What appointments will your SO attend?

okaykoala

Okay, this might sound silly, but I'm a FTM, and I'm not sure what appointments my husband really shouldn't miss (for his own sake). My first appointment isn't until 8 weeks, and he's planning on coming to that one. Do any of you lovely ladies have suggestions beyond that (assuming everything goes well--FX!)? He, unfortunately, won't be able to make it to all of them--he doesn't have as much work flexibility as I do. 

Thanks! 

sparkymcgeee

My DH went to most my first pregnancy. Which was totally and completely unnecessary. I would say for sure a first ultrasound. And preferably all US following. Especially the 20 week AS. I will want him there about 16 weeks because that will probably be the first time they find the HB on the doppler. Maybe a 12w appointment. Other than that I can't think of any he HAD to be at. 

yesthisiskim0401

My OB is close to my husbands job so I hope he can attend as many as he can. But he works a very demanding job so I know he won't be able to go to every one. 
8 weeks is a must. He always comes to the 12 week NT scan and the 20 week anatomy scan. Those two are amazing ultrasounds and "do not miss" ones on our list. 
Mother than that, the rest are boring and routine. 

ladystinson

He's definitely coming to the first because we'll have our first u/s and at least see the heartbeat and of course the 20 week anatomy scan. a lot of appointments are just measuring your vitals and belly growth so not necessary, but since DH is a manager and can kind of do what he wants hes planning on coming to most of them. I will warn you, because I did not warn my ex so he was not prepared with DS, some of them will have internal exams. not a lot. but enough.

the first u/s is usually transvaginal, my old ob did a standard pelvic at the first appointment, and then of course theres the strep test in later weeks and at the end they're checking you for dilation and effacement. Nothing major, but it's always a good idea to prep the men-folk that there will be all kinds of people that aren't him up in your 'business' lol

I've warned DH about the first u/s but I guess I should prep him on the other stuff too oops lol

catlady1215

With our first, my husband came to our first to hear the heartbeat. Then only did ultrasounds. At the end I had NSTs twice a wk and ultrasounds every other wk, he made it to a couple of those. But not all.

zizzabell523

With DD, DH came to the first appointment, which was unnecessary since it was just blood tests and a lot of talking. I was hoping we'd hear the heartbeat, but I didn't realize it would have been too soon for that. After that, he only came to the ultrasound appointments. I did record the heartbeat on my phone at a few other appointments so he could hear it since the u/s machine wasn't equipped with sound capabilities.

This time, planning on him coming just to the ultrasounds, especially since my new doctor is further away from his work than my first doctor was.

Cerisrichard

My DH comes to the 12 week dating scan and 20 week ultrasound. The rest are all midwife appointments which I am happy to do on my own! Later she will listen to heartbeat regularly and check urine/blood pressure, but otherwise nothing much, no internal exams. 

knw007

DH came to all but one appointment with my OB and didn't make many appointments with my MFM. It helped me that he came to most because he asked questions about my symptoms or things I might have forgot to ask.

sparkymcgeee

ladystinson said:

He's definitely coming to the first because we'll have our first u/s and at least see the heartbeat and of course the 20 week anatomy scan. a lot of appointments are just measuring your vitals and belly growth so not necessary, but since DH is a manager and can kind of do what he wants hes planning on coming to most of them. I will warn you, because I did not warn my ex so he was not prepared with DS, some of them will have internal exams. not a lot. but enough.

the first u/s is usually transvaginal, my old ob did a standard pelvic at the first appointment, and then of course theres the strep test in later weeks and at the end they're checking you for dilation and effacement. Nothing major, but it's always a good idea to prep the men-folk that there will be all kinds of people that aren't him up in your 'business' lol

I've warned DH about the first u/s but I guess I should prep him on the other stuff too oops lol

I guess I just don't understand the need. They know how the baby gets in you. They know how the baby gets out. Common sense says going to an OB means naked time sometimes. And, he doesn't own your body. You do. If a medical professional needs to be "up in your business" for medical reasons then so what? Am I alone in this? I didn't and don't feel like I owed him anything regarding my body and who cares for it medically. 
It's not like it's cheating or something. 

sparklingdiamond

With my first pregnancy, he came to the first appt, to the NT scan, and the anatomy scan and that's about it.  He mostly just came when there was an u/s.  I didn't need him at the other appts, so didn't care if he wasn't there.

tincupchalice

DH likes to come to the ultrasounds if he can swing it.  Don't really need him at any other appointments.  This time he's got a lot of leave to burn so I'll have him take leave just so I Don't have to haul two toddlers to my appointments.

tincupchalice

If you have a normal, low risk pregnancy, appointments are super boring.  Pee in a cup, get weighed, see the doc for two minutes, done.

ladystinson

@sparkymcgeee not that he owns anything or is owed anything. just as a "heads up, you might not be comfortable being in the room" kinda thing. That way he isn't trying to scurry out last minute. I have no issue with it either way, and he knows they do internals, just not always something they think of before they decide they want to sit in

ETA: I didn't think about warning my ex and he sat there like a deer in the headlight trying to figure out where to look. Think of it as headed to what you think is an office appointment with your husband and the dr decides to do a prostate exam out of the blue lol you might be a little caught off guard and not feel totally comfortable figuring out where exactly you're supposed to be at that moment. DH has no problem with any of it, and of course it's not cheating. But it's also not a process they're typically privy to and I feel that they deserve to have some warning of what they're walking into

loko08

First ultrasound appt, all remaining ultrasounds, genetic testing and the very last regular appt before the due date.

sparkymcgeee

ladystinson said:

@sparkymcgeee not that he owns anything or is owed anything. just as a "heads up, you might not be comfortable being in the room" kinda thing. That way he isn't trying to scurry out last minute. I have no issue with it either way, and he knows they do internals, just not always something they think of before they decide they want to sit in

ETA: I didn't think about warning my ex and he sat there like a deer in the headlight trying to figure out where to look. Think of it as headed to what you think is an office appointment with your husband and the dr decides to do a prostate exam out of the blue lol you might be a little caught off guard and not feel totally comfortable figuring out where exactly you're supposed to be at that moment. DH has no problem with any of it, and of course it's not cheating. But it's also not a process they're typically privy to and I feel that they deserve to have some warning of what they're walking into

Okay I get that but at the same time, you're going to an OB. Not all regular drs appointments will do a sudden prostate exam but you have a much higher chance of seeing something like that at an OB or say a proctologist. 

blovemama

My husband came to all of my appointments except one last time. The one he didn't come to (32 week one) was the one they admitted me to L&D and told me I wasn't leaving the hospital until I delivered. I want him to come to the ultrasounds this time, and then the appointments from 30 weeks on. 

glitzandglitter

My DH likes to try and go to all of them. It is not necessary but he likes going and has a flexible schedule. I would ask your Dr what to expect at your appointments throughout your pregnancy at your first visit. They may not be able to give you the exact date and time then but you could keep in mind which appointments would be important for your DH to attend. 

yesthisiskim0401

ladystinson said:

@sparkymcgeee not that he owns anything or is owed anything. just as a "heads up, you might not be comfortable being in the room" kinda thing. That way he isn't trying to scurry out last minute. I have no issue with it either way, and he knows they do internals, just not always something they think of before they decide they want to sit in

ETA: I didn't think about warning my ex and he sat there like a deer in the headlight trying to figure out where to look. Think of it as headed to what you think is an office appointment with your husband and the dr decides to do a prostate exam out of the blue lol you might be a little caught off guard and not feel totally comfortable figuring out where exactly you're supposed to be at that moment. DH has no problem with any of it, and of course it's not cheating. But it's also not a process they're typically privy to and I feel that they deserve to have some warning of what they're walking into

Lol my husband was fascinated that they used a condom on the dildo-ultrasound wand and wanted to know whose job it was to buy conforms for the office. He probably didn't care what was happening to me, because he was so excited to see our baby. Cut your husbands some slack, ladies. I'm sure they know that OBGYN's make themselves acquainted with our vaginas. 

momo214

My DH only went to the scans during my first pregnancy. This time DH will do the same. He went to my first appt/sono this round and damn near passed out while they drew blood. Men are such sissies. 

sharkmama39

DH came to all of my appointments last time and probably will again this time. We're lucky bc he has is own business so he makes his own hours, allowing him the flexibility to be there. I don't need him to be, but it's nice that he makes the effort.

kpc914

@sparkymcgeee haha right?! I mean....it is an appointment related to the human you are growing in your uterus. Why would DH feel the need to leave the room or be uncomfortable? 

Saratiff

DH only attended ultrasounds with my first and it will be the same for this one. I think it's pretty unessasary for him to attend all of them. 

rowboat4

DH tried to go to a few of my appointments with my first but because of various circumstances he was unable to make it to pretty much all of them. This time around he will probably only come to the anatomy scan.

mileswithmyles

He came to the first appointment and will come to the NT scan and Anatomy scan. The other appointments, I'll have him come if it works out. 

ladystinson

@sparkymcgeee that was just the best example I could come up with on the fly lol
Dh said he's ready to expect anything and is cool with whatever, but he gets why I mentioned it and thanked me for the heads up.
My ex was incredibly insecure, and so, weirded out and uncomfortable I almost every situation. Me not warning him about the first pelvic was 'detrimental to his mental health' or some such nonsense. Given that I dont know what op's dh is like, I thought it was worth mentioning.

rumbletumble

I thought I could do some things alone (I'm a strong woman, I can handle myself if my husband is busy), then had an U/S with bad news that I shouldn't have been alone for and now I won't go by myself at all...always take a support person if possible.  Not to be negative, but you never know what might happen and I wouldn't want anyone to feel the loneliness I felt and my husband still feels guilty.  

gildah

DH doesn't have a lot of workplace flexibility, so he'll probably only come to the 20 week anatomy scan. 

gildah

rumbletumble said:

I thought I could do some things alone (I'm a strong woman, I can handle myself if my husband is busy), then had an U/S with bad news that I shouldn't have been alone for and now I won't go by myself at all...always take a support person if possible.  Not to be negative, but you never know what might happen and I wouldn't want anyone to feel the loneliness I felt and my husband still feels guilty.  

That's so heartbreaking:-( I'm sorry 

Ceridwen77

Ultrasounds and when we heard the heartbeat for the first time (not at your first ultrasound where you "hear" a simulation of the heartbeat, but when you actually hear it later in pregnancy). 

Emelri

DH can't get off work for my 8 week scan, so I might bring my mom along. He will for sure be attending the 20 week anatomy scan, and I try to plan my appts for late afternoon if I can do he can attend. It's not always necessary for the appointments that are just weight/blood pressure/ measure belly, but he can then meet the different doctors in the practice and ask questions (he over analyzes a LOT so he asks lots of questions... maybe it will be better this time around lol). 

rachelg777

@rumbletumble I feel you girl. I had the same thing happen to me. DH was out of town. He is coming to all my scans this time!

Poppy0419

DH came to all of them last time. He mentioned that he's off for my appointment Thursday and I was like "AWESOME! You and the toddler take my car to have the broken visor fixed!"  He'll come to the important ones but this is just history and blood work. 

ivyvines6

sparkymcgeee said:

ladystinson said:

@sparkymcgeee not that he owns anything or is owed anything. just as a "heads up, you might not be comfortable being in the room" kinda thing. That way he isn't trying to scurry out last minute. I have no issue with it either way, and he knows they do internals, just not always something they think of before they decide they want to sit in

ETA: I didn't think about warning my ex and he sat there like a deer in the headlight trying to figure out where to look. Think of it as headed to what you think is an office appointment with your husband and the dr decides to do a prostate exam out of the blue lol you might be a little caught off guard and not feel totally comfortable figuring out where exactly you're supposed to be at that moment. DH has no problem with any of it, and of course it's not cheating. But it's also not a process they're typically privy to and I feel that they deserve to have some warning of what they're walking into

Okay I get that but at the same time, you're going to an OB. Not all regular drs appointments will do a sudden prostate exam but you have a much higher chance of seeing something like that at an OB or say a proctologist. 

My SO was white faced after watching me have that exam. He felt so bad for me for having to have that done. Granted the stupid fucking OB didn't have stirrups to use and he just had you hold your legs in the air. So it felt extremely barbaric, and more painful than a typical Pap smear. My regular Dr had always used a smaller speculum on me, and this guy used one that looked easily twice as large if not more, and it was freezing. (I hate that man)

dinonugget

With DS1 DH came to almost every appointment and scan which was definitely unnecessary but he was very involved and had a lot of questions. With DS2 he came to the first appointment for the u/s and a few random ones at the end. He wasn't able to get off work for the NT or anatomy scan but we did a 3D elective scan so he still got to see the baby. With #3 he's coming to the first appointment then hopefully the scans but I doubt any of the the other ones. 

thedawkterswife

At this point, I'm just going to be happy if he can get out of work to make it to the birth. 

ivyvines6

I doubt SO will be there for many if any of these appointments. He came to a lot with J, but he also was still able to drive then. He should be getting a work permit soon so I least don't have to worry about that bullshit anymore.

zaclina

My DH attended all but 1-2 appointments the first time.  We will see how it goes this time, but I expect he will want to be there again.  Definitely first appt and any ultrasounds.  Maybe the glucose test appointment for support/distraction?  

Partners are are all so different.  My DH I swear wants to be there for all internal exams to prevent a "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" incident.  (I've mentioned there's always a nurse there as well but he doesn't care).  Whatever.  I don't care.   Also, he HAS to be there for the first appointment to talk to the doc/midwive and make sure he can help "catch" the baby like he did last time or "we are finding someone else."   Okay, dear.  Simmer down now.  

emilybmomtobeof3

My hubs mostly just came to the ultrasound appointments. I always made my appointments early, before work so I wouldn't have a wait and wouldn't have to take time off work. This time I will make the ultrasound appointments a little later since my son has to be dropped off at school so my husband can come. My other appointments I'll attend by myself.

Jlr025

Last time he came to all my ultrasounds and he'll probably do the same this time as long as his schedule allows for it. 

lscal20

He went to all of them with my first, but this is #3 and with his work schedule I doubt he'll go to any. 

Kendrajos

My other half made it to all but 1 appointment with our son. I think the 1 he missed, he was late but got there as I was walking out. He tried. He plans on going to all the appointments this time as well. There aren't too many in the 1st trimester, but the 2nd & 3rd I had lots of issues with. I ended up in triage once a week starting at about 34weeks. My bp was bad starting around 28 or 30 weeks. It was good having him there. I am pretty nervous this time too so glad he will be with me