We have 80/20 insurance, which is pretty standard. My cost to the hospitals for a vaginal birth is somewhere around $10,000. We pay our 20%. My doctor is about $3500 for just the delivery, also vaginal. I also have the expense of my cerclage, which my OOP is $1500 so far, haven't got the final bill. Our OOP starts over in January which sucks.
@antoto I see your concern and respect your opinion.
@scoogy19 so basically, having a baby in December means you only have to meet the deductible once but having a baby in the New Year means you're meeting the deductible twice for the same pregnancy? Yikes!
@antoto I just went back to see how outrageously I worded the OP. Again, I *see* where you're coming from, but if I was bragging I don't think I would have said that I didn't think we could afford having kids in the states.
@syssa-o I understand your curiosity, but as someone with crap insurance, I can see where @antoto is coming from too. Insurance is one of those hot topics right now and a sore subject for many who have less than stellar options. So I can see how this comes off a little braggy to someone who has to shell out thousands of dollars for shitty coverage.
AFM, I pay several hundred per month for health insurance for only me. My deductible is $2500, and my max out of pocket is $3000. So I'm looking at several thousand dollars for this baby in addition to the several thousand I pay for my insurance. If I wanted to add my husband to my plan, that's an extra $500/month.
@antoto I just went back to see how outrageously I worded the OP. Again, I *see* where you're coming from, but if I was bragging I don't think I would have said that I didn't think we could afford having kids in the states.
I understand that people certainly have different opinions on this sort of thing. But saying you could never afford kids in the states still rubs me the wrong way - because we don't really have a choice if we want kids. It's like if you lost your H and someone said to you "oh, I could never handle something like that". Okay... well we don't get a choice... so....
I know your intentions weren't to brag or shove your low costs in our face and I'm NOT trying to make you feel shitty. I just wanted to point it out. Sometimes I say thoughtless things and I do prefer if someone points it out.
@antoto I just went back to see how outrageously I worded the OP. Again, I *see* where you're coming from, but if I was bragging I don't think I would have said that I didn't think we could afford having kids in the states.
I don't know that the OP was necessarily the only problem and no, that wouldn't be the only way to brag. Perhaps just take a moment to be a bit more sensitive to others who don't have the same benefits and for whom this will be significantly more expensive.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@antoto *TW* when my daughter died, people said all sorts of crazy stuff, but I didn't think it was them rubbing it in my face. People just didn't have knowledge on the subject so didn't know what they were saying was ignorant.
So, please, excuse my ignorance because I came in here with no clue about what I was asking.
@notthefather Not necessarily but for example, I've been keeping mine to myself because I know that with my insurance situation I'm far more fortunate than most (I am so thankful to have lucked into the employer that I did) and I don't want to rub it in. Just like I kept it pretty dang mum about my situation when I was going through IF treatments. "Oh, you're saving up for an IUI? How much does it cost you? Just curious because I don't know how much those things cost 'cause mine's covered." I do think it's fair to ask people to tread lightly and to be gentle with others.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@kiki75 But your information is also relevant to the question. If the only responses are from people who suffer from miserable insurance plans that doesn't give a true picture of reality. My insurance is great, I know it's great, I acknowledge it's great. I also know that some people's insurance really sucks and is an awful burden on them. That doesn't mean my situation isn't also true.
@notthefather Not necessarily but for example, I've been keeping mine to myself because I know that with my insurance situation I'm far more fortunate than most (I am so thankful to have lucked into the employer that I did) and I don't want to rub it in. Just like I kept it pretty dang mum about my situation when I was going through IF treatments. "Oh, you're saving up for an IUI? How much does it cost you? Just curious because I don't know how much those things cost 'cause mine's covered." I do think it's fair to ask people to tread lightly and to be gentle with others.
LOL thank you for not saying that to any of us. I would have cyber smacked you.
@antoto And I would have totally deserved for you and everyone else to slap the stack of smug sandwiches straight out of me & run me out on a rail.
@notthefather But the thing is that that information isn't going to help a single soul here. It doesn't help the person who is paying $5,000 for me to say, "Yeah, I think it's going to cost me something like $0-30. And my hospital has free valet parking if I go into labor during regular business hours." Can you help me understand how anyone here going to actually benefit from knowing what you or I or she or she or she is paying? I'm only seeing the opportunity for it to bum people out. What does help to improve everyone's situation is to keep fighting for better healthcare for everyone.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@kiki75 But your information is also relevant to the question. If the only responses are from people who suffer from miserable insurance plans that doesn't give a true picture of reality. My insurance is great, I know it's great, I acknowledge it's great. I also know that some people's insurance really sucks and is an awful burden on them. That doesn't mean my situation isn't also true.
Okay but like we aren't in a serious scientific case study. You don't HAVE to say something if instead you would prefer not to make people feel crappy about their own situation. If there is a thread where people are talking about struggling with keeping weight off I'm not going to prance in and be like "Oh it's been so easy for me - I just love living on arugula and sunshine and running 15 miles a day!" Just because something is true doesn't mean you NEED to say it.
(eta the sunshine and 15 miles thing actually isn't true. I hate running)
The thread is "How much does it cost?" A lot of first time moms aren't sure and don't know what to expect. If I were them it would terrify me if every response was an outrageous cost. If the thread was "Oh man, I'm going to have to pay $5000 OOP and I don't know what to do. Is anyone else in this boat?" A response of "Oh well I only have to pay $30 so no, I'm not" would be really rude. But that wasn't the thread.
The thread is "How much does it cost?" A lot of first time moms aren't sure and don't know what to expect. If I were them it would terrify me if every response was an outrageous cost. If the thread was "Oh man, I'm going to have to pay $5000 OOP and I don't know what to do. Is anyone else in this boat?" A response of "Oh well I only have to pay $30 so no, I'm not" would be really rude. But that wasn't the thread.
For any first time moms reading this please go look at your/your H's insurance benefit information. Literally nothing that has been said on this thread will help anyone individually know what they will pay.
Sure, but since it varies so much, everyone needs to research their own insurance so they can properly prepare. What this person's OOP costs will be do nothing to inform me of what mine will be.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
The thread is "How much does it cost?" A lot of first time moms aren't sure and don't know what to expect. If I were them it would terrify me if every response was an outrageous cost. If the thread was "Oh man, I'm going to have to pay $5000 OOP and I don't know what to do. Is anyone else in this boat?" A response of "Oh well I only have to pay $30 so no, I'm not" would be really rude. But that wasn't the thread.
For any first time moms reading this please go look at your/your H's insurance benefit information. Literally nothing that has been said on this thread will help anyone individually know what they will pay.
My ob office actually sends out a letter letting you know what your approximate out of pocket cost will be. And I agree with @antoto talking to your own insurance company is the only way to get a clear picture of what you will pay in the end.
My ob office actually sends out a letter letting you know what your approximate out of pocket cost will be. And I agree with @antoto talking to your own insurance company is the only way to get a clear picture of what you will pay in the end.
Pfffft my office sent me a letter like that as well but then basically said "but it could be like 2000 more so... we will see!" Gee thanks, guys.
I swore I was done here because everyone who wanted to answer, chose to answer and those who wanted to create an issue came in and created an issue.
@antoto@kiki75 if you guys are losing sleep over my thread and the implications that you found, please feel free to message me and let me know. No need to bring up dead husbands and shit and think you're drawing an appropriate parallel.
I swore I was done here because everyone who wanted to answer, chose to answer and those who wanted to create an issue came in and created an issue.
@antoto@kiki75 if you guys are losing sleep over my thread and the implications that you found, please feel free to message me and let me know. No need to bring up dead husbands and shit and think you're drawing an appropriate parallel.
Woah dude. No one is losing sleep. It's been 5 seconds.
I think you missed the part where I said I wasn't attacking you and didn't want to make you feel bad. But a few others have also said this rubbed them the wrong way and I don't feel bad about pointing it out. You apologized (although now I'm not sure how genuine that was) and I was over it. We continued talking about things because you don't get to tell us when to stop a discussion. Kay? Kay.
I swore I was done here because everyone who wanted to answer, chose to answer and those who wanted to create an issue came in and created an issue.
@antoto@kiki75 if you guys are losing sleep over my thread and the implications that you found, please feel free to message me and let me know. No need to bring up dead husbands and shit and think you're drawing an appropriate parallel.
Uh, what?? Where did I miss the mention of dead husbands? And I'll tell you what, I'll respond however I like to whatever thread I want to respond to. I don't need to PM you to let you know that I'm not losing sleep over this thread or the "implications that [I] found."
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@antoto I suggested you were losing sleep as a hyperbole and apparently it wasn't okay..... but when you were talking about having a dead husband it was?
I said I was sorry you felt offence, not for the post. Y'all just keep on going on how/why this was inappropriate. Your point was received.
I never said you had to stop talking about it. Kay? Kay.
I swore I was done here because everyone who wanted to answer, chose to answer and those who wanted to create an issue came in and created an issue.
@antoto@kiki75 if you guys are losing sleep over my thread and the implications that you found, please feel free to message me and let me know. No need to bring up dead husbands and shit and think you're drawing an appropriate parallel.
Uh, what?? Where did I miss the mention of dead husbands? And I'll tell you what, I'll respond however I like to whatever thread I want to respond to. I don't need to PM you to let you know that I'm not losing sleep over this thread or the "implications that [I] found."
I did use the example of shitty things people say when someone is struggling (my example was if someone hypothetically lost a spouse) to try to explain why the phrase "I could never deal with what you're dealing with" is unhelpful.
@antoto I suggested you were losing sleep as a hyperbole and apparently it wasn't okay..... but when you were talking about having a dead husband it was?
I said I was sorry you felt offence, not for the post. Y'all just keep on going on how/why this was inappropriate. Your point was received.
I never said you had to stop talking about it. Kay? Kay.
You are taking what I said completely out of context and I think you're doing it purposefully. You feel attacked and now you're getting overly defensive. I cannot help you with that. That's a personal problem. Not sure why you're so concerned with us having a continued discussion that you started in the first place. We were talking about first time moms and how you should find out about your insurance details when you decided to make this heated.
I hope no one takes my responses as bragging. Like @notthefather said, I saw a question, and I answered honestly. I'm pretty open on here about being in a military family and I always express that we feel very lucky to have the health insurance we do. I would never dream about bragging about my finances because quite frankly they're nothing to brag about. I don't work because daycare would take my entire paycheck and my husband doesn't make nearly as much as people like to think he does. We do live paycheck to paycheck and if we were in a different situation, we wouldn't be able to afford to have children.
@scoogy19 you are right about military insurance but not police personnel insurance, at least not in the cases I've been exposed to.
I hope no one takes my responses as bragging. Like @notthefather said, I saw a question, and I answered honestly. I'm pretty open on here about being in a military family and I always express that we feel very lucky to have the health insurance we do. I would never dream about bragging about my finances because quite frankly they're nothing to brag about. I don't work because daycare would take my entire paycheck and my husband doesn't make nearly as much as people like to think he does. We do live paycheck to paycheck and if we were in a different situation, we wouldn't be able to afford to have children.
@scoogy19 you are right about military insurance but not police personnel insurance, at least not in the cases I've been exposed to.
Can't speak for others but I didn't find any of the responses to be braggy - just the OP.
@antoto maybe you're right. I was completely appalled about the parallel you drew about the dead H because I have a dead D and comparing death of an immediately family member to a question about expenses feels extremely inappropriate to me. We all have different things that tick us off I guess.
@syssa-o I like you, but it really seems like you’re trying to stir up drama here. We’re just continuing a discussion you started. The direction it has taken has nothing to do with trying to upset you.
@antoto maybe you're right. I was completely appalled about the parallel you drew about the dead H because I have a dead D and comparing death of an immediately family member to a question about expenses feels extremely inappropriate to me. We all have different things that tick us off I guess.
@syssa-o I am so sorry for your loss and I am sorry that my example triggered some upset feelings with you. I was actually initially going to make a comparison to infertility but I feel like I'm ALWAYS talking about my infertility and didn't want people to get annoyed at me. So I selected the death of a loved one instead because it's also a case where people say a lot of stupid crap to people struggling.
I hope understanding my thought process helps you understand why I said that and hopefully put it into context.
@heatherdubrow honestly, I have no interest in drama. I've tried to keep everything lighthearted (vaxx jokes, eyerolling pics) but I did get genuinely upset that it seemed okay to bring up dead husbands as if it was an appropriate comparison. That is me being real and owning my feelings. That's all.
Im just so done on this thread now because it feels pointless lol
@syssa-o I truly hope @antoto explanation helped you understand where she was coming from. I’m so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine the things that trigger you after such a profound loss. I know that antoto is a kind person who would never intentionally upset someone in that way.
Re: How much does it cost to have a baby?
@scoogy19 so basically, having a baby in December means you only have to meet the deductible once but having a baby in the New Year means you're meeting the deductible twice for the same pregnancy? Yikes!
AFM, I pay several hundred per month for health insurance for only me. My deductible is $2500, and my max out of pocket is $3000. So I'm looking at several thousand dollars for this baby in addition to the several thousand I pay for my insurance. If I wanted to add my husband to my plan, that's an extra $500/month.
I know your intentions weren't to brag or shove your low costs in our face and I'm NOT trying to make you feel shitty. I just wanted to point it out. Sometimes I say thoughtless things and I do prefer if someone points it out.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
So, please, excuse my ignorance because I came in here with no clue about what I was asking.
Also, thank you for feeding my curiosity.
Also, not to brag but parking is free at my hospital
^ that was a joke!
I'm sorry to anyone that took offence to this.
EDD March 12, 2018
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
EDD March 12, 2018
@notthefather But the thing is that that information isn't going to help a single soul here. It doesn't help the person who is paying $5,000 for me to say, "Yeah, I think it's going to cost me something like $0-30. And my hospital has free valet parking if I go into labor during regular business hours." Can you help me understand how anyone here going to actually benefit from knowing what you or I or she or she or she is paying? I'm only seeing the opportunity for it to bum people out. What does help to improve everyone's situation is to keep fighting for better healthcare for everyone.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
(eta the sunshine and 15 miles thing actually isn't true. I hate running)
If the thread was "Oh man, I'm going to have to pay $5000 OOP and I don't know what to do. Is anyone else in this boat?" A response of "Oh well I only have to pay $30 so no, I'm not" would be really rude. But that wasn't the thread.
EDD March 12, 2018
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
EDD March 12, 2018
@antoto @kiki75 if you guys are losing sleep over my thread and the implications that you found, please feel free to message me and let me know. No need to bring up dead husbands and shit and think you're drawing an appropriate parallel.
I think you missed the part where I said I wasn't attacking you and didn't want to make you feel bad. But a few others have also said this rubbed them the wrong way and I don't feel bad about pointing it out. You apologized (although now I'm not sure how genuine that was) and I was over it. We continued talking about things because you don't get to tell us when to stop a discussion. Kay? Kay.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
I said I was sorry you felt offence, not for the post. Y'all just keep on going on how/why this was inappropriate. Your point was received.
I never said you had to stop talking about it. Kay? Kay.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
@scoogy19 you are right about military insurance but not police personnel insurance, at least not in the cases I've been exposed to.
I hope understanding my thought process helps you understand why I said that and hopefully put it into context.
Im just so done on this thread now because it feels pointless lol
no hard feelings