What do I tell my BFF? HELP!

whitedress11

 i have been so close with my friend since we were 2.(that is a long time... i am old). i consider her nothing less than my sister as well as best friend. we actually did the blood sister thing when we were in like 2nd grade. we live in different states right now..... but still talk at least 5 times a day.

she has three adorable boys. she has been trying to get pg(for a girl) for over a year.... by reading books, special diet, special time to conceive, ect to have a girl. she called me a wreck today.... she is  having a boy. i think once she gets over the shook she will be happy that it is a healthy baby. i just don't know what to say to her right now. i have had two losses (24 weeks and 18 weeks) so it is hard for me to swallow being upset about having a easy healthy pg and baby. any advice? i tell her everything... i just want her to know how lucky she is to have a healthy baby.

 

GreenEggs&Ham

i think it would be hard to even talk to her right now if that is her attitude.

and since you are so close, I am assuming she knows you lost babies very late in the pregnancy (or at least late to lose).

I would say 'I realize you had your heart set on a girl, but considering I lost 2 babies, I am personally finding it hard to be your shoulder of support right now."

cbidt*sgirl

unless you want her to be really defensive you have to start with "i know you wanted a daughter and I'm sorry that you are disappointed."...  She's emotional right now and logic and perspective isn't going to kick in right away.  hopefully in a few days or weeks you'll be able to talk with her about the blessing of a healthy child but right now she feels what she feels even if it is unbelievable to you.

Mrs.Saxy

I wouldn't say this, but I thought this.  Maybe her DH girl swimmers are duds.

Mrs.JDD

It might just be one of those things that, as much as you want to say something now, you need to just give her a couple of days to get used to the idea.  I probably wouldn't say anything right away.  If she's still freaking out in a few days or a week, then you might just kindly remind her that she's so fortunate to be having a healthy baby. 

preemiemom

As someone who had difficult pregnancies and a M/C, but also has 3 girls ( and would love a boy), I can see both sides. Her sadness about having another boy will fade but I'm sure it will be hard for her to kiss the dream of having a girl goodbye. Tell her she is lucky and try not to take her venting personally. HUGS.

r9stedt

Mrs.JDD:

then you might just kindly remind her that she's so fortunate to be having a healthy baby. 

ditto everything JDD said, especially this part.

jorie

I've had two late m/c's too and understand your point of view.  I would try not to bring that into it though.  Her frustration is completely unrelated...just let her vent her feelings and be there to listen to her. 

Zenya

I would be honest with her and say that you are having trouble understanding/supporting.  Maybe you can both have a good cry about it. 

NikkiBenzo

First, I am really sorry that you have had two losses. That must have been very hard.

I think the best thing you can do is just let her know that you wish that you could be there for her but you honestly are not the best person to lean on about this since you lost two babies. I would tell her that you are afraid that you would say something that might come out wrong because of what you went through and that it is too hard for you to talk about... or something along those lines.

I might also just say that you understand that she is "let down" that she is not getting her girl but that you are happy for her that the baby is healthy. She will get the point.

And also what jorie said above...

Ciarrai

Tell her you'll loan her your DD anytime she need a girl fix.  I have a good friend in the area with an adorable little boy.  She's PG with her second and hoping for a little boy (funnily enough).  She says she already has two girls with my girls and I feel the same about her DS.  I know it's not the same being so far away, but I would just try to be understanding and give her some time.  She'll get there.  Give her a week or two with subtle hints about how excited you are about her little boy.  Let her adjust to the idea.  Sometimes boys run in families.  Sometimes girls.  She'll get there.