Weekly Randoms - 10/6

curiousfool1

I didn't see a thread for this discussion started earlier this week.  Apologies if I'm just duplicating another post.

One thing I've really struggled with this pregnancy and as I look forward into parenthood is the idea of filling my house with all of the stuff that comes with babies.  And I get it, there is a whole new world of stuff that necessarily accompanies a kid.  Stroller, car seat, sleeping spaces, play spaces, play things ... There's a lot.  I've been in the process of very deliberately and intentionally trying to minimize the amount of stuff in my house for the last few years, so the idea of filling it with new stuff is causing me a lot of angst.  It actually is one of the reasons I stopped reading What to Expect, stopped receiving their emails, and stopped participating in their discussion groups: it started to feel to me that the WTE answer to every issue that cropped up in pregnancy for a mama was to go buy something: a new outfit, or new shoes, or a pedicure, or a new cute baby outfit.  Retail therapy for the pregnant mama.  Other context: my SIL has 3 kids.  She was gifted quite a lot of child toys, etc. from friends and family.  Also, her kids are quite destructive, and every time they broke a toy, it was replaced (but the broken one was not removed).  She and her husband made no attempt to teach the kids to clean up after themselves, so kid crap was strewn all over the house.  Lest I come across as too judgmental of her, my SIL has an extraordinary amount on her plate: my BIL is not an involved dad, and not only does my SIL work, she is also responsible for everything going on in the house.  Clean up is not a priority.  But the sheer volume of detritus everywhere is extremely overwhelming to me and I really do not want my house to become like that.  Either in terms of stuff volume or clutter.  

I've followed several Minimalism authors for years.  A recent post by one of them that I read today really struck a chord.  I want to share it here, and I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts/tips/discussion on navigating parenthood without filling my home with every kid item imaginable.

https://www.becomingminimalist.com/poland/ 

foxaírt

Oh I feel exactly this way. We formed a need list . Being as practical as we could both for space and financial economy. 
I listed what we would need in terms of clothes and nappies to wash every other day and have a few back ups . . Sheets blankets and all that stuff too. We have been fairly neutral and selective here as we are team green not only could they suit whichever gender this  hold is but this is our first and if we have more . Future children will also get use of of these items especially in that first 4 month period.

I'm terrified of the junk 
Junky plastic bright toys that take up space and ruin a homes asthetic . But it's also weird going to a home with 2 children and seeing nothing that belongs to them not even in their bedroom . Like a display home (my SIL) 
We tend to buy hand made .or wooden craft pieces that last a few ages and interests and will last for rehoming when finished with when we buy gifts for kids so I'm. Hoping the last 15 years and 12 nieces and no nephews people have cottened onto our taste and our minimal/sustainable agenda.
I'd like something in between where we have select valued items and our child will be a member of the home without overtaking it 
I have found people not knowing the gender of bub has stalled the over buying of clothes too . 
And I sew and crochet so Noone is buying blankets lol . 

I've spoken to my mum and mil (who I get on with like a 2nd mum) and if we are gifted clothes they'll be in sizes 3-6month now  .
My MIL will knit a jumper but also for this larger size since this is a summer baby . 

We have a few more items like wipes and burp cloths which I'm along and everything else fits into one tub and we have stuck to our limits. So once we had enough suits that's it . No more . We defiantly haven't gone outfit shopping . It'll be stinking hot and while the baby is so tiny our goal is comfort . Pretty sure they'll be cute no matter what they are wearing and as toys go . I'm crocheting a fox. From beautiful fair trade naturally coloured baby alpaca yarn ... a gift from.mum and dad . And that is it Christmas is close and people know what we like . And little baby's don't need toys 

As they grow and play we will address the concept of consumerism by example

kaitlinliz

I absolutely love this. I will be reading the article later. Any other blogs/books etc that you recommend reading? We went from a 2000+ sqft home to a 1200 sqft townhouse ...a lot of our stuff is in storage but right now our house is still overrun with crap. I've been slowly throwing stuff out/selling. But the closer I get to my due date the slower I've been going. I just can't do it anymore. And DH works all the time like I've mentioned numerous times, so it's hard for him to go through stuff. 

We have the necessities for baby and that's it. We got a lot of stuffed animals/toys but they fit in a pop up organizer and I don't want more until those are used/he's bigger and can use them. I don't want my house overrun by baby stuff either and I'm working on keeping it that way. There will be stuff in each room - pack n play in living room, high chair in dining room, etc but at least it's not ALL over. 

smrome

The book "Simplicity Parenting" is very good too. I also follow a Montessori blog- HowWeMontessori.com, which is interesting.

curiousfool1

We've been trying to lay the groundwork with our families as well - particularly my in-laws.  I'm the first of my siblings to have kids, so I don't know what my parents will be like with gifts.  I don't recall having an excess of stuff around the house growing up.  My MIL, though, is one of the grandmothers who feels like every errand out with her grandkids or every visit to their house necessitates giving some new thing - a stuffed animal or a book or a doll or something.  We've started mentioning we don't want to accumulate stuff like my eldest SIL (from the example above).  My FIL's response was "great! But keep reminding your mother." My MIL's response was "good luck with that."  

Honestly, I would rather something that really encourages imaginative behavior (art supplies or a book), or having my kids be taken somewhere for an experience than to have a room filled with stuffed animals, toys, and other tchochkies s/he will never use.

foxaírt

@curiousfool1
If you can't curb the buying maybe make it known you prefer interactive activity items like books or craft projects and try and steer it a bit. 
Defiantly just say if you want to get them something can it be and suggest something you are happy to have . 

At first they need so little it's silly getting a million toys

YesOuiCan

This thread makes me happy. We also aim for minimalism (though we're far from perfect) and live in a small townhouse so we just don't have room for extras. My favorite thing about not having a big house is that when people offer to hand down big things for the baby (swings, gyms, seats, etc) we can just say that we don't have the space. It's true, but I'm also glad we won't have some huge baby-holding device every ten feet like some of our friends do. We're lucky to have friends we can borrow infant things from, so for example we'll just have a bassinet and infant swing for the early months when we need them, then we can give them back!

We are also very anti-plastic (for things that come in contact with food or go in the mouth) so having all that bright plastic junk is just not going to happen with a baby. I'm sure we'll end up with some plastic toys when the child is older and doesn't put toys in his/her mouth, but for the next couple years it's a hard no.

@foxaírt (not sure if that tag worked...), you make a really good point about balancing the fact that the child is a member of the home, too. I don't want our home to look like it has been taken over by a baby, but I also don't want it to look like we *don't* have a baby!

foxaírt

Ah we've been toggling about a bassinet. 
My first opinion on it was they aren't worth all the money for a couple months . It's the basanette then the sheets ...and it's storing.
I even looked at the ones that attach to the bed all kinds . But we already opt to buy new cot and bedroom furnature because it's our first and an investment and I'll take a lot 2nd hand but I wanted to buy the baby their own bed
Borrowing is a great option .unfortunately everyone in my immediate circle has already gotten rid of theirs. My SIL being the most recent with a 1 yo but they are done so as my niece grows out of things she's just passed them along . And doesn't have one . And I feel less confident with 2nd hand from unknown source. 
Our bedrooms are small .so I didn't want to go overboard. Originally I wasn't getting a change table either however I didn't like the sideways access of change mat on the dresser which would be more awkward in the room space we do have  than the extra furnature piece and my husband preferences the idea of using the change table . I'll buy a change table if he's fully intending on doing nappies lol . Being our first and seeing my sister get use out of hers for 3 kids and a sale made the choice easier for us. 
My plan tho was to go straight to the cot. 
But after doing the prenatal classes (might be a FTM overreaction thing) and under the advice that till they can turn over them self the safest arrangement is in their own sleeping space but in the same room as parents or carer.  Even tho the room is right next to ours hubby is adimate the baby will be in our room to start. He will be one of those new dad's that get up every half hour just to watch them sleep I think . Not in a worry way just in awe
So we looked again at basanets and I don't like them I don't know we went full circle about 3 times and arrived at putting the cot in our room lol . I tried lol I just couldn't part with $200+ as well as another stash of sheet sets .. when we've just bought it all for the cot . 
The cot we got converts to a toddler bed and to a single bed or a day bed seat so storing it will be no issue as we'll have it as a seat in the studio if it isn't being used as a bed at any point 

We also are looking at the bloom baby highchair in rose gold as our kitchen dining living space is soft industrial and eco chic styling with black chrome natura wood and copper finishings with organic natural fiber soft furnashings in charcoal and rose .the chair converts to a booster seat stool and in general looks interesting and not like a bulky plastic highchair 
the only other baby furnature well have is a nuna leaf . I dislike all the electric bouncers and swings and we have a minimal or more like hidden tech home as it is . 

We opted for big quilted hemp linen leaf shape rugs as Playmats which go with our decor as well as function for tummy time and play areas. My MIL is making these for us so we can avoid the gaudy baby play stations . 

We will likely spend a lot of time in a living garden for sensory (especially colour) stimulation and are more likely to make wooden and fabric toys as is appropriate. 

We defiantly tend to get higher end ethical items and spend more once and really select the pieces we own and use than accumulate fad buys so I'm hoping to teach that to our kids 

It's nice to see other people are on the same wavelength 

mymulligan

@foxairt I got the Fisher Price bassinet for about $40 USD on Amazon. It is more plasticy than you would probably prefer but I thought a good deal. We had the Rock n Play sleeper with an incline for DD before I realized they weren't safe for sleeping. The bassinet is safe as it is a flat surface. We chose this one because it is pretty small and portable and our bedrooms are not very large either.

Fisher-Price Rock 'n Play Portable Bassinet https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008DDPL32/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ad33zb0NJ8M1W

Abby7

I was minimalist with my first and am trying to be with this one as well. However one thing I did find was that I was missing out on stuff that other parents had to entertain their child because I was avoiding buying toys that I thought were ugly and also I had no idea what to buy. Ex. I went to a friend's house when DD was about 2-3 months old and she had this play gym for her son who was the exact same age - totally gaudy colors and kind of big with plastic hanging parts - but I put her in there and she had a blast playing with all the little hanging toys and all that stuff. So I of course went out and bought one. From then on out I realized there is some benefit in some things that look like junky plastic to an adult but actually are good toys for kids. One thing we bought that was an unequivocal hit was one of those bouncy seats with all the toys on a tray. Wow, did she go nuts in that thing. It was ugly as sin but put a baby in there and they will go crazy bouncing and playing with all the little activities. So worth it. You can even walk into the next room while the baby is in there and know she is perfectly safe (you can't miss all that noise) which is not something you can do often at that age.

The electric swing is another life-saver. Continuous motion is so good for their sleep and there's no good way to replicate the uncomplaining constant swinging of one of these things, gigantic space sucks though they are.

kiki75

*Lurker*

Major TW - loss, especially for twin moms:
In the February BMB, one twin mom just lost a twin due to complications of TTTS. Another mom is struggling with another scary condition (info in this week's Randoms thread). They're all hurting. They mentioned how terrible of a time it would be for a drive by so I made a love shower for them. Would you mind swinging by with a love/support themed gif?

Abby7

Random - just got back from anniversary weekend/babymoon (not sure if it's a babymoon if you already have children?). It was glorious. We went to the site of the Woodstock festival (it's a museum now), Cooperstown to the Hall of Fame, and to the Ommegang brewery. Fall colors were in full effect. I missed DD but the best part was not having to deal with bedtime/mealtimes/school pick-ups/wake-ups.

curiousfool1

@foxairt - We are using the family bassinet that, I believe, my MIL and maybe even her father slept in.  It is OLD, although still very sturdy.  The sheeting in it is ugly as all get out, but is very much attached to the bassinet and quite frankly, I don't feel like undoing the whole thing just to have a bassinet liner in a color fabric I like. I can't recall if I mentioned on other posts, but my husband is making the crib.  We ended up going with the "mini" size crib (equivalent in size to a pack and play mattress) rather than the huge crib. The nursery already has a twin bed in it, and neither of us want to remove the bed (we just don't have place to store it otherwise), so mini crib size it is.  The crib will not be convertible into a toddler bed - when the kid is ready to move out of the crib, into the twin bed s/he goes.  We'll rig up a little step stool and bed rails so the kid doesn't fall out during the night.  I'll admit it is very helpful to have a hand's-on, handy husband who likes to build things.  We opted to forego a big high-chair, and instead are getting one of the lobster claw type chairs that just hooks on to the edge of a table.  Two reasons - portability (we can bring it with us when we go visit family) and they take up so much less space.

Our concern really is the build up of toys! We received a swing as a gift for the baby, and I picked up a second hand walker/activity center.  We probably also will pick up a bouncy chair thing that can hang from a doorway mantle.  Toys, though, I really want to keep a firm handle on "one in, one out" while I can so I don't end up with things strewn all over the house.  Honestly, I cannot recall how many times while babysitting or taking care of nieces and nephews that they have all the toys in the world, and would rather bang on pots and pans with a wooden spoon.

@Abby7 - I do hear you on the entertainment factor.  I'm torn between all the studies that encourage having stimulating items for hand/eye coordination, imaginative play, tactile and sensory exploration, etc., and the more recent studies coming out that indicate letting kids be bored so they learn to self-soothe and self-entertain.   

We are taking a very strict "no device" approach to this kid though.  We don't have a TV ourselves, and got rid of cable years ago.  Best thing we ever did for ourselves.  We're actively trying to wean ourselves off our own devices these days so we are not attached at the hip to them.  Obviously for long car rides, we'll rig up a video in the back for them to watch because, let's be real, it is so much better than listening to bickering for hours! (I was one of 4 kids growing up in the pre-car movie era; those days were bad!)  

Abby7

We do no devices as well. She is 5 and literally the only time she ever looks at a device is on the plane, where I do let her watch a movie. Even on long car rides I don't allow any screens (I also grew up with loooong car rides as one of 3 kids crammed in the back together and I know I learned patience as well as how to entertain myself). I'm definitely of the "let them get bored, it's good for their brains" mindset. However, that doesn't mean that toys in general should go. Toys that the kids will actively approach/explore themselves are what you want. DD will sit up in her room, turn on her CD player, and draw with markers and other art supplies, basically indefinitely. She also can stay on the playground until we drag her off - I sit on a bench and just let her have at it. (Hovering parents on playground equipment is a whole other topic I could rant about).

foxaírt

All for the quality learning toys as long as they can go somewhere . When not in use . I'm much more motivated to pack things away and get them out than I am to just have it there . Still like to be selective on exactly what we get and to not get one of everything imaginable 

Of cause these are also able to be  borrowed and returned in a way too so we aren't spending more money and accumulating more things.

One thing I've found ALL kids play with is play food. And kitchen. They role play from a cirten age and it changes and becomes more sophisticated. I'd be happy with making these from felt fabric crochet and wood rather than buying them . And there's an abundance of art supplies and an actual art studio that can house any creative game. 
I'm much more likely to spend a day making a pirate treasure chest they can then play with the I am to buy dress ups... if that makes sense.  
And I HATE the screen addiction on toddlers. Sure tec is an important part of their future reality but early on like TV it'll be a family activity not a pacifier 

Ha ha as far as long car rides we have a tradition of what became very complex number sequence or descriptive eye spy games . 
We are a puzzle family and when a bit older like 8 or 9 some of those eye spies were 5 ir 6 words and lasted a few weeks .
No clues  ha ha 

mymulligan

OMG. I got my very first taste of sciatica yesterday and then again today. It almost brought me to the floor guys. I know some women deal with this constantly. I can't imagine.

kaitlinliz

@mymulligan man I wish mine started now. Lol mine started before I was even showing. I was putting laundry away and stretched too far . I almost threw up the pain was so severe

NYTino24

@mymulligan I have sciatica and SI joint dysfunction due to a herniated disc and mild scoliosis, but believe it or not, it's better during pregnancy between the relaxin and chiropractic visits. I totally recommend chiropractors during pregnancy!!

DungeonTrollMel

 @NYTino24 totally second chiro during pregnancy. It's amazing 

mymulligan

I go through spurts of seeing a chiro regularly. I haven't been since I've been pregnant. Maybe I'll give them a call Monday to see if they will see me. I could really use an adjustment!

NYTino24

So the interesting thing I've noticed about my hospital visits is they often come after the chiropractor. What they're thinking now is that his position is causing the contractions.  Once my back is alignment, my uterus tries to do its part. My body is trying to move him out of breech  position to head down.  So I think the chiropractor is actually helping to move him. 

DungeonTrollMel

@NYTino24 I fully believe my chiro is what got him to turn from breech. She is prenatal specific and does the Webster method to help with babies turning. I did a few close together sessions and by the fourth he rotated and has stayed. Does yours work on your round ligaments and psoas muscles as well as alignment?

MaximumEffort

Haven't packed my bag yet but I did start buying things to put it in. I heard that depends were good to have right at the beginning so I bought a pack and pads as well. DH took it pretty well.  I got his going home outfit in the mail today as well as 2 pairs of maternity pajama pants from pink blush. I see one more big Target run/baby buy this week and we will be ready. His room isn't done but my coworkers bought me a rock and play. They threw a little baby shower at work yesterday, was a pleasant surprise during a Friday 13th shift on our unit. 

kaitlinliz

I'm in so much pain from this heartburn! I haven't really had any this entire time n when I do tums gets rid of it. I took tums last night, this morning and again late this afternoon. I've thrown up twice from it so far today. It feels like I'm throwing up fire it's so painful. People said carbonated drinks, walking, ice cream, and milk. I've tried them all. The walking is what made me throw up the second time lol. Just make it stop already! 

DungeonTrollMel

@kaitlinliz my OB approved 150mg of Zantac. It's been life changing....until this week when it wears off at 12 hours. But major help since I can't take tums 

MaximumEffort

I've been on protonix/pantoprazole for the longest time. Even water gives me acid reflux which turns into actual throwing up. It's been bad today even though I took my medicine. Come on baby, cook.  

angbaby83

I take zantac as well and it initially worked but today was rough.  @kaitlinliz Sorry it has been so rough for you as well.  I wish I had good suggestions but I have pretty much the same ones.   I had a friend suggest apple cider vinegar but haven't tried it. 

DungeonTrollMel

I have heard papaya extract tablets work well too

NYTino24

@DragonTrollMel They usually work on the piriformis, obliques, and fascia near the spine. Either the chiro or PT will massage and they use heat or ice packs depending on what's going on that day. I've been pretty lucky to not have much back pain in pregnancy since they would always say my back was in a constant state of spasm before.

kaitlinliz

Thank you guys! Yes I heard the same things last night so I'll be talking to my Dr about them. I don't have apple cider vinegar. So I've been drinking milk like its going out of style even tho I cannot stand milk at all