Saying No — The Bump
September 2017 Moms

Saying No

I need help with saying no to MY step-grandmother... 
Back story - She babysat my DS for the past 2 years and there was a lot that went on that we didn't appreciate or feel comfortable with (she had bats in her house, their house was always a mess, she gave our son pop when he was 1, wouldn't put him down for naps - the worst of it was that they woukd take DS out on errands and my 82 yo grandpa would drive.) We have a pretty rocky history, she and I didn't speak for 2 years and initially when she offered to watch my 2 YO I didn't want her to but I was put on the spot and felt like I had to say yes and I've regretted that decision ever since.... I'm not comfortable with her watching my kids, my husband is even more uncomfortable with it. It's time to tell her no. But How?

Now our 2nd is here and IF I go back to work in Jan - she's already implied that she's watching both boys and we DON'T want her to. 

Additionally she wants to take my oldest son 1 day next week for a few hours and even asked for "play dates" with him since im home on leave and they aren't watching him currently. I don't want them to take him at all any more and i really just want to cut all ties with them (theres a LONG history leading me to this decision...)

Re: Saying No

  • Sounds like you have to learn to say no, mean it and stick to it. She can't the your kids unless you let her or that would be kidnapping. If you really want to cut ties, then cut off all communication. Sounds like it must be awful. 
  • I think it might actually be easier to cut all ties with them as you said you want to do than to try to distance your family a bit but still keep a slightly less involved relationship. If you're cutting ties with them completely,  then it's just "no" and it doesn't really matter if they get offended by it. You can try to say it nicely,  "thanks for the offer,  but we have something else arranged now that there are two kids", but you doubt need to be as nervous about then taking it the wrong way and disowning you since you doubt want a relationship anyways. 

    Good luck! 

    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019

  • I would just say we already have arrangements like what @BigBadWolf12 said. I am a very honest person and have never had a problem saying how I feel so it's hard for me to understand why things like this are hard for others, especially when it comes to ones children.  Sounds like you and your husband are on the same page so just be honest. I didn't let my own mother take my oldest for 2 years because of her history. And the only reason I let her is because my daughter is now old to essentially take care of herself. Those kids are yours, you call the shots! Good luck!
  • I'd say you already have arrangements. When it comes to your kids safety, you shouldn't worry about speaking out. I
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