Stay-at-Home Mom?

tinsun428

I'm curious if there are any other stay-at-home moms that feel guilty about being able to be home all day with their little(s) while their SO (significant other) is off busting his butt each and every day.

redheeler

I used too, but haven't got a long time. My husband works hard so I have the privilege of staying home. He wants me to be home with our boys and I will take that opportunity while we have the ability for me to do so.

PolarBear517

I am not a SAHM but have worries about my work situation as well. I work part time 2nd shift, 2-3 days a week including every other weekend. I went for my first shift on Friday and cried dropping her off with my parents. My husband said she fussed for several hours straight before falling asleep (which she's been doing pretty regularly the last week), and I felt bad he had to do it on his own & I wasn't there. I recently graduated with a masters degree and I'm working in a position that doesn't require a bachelors so I'm searching for new opportunities. I always thought I'd be searching for full time opportunities but I'm having major second thoughts & told my husband I'd rather just be part time. This seriously narrows my job search especially because I carry the health insurance so I really have to work & many places don't offer health insurance to part timers. I've worried a lot about what I'd be sacrificing with my career and the income to my household, but also worry about the time I'd be losing with my daughter if I worked full time before she's in school, and worry about getting chores done around the house and having some time with my husband after her bedtime. Would I ever want to go on date nights if I was spending essentially 10 hours away from her every day Monday-Friday (including commute time & lunch break)? Would I feel like I had "enough" time with my kids if they were going to bed just 3 short hours after getting home from daycare? Will I damage my career path by working part time and being so selective about career opportunities, such that I'm not able to contribute to large expenses for my children like college? Will I be letting my husband down since he has been supporting me through college and believed I would enter a full time career with the capacity to contribute significantly to our household finances? All of these things weigh on me. 

I didn't anticipate these feelings before she was born. But I think no matter what we do, we know we are making a choice with our time that comes with some kind of sacrifice. I'm trying hard to figure out the best thing for my family and I'm sure you & your husband are doing the same. Don't worry, mama, you & your husband will be making a sacrifice no matter what- I'm sure you'll make the choices that are best for your family. You're making a huge contribution no matter what path you choose, no need to feel guilty. You're "busting your butt" too I'm sure! 

kdanjou

I used to feel guilty a little bit when I started SAH with my first DD.  I had been used to pulling my own weight with paying bills and I felt bad to put that burden on my DH.  That said, I know I am making an invaluable contribution in raising my two girls, and I don't feel bad about it anymore.  Either way, you are supporting your family.  Yes, it's true that my career will suffer.  I don't know if I'll be able to get hired easily when it's time for me to go back to work full time.  I knew that was a sacrifice I'd have to make.
I work about 8 hours/week (on weekends or nights only), and that has been great for me.  I get a little adult interaction and my daughters get some time alone with daddy.  My littlest one has been giving him a bit of grief but since I am only gone for 4 hours at a time she has been fine.  I just pump once at work and he gives her a bottle of pumped milk while I'm gone.  She is always so happy to see mommy when I get home though!

lovesclimbing

Like, @kdanjou, I feel a bit guilty because all the weight is on H to earn the money. And it feels a bit weird to no longer be working. But my H and I both want me to stay home with her. So the only times I feel really guilty are when I don't get chores or various projects done during the day. 

I try to remember that even if I was working, where I'm at in my career, a very significant portion of my earnings would go to daycare. So it's not like, oh we could live on H's earnings and put a whole 'nother salary into our house fund. No, it'd be like live off one salary and put 1/4, if that, of a salary into a house fund. I am hopefully going to start working part time from home very soon, and I'll probably have as much or more take-home pay from that as I would if I was working full time and paying for daycare. 

doodleoodle

I am a SAHM and I don't feel guilty at all, and I never have. Yes. DH works outside of the home but I'm home all day "busting my butt". Taking care of small children and a home isn't easy, and unlike DH I am never off the clock. I don't get a lunch break. I usually eat my toddlers scraps while holding a crying baby. I don't get sick leave or vacation days and I even work while I'm sleeping because I'm listening for my baby and toddler. I make sure all of the bills are paid. I do the grocery shopping. I clean the house. I do the laundry. Etc. Etc. 

I appreciate what DH does, and he appreciates what I do. We divide and conquer.