GTKY: Whacky wedding tales

wishiwaspreggo

I did this GTKY a few years back on this board and it yielded some amazing stories. From bridezillas to drunken brothers-in-law speeches, there are many gems to share. Tell me your funniest or most horrifying wedding story. This can be a wedding you attended, participated in, or (worst case scenario and hopefully not as common) your own wedding!

wishiwaspreggo

I have a good (bad?) one.

This is DW's childhood best friend. She asked DW to be the maid of honor, and myself and another woman were to be the bridesmaids. The wedding date was to be set for 1/11/11 and they wanted the wedding to be outdoors. In northwest Indiana. Don't know how much y'all know about Hoosier climate but it's near Lake Michigan and that lakefront effect is *brutal*. I think they were envisioning a gentle blanket of snow and picturesque winter scenery. Winter in NW IN is at its best bitter cold and windy, and at its worst ice storms and blizzards. We ended up with a blizzard.

Throughout the planning she insisted that it's "her day" and expected to be waited on hand and foot. For a year. She was quite the handful. DW spent a lot of her time managing Karen and her relationships with her mother, future mother-in-law, fiance, and various shopkeepers who she pissed off. We bought custom made dresses from an overpriced boutique and the gowns weren't ready until roughly midnight before the actual wedding.

We hosted a lavish, over-the-top bridal shower at an upscale facility that turned out to be nicer than the wedding venue itself - and the bride and her family never thanked us even though we were the ones that planned, executed, and paid for the extravaganza.

We planned a beautiful bachelorette party where we would have lunch at a tea house, visit a psychic (her wish), and spend the evening in downtown Chicago bar-hopping. Instead we took the other bridesmaid (a portly truck driver with financial problems) to cash in a money order at Western Union (thus making us miss our tea house reservation), ate lunch at a truck stop (not joking - but hey, that had awesome garlic butter rolls), and DW and I ended up bar-hopping alone because Karen thought the venues we selected were too expensive. She and her other bridesmaid went to Subway to eat and watch a ballgame on TV instead. Oh, and she brought her 15 year old cousin and stodgy aunt with us so we couldn't choose any place that was 21+ only. Super fun.

And the wedding day. We finally had our dresses in-hand and they were the wrong color. Whatever, we had to wear them so we went through with it. We didn't have a rehearsal or a rehearsal dinner so we didn't really know what to do or where to go. We were paired up haphazardly and congregated in the reception hall and were ushered outside. IN THE SNOW. We had to ride piggy-back on the men because of our shoes. That wasn't humiliating. We quickly took pictures as the snow pelted us. The weather was too severe to do the full vows and all that outdoors so we went back inside and the ceremony was done.

How was the reception? No alcohol. Not even a cash bar. No soda. Not even lemonade served. We could have water or tea. We would've had music but the DJ wasn't a mind reader and Karen didn't give him a list so she didn't like the music he brought. She sent him home. Karen and her husband had their first dance to music played on an iPod without external speakers. Everyone left shortly after that. The reception lasted roughly 45 minutes.

About that psychic we saw for the bachelorette party: she predicted their marriage wouldn't last. She was right. Karen's husband cheated on her and she found out after reading his text messages. He said she got so fat and ugly over the years that he couldn't stand to sleep with her anymore. Karen may have been a pain in the ass but she did NOT deserve that.

There is a happy ending. She met her new husband - a very, very good man who worships the ground she walks on and they have a little boy who is 6 months younger than our son. He's our godson. All is well that ends well!

lurvleybunchococonuts

My cousin planned to have a beautiful ceremony outdoors in a garden at her venue, but at the last moment had to move the ceremony indoors to the reception hall due to rain.  Apparently the staff weren't notified of this change because as the ceremony started the bartender was in a supply closet next to the bar (prepping I assume) and listening to the radio.  So, over the sound system you heard the correct music, but my table, which happened to be right next to the bar, could hear "...She's a brick... House! She's mighty mighty, she's lettin' it all hang out..." as my cousin was walked down the aisle.  Suffice to say she did not find it nearly as funny as I still think it is.  

Pinky917

I had someone cheat on their husband AT MY WEDDING. They both got super drunk and the husband ended up passing out early. While he was out, she was getting it on with one of our friends. 

Fast forward about a year later and apparently she and the same friend hooked up again at... Wait for it... Yet another wedding. 

offtoneverland

@wishiwaspreggo Wow! That is quite the story! Glad it ended happily despite all of that. Sheesh!
I don't really have anything too crazy to add, but when my sister got married, she made me help her use the bathroom (hold up her dress/train while she peed), so at my wedding a few years later I made her do the same thing for me!  Also at my sister's wedding, I gave a kick-ass maid of honor speech that poked fun of her and everyone loved it! My mom saved the speech in a photo album.

meggyme

My story has nothing on @wishiwaspreggo ‘s but here goes:

One of MH’s friends from flight school was getting married, so we and a couple of his friends drove the 8 hours to Winter Haven, FL even though it was tough for them to get leave during their military training. We show up and it turns out they have one more groomsmen than bridesmaids, so one guy gets demoted to wedding guest (when he could have been at home studying). So we go to the rehearsal, all of which is taking place at a Best Western hotel. The ceremony is on the pool deck. So while all these people at playing at the pool they’re rehearsing for a wedding. And there are cats EVERYWHERE. Apparently there’s an open field nearby where they live and they’re walking all through this rehearsal wedding. Whatever, hopefully they can corral them tomorrow. So we finish and go for rehearsal dinner. At Olive Garden. Which, ok, you’re on a budget... but they made us buy our own meals. 

Everything else went ok considering and the banquet room was nice and cat free.

Everytime I go to a wedding I’m so glad we had a small backyard wedding.

jaylii

The one that immediately comes to mind is a wedding of MH's former coworker. They got married in the church they grew up in where they had met and the officiant was their childhood pastor. I had my jaw on the ground by the end of the sermon. The pastor went on and on about how the groom needed to remember that he was the man in the relationship and if the marriage ultimately failed, it was on him (because he's the man, of course!). I just remember looking over at MY (fiance at the time) and us both thinking, what the hell is this crazy garbage?!

At another wedding the ceremony was at a reception hall. In the middle of the reception the manager of the hall got on the dance floor to dance this weird solo dance, complete with hand gestures and rhythmic clapping. I think I may have a video of it somewhere. I will attach it if I can. So so weird! We never asked the bridal couple about so I still don't know what that was! 

Edite: The video of the weird dance is at this link if anyone wants a laugh. https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/mlOxTL3Vw3x0wxZ8ll4RIRAgzEbVaopzawqbgqBxi7L