta#2 - 528, EDD 06/08/2018
  • Thanks guys :)

    @Crystal321 Sorry to hear you've also suffered loss. Unfortunately, we're all having a tough time here, best of luck to you too.

    @FuzzyDust Wow that's a lot of eggs! I seem to have lots of follies but not so many usable eggs. I guess one thing to take from this is that they know so much more about the variety of problems that can occur now (rather than eggs = babies!). I'm not sure what testing is possible here, but I'll check with my RE before we do the collection.

    I met my RE today and he's happy for me to get going - so it's just a matter of waiting for AF to arrive now.

    Best of luck to you all xx

    **History in Spoiler**
    Me 39, DH 40
    Married Oct 2010, TTC ~7yrs
    Seeing RE since Spring 2013
    Clomid - no response
    Letrozole (6 months) 2015 
    Laperoscopy/Hysteroscopy in 2015
    Puregon injectibles + trigger x5 in 2016 - all BFN
    Started IVF March 2017 - 25 follies, 9 eggs, 3 fertilised, 1 survived-> frozen due to hyper stimulation of ovaries
    FET May 16th 2017, BFP May 27th 2017, m/c @ 9wks
    IVF #2 February 2018 - 16 eggs, 8 fertilised, 3 frozen embabies
    Awaiting FET April 2018 - cancelled (cyst)
    FET May 2018, BFP June 2nd 2018, m/c @ 8wks
    FET October 2018 - BFN
    Final FET - late November 2018


    FuzzyDust
  • @roisis We are all on a roller coaster, aren't we?  I am so sorry for your loss.   I think it's great you are going to try "one more time" and wish you the best of luck. 

    I can relate to your feelings with the pregnancies of others mentioned. For me, it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant or having a baby (including my coworker who has two kids from a previous marriage and her new husband and her only had like a one in a million chance in conceiving and it took them like 2 months to get pregnant.)  I am so happy for everyone and so sad for me- at least that is the way I have to think about it. 

  • @haleykp87 I always find it strange how those who have been told they won't have kids always seem to have kids naturally, unplanned, etc. Personally I have stopped giving much credit to people who claim a doctor said that, unless there is some wild backstory  (which may be the case, who knows!)

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