Monday and Beyond B*tchfest | 10.23

eggplantface

What's bugging you this week?

eggplantface

Personally I'd like to hear how @amb929's weekend was!

clc515

Still super annoyed about the mobile app. Can't love it or post anything from there! Bump gods are aware of the situation and currently working on a solution. Work faster!

ldawngirl781

My MIL came by last week and brought with her a pair of used baby sneakers. Apparently she found them in a park and because they're in decent condition, she thought we'd want them. WTF! I'm totally fine with used items or hand-me-downs, but not random s*** you find in a public park. 

magnolia305

@clc515 I was having a similar issue, but saw there was an update last night.  The update fixed the issue for me.  Good luck!

amb929

eggplantface said:

Personally I'd like to hear how @amb929's weekend was!

I think I managed to have conversations with ALL the divine beings this weekend. The good news: We survived. The rest of the news: My MIL THINKS she's coming back to see us in February immediately after baby is born. She did this last time and it was a complete disaster.  (Little does she know DH and I have already had a conversation about this and while I had to be blunt and maybe a little pushy with him on the matter, he's agreed to have a conversation with her about not staying with us overnight, sticking to a 'visiting hours' schedule when they do visit and pushing off that visit until March to give us "time to bond as a family" (aka...I don't want to deal with them until I feel like I can handle the transition from 1 to 2 kids). I don't think it's an unreasonable request BUT he wasn't on board until this visit.

Why you ask... a yes, the highlight of the weekend...and why I had so many conversations with divine beings. 6am on Sunday morning... my DS wakes up. He calls for his daddy...does his daddy get up? NOOO, daddy pokes mama and SHE gets up. I get him out of bed, I'm organizing his room putting his stuffed animals back and folding his blanket when I hear my husband call from the bedroom that I need to go into the living room immediately. As it turns out... my husband's intellectually disabled uncle who is 65 years old, in the care of my MIL and has some serious psychological issues in addition to intellectual disabilities... left the baby gate from upstairs to downstairs OPEN sometime in the middle of the night after we went to bed. He is on the stairs, coaxing my son to come DOWN the stairs with him.. for what reason I can't really understand...but instead of do something about it...my husband yells TO ME who comes run-waddling out of the bedroom and down the hallway just in time to watch my kid say "No thank" (you go Alex!) to his coaxing. At which time... my husband's uncle BOUNCES THE BABY GATE OFF MY SON'S FACE causing him to complete dissolve into hysterics because OUCH! Somehow... someway...those divine beings kept me from literally killing DH's uncle. I did however yell. A lot. Waking up MIL and her fiancé and making them "grumpy" (uhhmmm tough shit!) This morning my son went off to school with a big ol' bruise on his face and DH had some 'splainin to do.

They left maybe an hour or two after the incident. I don't know if MIL could tell I'd had enough...or if SHE'D had enough haha maybe it's both. After 'face gate' as I'm calling it (pun seriously intended) DH very bluntly mentioned that DS is moving into what is now our guest room and there will be no room at the INN from here on out...so if you want to visit...you can a) share the basement with intellectually disabled uncle OR stay at the Holiday Inn Express in the next town over.

We have 'recovered' from the trainwreck of a weekend by bringing DS to the park where his little girlfriend from daycare just happened to be playing when we arrived and he had a little impromptu play date which improved everyone's mood. Capped off the weekend with a trip to Target (aka the best place ever haha) so all in all... aside from 'face gate' we survived unscathed.  T-Minus 16ish weeks until she THINKS they're coming back 
Glad my husband gets to deal with breaking the 'bad news' that they'll actually have to spend money and can't just come down expecting me to wait on them hand and foot like last time. 

amb929

ldawngirl781 said:

My MIL came by last week and brought with her a pair of used baby sneakers. Apparently she found them in a park and because they're in decent condition, she thought we'd want them. WTF! I'm totally fine with used items or hand-me-downs, but not random s*** you find in a public park. 

YIKES! I'm not even sure how I would politely decline something like that... chances are I'd wait til she was gone and toss them in the trash...then tell her 'they didn't fit' haha hand me downs from a reliable source are always welcome...but in a public park with a sign that says 'free' that's a bit dodgy! 

clc515

@amb929 OMG your patience is impressive. 
@magnolia305 Thanks for the heads up! Uninstalling and reinstalling to see if that helps.

magnolia305

@amb929 You are a champ!  I am glad you husband sees that there is a problem and is willing to deal with it.  It's hard to help them see what an inconvenience their parents can be! Glad you had an *ok* weekend! 

ldawngirl781

amb929 said:

ldawngirl781 said:

My MIL came by last week and brought with her a pair of used baby sneakers. Apparently she found them in a park and because they're in decent condition, she thought we'd want them. WTF! I'm totally fine with used items or hand-me-downs, but not random s*** you find in a public park. 

YIKES! I'm not even sure how I would politely decline something like that... chances are I'd wait til she was gone and toss them in the trash...then tell her 'they didn't fit' haha hand me downs from a reliable source are always welcome...but in a public park with a sign that says 'free' that's a bit dodgy! 

Yup, they went in the garbage as soon as I found that out. If she mentions it, I'll just tell her my thoughts on the matter (I wasn't at home when she brought them over). DH likes to placate her, but I will not.

ldawngirl781

@amb929 - Wow! What did MIL say when she found out what had happened? Did she at least apologize for his behaviour?

SarahFoley725

My brother and his gf are both selfish and immature. They also have a 3 year old so that doesn't mix well. A few weeks ago they'd asked my parents to watch him this past weekend so they could do some stuff for a friends biryhday. We had a trip planned to my grandpas so we were just going to take my nephew with us. 

So the weather cancels my brothers plans but they still bring my nephew which is fine except he's sick and they don't bother to tell anyone because that would require them to take care of their own sick child and not do what they want. So we take my nephew and they just have a bunch of people over at my parents house to play games which my mom had said was okay, but they needed to buy their own beer etc. We got home yesterday and they had drank DHs beer, my mom's beer, some of DHs liquor AND THEY ATE MY PIZZA ROLLS. 

The worst part is that I am now super sick and miserable. DD is sick too though she seems to it be anywhere near as bad thankfully. So not only they did take our food and booze, their cootie kid got us sick. 

ldawngirl781

@SarahFoley725 - Ugh! How frustrating! I don't understand people who are sick and just spread it around like it doesn't matter. Especially when there are other kids and pregnant ladies to think about!

pandappanderson

I would like to bitch at myself. I have a nervous habit where I pick at my eyelashes and eyebrows. I don’t even notice I’m doing it most of the time. With all that’s going on right now I have two stupid half lengthed patchy eyebrows from picking them out. Why do I do this to myself!! Like seriously. Get yourself together girl. 

GoogleMD

@amb929 I you refrained from strangling every adult in the house after “face gate” is absolutely beyond me. 

I have to walk half half a mile from my parking garage to my office which is naturally on the 4 th floor To the farthest cubical row from the elevator. I got all the way to my desk today on the realize I left my work computer in my car 

ldawngirl781

@pandappanderson Do you have trichotillomania? 

pandappanderson

@ldawngirl781 I’ve never been diagnosed with it but I’m sure it’s a version of it. I don’t pull out my hair on my head, mainly my eyebrows and sometimes my eyelashes. So its probably a mild form of it. I used to take anti anxiety medication but I hated how it made me feel. And when I’m not stressed out I don’t do it at all  it’s annoying. Because I’m stressed so I do it. And then I get stressed because I’m doing it. And then I’m extra stressed and I have terrible eyebrows. 

ldawngirl781

@pandappanderson - There is a blogger (Aunie Sauce) I used to follow who has it and I believe she only pulls out her eyebrows. 

Can you pencil them in to make them look more full?

diesel11111

@amb929 so much credit to you for not losing it on your MIL... so much credit!

rainafire77

Bloody hell the android app! Still not working. I was literally going through withdrawal this weekend! Still have to catch up but since I'm on my work computer I can't just yet. May have to dust off my laptop...if I could only find it. I do everything on my phone and iPad, even my writing.

pandappanderson

@ldawngirl781 yeah I do pencil them in. And I have bangs so that helps cover them too. 

amb929

@Idawngirl781, @GoogleMD, @magnolia305, @clc515

Thanks for the praise for not exploding... my response to the incident was to take it out on my husband (I know, super mature, but at this point, I have zero fucks left to give plus I'm too irrational and hormonal to care)
He and I aren't presently speaking because of the gate incident and something else I'm mad at him about involving my FIL (who is a whole other bag of batshit crazy).
My MIL handles her brother like this: basically every time he does something undesirable she yells at him and  sarcastically comments about his behavior. He's mentally handicapped so when this happens it doesn't help matters at all. But like, I do get it...he seriously doesn't know better. Ultimately, that kind of makes my point for me though. I don't feel it's safe for him to be around my child. MIL is his guardian but she doesn't do anything for him (i.e. services, support, group home etc.) It sounds harsh as this is my husband's mother but I really can't help how I feel about the situation after years of watching this person decline mentally and nobody acknowledges he needs help or a placement somewhere. I've put up with the BS from both sides of my husband's family for 9+ years and now I just shut up cause it changes nothing. Luckily, we rarely see them so it's only now and again that I have to deal. 

**TW mention of guns**

My MIL is at least tries to reprimand her brother when stuff like this happens. He has the cognitive ability of a 6 or 7 year old and about a year ago, for absolutely no reason at all, he made his finger into a gun, pointed it at my son and said "bang bang dead baby" I LOST MY EVER-LOVING MIND. I have a theory on what is actually wrong with him and I do believe he has the potential to be violent. It more or less causes problems in my marriage every time that they come to visit. The past couple times, he has mostly stayed in the basement during the visit and has limited interactions with DS. I assume this is my MIL's version of an apology. It's just a tough situation all around. 

**END TW**

I'm not actually speaking to my husband about our Christmas plans at the moment...which isn't related to my MIL but my FIL. Both DS and I are allergic to dog's and my FIL has two...I don't want to go over there on the way to my mom's to visit. He does. His point: DS never sees his grandfather. My point: They are horrible pet owners and disrespectful of the dog issue plus, FIL has met my son 3 times. He makes zero effort. Why are we going into a situation that will involve discomfort and Benadryl to please this asshole who clearly doesn't want a relationship with his grandchild? DH has no response but will not back down. I told him, take our son for part of the day...I'll pick him up from you and bring him to my moms alone later in the afternoon and we can have separate christmases. He doesn't like this solution.

haha this response somehow turned into a SECOND Monday Bitchfest all on it's own. 

rainafire77

@amb929 Holy hell! You are far calmer than I would be so kudos to you! It sounds like both your in-laws have a form of narcissistic personality disorder. If your husband dealt with that growing up, it's no wonder it's hard for him to stand up to them. In no way excusing him for not doing so but having grown up in that environment myself where it was emotionally abusive and anything but complete obedience to mother was met with a verbal beatdown and emotional blackmail, it became a matter of survival to just agree and do whatever she wanted. It took YEARS of dealing with as an adult before I finally realized "this isn't normal behavior in a parent" and broke free.

ahoneycutt12

@amb929 Girl you seriously are way more well behaved than I am with these pregnancy hormones

babybro218

3 out of 21 students completed their assignment on time.  They had over a week to get it done, including class time, which is much more time than they really needed.  THREE.   

winnie1122

babybro218 said:

3 out of 21 students completed their assignment on time.  They had over a week to get it done, including class time, which is much more time than they really needed.  THREE.   

Ugh. Those are the days I just wanted to go home and crawl in a hole. So frustrating! I’ll never understand that.

amb929

@rainafire77 and @ahoneycutt12   Thanks so much for the kudos and the support. I don't know if I'd really call it calmness. I feel like it's probably more 'bottling of feelings' I think the best way to describe my behavior when the in laws (either MIL or FIL) are around is that my behavior is comparable to... a duck. I APPEAR calm on the surface, but below...lots of peddling like crazy/penting up my emotions. I can't be honest or myself when in their presence because every thought I have is offensive and every word out of my mouth would be hurtful. If I could say what was on my mild...I think they'd probably hate me as much as they hate my SIL (that's a whole other story for a perhaps another Monday bitchfest in the future) They're all super crazy and dysfunctional and it makes me sad that these are the only 'grandfatherly' figures my son has. My immediate and extended family is slightly better but not by leaps and bounds...which also stresses me out. Especially when it comes to drafting a will (which is on our to-do list presently!)  

If I didn't get my aggression out by writing... I would probably punch something. Actually kickboxing might be a good thing for me post baby this time around! haha I swear I love my husband...but for the few weeks after we see his shitbag family...I don't like him at all. And it's not REALLY his fault but at the same time I blame him for bringing these people into my life. (my Friday confession came early haha)

@babybro218 do you by any chance work in an inner city school? For the 8 years I taught, this was pretty much always the case when it came to homework or class assignments students had several days to complete. It used to devastate me and make me feel like somehow I was doing something wrong in my class that made them not want to work. I know it's super frustrating...hopefully it's not the first of many times it'll happen.  I wonder if 'tough love' would work in this case.  Maybe you could try giving everyone who didn't complete the assignment a zero instead of another chance to get the work done? My students always used to hate me for doing this...but it got the message across. haha I was such a d-bag when I was teaching. 

babybro218

Thanks, @amb929 This is actually my 16th year teaching in a nice suburban  district.  It's just one of those years. At this point, I'm with @winnie1122 and I want to crawl in a hole.

ETA typing is hard.

smorzandoj

babybro218 said:

3 out of 21 students completed their assignment on time.  They had over a week to get it done, including class time, which is much more time than they really needed.  THREE.   

Zero for you. And you. And you...

I always thank them for making job so much easier because I despise grading. Unless of course it was clearly my fault bc I sucked at teaching or something which it doesn’t sound like this situation.  

babybro218

smorzandoj said:

babybro218 said:

3 out of 21 students completed their assignment on time.  They had over a week to get it done, including class time, which is much more time than they really needed.  THREE.   

Zero for you. And you. And you...

I always thank them for making job so much easier because I despise grading. Unless of course it was clearly my fault bc I sucked at teaching or something which it doesn’t sound like this situation.  

I  wish.  We aren't allowed to give zeros (true story).  I did model my expectations when I assigned the project and even paused to reteach the content after the first mini deadline.  I'm beyond frustrated.

amb929

@smorzandoj   I'm team "Zero for you and you and you" especially if it's October and they're kind of still on their 'best behavior' Gotta assert your dominance while you can   

@babybro218  My only suburban teaching experience was my student teaching assignment because I had been a teacher of record on a provisional license for  two years in an urban district before going back to school for my post-bac teaching cert. The grad program I was in wanted a suburban placement so I could experience both. I don't know if you'd have backlash and angry parents knocking down your door over giving everyone a zero? It's kind of nice not to have to grade anything but it's also frustrating so if you can, I'd do the zeros all around bit and reward the three students who actually did what they were supposed to.  I only ever had one parent question my decision when I gave their child a zero for plagiarism in the suburbs. The parent wrote the research paper and yelled at me that I was compromising her little darling's path to college by giving him a zero for work he didn't do  (wish the eye roll emoji was available!)

babybro218

@smorzandoj and @amb929 No zeros allowed here.  The lowest we can give is 50%, even if they do 0% of the work.  I'm going with the lunch detention route if it's not  done tomorrow, even though that doesn't make it any better for me...

amb929

@babybro218 UGH. One more thing I love about the snowflake generation...you can't even give them a zero! I guess a 50% is still failing..but still. The lesson they learn is even if they don't do the work they get half credit so why do anything?
How do your lunch detentions work? Do you have to sit with them for it? Cause if so... that's just punishing yourself too but it sounds like it might be the only option!
 Good luck, I hope they do the work so you can at least enjoy your lunch tomorrow! 

clc515

babybro218 said:

@smorzandoj and @amb929 No zeros allowed here.  The lowest we can give is 50%, even if they do 0% of the work.  I'm going with the lunch detention route if it's not  done tomorrow, even though that doesn't make it any better for me...

Wait, how are zeros not allowed? Like logically, 0 work = 0 grade! I'm concerned for our future. My friend teaches overseas now where punishment is more severe (not, like, physically abusive though) and he finds more satisfaction now than when he taught in NYC because he gets to discipline as students deserve it and it's supported by their principal.  

magnolia305

I agree--the culture we are raising kids in today is not helping them deal with real life.  When everyone gets a trophy or everyone gets points for something they don't even do (which is insane to me)--we prevent kids from ever experiencing failure.  The harsh truth is that life is full of failures and we are sending young people into the world without the tools to help them cope with failure. 

sabriel1

No zeros allowed in the public school system here either. Actually, as long as they pass it in by the end of the term the teachers are not allowed to dock marks. Students are not allowed to fail a class here and get pushed through regardless because it is said to be easier on them socially.

Another one here is that students can not get in trouble or fail for lack of attendance ( i.e. don't show up all year and you will still pass) because they say it discriminates against lower income people who can't get their kids to school as easily or have to work and can't ensure that they kids actually get on the bus as opposed to skipping.

The school system here is a mess and as someone who teaches University it is shocking how far the bar has dropped in even the last 6 years

chucksmom15

babybro218 said:

smorzandoj said:

babybro218 said:

3 out of 21 students completed their assignment on time.  They had over a week to get it done, including class time, which is much more time than they really needed.  THREE.   

Zero for you. And you. And you...

I always thank them for making job so much easier because I despise grading. Unless of course it was clearly my fault bc I sucked at teaching or something which it doesn’t sound like this situation.  

I  wish.  We aren't allowed to give zeros (true story).  I did model my expectations when I assigned the project and even paused to reteach the content after the first mini deadline.  I'm beyond frustrated.

Why can't you give zeroes??  They didn't turn in the assignment.  Zero effort deserves a zero grade!

chucksmom15

magnolia305 said:

I agree--the culture we are raising kids in today is not helping them deal with real life.  When everyone gets a trophy or everyone gets points for something they don't even do (which is insane to me)--we prevent kids from ever experiencing failure.  The harsh truth is that life is full of failures and we are sending young people into the world without the tools to help them cope with failure. 

rainafire77

Just took my car in for an estimate and it's $1k-1500 shy of being totalled. Kinda pissed off but also thinking "well I needed a new car and I'll get more for the totalled value than from a trade in but having to shop for a car & having payments again is a pain in the royal ass!"

chucksmom15

That sucks @rainafire77!  They can't find something else wrong with it lol?  Are you still feeling ok?

rainafire77

@chucksmom15 I'm sure it will be totalled. The guy who gave me an estimate said that was just based on what they could see but there was visible frame damage. I'm still hurting. Shoulders and neck for sure but the worst is my right hip and knee. My whole leg just got jammed. I go to my OB Thursday and am going to ask for a referral. 

Baby is beyond fine. Aside from the rush of adrenaline I don't think he even noticed anything. Lol He was actually kicking and wiggling enough last night the DH could feel him. He laid down gently on my stomach and was just in awe.