Decreased libido

Betsievz

Hi all
I have a decrease in my libido and it is causing lots of stress and arguments between my husband and I. My girl is 15 months old and I am using the Pill. What can I do to increase my libido again?

meggyme

Betsievz said:

Hi all
I have a decrease in my libido and it is causing lots of stress and arguments between my husband and I. My girl is 15 months old and I am using the Pill. What can I do to increase my libido again?

Oh honey, if I knew the answer I'd have been made a goddess among men years ago. I too have had a decreased libido since having a baby, mostly because sleep and not having people needing things from me have been a challenge. Now that my daughter breastfeeds a little less and sleeps through the night and my husband is able to help more it's been better, but certainly not back to normal. It's taken a lot of self reflection to see where my more deeply rooted problems are and come up with a solution. Maybe start with a regular date night.

adiaz132003

A lot has to do with my energy and stress levels.  On my good days I'm able to enjoy some intimate time.  

vintagevix2016

I agree with @meggyme and @adiaz132003! Feeling constantly exhausted definitely kicked my libido to the curb and mine was never very high to begin with. To regain some intimacy in our day-to-day life, when I can only muster so much energy, we try to "start from scratch." Hand-holding (sometimes even just when watching tv), a touch to the back or arm, a random kiss on the cheek, etc. The idea is to start from the bottom and over time the intimacy should hopefully gain more and more momentum (in theory at least). My husband has said he appreciate the small gestures, he finds them comforting and loving (I do as well).

AmberLiz99

Mine is way down too, mostly because I'm exhausted and tired of being touched by the end of the day. Dh is not super understanding about it, and sometimes it sucks. It's something you have to work through as a couple

lm45678

The only recommendations I have are wine, date nights and trying to be more romantic during the day.

My DH just turns over in bed in hopes that I'm in the mood, but it takes a lot more build up than just looking at me and saying "is sex a possibility tonight".

Speaking of, it's been awhile- maybe I should have some wine to try and make an effort tonight.

Delitachan

Mine has to do with trauma - I'm afraid of getting pregnant again since the first year after LO was born was traumatic, especially months 1-3. I literally lived in a personal hell of anxiety, depression and borderline psychosis. Anti depressants didn't work, no matter what brand. I literally just had to find a way to kick its butt on my own by going to work and involving myself. It didn't help that LO had mild colic, with 3 episodes of non-stop crying for over 3 hours at a time. I was miserable. I just cannot go through this again and so my libido is shot.

vintagevix2016

Delitachan said:

Mine has to do with trauma - I'm afraid of getting pregnant again since the first year after LO was born was traumatic, especially months 1-3. I literally lived in a personal hell of anxiety, depression and borderline psychosis. Anti depressants didn't work, no matter what brand. I literally just had to find a way to kick its butt on my own by going to work and involving myself. It didn't help that LO had mild colic, with 3 episodes of non-stop crying for over 3 hours at a time. I was miserable. I just cannot go through this again and so my libido is shot.

I second that! Damien's first few months were extremely rough (YAY colic!) and I was dealing with PPA. Adding depression and psychosis to boot has got to be extremely awful. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I made it harder for myself by waiting soooo long to see a therapist. She was the one that brought up the "starting from scratch" idea I mentioned above. 

Tawny87

AmberLiz99 said:

Mine is way down too, mostly because I'm exhausted and tired of being touched by the end of the day. Dh is not super understanding about it, and sometimes it sucks. It's something you have to work through as a couple

Sometimes my kids touch me so much I practically get my hackles up like an animal. The touching is one of the hardest parts of parenting for me because I like my personal space.  Thankfully my husband understands how I operate, honestly the last time I kissed him may have been our wedding day over 6 yrs ago...

egirl1025

My libido definitely decreased post baby, but it is so much related to how tired I am.  It has actually increased with this second pregnancy, but still isn't all the way back to where it was.  I hear a lot of people talk about being touched out, but I don't think I have ever felt that, but I also do not spend all day with my son.  I actually think if my husband touched me more often in a caring gesture versus a more sexual way it would help with the libido... Takes a little more to rev this tired engine up than it used to.  I try to focus on getting in the right place mentally and going for it from there.

splsmama2016

Date night and a Mom Night. 

DH and I had a date afternoon (because that was the time we could get a baby sitter lol) and it did wonders for us. Lunch, bowling, coffee and Target (yeah, we know how to be romantic hahah). 

Also, MomNight. My DH works long hours so on the weekends I try and let him just chill. So once a month, he's on baby patrol and I get out of the house for a bit. Usually I'll take my mom out for nails and coffee or lunch. It's important for us mamas to have 'us' time, and I really feel like it helps DH and I get back on the same page, especially with #2 coming soon.